# Vacuum Cleaner Wounds to the Penis **URL:** \ **Category:** Cecil's Columns/Staff Reports\ **Created:** [September 19, 2006, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vacuum-cleaner-wounds-to-the-penis/373326 "2006-09-19T20:40:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2006, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vacuum-cleaner-wounds-to-the-penis/373326/1 "2006-09-19T20:40:39Z")
In [What’s up with vacuum cleaner wounds to the penis?](http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a3_225.html) We hear a brief description of some cases. Well, I am related to such a case. My uncle Wayne (in reality some kind of third cousin, but he was 40 years older than me so he was “Uncle”) was apparently fixing his wifes vacuum cleaner. It was an upright model and he had it laying on the edge of the kitchen table with the underside facing up. And it was plugged in. So, after working on it a while, Uncle Wayne decides to take a shower. He disrobes in the bathroom and then discovers that he still has a lit cigarette. So he goes into the kitchen to put the ciggie out. In order to do this he has to lean over the vacuum cleaner and it “turned on.” I didn’t get all the medical details, but the little Wayne became littler. Big Wayne was bleeding badly and he ran out onto the back porch and yelled at the neighbor lady to call the ambulance. Then he passed out from blood loss. He was saved by the rescue folks but no word on his post-hoover status. Is his story true? He was home alone so no corroboration. All the questions you may have about the details are still unanswered. I had never met Wayne prior to this event, but many years later he was at my Grandmothers funeral. There was a great deal of snickering at his expense since EVERYBODY already knew the story. ---
**Author:** ![Alex\_Dubinsky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dbc845/32.png) [@Alex\_Dubinsky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alex_Dubinsky)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2006, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vacuum-cleaner-wounds-to-the-penis/373326/2 "2006-09-20T00:47:24Z")
the vacuum cleaners i’ve seen have their suction fan (reachable from the hose port) near the bottom, cuz that’s where the spinning brushes are (i’m assuming it’s the metal blades that caused such injuries). and i don’t think any self-respecting housekeeper is going to put a vacuum on a counter. and i don’t think your uncle is that “gifted.” besides, just consider the odds… freak accident, or freaky freakfreak. anyway, why people don’t just use the fn hose is beyond me. do they think it’s dirtier than the rest of the vac? is there some grab-and-hump move you can perform with the machine itself? ---
**Author:** ![DSYoungEsq](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c6cbf5/32.png) [@DSYoungEsq](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSYoungEsq)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2006, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vacuum-cleaner-wounds-to-the-penis/373326/3 "2006-09-20T02:47:03Z")
[QUOTE=Alex\_Dubinsky] the vacuum cleaners i’ve seen have their suction fan (reachable from the hose port) near the bottom, cuz that’s where the spinning brushes are (i’m assuming it’s the metal blades that caused such injuries). and i don’t think any self-respecting housekeeper is going to put a vacuum on a counter. and i don’t think your uncle is that “gifted.” besides, just consider the odds… freak accident, or freaky freakfreak. anyway, why people don’t just use the fn hose is beyond me. do they think it’s dirtier than the rest of the vac? is there some grab-and-hump move you can perform with the machine itself? [/QUOTE] Not all uprights have a hose attachment. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2006, 12:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vacuum-cleaner-wounds-to-the-penis/373326/4 "2006-09-20T12:40:29Z")
[QUOTE=Alex\_Dubinsky] the vacuum cleaners i’ve seen have their suction fan (reachable from the hose port) near the bottom, cuz that’s where the spinning brushes are (i’m assuming it’s the metal blades that caused such injuries). and i don’t think any self-respecting housekeeper is going to put a vacuum on a counter. and i don’t think your uncle is that “gifted.” besides, just consider the odds… freak accident, or freaky freakfreak. [/QUOTE] Yeah, it really stinks when your choice of explanations is either to admit to being a pervert or an idiot. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2006, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vacuum-cleaner-wounds-to-the-penis/373326/5 "2006-09-20T13:11:13Z")
