# Valid excuse for infidelity? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 20, 2014, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/valid-excuse-for-infidelity/681786 "2014-02-20T13:53:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 6\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2014, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/valid-excuse-for-infidelity/681786/81 "2014-03-02T18:57:53Z")
Sorry I have lousy fidelity, but my cats attacked the speakers. It wasn’t pretty. I didn’t read the whole thread. If somebody made that joke already, then :smack: ---
**Author:** ![shantih](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f6c823/32.png) [@shantih](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shantih)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2014, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/valid-excuse-for-infidelity/681786/82 "2014-03-04T15:52:46Z")
> [@RedBloom](#): > > He is very tall, attractive and very charming. I see women look at him wherever we go. He is a pro salesperson, given his ability to be persuasive and charismatic. Only child, extremely impulsive, and I’m guessing pretty manipulative. He loves giving gifts to people - he thrives off of the adoration and approval. This is why he does these online affairs - his words and deeds have unsuspecting women oohing and ahhing I suspect. I wonder why he wants to stay with me so bad then, why waste his time speaking this undying love and refusal to part ways? This semi-obsession with me, clinging like I’m some kind of lifeline? I’m so glad he is seeking therapy and being very open and honest about his issues - and he admits to be messed up, he’s been honest and forthright about that at least. Wow, what a mess I’ve gotten in to. I had this gut feeling about him even back when we dated and I decided to ignore it. Now I’m paying the price. Such good advice already given in this thread. I’m so sorry for what you’re going through, **RedBloom**. I have little to contribute except for something I came across recently that gave me an interesting shift in perspective: think of ‘charming’ as not an adjective but as a verb. In other words, think of what a snake charmer does. It’s not an inherent trait but a deliberate series of actions to produce a desired result. Real life is messy. It would be easy to say what you ‘should’ do, but only you can look at the totality of your life and make the decision that is right for you. I would only add another buzzphrase: when a person shows you who he is, you should believe him. Look at the actions, not the words. What picture do they paint? Is that something that you can live with forever? Are your needs being filled and can you picture leading a solid, safe, fulfilling life with your husband, exactly as you now understand him to be? Good luck to you, whatever you decide! ---
**Author:** ![Avarie537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/48db29/32.png) [@Avarie537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Avarie537)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2014, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/valid-excuse-for-infidelity/681786/83 "2014-03-04T21:59:16Z")
I am going to respond without reading any replies. No, there is never an excuse for infidelity, emotional or otherwise. If two people involved re-negotiate the terms or the relationship such that they are allowed to pursue other people emotionally, physically, or both, that is IMO not infidelity. ---
**Author:** ![bobkitty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c67d28/32.png) [@bobkitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bobkitty)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2014, 12:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/valid-excuse-for-infidelity/681786/84 "2014-03-05T12:27:45Z")
> [@AskNott](#): > > I didn’t read the whole thread. If somebody made that joke already, then :smack: You’re safe. The rest of us have been too busy offering actual advice and support to someone clearly in emotional distress. ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2014, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/valid-excuse-for-infidelity/681786/85 "2014-03-05T15:16:12Z")
> [@RedBloom](#): > > I go to therapy as well, I have some fun mood issues. In fact, I blame my mood issues on making my husband stray. Although, I feel like my mood issues stem from having so much distrust and suspicions of him :dubious: You need to change therapists. ---
**Author:** ![Athabasca](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b38774/32.png) [@Athabasca](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Athabasca)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2014, 5:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/valid-excuse-for-infidelity/681786/86 "2014-03-06T05:59:39Z")
The man I loved and was going to marry decided to cheat on me with my friend. He was contrite, and I forgave him. I was 22 and he was my first love. We stayed together for a whole week and then he dumped me. A month later, he asked me to take him back. Like a fool, I did. I found out he was still sleeping with her, and I broke it off completely. Severed it. He was out of my life. He was devastated by my leaving him, but he never changed his ways, his friends and later acquaintances told me. With my now ex-friend, whom he later married, they had an open arrangement where they were free to sleep with whomever. Well, I know that he did, according to a very good male friend I still talk to about my ex-fiancé. He had lots of fringe benefits. 20 years later, my ex-fiancé and ex-friend are now divorced. I sometimes feel very lucky I didn’t end up marrying him. And I have no intentions of looking him up, either. I found a great guy and we have been together 25 yrs. To the OP, protect your heart from your husband. He won’t do it for you. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/valid-excuse-for-infidelity/681786.md?page=4)