# Vanilla?!? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 25, 2004, 7:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vanilla/276611 "2004-11-25T07:35:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 11
**Author:** ![shijinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cc9497/32.png) [@shijinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shijinn)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2004, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vanilla/276611/201 "2004-11-26T22:23:53Z")
a difference of one day doesn’t rule it out… anyway, it’s just a silly WAG. ---
**Author:** ![elmwood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmwood/32/3060_2.png) [@elmwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elmwood)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2004, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vanilla/276611/202 "2004-11-26T22:38:25Z")
> [@Zoe](#): > > If some of you are in touch with **vanilla** on a more personal and private basis, maybe you can help her to learn how to handle her anger and hurt feelings in assertive, appropriate ways rather than in the passive/aggressive approach she used in this case. Certainly the first method would be more in keeping with her Christian beliefs. I live fairly close to her in real life, and I was hoping we could talk about what’s been going on here. It’s very unlikely that will happen, though. I just got an e-mail from her that essentially said “I _do_ have plenty of social outlets. Good riddance.” My impression was that her situation, which others have described, limits her opportunities for social contact with others. I hope that’s not the case. However, I fear that I might now have an enemy on the board. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Eats\_Crayons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Eats\_Crayons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eats_Crayons)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2004, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vanilla/276611/203 "2004-11-26T22:52:00Z")
> [@duffer](#): > > To clear up any confusion in the future, would the mods consider putting SUSPENDED under a poster’s name instead of BANNED if they know it’s only going to be 30 days? That used to be the case actually. A couple months ago my mood disorder started to act up. I voluntarily asked if I could be suspended to proactively prevent me from asshattery. Interestingly, instead of “Suspended” under my username as I would have expected, it had switched from “Charter Member” back to “Member.” But now that I’m back with full priviledges restored, I’m fully Charter again. I don’t know if that was done on purpose to avoid confusion and people asking “But what did Crayons do?” (because I had _asked_ to be suspended due to medical circumstances), or if that’s just new to the SDMB upgrade. However, given **vanilla’s** apparent fan-base, “suspended” would have probably been enough to generate this thread too. **ffinn** — You realized _recently_ that **vanilla** is a loon? Great Cecil! Here I thought she was getting a lot _better_ over recent months. About a year ago, I was thinking “Hmm, she acts as if she has some kind of personality disorder, or something”. I was NOT thinking in terms of “What a loon!,” but rather that she can be so even-keeled for extended periods of time and then have bouts of passive-aggressive melodrama. I even got so disgusted once I left the boards for awhile (kinda thinking well if the “nice” people behave this way, I’m outta here!) But over the last several months, I’ve found her posts much more tempered (though I actively steered clear of her OPs). Honestly, I thought she was earning her sunshine-and-sweetness label. I thought the Evil-Captain-Kirk Vanilla had finally been beamed off this ship and Good-Captain-Kirk Vanilla was here to stay. That she was suspended _now_ really surprised me. When I saw the reasons why I wasn’t surprised at all, I’d seen that unpleasantness from her before. But I haven’t seen her behave like that in so long… I want Good-Captain-Kirk Vanilla. She’s really nice. Given **elmwood** ’s last post though, it doesn’t look too good for seeing Good Vanilla back on the boards. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2004, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vanilla/276611/204 "2004-11-26T22:55:18Z")
> [@C K Dexter Haven](#): > > The first time that she pulled a similar stunt, it was said to her politely and firmly and clearly, but with no (or minimal) “shock and awe.” The second time that she ditto, it was said to her more firmly and more forcibly, but with no rancor. > > When you get to the third (fourth? fifth? sixth? … I’ve lost count) time for the same sort of shenanigans, you do tend to lose the ability to state the situation calmly. Well…If it was a repeated offense, I assume I must reconsider my statements… ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2004, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vanilla/276611/205 "2004-11-26T22:59:58Z")
Hmmm, well I don’t think **vanilla** is a loon, or anything. I think more that she’s just very naive, insecure, and I hate to say it, a bit slow. I will say that I really don’t care to be friends with her anymore, exactly, since she seems to run hot and cold between being nice and then condemning everyone to Hell. That doesn’t mean I don’t want to see her banned or anything like that. **Lib** , it is in poor taste to come in and say, “Well, according to some info I have, (which I can’t reveal), the mods were totally correct,” or whatever. Announcing that one knows something important, and then saying, “But it’s a secret and I can’t tell you!” is just as low as trashing banned posters. _flies off on her broom_ ---
**Author:** ![elmwood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmwood/32/3060_2.png) [@elmwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elmwood)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2004, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vanilla/276611/206 "2004-11-26T23:08:41Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > I think more that she’s just very naive, insecure, and I hate to say it, a bit slow. I can’t speak for the former two, but she is _extremely_ intelligent. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2004, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vanilla/276611/207 "2004-11-26T23:13:17Z")
Well, then let’s say uneducated. (I do recall her saying her parents wouldn’t let her go to college at the time). Again, I think her main problem is insecurity and a need for acceptance. ---
