# Using Science to Reliably Test Potential Marriage Partners **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [October 3, 2010, 7:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/using-science-to-reliably-test-potential-marriage-partners/555898 "2010-10-03T07:06:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 8\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2010, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/using-science-to-reliably-test-potential-marriage-partners/555898/41 "2010-10-04T16:20:10Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > > [@kunilou](#): > > > > How would you predict how you’d react if your spouse one day said, “I have the job opportunity of a lifetime, but I have to spend 5 years in Elbonia?” Or if your spouse developed a drug or alcohol addiction, was crippled in a car accident, or suffered a paralyzing stroke a year after you were married? > > While I completely agree that there’s no way to know precisely how each of these things would go down, isn’t a lot of how we handle stress due to our basic, inherent, character? > > I, for example, am very easily stressed but I am also stubborn as hell, so I don’t give up easily (maybe not easily enough) when the going gets tough. That’s my nature. People who know me know my nature. Isn’t that predictive? Your self-description makes me think of multiple scenarios if your spouse is crippled in a car accident. 1. You tenaciously fight for your spouse to achieve and maintain the highest quality of life possible. 2. You frantically search for a “miracle cure” for your spouse’s injuries, to the point of wasting time and money that could be better used on conventional rehabilitation. 3. You collapse under the stress and turn to drugs, alcohol or chronic depression, gradually losing your ability to effectively care for your spouse. 4. You stubbornly insist that it’s your duty to care for your spouse by yourself, to the point of ignoring advice that the spouse would be better off with 24-hour care in a rehabilitation center, or even that you avail yourself of respite care. So far, the only thing your stressed-but-stubborn personality can predict is that you probably won’t willfully desert your crippled spouse. But there’s nothing there that can predict the quality of your marriage, or even of your own life. ---
**Author:** ![lee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lee/32/7455_2.png) [@lee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lee)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2010, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/using-science-to-reliably-test-potential-marriage-partners/555898/42 "2010-10-04T16:46:58Z")
Trial arrangements are not marriage; marriage is a commitment. We have an out these days, it is called divorce. Going into a marriage with a “we’ll see” attitude doesn’t seem like it would help. There would still be people who are fully committed, even during the trial period and some of those would be with partners who have not committed themselves mentally and will be out of there as soon as it is not fun or easy which may be during or after a warranty period. Why would a warranty period help at all? What is the advantage? Nothing can tell you how you will change from age 18 - 100, and nothing can tell you about how another person will change over those years either. Things that some see as red flags may very well be non-issues in the long haul. In 1987, no one thought that my husband and I should get married, but getting married was just a recognition of a change that had already taken place. We had made the commitment to each other. At what point do you decide that yep, this one is for real? ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2010, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/using-science-to-reliably-test-potential-marriage-partners/555898/43 "2010-10-04T16:53:50Z")
> [@kunilou](#): > > So far, the only thing your stressed-but-stubborn personality can predict is that you probably won’t willfully desert your crippled spouse. But there’s nothing there that can predict the quality of your marriage, or even of your own life. If personality can’t, then nothing can. I don’t believe life is so wildly unpredictable that we really have no idea how people we know well will react in a given situation. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2010, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/using-science-to-reliably-test-potential-marriage-partners/555898/44 "2010-10-04T17:22:12Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > > [@Hilarity\_N.Suze](#): > > > > I am trying to figure out how you can get horrifying results from a Myers-Briggs type test. It sounds like being horrified to realize that your honey is a Scorpio instead of a Virgo. > > If someone presents themselves as one thing and tests as something completely different, I could see that setting off alarms. Exactly. I woudl have placed him at a ENTJ, he turned out to be an ESTP. that represents a completely different thought process, and likely indicates a set of values with which I have very little in common. It was also the extemeity of all his measurements. He had almost nothing in or near the center scale. ---
**Author:** ![Otara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a88e4f/32.png) [@Otara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otara)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2010, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/using-science-to-reliably-test-potential-marriage-partners/555898/45 "2010-10-04T21:43:27Z")
FWIW, psychology tried like billyo to find ways of predicting marriage success based on personality profiling, and my understanding is it basically got nowhere. It ‘makes sense’ that it would, but just doesnt seem to pan out in practise. Otara ---
**Author:** ![begbert2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/begbert2/32/3357_2.png) [@begbert2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/begbert2)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2010, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/using-science-to-reliably-test-potential-marriage-partners/555898/46 "2010-10-04T22:10:23Z")
I thought the term for what the OP is asking for was “dating”. And/or, “engagement”. Myself, I went the “long engagement” route. A year and a half, iirc. The test was successful: I’m still single. ---
**Author:** ![Euphonious\_Polemic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/euphonious_polemic/32/3002_2.png) [@Euphonious\_Polemic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Euphonious_Polemic)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2010, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/using-science-to-reliably-test-potential-marriage-partners/555898/47 "2010-10-04T22:41:06Z")
> [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](#): > > Backpacking. Trust me on this one. I was coming here to post the very same thing. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2010, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/using-science-to-reliably-test-potential-marriage-partners/555898/48 "2010-10-13T02:08:10Z")
Just be aware that the computer matches would be so perfect as to eliminate the thrill of romantic conquest. Ha-ho-ha-hey-hoo. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/using-science-to-reliably-test-potential-marriage-partners/555898.md?page=2)