# Uwe Boll's Big Opening! **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [May 19, 2008, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uwe-bolls-big-opening/449896 "2008-05-19T21:10:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Dante](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dante/32/9673_2.png) [@Dante](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dante)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2008, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uwe-bolls-big-opening/449896/1 "2008-05-19T21:10:14Z")
Uwe’s latest magnum opus, [Postal](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0486640/) will be opening in a grand total of four theaters this coming weekend. Of course, Mr. Boll knows that it has nothing to do with his own stunning incompetence. It’s just that [we’re not ready for his vision](http://www.postal-the-movie.com/index.htm). Ain’t that always the way. How does this idiot keep getting work? Is it possible his movies actually make money? ---
**Author:** ![TWDuke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e495f1/32.png) [@TWDuke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TWDuke)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2008, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uwe-bolls-big-opening/449896/2 "2008-05-19T21:20:23Z")
Perhaps it’s a viral marketing employ, wherein the filmmaker takes on the role of underdog protagonist who goes “postal” after being “kicked when he’s down,” thereby giving people on message boards something to post about. ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Lance\_Murdoch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/47e85d/32.png) [@Captain\_Lance\_Murdoch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Lance_Murdoch)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2008, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uwe-bolls-big-opening/449896/3 "2008-05-19T21:20:28Z")
After reading his rant I am left to wonder if Boll has ever watched any of his own movies. ---
**Author:** ![TWDuke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e495f1/32.png) [@TWDuke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TWDuke)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2008, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uwe-bolls-big-opening/449896/4 "2008-05-19T21:29:59Z")
“Employ”? Why did I type “employ”? Argh. ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2008, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uwe-bolls-big-opening/449896/5 "2008-05-19T22:31:22Z")
Can we not at least cheer him for his attempts to outdo Ed Wood? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![ArizonaTeach](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/45deac/32.png) [@ArizonaTeach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ArizonaTeach)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2008, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uwe-bolls-big-opening/449896/6 "2008-05-19T22:35:46Z")
Yeah, I thought Germany closed that loophole. ---
**Author:** ![Dante](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dante/32/9673_2.png) [@Dante](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dante)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2008, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uwe-bolls-big-opening/449896/7 "2008-05-19T23:03:36Z")
[QUOTE=Quartz] Can we not at least cheer him for his attempts to outdo Ed Wood? 😃 [/QUOTE] I’d get behind that if he’s write and destroy his own original material, but he keeps getting video game properties thrown his way. ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2008, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uwe-bolls-big-opening/449896/8 "2008-05-19T23:22:18Z")
> [@Uwe Boll](#): > > you are all not getting it that i’m the guy who made it against the big hollywood system and you are all only busy to destroy me and finish me up > and then you YOU WON WHAT ? the attention of the studios, michael bay .. ??? > if you damage me you feel closer to Hollywood ? what is your game plan? This from the singular high profile director that Michael Bay could point to and credibly say, “I make better films than him.” I think my I.Q. dropped five points in just reading that rant. Stranger ---
**Author:** ![Terrifel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c68b51/32.png) [@Terrifel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terrifel)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2008, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uwe-bolls-big-opening/449896/9 "2008-05-20T00:04:53Z")
The Soup Nazi as Osama bin Laden? God help me, I am genuinely intrigued. Boll has every right to be contemptuous of America. For one thing, we keep releasing his movies here. This might be the first really interesting film he’s made. Here’s a guy who’s made a career out of turning horrible video game franchises into horrible movies, and now he’s using that same system as a podium from which to air crude political satire. This is damn close to my idea of a dream job. He probably gets laid pretty regularly too. Say what you will, the man has a sweet racket going on. ---
**Author:** ![Just\_Some\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ad7895/32.png) [@Just\_Some\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Just_Some_Guy)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2008, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uwe-bolls-big-opening/449896/10 "2008-05-20T00:38:09Z")
[QUOTE=Quartz] Can we not at least cheer him for his attempts to outdo Ed Wood? 😃 [/QUOTE] He lacks the manic incompetent genius of Ed Wood; Boll is more of a Coleman Francis. ---
**Author:** ![gazpacho](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/6f9a4e/32.png) [@gazpacho](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gazpacho)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2008, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uwe-bolls-big-opening/449896/11 "2008-05-20T00:52:09Z")
[QUOTE=ArizonaTeach] Yeah, I thought Germany closed that loophole. [/QUOTE] Every time Uwe releases a movie this is brought up. Do you have a link as how this loophole works or worked? ---
