# Uwe Boll **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [September 3, 2008, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uwe-boll/461807 "2008-09-03T03:41:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![lissener](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lissener/32/6139_2.png) [@lissener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lissener)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2008, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uwe-boll/461807/1 "2008-09-03T03:41:09Z")
So I’m thinking of doing an Uwe Boll display at my vidstore. Here’s the text I have for the display sign. Thoughts? Suggestions? \*\*UWE BOLL The worst director in the world? Through a loophole in German tax law, Boll’s films are tax shelters for his investors . . . but only if they’re flops. This might explain why Boll has a reputation as the worst director working today. But it might not; this kind of bad cannot be explained away that simply. After his first two movies, \*Blackwoods \*(11% at [rottentomatoes.com](http://rottentomatoes.com)) and _Heart of America_ (an exploitation picture based on the Columbine shootings, complete with gratuitous teen nudity), Boll found the rut that would remain his home, seemingly, forever: nowadays he only makes movies based on videogames. These include _House of the Dead (4% at [rottentomatoes.com](http://rottentomatoes.com)), Alone in the Dark_ (1%), \*BloodRayne \*(4%), _BloodRayne II: Deliverance_ (17%), \*In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale \*(4%), and this year’s gloriously horrible masterpiece of bad taste, \*Postal \*(9%), in which Boll himself makes a cameo for the sole apparent reason of making a joke about pedophilia. Not to be missed. Do yourself a favor: recalibrate the bottom end of your personal movie-ratings scale. But keep a bucket close by.\*\* ---
**Author:** ![Anduinel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/848f3c/32.png) [@Anduinel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anduinel)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2008, 5:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uwe-boll/461807/2 "2008-09-03T05:33:26Z")
It doesn’t matter how thoroughly you warn them, be prepared for angry rental returns. ---
**Author:** ![Half\_Man\_Half\_Wit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/half_man_half_wit/32/21766_2.png) [@Half\_Man\_Half\_Wit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Half_Man_Half_Wit)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2008, 8:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uwe-boll/461807/3 "2008-09-03T08:28:32Z")
I think Boll has received enough free promotion due to countless insipid bashings on the net, causing flocks of hipsters to check out his films and watch them for ironic appreciation, only to be left disappointed – in all reality, he simply isn’t worth the attention, he’s bad, but not entertainingly so. There’s countless bad directors, most of whom stay in their deserved place somewhere at the bottom of the ‘3 for 1’ bin at the Walmart checkout; I’d say that’s where Uwe belongs, too. EDIT: Now why’s there an ad for ‘Telekinesis Training Now!’ at the bottom of this page? :dubious: Oh, and also, I think technically Boll’s not exploiting any tax loop holes, he’s using the law for what it was created – to help directors make movies. ---
**Author:** ![Dunderman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecb155/32.png) [@Dunderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunderman)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2008, 8:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uwe-boll/461807/4 "2008-09-03T08:30:09Z")
> [@Half\_Man\_Half\_Wit](#): > > I think Boll has received enough free promotion due to countless insipid bashings on the net, causing flocks of hipsters to check out his films and watch them for ironic appreciation, only to be left disappointed – in all reality, he simply isn’t worth the attention, he’s bad, but not entertainingly so. That’s what I’m afraid of. I’ve never seen an Uwe Boll movie but have been considering it just to see what the hubbub is about. If you’re right, it’s about pretty much nothing. ---
**Author:** ![Talon\_Karrde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Talon\_Karrde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Talon_Karrde)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2008, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uwe-boll/461807/5 "2008-09-03T17:26:32Z")
I like the idea and the text, except you might want to consider changing the last line. “recalibrate the bottom end of your personal movie-ratings scale” works for talking to people on the internet, but IMO not so much for a store display. Maybe try telling them to prepare to rethink the concept of what a bad movie is without using the scale metaphor, which might be confusing if you don’t normally talk like that. Also you should add a line saying you won’t accept refunds from people who dislike the movies. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2008, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uwe-boll/461807/6 "2008-09-03T19:30:25Z")
“No refunds, rent at your own risk” is a good idea. > [@Priceguy](#): > > I’ve never seen an Uwe Boll movie but have been considering it just to see what the hubbub is about. If you’re right, it’s about pretty much nothing. Some of them are like that. _House of the Dead_ is terrible, but boringly terrible, except for the spectacle of watching Jurgen Prochnow slumming (and for him, that’s saying something). On the other hand, _Bloodrayne_ and especially _Alone in the Dark_ are friggin’ **hilarious.** I haven’t yet seen _Postal._ ---
**Author:** ![detop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bcef8e/32.png) [@detop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/detop)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2008, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uwe-boll/461807/7 "2008-09-03T20:35:54Z")
> [@Cervaise](#): > > “No refunds, rent at your own risk” is a good idea.\ “Abandon all hope, ye who rent this” is another one. ---
**Author:** ![drm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a88e57/32.png) [@drm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drm)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2008, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uwe-boll/461807/8 "2008-09-03T21:11:46Z")
I love it. I would shop forever in the video store that hung that sign. On another note, as an aspiring filmmaker, Uwe Boll makes me cry. ---