**Author:** ![Diane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/2acd7d/32.png) [@Diane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diane)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2004, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vanilla/276611/208 "2004-11-26T23:26:22Z")
> [@El Cid Viscoso](#): > > Expression of opinion. Not fine. Mean-spirited. Bullyish. The kind of thing a shitbird like ffinn would say. > > It’s like enrolling in elementary school three years after most everyone else. As I walk down the halls, people caution me “don’t hang out with her, she wets the bed” or “you can’t be seen with him, his daddy’s a loser” or “she got in a fight with so-and-so, she’ll do it to you if you’re not careful”. > > Diane, you judgmental bitch, don’t tell me who I can befriend. So you’ve got a grudge. Good for you, but what the fuck should that mean to me? And it’s too bad, really, because with all that intellect, you insist on sullying yourself with gradeschool behavior. > > Choosing friends isn’t like a job interview. Most people don’t pull a dossier to determine who they like and dislike. One day you’re going to learn that. My, aintchu an over-reacting, over-emotional delicate little flower. I don’t give a flying fuck who you befriend but I can certainly wonder about the lack of memory or lack of knowledge regarding vanilla’s SDMB history some of you have. Don’t like that I said so? :::shrug::: What fucking ever, Sparky. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2004, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vanilla/276611/209 "2004-11-26T23:26:23Z")
> [@shijinn](#): > > maybe not so top secret super duper special after all, for [this](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=288611) may be the source? Nope. He has yet to contact me. =========================== Note to everyone still in this thread (including me): Are we through now? Let it die. ---
**Author:** ![gobear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8dc957/32.png) [@gobear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gobear)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2004, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vanilla/276611/210 "2004-11-26T23:32:50Z")
> [@elmwood](#): > > I can’t speak for the former two, but she is _extremely_ intelligent. Cite? ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2004, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vanilla/276611/211 "2004-11-26T23:33:17Z")
> [@Eats\_Crayons](#): > > **ffinn** — You realized _recently_ that **vanilla** is a loon? Great Cecil! Here I thought she was getting a lot _better_ over recent months. About a year ago, I was thinking “Hmm, she acts as if she has some kind of personality disorder, or something”. I was NOT thinking in terms of “What a loon!,” but rather that she can be so even-keeled for extended periods of time and then have bouts of passive-aggressive melodrama. I even got so disgusted once I left the boards for awhile (kinda thinking well if the “nice” people behave this way, I’m outta here!) > > But over the last several months, I’ve found her posts much more tempered (though I actively steered clear of her OPs). Honestly, I thought she was earning her sunshine-and-sweetness label. I thought the Evil-Captain-Kirk Vanilla had finally been beamed off this ship and Good-Captain-Kirk Vanilla was here to stay. My impression also. Which is one reason why I was stupid enough to get sucked into her latest melodrama. Nope, I’m not in the least excusing my conduct in that thread by blaming it on **vanilla’s** evil machinations. I jumped too fast to a conclusion that proved to be erroneous and made an ass of myself. No argument there. I am, however, pissed at **vanilla** for luring people, Dopers and real-life outsiders, into playing her little game. We all lost, in one way or another. That her penalty is banning, especially given what’s been revealed about prior warnings, is justice. This is not something I’ll forget, if only because it will lead me to temper my first reaction to posts, to look for the most innocent explanation for what seems at first malicious or foolish. My fault entirely that I failed to do so in **vanilla’s** thread; my promise to try to do better in the future. ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Death](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ecccb3/32.png) [@Evil\_Death](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Death)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2004, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vanilla/276611/212 "2004-11-26T23:37:00Z")
> [@Eats\_Crayons](#): > > That used to be the case actually. > > A couple months ago my mood disorder started to act up. I voluntarily asked if I could be suspended to proactively prevent me from asshattery. > > Interestingly, instead of “Suspended” under my username as I would have expected, it had switched from “Charter Member” back to “Member.” But now that I’m back with full priviledges restored, I’m fully Charter again. I don’t know if that was done on purpose to avoid confusion and people asking “But what did Crayons do?” (because I had _asked_ to be suspended due to medical circumstances), or if that’s just new to the SDMB upgrade. Or possibly they downgraded your membership so you wouldn’t be eating into your paid time? ---
**Author:** ![The\_Flying\_Dutchman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/9fc348/32.png) [@The\_Flying\_Dutchman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Flying_Dutchman)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2004, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vanilla/276611/213 "2004-11-26T23:41:36Z")
> [@Zoe](#): > > Maybe someone who is a braver soul than I can help her to see that what happened to her with the elder’s wife is often the result of being part of a fellowship that feels comfortable in pronouncing judgment on the behavior of other Christians. This time **vanilla** was on the receiving end and can see now how hurtful it can be. **BINGO** ---
**Author:** ![El\_Cid\_Viscoso](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/41988e/32.png) [@El\_Cid\_Viscoso](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Cid_Viscoso)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2004, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vanilla/276611/214 "2004-11-26T23:54:42Z")
> [@Diane](#): > > I don’t give a flying fuck who you befriend but I can certainly wonder about the lack of memory or lack of knowledge regarding vanilla’s SDMB history some of you have. Don’t like that I said so? :::shrug::: What fucking ever, Sparky. You’ve got style, I’ll give you that. Thank you for the clarification. ---