[QUOTE=Hypno-Toad] In [What’s up with vacuum cleaner wounds to the penis?](http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a3_225.html) We hear a brief description of some cases. Well, I am related to such a case. [/QUOTE] [QUOTE=President Lyndon B. Johnson] If you have a mother-in-law with only one eye and she has it in the center of her forehead, don’t keep her in the living room. [/QUOTE] LBJ had the right idea about…_unusual_…relatives. ---
**Author:** ![oy\_vay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/258eb7/32.png) [@oy\_vay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oy_vay)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2006, 1:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vacuum-cleaner-wounds-to-the-penis/373326/6 "2006-09-20T13:23:12Z")
[QUOTE=Alex\_Dubinsky] anyway, why people don’t just use the fn hose is beyond me. [/QUOTE] Uh in the interests of fighting ignorance, the hose works just fine. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2006, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vacuum-cleaner-wounds-to-the-penis/373326/7 "2006-09-20T13:36:59Z")
[QUOTE=oy vay] Uh in the interests of fighting ignorance, the hose works just fine. [/QUOTE] TMI! TMI! TMI! :eek: :eek: :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2006, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vacuum-cleaner-wounds-to-the-penis/373326/8 "2006-09-20T13:46:12Z")
What we need to determine is whether there are any cases where a vac has “turned itself on” ( :rolleyes: :dubious: ) _without the presence of a penis._ Has auto-activation occurred with penis-like (to a vac) objects such as cat or dog tails, dropped frankfurters/rolls, or [cardboard wrapping paper tubes](http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y251/xbuckeye/WrappingCat.jpg)? ---
**Author:** ![Mtgman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5a626/32.png) [@Mtgman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mtgman)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2006, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vacuum-cleaner-wounds-to-the-penis/373326/9 "2006-09-20T15:23:47Z")
> [@Hypno-Toad](#): > > My uncle Wayne (in reality some kind of third cousin, but he was 40 years older than me so he was “Uncle”) was apparently fixing his wifes vacuum cleaner. It was an upright model and he had it laying on the edge of the kitchen table with the underside facing up. And it was plugged in. So, after working on it a while, Uncle Wayne decides to take a shower. He disrobes in the bathroom and then discovers that he still has a lit cigarette. So he goes into the kitchen to put the ciggie out. In order to do this he has to lean over the vacuum cleaner and it “turned on.” There were many upright vacuum models whose switches were operated by foot, and as such were at the base of the vacuum. If this model was one of them, having it balanced on the edge of a table, with the base of the upright hanging over the edge, would put the side of the table near the button and bumping it could turn it on. The case I’m thinking of is when there is an L-shaped vacuum with a switch in the interior angle of the L and the vacuum inverted over a table edge. So I can kind of see this one. The guy in the signal box? Not buying his story. Enjoy, Steven ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2006, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vacuum-cleaner-wounds-to-the-penis/373326/10 "2006-09-20T15:31:32Z")
[QUOTE=oy vay] Uh in the interests of fighting ignorance, the hose works just fine. [/QUOTE] Uh! Bosda said it. Whoa. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2006, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vacuum-cleaner-wounds-to-the-penis/373326/11 "2006-09-20T16:23:31Z")
[QUOTE=Bosda Di’Chi of Tricor] LBJ had the right idea about…_unusual_…relatives. [/QUOTE] Well it’s a good thing for LBJ that he wasn’t in \*my \* family. We find such stories to be fair game if they’re entertaining. So if something …interesting… happens to you and you’d rather not have anyone know about it, don’t tell one of us. My family puts the “fun” in “disfunctional.” ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2006, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vacuum-cleaner-wounds-to-the-penis/373326/12 "2006-09-20T17:37:08Z")
[QUOTE=Hypno-Toad] Well it’s a good thing for LBJ that he wasn’t in \*my \* family. We find such stories to be fair game if they’re entertaining. So if something …interesting… happens to you and you’d rather not have anyone know about it, don’t tell one of us. My family puts the “fun” in “disfunctional.” [/QUOTE] So…how many eyes does _your_ Mother-In-Law have? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2006, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vacuum-cleaner-wounds-to-the-penis/373326/13 "2006-09-20T17:44:56Z")
