# Van Helsing
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/van-helsing/274672
**Category:** Cafe Society
**Created:** [November 14, 2004, 6:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/van-helsing/274672 "2004-11-14T06:01:50Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)
#### Post date: [November 14, 2004, 6:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/van-helsing/274672/1 "2004-11-14T06:01:50Z")
Mrs. Plant rented the CD.
Who the hell were the little guys with goggles in Castle Dracula who looked like Jawas?
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### Author:  [@Incubus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incubus)
#### Post date: [November 14, 2004, 6:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/van-helsing/274672/2 "2004-11-14T06:24:32Z")
They were called ‘Draculs’ or something like that. Sorta like a ‘mini me’ for Dracula. Only a bunch of em.
Funny thing: There was a scene where there was a vat of what appeared to be some kind of acid. I told my friend, ‘betcha one of the little midgets falls and gets melted’, and sure enough, it happens! 😛
In fact, I think it happens TWICE in the movie. Those guys are just acid magnets! :eek:
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### Author:  [@Bites\_When\_Provoked](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bites_When_Provoked)
#### Post date: [November 14, 2004, 12:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/van-helsing/274672/3 "2004-11-14T12:32:51Z")
Just me, or was this movie one of the absolute worst wastes of time, talent and money ever?
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### Author:  [@Bernard\_Marx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bernard_Marx)
#### Post date: [November 14, 2004, 12:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/van-helsing/274672/4 "2004-11-14T12:38:52Z")
I may as well be the first to come in and say that a movie with Kate Beckinsale in it is never going to be a _complete_ waste of time…
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### Author:  [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapioca_Dextrin)
#### Post date: [November 14, 2004, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/van-helsing/274672/5 "2004-11-14T13:33:50Z")
According to [IMDB](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0338526/trivia)
> [@](#):
>
> Dracula’s diminutive henchmen, the Dwerger, are actually trolls from Germanic folklore
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### Author:  [@paulberserker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/paulberserker)
#### Post date: [November 14, 2004, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/van-helsing/274672/6 "2004-11-14T14:26:02Z")
I too thought it bit cock. Everybody likes comedy dwarf dudes falling into acid however. So many good ideas in that film never got realised.
“Hey! I just read League of Extraordinary Gentleman! Lets put Mr Hyde at the start! And do it in really rubbish CGI!”
I’m still waiting for the day ILM steps its game up to match WETA. And Stephen SOmmers proposed new Flash Gordon film will suck as well.
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### Author:  [@shy\_guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shy_guy)
#### Post date: [November 14, 2004, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/van-helsing/274672/7 "2004-11-14T17:56:12Z")
> [@](#):
>
> Just me, or was this movie one of the absolute worst wastes of time, talent and money ever?
It’s not just you. In the movie’s defense, they were at least smart enough to have Hugh Jackman running around wearing very little clothing for a while.
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### Author:  [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)
#### Post date: [November 14, 2004, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/van-helsing/274672/8 "2004-11-14T19:16:07Z")
> [@paulberserker](#):
>
> Lets put Mr Hyde at the start! And do it in really rubbish CGI!"
What’s up with those two films depicting Hyde as a giant?
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### Author:  [@audiobottle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/audiobottle)
#### Post date: [November 14, 2004, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/van-helsing/274672/9 "2004-11-14T21:17:28Z")
I couldn’t figure out why
the girl died so easily at the end after being bashed against stone walls and floors by a vampire for most of the hour before that. Was it the straw that broke the camel’s back or something?
The other thing I thought was odd
Didn’t they say something to the effect that they would have to get the antidote in VH before the last strike of midnight or the curse would last forever? Not that I’m actually expecting any kind of logic out of this film, mind.
I also second Kate Beckinsale. There is something incredibly sexy about that woman. It’s probably the fact that she’s incredibly sexy.
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### Author:  [@RogueRacer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RogueRacer)
#### Post date: [November 15, 2004, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/van-helsing/274672/10 "2004-11-15T18:08:56Z")
> [@audiobottle](#):
>
> I also second Kate Beckinsale. There is something incredibly sexy about that woman. It’s probably the fact that she’s incredibly sexy.
Agreed, but she was hotter in Underworld.
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### Author:  [@N9IWP](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/N9IWP)
#### Post date: [November 15, 2004, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/van-helsing/274672/11 "2004-11-15T19:28:08Z")
I kinda liked the movie as a popcorn thing. And I thought Frankenstien’s monster was well done and “empathical” (you could feel for him). And David “Faramir” Whenham was hoot as Carl the monk-in-training.
I’m not saying that there aren’t a lot of stupid things in this movie, but for me the fun things made up for them. YMMV
And yes,
longest clock chime, EVER!