**Author:** ![Eats\_Crayons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Eats\_Crayons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eats_Crayons)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2004, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vanilla/276611/215 "2004-11-27T00:04:01Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > _flies off on her broom_ Hey, where can I get me one of those? ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2004, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vanilla/276611/216 "2004-11-27T00:13:18Z")
> [@Eats\_Crayons](#): > > Hey, where can I get me one of those? Quality Quidditch Supplies? ---
**Author:** ![The\_Flying\_Dutchman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/9fc348/32.png) [@The\_Flying\_Dutchman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Flying_Dutchman)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2004, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vanilla/276611/217 "2004-11-27T00:16:22Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > **Lib** , it is in poor taste to come in and say, “Well, according to some info I have, (which I can’t reveal), the mods were totally correct,” or whatever. Announcing that one knows something important, and then saying, “But it’s a secret and I can’t tell you!” is just as low as trashing banned posters. I have to agree. Given the very high degree of respect that I have for **Lib** ’s character, I really have no choice but to believe that unequivically **vanilla** is a very bad person or did some really bad things. i don’t like feeling this way without evidence but I can’t seem to avoid it. ---
**Author:** ![MsRobyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/90ced4/32.png) [@MsRobyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsRobyn)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2004, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vanilla/276611/218 "2004-11-27T00:23:06Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > Well, then let’s say uneducated. (I do recall her saying her parents wouldn’t let her go to college at the time). > > Again, I think her main problem is insecurity and a need for acceptance. I think part of it also seems to be an inability to reconcile what she thinks her faith ought to consist of, and what her stated political beliefs are. That said, I’m sorry it had to come down like this, but she does need to take a break and get some of her life sorted out. The Dope ain’t the best place to do that. Robin ---
**Author:** ![1010011010](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/1/ea666f/32.png) [@1010011010](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/1010011010)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2004, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vanilla/276611/219 "2004-11-27T00:41:17Z")
I’m no fan of **Vanilla** , but I don’t see how she should bear the responsibility for how other members responded in that thread. I _am_ a fan of social engineering, but there’s no way **Vanilla** could set someone up that way. **pastorjc** could have shown up and we could have been nice to him, rather than skeptical and cynical, gotten both sides of the story, resolved the issue peacefully, and gained a new member. That’s not how people reacted and that’s not how it played out, but I don’t think it’s entirely, or even mostly, **Vanilla** ’s fault. Locking the thread when it began to get out of hand was the appropriate action, IMO. More than that seems excessive to me. ---
**Author:** ![ffinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b9bd4f/32.png) [@ffinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ffinn)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2004, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vanilla/276611/220 "2004-11-27T00:50:04Z")
> [@Eats\_Crayons](#): > > That used to be the case actually. > > **ffinn** — You realized _recently_ that **vanilla** is a loon? Great Cecil! Here I thought she was getting a lot _better_ over recent months. About a year ago, I was thinking “Hmm, she acts as if she has some kind of personality disorder, or something”. I was NOT thinking in terms of “What a loon!,” but rather that she can be so even-keeled for extended periods of time and then have bouts of passive-aggressive melodrama. I even got so disgusted once I left the boards for awhile (kinda thinking well if the “nice” people behave this way, I’m outta here!)( Hell, I never said I was swift, you know. Actually, I generally give people the benefit of the doubt for much longer than they have any right to it. But it seems to me it was within the last year. I’ll try and pin it down for you, though. [sub]searches furiously[/sub] Yeah, there it is. I was fairly sure it was **Scotticher** who said the “ah HAH” thing that made me opt out of considering anything **vanilla** had to say. (What the hell happened to Scotticher, BTW? She seems to be gone, and IMHO it is a sad loss. Anyway-) So I finally made the determination (in my own mind) in July of 2004. Here is the thread. It is on page two, at the end. [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=266044&page=2&pp=50&highlight=vanilla](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=266044&page=2&pp=50&highlight=vanilla) And IMHO, vanilla is NOT a “nice” person. She is a passive-aggressive and manipulitive woman who, as earlier noted by others, refuses to get a job (preferring to live off her aged father), bitches about her father (yes, the same one who is supporting her and her to-be-pitied son), bitches about anyone and anything who doesn’t support life as she sees it. Which appears to be life according to “everyone should financially and emotionally support vanilla regardless of the fact that vanilla isn’t interested in doing anything for herself.” As my mother says, (not in reference to vanilla, as she has no knowledge of her existance) “she thinks the world OWES her a living.” BTW, that was also one of those threads where people tried to reason with her. Appeared to me they might as well bang their heads against a brick wall. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vanilla/276611.md?page=10) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vanilla/276611.md?page=12)