[QUOTE=Bosda Di’Chi of Tricor] So…how many eyes does _your_ Mother-In-Law have? 😃 [/QUOTE] If she any more or less than two, you’d have heard about it already. And **Oy Vay**? I hope that it was a wet-vac. ---
**Author:** ![oy\_vay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/258eb7/32.png) [@oy\_vay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oy_vay)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2006, 7:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vacuum-cleaner-wounds-to-the-penis/373326/14 "2006-09-21T07:59:17Z")
[QUOTE=Anaamika] Uh! Bosda said it. Whoa. [/QUOTE] Well don’t see what the big deal is, no worse then any other method, althought honstely I haven’t done it since I was a wee teen entering puberty Don’t need to now of course. for thing I can get sex now that I’m older, for another much improved skill with my hand (flag drops behind me as vacuums whirrrrrr the star spangled banner) It is every American’s patriotic duty to fight the war on ignorance. Because if not ignorantly hurting one’s most delicate part through ignorance isn’t among the rights endowed among men by the creater then it should be! ---
**Author:** ![dogbutler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dogbutler/32/428_2.png) [@dogbutler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dogbutler)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2006, 8:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vacuum-cleaner-wounds-to-the-penis/373326/15 "2006-09-21T08:44:15Z")
[QUOTE=Hypno-Toad] And **Oy Vay**? I hope that it was a wet-vac. [/QUOTE] Shp-Vac[sup]TM[/sup]. Ribbed for your pleasure. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2006, 9:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vacuum-cleaner-wounds-to-the-penis/373326/16 "2006-09-21T09:26:02Z")
Let’s face it; if I ever was unlucky enough to be leaning, nude, over a vacuum cleaner that ‘just turned itself on’, or if I put my coke bottle down in the shower then accidentally slipped and sat down, or happened to be walking around the house naked and a curtain ring accidentally fell and got stuck on my penis, or was watering the cucumbers in the greenhouse, when all my clothes fell off and I tripped over… I would just tell the ER folks, and my family, and anyone else that I’m a curious pervert; what’s the point in insisting on such unlikely tales, even if they are true? ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2006, 12:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vacuum-cleaner-wounds-to-the-penis/373326/17 "2006-09-21T12:00:20Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally Posted by President Lyndon B. Johnson > If you have a mother-in-law with only one eye and she has it in the center of her forehead, don’t keep her in the living room. > [@](#): > > LBJ had the right idea about…unusual…relatives. I’m shocked! I had no idea that LBJ was so prejudiced against Cyclo-Americans. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2006, 12:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vacuum-cleaner-wounds-to-the-penis/373326/18 "2006-09-21T12:02:18Z")
For some folks, the story becomes entrenched. They stick to the ridiculous story even harder if you challenge it. To admit what was going on means that not only did you do something perverted, but that you are ashamed of it. Self-denial is one way to deal with it. ---
**Author:** ![ouryL](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ouryl/32/6067_2.png) [@ouryL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ouryL)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2006, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vacuum-cleaner-wounds-to-the-penis/373326/19 "2006-09-21T21:32:53Z")
😕 I sweat a lot. So I clean the house naked. I can easily see how such an accident could happen. :o ---
**Author:** ![Alex\_Dubinsky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dbc845/32.png) [@Alex\_Dubinsky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alex_Dubinsky)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2006, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vacuum-cleaner-wounds-to-the-penis/373326/20 "2006-09-23T23:56:48Z")
[QUOTE=oy vay] I haven’t done it since I was a wee teen entering puberty [/QUOTE] Which is good, since presumably you were at lower risk. Silly rabbit, vacs are for kids. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vacuum-cleaner-wounds-to-the-penis/373326.md?page=2)