**Author:** ![gotpasswords](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c57346/32.png) [@gotpasswords](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gotpasswords)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2008, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uwe-boll/461807/9 "2008-09-03T21:57:04Z")
If you never see a bad movie, how will you know what a good movie is? For educational purposes only - these movies are guaranteed to be bad! ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2008, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uwe-boll/461807/10 "2008-09-03T22:19:02Z")
> [@Half\_Man\_Half\_Wit](#): > > I think Boll has received enough free promotion due to countless insipid bashings on the net, causing flocks of hipsters to check out his films and watch them for ironic appreciation, only to be left disappointed – in all reality, he simply isn’t worth the attention, he’s bad, but not entertainingly so. > There’s countless bad directors, most of whom stay in their deserved place somewhere at the bottom of the ‘3 for 1’ bin at the Walmart checkout; I’d say that’s where Uwe belongs, too. > > EDIT: Now why’s there an ad for ‘Telekinesis Training Now!’ at the bottom of this page? :dubious: I put it there. My next trick will leave you all trembling in chartreuse terror. ---
**Author:** ![lissener](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lissener/32/6139_2.png) [@lissener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lissener)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2008, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uwe-boll/461807/11 "2008-09-03T22:24:20Z")
> [@Cervaise](#): > > On the other hand, _Bloodrayne_ and especially _Alone in the Dark_ are friggin’ **hilarious.** > > I haven’t yet seen _Postal._ _Alone in the Dark_ is a stunned, open-mouthed, silent scream of spectacularly entertaining BAAAAAD. I have not yet had the nerve to do Bloodrayne. But dude. Dude. _Postal_. Do. Not. Miss. This. ---
**Author:** ![kasuo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8c91f0/32.png) [@kasuo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kasuo)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2008, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uwe-boll/461807/12 "2008-09-03T23:16:38Z")
Include a disclaimer stating that your store is not responsible for the loss of brain cells, smashed TVs, or damaged remotes due to Uwe Boll’s flicks. ---
**Author:** ![Arnold\_Winkelried](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Arnold\_Winkelried](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arnold_Winkelried)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2008, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uwe-boll/461807/13 "2008-09-03T23:56:24Z")
You need to throw in something about Mr. Boll defending his reputation against movie critics in the boxing ring, and the movie critics being trounced by Mr. Boll’s fists of fury. ---
**Author:** ![lissener](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lissener/32/6139_2.png) [@lissener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lissener)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2008, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uwe-boll/461807/14 "2008-09-04T00:16:38Z")
> [@Arnold\_Winkelried](#): > > You need to throw in something about Mr. Boll defending his reputation against movie critics in the boxing ring, and the movie critics being trounced by Mr. Boll’s fists of fury. Yeah, I thought of that. I think I’m gonna err on the side of making it more like a sign than an article; people don’t read them anyway. I figure I’ll add details conversationally for the few people who actually bite. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2008, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uwe-boll/461807/15 "2008-09-04T01:04:54Z")
See if you can work in “If you mess with Boll you’ll get the horns” or some such. ---
**Author:** ![lissener](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lissener/32/6139_2.png) [@lissener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lissener)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2008, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uwe-boll/461807/16 "2008-09-04T01:10:16Z")
> [@Johnny\_Q](#): > > See if you can work in “If you mess with Boll you’ll get the horns” or some such. Can you please post your personal contact information so I can hunt you down and kill you? Thanks. ---
**Author:** ![mobo85](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b19c9b/32.png) [@mobo85](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mobo85)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2008, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uwe-boll/461807/17 "2008-09-04T01:24:21Z")
Very well-written and humorous. My only qualm is that “videogame” should be two words. This seems to be a matter of controversy, however: the AP and New York Times style guides use “video game,” however, a number of other sources use “videogame,” including a [well-written game-centric style guide](http://www.gamestyleguide.com/) and a book written by [the “Father of Video Games” (Videogames?) himself, Ralph Baer](http://www.amazon.com/Videogames-Beginning-Ralph-H-Baer/dp/0964384817). This, however, is probably personal preference- if you want it to be “videogames,” then keep it that way. ---
**Author:** ![lissener](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lissener/32/6139_2.png) [@lissener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lissener)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2008, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uwe-boll/461807/18 "2008-09-05T01:41:27Z")
Watched \*Bloodrayne \*last night. Truly a magnificent work of bad filmmaking. Entertaining as hell because the badness just kept outdoing itself; it never got boring. THE best outrageously fake battle wounding ever; makes the Monty Python “Peckinpah” sketch look like a hiddencam snuff film. ---
**Author:** ![Subway\_Prophet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecb155/32.png) [@Subway\_Prophet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Subway_Prophet)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2008, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uwe-boll/461807/19 "2008-09-05T04:49:21Z")
17%, eh? That’s pretty high for Boll. I almost want to see _Bloodrayne II_ now. ---
**Author:** ![lissener](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lissener/32/6139_2.png) [@lissener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lissener)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2008, 4:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uwe-boll/461807/20 "2008-09-05T04:54:58Z")
> [@Subway\_Prophet](#): > > 17%, eh? > > That’s pretty high for Boll. I almost want to see _Bloodrayne II_ now. Well, it didn’t really have a percentage; it didn’t have a quorum of reviews. So I just did the math myself. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uwe-boll/461807.md?page=2)