Brian
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### Author:  [@XT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/XT)
#### Post date: [November 15, 2004, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/van-helsing/274672/12 "2004-11-15T22:06:14Z")
The wife and I rented it…we were trying to figure out if it was supposed to be a comedy. Basically one of the lamest movies I’ve ever seen…and thats saying something.
audiobottle, yes…it was basically the longest minute in history I suppose, as they did manage to administer the thing, even though the fight STARTED at the first stroke of midnight. I guess time does funny things in Castle Dracula…
-XT
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### Author:  [@Gorgon\_Heap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gorgon_Heap)
#### Post date: [November 15, 2004, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/van-helsing/274672/13 "2004-11-15T22:24:40Z")
I rented it a couple weeks ago in the hopes that it would at least be _watchable_, but oh … Gawd. The pain.
The missus fell asleep after deciding it wasn’t worth watching any more, and I almost wish I could forget it all.
One of the worste films I’ve ever seen, and made all the worse becuase it takes itself so seriously.
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### Author:  [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)
#### Post date: [November 15, 2004, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/van-helsing/274672/14 "2004-11-15T23:37:25Z")
Eh. I’ve seen worse. I thought the CGI werewolves were pretty neat. There aren’t enough werewolf movies out there.
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### Author:  [@Diceman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diceman)
#### Post date: [November 16, 2004, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/van-helsing/274672/15 "2004-11-16T00:56:22Z")
About the antidote: didn’t they say that a werewolf could be cured if he received the antidote before a month’s time had passed? Weren’t they originally trying to get the antidote because they wanted to cure Kate Beckinsale’s brother?
As for the fight at the end, I thought that the rule was that Van Helsing had full posession of his human mind until midnight. That is, midnight was when he first transformed fully into a werewolf.
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### Author:  [@Jman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jman)
#### Post date: [December 27, 2004, 12:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/van-helsing/274672/16 "2004-12-27T12:52:39Z")
> [@Gorgon Heap](#):
>
> I rented it a couple weeks ago in the hopes that it would at least be _watchable_, but oh … Gawd. The pain.
>
> The missus fell asleep after deciding it wasn’t worth watching any more, and I almost wish I could forget it all.
>
> One of the worste films I’ve ever seen, and made all the worse becuase it takes itself so seriously.
Sorry to resurrect a thread that has been dead a month, but after just seeing Van Helsing for the first time, I can’t believe you would think that the movie takes itself seriously. The entire film is way over the top, but I went into it looking for a campy, fun action film, and that’s what it was. I liked it because it DIDN’T take itself seriously. Heck, they do a James Bond walkthrough, they comment on how stupid it is to talk to your prey instead of just killing them, they have a 12 minute bell chime…with all the other stuff from the old monster movies. Nothing but poking fun at the whole genre, while still making an entertaining action film.
Now, you may not like the movie anyway, which is fine…it’s not for everyone, and the part with Hyde at the beginning sucked, but after that, I thought it was really just a fun ride. I definitely disagree about the seriousness, though.
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### Author:  [@Silentgoldfish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silentgoldfish)
#### Post date: [December 27, 2004, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/van-helsing/274672/17 "2004-12-27T14:42:45Z")
Yeah, I saw it with 3 people and we all thought it was a hoot!
I don’t care whether it was intentional or not (going by the Mummy movies I say it was) but it was a very good comedy.
I mean, come on, a machine gun crossbow? Kate Beckinsdale fighting werewolves in highheels and a corset?
Maybe the bit with Mr Hyde was in a different tone and through people off or something, we came in late and missed that sequence.
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### Author:  [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)
#### Post date: [December 27, 2004, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/van-helsing/274672/18 "2004-12-27T15:30:08Z")
> [@Bernard Marx](#):
>
> I may as well be the first to come in and say that a movie with Kate Beckinsale in it is never going to be a _complete_ waste of time…
She never got nude though. ☹
They tried to do too much with all the fucking stupid monsters and forgot to write in a plot or any character developement.
I mean, come on! She could’ve at least flashed a tittie or worn a real short skirt… ☹
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### Author:  [@Scoundrel\_Swanswater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scoundrel_Swanswater)
#### Post date: [December 27, 2004, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/van-helsing/274672/19 "2004-12-27T15:57:40Z")
I actually switched it off after 45 minutes, because it made my brain hurt.
And I do think they took it seriously.
If they didn’t it is an even worse film !!! (if at all possible)
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### Author:  [@Mr\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr_Jim)
#### Post date: [December 27, 2004, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/van-helsing/274672/20 "2004-12-27T17:00:12Z")
I thought it was great big stupid fun.
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