# Valentine's recommendation for a fledgling relationship? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 10, 2011, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/valentines-recommendation-for-a-fledgling-relationship/570945 "2011-02-10T20:48:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![GESancMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gesancman/32/2923_2.png) [@GESancMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GESancMan)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2011, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/valentines-recommendation-for-a-fledgling-relationship/570945/1 "2011-02-10T20:48:08Z")
I’m in the very beginning stages of seeing this woman. The twist is, she’s actually my ex-girlfriend… we were together for a couple of years when we were ages 18-20, and haven’t had any contact since, until a couple of weeks ago. We’re now 39 and 40. We’ve talked a lot on the phone, and seen each other a couple of times, but we’re taking it S-L-O-W. We haven’t even kissed yet (though I’m hoping to change that tomorrow night :)). So with Valentine’s Day coming up on Monday, I’m thinking I should do _something_, even though we’re not really an item. Neither of us has any money. We’re both students, and unemployed at the moment. We both have class on Monday night, mine goes from 5:15 to 6:30, and hers goes from 6:40 to 8:30. So I’m thinking I’ll wait around for her to come out of class, and surprise her with…?? With what? She has to go straight home - kid and babysitter and all that. So I can’t take her anywhere. Candy is out because she’s on a strict diet. The only other thing that comes to mind is flowers, but I don’t remember her being into that sort of thing - back in the day I was Mr. Metalhead and she was Ms. Punk Rocker, so we weren’t exactly into mushy stuff like that. And it would give away my intention if I asked. Any suggestions? ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2011, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/valentines-recommendation-for-a-fledgling-relationship/570945/2 "2011-02-10T20:51:19Z")
Definitely get her a card. You probably can’t go wrong with flowers. ---
**Author:** ![perfectparanoia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a5b964/32.png) [@perfectparanoia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/perfectparanoia)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2011, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/valentines-recommendation-for-a-fledgling-relationship/570945/3 "2011-02-10T20:52:31Z")
I might make her a mixed tape or something else you used to do for her back then. (And flowers are always appreciated) ---
**Author:** ![Paintcharge](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/paintcharge/32/7946_2.png) [@Paintcharge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paintcharge)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2011, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/valentines-recommendation-for-a-fledgling-relationship/570945/4 "2011-02-10T20:53:08Z")
Sorry I don’t have much to offer, but I’ll be keeping my eye on this thread, as I’m in a similar situation. ETA, a CD from one of the old punk bands she liked? ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2011, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/valentines-recommendation-for-a-fledgling-relationship/570945/5 "2011-02-10T20:54:59Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > Definitely get her a card. But not one brimming with pre-made mushiness. Get one with a blank interior and _write_ stuff in it. > [@tdn](#): > > You probably can’t go wrong with flowers. I seem to remember several threads that went into an elaborate code of meaning for flowers, so that’s not a given either. ---
**Author:** ![Rushgeekgirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rushgeekgirl/32/3715_2.png) [@Rushgeekgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rushgeekgirl)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2011, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/valentines-recommendation-for-a-fledgling-relationship/570945/6 "2011-02-10T21:05:12Z")
I wonder how many of us women know about this code. Because I sure don’t. I got a dozen red roses from Mig on our first V-day together. We were only two months in to what we thought was a casual relationship. I was tickled with the flowers. He brought them himself. I wouldn’t have liked it if they’d been delivered. But him just standing there with roses and a smile really worked for me. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2011, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/valentines-recommendation-for-a-fledgling-relationship/570945/7 "2011-02-10T21:08:19Z")
> [@Sunspace](#): > > But not one brimming with pre-made mushiness. Oh yeah, very important. If it has a poem of 4000 words, fuggedaboudit. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2011, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/valentines-recommendation-for-a-fledgling-relationship/570945/8 "2011-02-10T22:39:27Z")
Speaking as a woman who used to have a blue mohawk and a safety pin in her ear, “punk” doesn’t necessarily equal “doesn’t appreciate flowers.” ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2011, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/valentines-recommendation-for-a-fledgling-relationship/570945/9 "2011-02-10T22:40:57Z")
> [@Rushgeekgirl](#): > > I wonder how many of us women know about this code. > Because I sure don’t. I don’t either. But then I’m not exactly the most romantic guy in the world. I did find [this](http://www.guidespot.com/guides/lust_love_and_deceit), though. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/74df32/32.png) [@The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Devil_s_Grandmother)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2011, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/valentines-recommendation-for-a-fledgling-relationship/570945/10 "2011-02-10T22:44:38Z")
> [@GESancMan](#): > > We both have class on Monday night, mine goes from 5:15 to 6:30, and hers goes from 6:40 to 8:30. So I’m thinking I’ll wait around for her to come out of class, and surprise her with…?? A flower and a diet-friendly snack, bonus points if you made the snack yourself or it’s something unusual she really likes. (If she’s on a specific kind of diet, like Atkins, we might have some suggestions.) You should carry her books to the bus stop/car, for bonus cuteness. ---
