I’m not sure it’s a good idea to associate work around the house as punishment.
It’s something everyone has to do. I rather not have negative memories associated with dish washing, laundry, or vacuuming.
I don’t enjoy doing housework but I don’t hate it either. It’s just work that requires doing. The quicker it’s done, the better.
I agree. I just think “work” shouldn’t be tied to “sacrifice” if you expect kids to grow up with a healthy attitude to paid work and a good work-life balance in adulthood. They’re going to see work as punishment, I think, which will have an effect on both careers and volunteerism.
There are other sacrifices to be made (like no internet access, no TV, grounding) and also other avenues besides sacrifice - proper apologies, the naughty corner for the littler ones, lectures with prepared slides…
I choose not to make everything personal. Basically, in my house there’s a set of rules (generally, I think of them as Health, Environment and Safety laws, because they mostly are) that govern all of us, and if anyone offends, they deserve some censure - adults too. I’m trying to inculcate social responsibility beyond personal relationships - the idea of the Greater Good*. Making every transgression a personal interaction would be counterproductive to that. If they don’t take out the trash, or they leave a wet towel in the bathroom, who has she offended against? Well, you could argue “the person who has to do it instead”, but generally I’d make the offender do what they should have done, not do it for them. So, just my time in reminding them? That’s picayune compared to the offence against social order, IMO.
If there are actual interpersonal offences, I wouldn’t want to deal with them by palming my chores off on my kid - that signals that chores are something I don’t willingly want to do for the Greater Good*, and am happy to be shot of, which is not the case. Chores are Zen meditative for me, I’d hope my kids learn that skill, rather than resentment. Apologies and actual non-chore recompense (“Don’t yell at your sister - apologise, and then let her play on your PS4 for an hour” “You made me late for work - I guess you’re not allowed to play any Knight cards when we play Catan tonight”) would be much more how I’d handle it.
*“The Greater Good!”
When my kids were young, instead of just handing them an allowance I gave them each a paycheck from my business. Since they were in school, they had no minimum number of hours in order to get paid.
My daughter enjoyed coming in and doing whatever she could to help. Everyone liked her and showed their appreciation for her efforts.
Meanwhile, my son would come in and pick up his paycheck. While he was there he’d lend a hand if asked, otherwise he’d go home and play video games.
When my daughter tried to shame my son over the situation, he pointed out something. They both had jobs. Hers paid $3 an hour, while his paid $20 an hour. I was proud that he used math and reason. The whole thing was a learning experience for everyone.
This is how we handle chores and punishment, also. For example, if her misbehavior makes her clothes messy, she will help me sort out a whole load, move the stuff from the washer to the dryer, and put that new load in so we can wash her messy clothes.
Sometimes it’s not quite as direct of a connection. Like, if she broke something and I have to fix it, she’ll do the chore I was going to do while I fix the thing she broke. That way, I don’t end up doing double the work while she gets away with breaking things.
And sometimes we try to convince her that chores are fun. Like I hate cleaning the shower, but man does she think Scrubbing Bubbles are fun. So she gets to spray down the tub and shower (as high as she can reach) and wipe that down while I clean something else in the bathroom.