# Vacuum cleaners **URL:** \ **Category:** Cecil's Columns/Staff Reports\ **Created:** [November 17, 1999, 6:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vacuum-cleaners/307 "1999-11-17T06:22:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Ponster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponster/32/17081_2.png) [@Ponster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponster)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 1999, 6:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vacuum-cleaners/307/1 "1999-11-17T06:22:00Z")
Shouldn’t it mention it the " What’s up with vacuum cleaner wounds to the penis? "piece that this is just an urban legend? Yes, I know that it may have happened to someone’s brother, father… but every year to so many men, I don’t think so. ---
**Author:** ![SSgtBaloo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ac91a4/32.png) [@SSgtBaloo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SSgtBaloo)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 1999, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vacuum-cleaners/307/2 "1999-11-17T20:29:00Z")
Vacuum cleaner wounds to one’s anatomy _does_ sound like a bit of urban folklore. It stands to reason that an electrically-powered air pump must have some sort of moving parts, and vacuum cleaners certainly sound as if _their_ moving parts consist of metal (oe hard plastic) bits whirling as terriffic speed. As a person of (I would ho \*at least) average intelligence, I would be quite reluctant to put my “special purpose” in very close proximity to anything that could possibly cause it to resemble steak tartare. I would view any undocumented account of any such wound with a great deal of scepticism. –Baloo * * * It’s more important to understand than it is to agree. [http://members.tripod.com/~Bob\_Baloo/index.htm](http://members.tripod.com/~Bob_Baloo/index.htm) ---
**Author:** ![manhattan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manhattan/32/7_2.png) [@manhattan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manhattan)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 1999, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vacuum-cleaners/307/3 "1999-11-18T00:37:00Z")
You guys suck. (Vacuum humor – it’s just so _dirty_) The link is: What’s up with vacuum cleaner wounds to the penis? * * * Livin’ on Tums, Vitamin E and Rogaine ---
**Author:** ![TheIncredibleHolg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8797f3/32.png) [@TheIncredibleHolg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheIncredibleHolg)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 1999, 9:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vacuum-cleaners/307/4 "1999-11-18T09:58:00Z")
So, you think the British Medical Journal was kidding? April 1 edition? I don’t think they do that kind of humor. ---
**Author:** ![SSgtBaloo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ac91a4/32.png) [@SSgtBaloo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SSgtBaloo)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 1999, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vacuum-cleaners/307/5 "1999-11-18T21:39:00Z")
You can’t be serious! No British Medical Journal would erver, _ever_ joke about somehting like this! The Britons have no sense of humor whatsoever (Monty Python was a statistical abberation). –Baloo BTW, the link is actually here: [http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a3\_225.html](http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a3_225.html) . Doesn’t everyone wish we could edit our posts _after_ we “Submit Reply”? * * * It’s more important to understand than it is to agree. [http://members.tripod.com/~Bob\_Baloo/index.htm](http://members.tripod.com/~Bob_Baloo/index.htm) ---
**Author:** ![Jomolungma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b2d939/32.png) [@Jomolungma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jomolungma)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 1999, 11:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vacuum-cleaners/307/6 "1999-11-19T11:12:00Z")
Ye doubters might be interested in a paper published in the _Journal of Urological Anomalies_ (Vol. XXXVIX, No. 6). The report, written by Dr. Johnson Diggler of Case Western Reserve University, detailed three cases involving injuries to the penis caused by vacuum cleaners. In none of these instances was the “special purpose” left resembling “steak tartare.” Abrasions, yes; contusions, yes; ground chuck, no. In each case, Diggler reports, the damage was done when the vacuum _hose_ (with and without attachments) was employed. As a footnote, Diggler earned the censure of his colleagues for persisting in this line of research using himself as the subject. At a faculty hearing which preceded his dismissal from the university, Diggler attempted to justify his behavior by declaring: _“To paraphrase another great American and patriot, onanism in the defense of science is no vice.”_ ---
**Author:** ![handy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5a626/32.png) [@handy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handy)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 1999, 6:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vacuum-cleaners/307/7 "1999-11-21T06:07:00Z")
I read that it may force an air bubble up the penis. Also, a guy was on tv this year who put his penis into a public jacuzzi pipe that sucks water from the jacuzzi to a filter. 911 was called and they got it from zeee hole. How embarrassing & on network tv. ---
**Author:** ![Cabbage](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f07891/32.png) [@Cabbage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cabbage)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 1999, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vacuum-cleaners/307/8 "1999-11-21T02:55:00Z")
“I read that it may force an air bubble up the penis.” Um…would the penis then have to burp? Is there a medical term for this? ---
**Author:** ![CatInHat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9d8465/32.png) [@CatInHat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CatInHat)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 1999, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vacuum-cleaners/307/9 "1999-11-23T21:56:00Z")
Dr. Diggler publishing in volume XXXVIX, huh? Cute. Is there a real _Journal of Urological Anomalies_, or is that part of the joke too? * * * Never attribute to malice anything that can be attributed to stupidity. – Unknown ---
**Author:** ![Jomolungma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b2d939/32.png) [@Jomolungma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jomolungma)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 1999, 9:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vacuum-cleaners/307/10 "1999-11-24T09:47:00Z")
A figment of my overheated brain, _ **Cat** _. ---
**Author:** ![mr\_john](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@mr\_john](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mr_john)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 1999, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vacuum-cleaners/307/11 "1999-11-24T21:03:00Z")
It seems that at last we have found the one act that can universally be considered UNNATURAL. There are various and sundry acts that have been considered unnatural, but usually not by ALL societies, cultures, governments ,or religions. But NATURE ABHORS A VACUUM. Ah, and if only our poor appliance enamored friends had consulted a physicist first. Unfulfilled in there quest for true love, they turned to household conveniences, only to learn that the Perfect Woman is not the only thing that doesn’t exist. * * * “Pardon me while I have a strange interlude.”-Marx ---
**Author:** ![Jomolungma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b2d939/32.png) [@Jomolungma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jomolungma)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 1999, 9:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vacuum-cleaners/307/12 "1999-11-25T09:51:00Z")
Apropos of your point, _ **Mr. John** _ . . . it occurs that American political history has taught our vacuum-packed brethren nothing. They forget what it was like when the whole country was Hoovered in the late 20’s. ---
**Author:** ![dqa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d6d6ee/32.png) [@dqa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dqa)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 1999, 5:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vacuum-cleaners/307/13 "1999-11-26T05:36:00Z")
Hoover high school in North Canton, Ohio, is named for the company headquartered there, and was our rival. The phrase “Hoover sucks!” was such a common mantra at my school that it didn’t dawn on me until my junior or senior year that it was a double entendre. ---
**Author:** ![Jomolungma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b2d939/32.png) [@Jomolungma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jomolungma)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 1999, 9:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vacuum-cleaners/307/14 "1999-11-26T09:44:00Z")
And now we know what was _really_ up with Archimedes when he started yelling “Eureka!”