**Author:** ![Rebo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rebo/32/13005_2.png) [@Rebo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rebo)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2011, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/valentines-recommendation-for-a-fledgling-relationship/570945/11 "2011-02-10T22:50:17Z")
I think a single rose, or a bouquet of something cheaper would be very sweet. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2011, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/valentines-recommendation-for-a-fledgling-relationship/570945/12 "2011-02-10T22:55:46Z")
Depending on her style, you could go with something fun like an inexpensive necklace or bracelet. Not diamonds’n’gold or anything, but [something](http://www.claires.com/site/the-goods/Other-Necklaces/cat170117?name=Other+Necklaces&type=&styleType=&id=cat170117)more like [this](http://www.claires.com/site/the-goods/Other-Fashion-Bracelets/cat170061?name=Other+Fashion+Bracelets&type=&styleType=&id=cat170061). ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2011, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/valentines-recommendation-for-a-fledgling-relationship/570945/13 "2011-02-10T23:00:27Z")
A gift is over the top this early in the re-kindling of the relationship. A simple card wishing her a Happy Valentine’s Day should go over well. If you were farther along in the relationship, I would suggest sending her 11 roses, and then bringing a single rose with you when you pick her up for the date, to round out the dozen. ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2011, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/valentines-recommendation-for-a-fledgling-relationship/570945/14 "2011-02-11T00:20:44Z")
A cute teddy bear. Pretty safe option. Last Vday I was in a month-old relationship and got a teddy bear and liked it. Of course, he liked the $75 hardbound archives of the graphic novel he got too, but then I’ve always had a tendency to go overboard on holidays. At the time, I could afford it. ---
**Author:** ![AshenLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/94ad74/32.png) [@AshenLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AshenLady)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2011, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/valentines-recommendation-for-a-fledgling-relationship/570945/15 "2011-02-11T00:51:49Z")
A bottle of Chambord is romantic. ---
**Author:** ![GESancMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gesancman/32/2923_2.png) [@GESancMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GESancMan)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2011, 9:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/valentines-recommendation-for-a-fledgling-relationship/570945/16 "2011-02-11T09:26:25Z")
> [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > Depending on her style, you could go with something fun like an inexpensive necklace or bracelet. Not diamonds’n’gold or anything, but [something](http://www.claires.com/site/the-goods/Other-Necklaces/cat170117?name=Other+Necklaces&type=&styleType=&id=cat170117)more like [this](http://www.claires.com/site/the-goods/Other-Fashion-Bracelets/cat170061?name=Other+Fashion+Bracelets&type=&styleType=&id=cat170061). Wow, that’s exactly the kind of stuff she’s into. Good call, but I think I agree with **Omar** that it’s too early for a gift like that. This is definitely something for soon down the road though. Thanks for all the ideas, everyone. I think I like the idea of a single rose. ETA: And a card, of course. ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2011, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/valentines-recommendation-for-a-fledgling-relationship/570945/17 "2011-02-11T18:42:36Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > You probably can’t go wrong with flowers. > [@rachelellogram](#): > > A cute teddy bear. Pretty safe option. Well, I’m a 39-year-old female and wouldn’t care for either – which means you _can_ go wrong with flowers, and a cute teddy bear is _not_ a safe option. I know that you both added “probably” and “pretty” as CYA qualifiers, but what matters is what the individual would like. One of the few wise things my mom ever said was, “If you don’t know the person well enough to know what to get them, you don’t know them well enough to be getting them anything.” ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2011, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/valentines-recommendation-for-a-fledgling-relationship/570945/18 "2011-02-11T19:06:23Z")
> [@GESancMan](#): > > With what? She has to go straight home - kid and babysitter and all that. Speak to the babysitter so she doesn’t have to go straight home and take her out to dinner or something. ---
**Author:** ![Bridget\_Burke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7cd45c/32.png) [@Bridget\_Burke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bridget_Burke)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2011, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/valentines-recommendation-for-a-fledgling-relationship/570945/19 "2011-02-11T19:36:44Z")
How about _making_ a valentine? Simple cut & paste–with maybe some reference to your punk-rock past. Use a “kiddie” valentine card as the basis? Light & slightly funny would fit at this point in your relationship. About flowers: Yes, there is a “language of flowers”–very big in Victorian days. Even now, a dozen red roses is either too romantic–or the standard overpriced gift from the harried hubbie. Maybe some daisies? ---
**Author:** ![GESancMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gesancman/32/2923_2.png) [@GESancMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GESancMan)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2011, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/valentines-recommendation-for-a-fledgling-relationship/570945/20 "2011-02-11T19:38:35Z")
> [@Quartz](#): > > Speak to the babysitter so she doesn’t have to go straight home and take her out to dinner or something. I did think about that, but I have no idea who she is, and I doubt very much she knows I exist. I’d have to call over there and try to explain, and I’m envisioning the night ending with the police involved. 😉 ETA: I just realized that looks like I’m being snarky, as though you meant I should take the babysitter out. That’s not what I meant, either! [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/valentines-recommendation-for-a-fledgling-relationship/570945.md?page=2)