**Author:** ![ArizonaTeach](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/45deac/32.png) [@ArizonaTeach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ArizonaTeach)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2008, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uwe-bolls-big-opening/449896/12 "2008-05-20T01:11:24Z")
[QUOTE=gazpacho] Every time Uwe releases a movie this is brought up. Do you have a link as how this loophole works or worked? [/QUOTE] [Literally, it’s _The Producers_.](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Uwe_boll#Financing) I had **heard** the loophole was closed, but I don’t know for sure. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2008, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uwe-bolls-big-opening/449896/13 "2008-05-20T01:57:15Z")
[QUOTE=Dante] It’s just that [we’re not ready for his vision](http://www.postal-the-movie.com/index.htm). Ain’t that always the way. [/QUOTE] As I read that, I imagined it recited in the voice of [Brother Theodore](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ae9G4X822GY&feature=related). Not that Uwe is fit to shine Theo’s shoes, of course. ---
**Author:** ![Baldwin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/baldwin/32/7264_2.png) [@Baldwin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baldwin)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2008, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uwe-bolls-big-opening/449896/14 "2008-05-20T02:01:29Z")
[QUOTE=Stranger On A Train] This from the singular high profile director that Michael Bay could point to and credibly say, “I make better films than him.” [/QUOTE] Not only that, we can all point and say, “He has not honored the complexity and depth of the original video game.” ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2008, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uwe-bolls-big-opening/449896/15 "2008-05-20T03:21:50Z")
[QUOTE=Baldwin] Not only that, we can all point and say, “He has not honored the complexity and depth of the original video game.” [/QUOTE] Actually, I’m genuinely scared by this movie. Every time Boll has gotten his paws on a video game property, he’s produced a movie that’s about 5,000% stupider and cruder than the original. Now he’s taking _Postal_ as his baseline, a video game that’s already 5,000% stupider and cruder than almost any other video game. I shudder to think what the result will be in his hands. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2008, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uwe-bolls-big-opening/449896/16 "2008-05-20T03:28:45Z")
> [@](#): > > you want only movies like JUMPER , SPEED RACER , WHAT HAPPENDS IN VEGAS …? then keep going and your dreams will be fullfilled. POSTAL makes some very important points ..but you dont wanna see that … : that Bush used the SEPTEMBER 11 to start a war against a country what had nothing to do with Bin Laden etc… but this all doesnt matter because you are all busy to THINK that INDIANA JONES or NARNIA are important movies … but in real they are empty shells of an industry what wants to make money and what wants to keep you looking “escape movies” with nothing in it. This is truly sad. I’ve never really paid much attention to Boll but I guess I assumed his attitude was “hey, the fans want stupid movies so I’m giving them what they want.” So it’s sad to see that he’s deluded himself into believing that he’s actually making good movies. How somebody could make movies like _Alone in the Dark_ or _BloodRayne_ and not realize he’s working in the same genre as _Jumper_ and _Speed Racer_ is beyond me. ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2008, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uwe-bolls-big-opening/449896/17 "2008-05-20T04:35:54Z")
But that’s part of his genius. He can’t always make stupid movies; now he has to play the tortured genius. Soon, there will be a cadre of video store clerks and basement nerds who claim Boll’s works are genius, movies that are bad but aren’t really bad, the way “Showgirls” has a cult following. You just wait and see. Boll’s a genius. He’s made millions without a lick of actual filmmaking talent. I am in awe of his self-promotion chutzpah. He knows exactly what he’s doing. ---
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2008, 6:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uwe-bolls-big-opening/449896/18 "2008-05-20T06:43:43Z")
**RickJay** : Some morons inspire massive amounts of [pareidolia](http://www.skepdic.com/pareidol.html) in others: People see all kinds of things in them and their actions that they didn’t put there, that they wouldn’t have the capacity to put there, and that they would screw up if they even attempted. Uwe Boll hasn’t especially seemed like one of those people to me so far, but there’s one person in every crowd who has to posit that the moron is really a genius. The main flaw I see with your plan is that the kitsch/cult value Boll will be able to earn is likely to take place after his death (when his movies stop being commodities and become antiques). ---
**Author:** ![Darth\_Nader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Darth\_Nader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Nader)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2008, 8:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uwe-bolls-big-opening/449896/19 "2008-05-20T08:21:58Z")
[QUOTE=Miller] Actually, I’m genuinely scared by this movie. Every time Boll has gotten his paws on a video game property, he’s produced a movie that’s about 5,000% stupider and cruder than the original. Now he’s taking _Postal_ as his baseline, a video game that’s already 5,000% stupider and cruder than almost any other video game. I shudder to think what the result will be in his hands. [/QUOTE] Ya know, I have this horrible _need_ to see the movie now. How’s Uwe feel about p2p? Would I have to box him? ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2008, 9:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uwe-bolls-big-opening/449896/20 "2008-05-20T09:10:37Z")
After reading the summary of Boll’s _Postal_, I admit interest in seeing (but not actually paying to see) the film. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uwe-bolls-big-opening/449896.md?page=2)