# Vanilla?!? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 25, 2004, 7:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vanilla/276611 "2004-11-25T07:35:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 12
**Author:** ![Eats\_Crayons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Eats\_Crayons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eats_Crayons)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2004, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vanilla/276611/221 "2004-11-27T01:04:11Z")
> [@ffinn](#): > > As my mother says, (not in reference to vanilla, as she has no knowledge of her existance) “she thinks the world OWES her a living.” Strange… when I read that I heard it in the voice of Katherine Hepburn. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2004, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vanilla/276611/222 "2004-11-27T01:06:49Z")
**ffinn** , I don’t see it. Having interacted with **vanilla** a lot longer than you have, the conclusion I come to is the one I have stated repeatedly in this thread-she’s naive, sheltered, insecure, and she belongs to a faith that does not allow for critical thinking. I don’t believe she’s willfully malicious. It just doesn’t fit with what I’ve seen from her. You’re free to disagree, of course. ---
**Author:** ![Diane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/2acd7d/32.png) [@Diane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diane)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2004, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vanilla/276611/223 "2004-11-27T01:59:02Z")
> [@El Cid Viscoso](#): > > You’ve got style, I’ll give you that. Thank you for the clarification. You’re welcome. ---
**Author:** ![Una\_Persson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/una_persson/32/346_2.png) [@Una\_Persson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Una_Persson)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2004, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vanilla/276611/224 "2004-11-27T02:17:44Z")
> [@ffinn](#): > > (What the hell happened to Scotticher, BTW? She seems to be gone, and IMHO it is a sad loss. Anyway-) **Scotticher’s** at my place. She’s also been ill due to surgeries on her hands, busy taking care of her father, as well as continuing to take great care of numerous other people online like she always has. ---
**Author:** ![Eats\_Crayons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Eats\_Crayons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eats_Crayons)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2004, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vanilla/276611/225 "2004-11-27T02:29:26Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > **ffinn** , I don’t see it. Having interacted with **vanilla** a lot longer than you have, the conclusion I come to is the one I have stated repeatedly in this thread-she’s naive, sheltered, insecure, and she belongs to a faith that does not allow for critical thinking. I don’t believe she’s willfully malicious. It just doesn’t fit with what I’ve seen from her. > > You’re free to disagree, of course. Passive-aggressive behaviour can also come out of _frustration_ perhaps even more so than malicious intentions (and it tends to be a manipulative form of acting out, to varying degrees.) If you’re naive, sheltered, and insecure, it is a form of acting out in frustration and anger that goes well with those traits and is consistent with all them. I totally understand **ffinn** ’s point. However I think she IS a “nice” person, who lacks adult conflict resolution skills and so does “not nice” things. I do not think she’s devious. I think she is trying to act out in anger, but is too polite and insecure to present it well, and ends up acting out in very passive-aggressive ways. I think a couple counseling sessions, with either a pastor or a counselor, would be helpful in giving her the mediation skills she needs to stand up for herself effectively without getting into histrionic bouts of questionable behaviour. She’s not evil or anything, she just gets frustrated easily and makes poor choices when it’s time to blow off a little steam. ---
**Author:** ![Zoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/a4c791/32.png) [@Zoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zoe)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2004, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vanilla/276611/226 "2004-11-27T03:17:04Z")
> [@](#): > > **elmwood** : I fear that I might now have an enemy on the board. I think that her “good riddance” was probably directed at SDMB and not at you in particular. It was kind of you to contact her regardless of the outcome. > [@](#): > > **Eats\_Crayons** : I want Good-Captain-Kirk Vanilla. But don’t you remember? The Good-Captain-Kirk was a little too weak and indecisive to make a good captain. It took a balance of the two, both good and bad, to make Kirk who he truly was. That’s been my rationalization for almost 35 years and I’m sticking to it. ---
**Author:** ![Eats\_Crayons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Eats\_Crayons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eats_Crayons)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2004, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vanilla/276611/227 "2004-11-27T03:30:21Z")
> [@Zoe](#): > > But don’t you remember? The Good-Captain-Kirk was a little too weak and indecisive to make a good captain. It took a balance of the two, both good and bad, to make Kirk who he truly was. > > That’s been my rationalization for almost 35 years and I’m sticking to it. I meant the Evil Captain Kirk from the alternate universe. You know, the universe in which you can tell they are eeeeevil because they all have goatees. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2004, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vanilla/276611/228 "2004-11-27T04:59:57Z")
That’s a good point, **Crayons**. ---
**Author:** ![elmwood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmwood/32/3060_2.png) [@elmwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elmwood)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2004, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vanilla/276611/229 "2004-11-27T04:59:58Z")
> [@Zoe](#): > > I think that her “good riddance” was probably directed at SDMB and not at you in particular. It was kind of you to contact her regardless of the outcome. It was directed at _me_, not the SDMB. ---
**Author:** ![elmwood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmwood/32/3060_2.png) [@elmwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elmwood)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2004, 5:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vanilla/276611/230 "2004-11-27T05:26:15Z")
I should have included this in the previous post. Thanks for your kind words, **Zoe**. I don’t want to cross the line of detailing **vanilla’s** e-mail. I was deliberately vague, summarizing what I felt was the gist of the message, which was directed towards me, not the SDMB or its Dopers. I don’t know how she feels about the SDMB community, nor can I speak for her, but I would think she’d like to come back. I don’t want to provide fuel for the flames. I wish I could talk to her about what’s going on, being close to her in meatspace – not validate her actions or convince her she’s wrong, but just talk to another Doper. ---
**Author:** ![gum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bbe5ce/32.png) [@gum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gum)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2004, 6:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vanilla/276611/231 "2004-11-27T06:23:16Z")
[hijack]: Originally posted by \*\* Una Persson\*\* > [@](#): > > \*\*\* Scotticher’s\*\* at my place. She’s also been ill due to surgeries on her hands, busy taking care of her father, as well as continuing to take great care of numerous other people online like she always has\* Will you wish her all the best, please? [I know about her taking care of other people] Get well, **Scotticher**. [/hijack] If you read this: Take care, **vanilla**. ---
**Author:** ![ffinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b9bd4f/32.png) [@ffinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ffinn)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2004, 6:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vanilla/276611/232 "2004-11-27T06:45:20Z")
> [@Eats\_Crayons](#): > > Strange… when I read that I heard it in the voice of Katherine Hepburn. I can’t think of a better compliment to my mother, who SO ROCKS, thank you very much. > [@Guinastasia](#): > > **ffinn** , I don’t see it. Having interacted with **vanilla** a lot longer than you have, the conclusion I come to is the one I have stated repeatedly in this thread-she’s naive, sheltered, insecure, and she belongs to a faith that does not allow for critical thinking. I don’t believe she’s willfully malicious. It just doesn’t fit with what I’ve seen from her. > > You’re free to disagree, of course. It is good for you to defend your friend. I think you are a good friend, but I think you are wrong. She doesn’t appear to belong to ANY faith, for any length of time, so I don’t see how you can attribute her peccadillos to her faith. JMHO. But, whatever. Perhaps I am wrong and she is just the most misunderstood person in the history of the internet. Again and again and again, as she changes her faith, her beliefs and her application of her beliefs. Hell, much as I hate her approach to things, at least Jersey Diamond was consistant. Gotta give her THAT. > [@Eats\_Crayons](#): > > I do not think she’s devious. I think she is trying to act out in anger, but is too polite and insecure to present it well, and ends up acting out in very passive-aggressive ways. > > \ > > She’s not evil or anything, she just gets frustrated easily and makes poor choices when it’s time to blow off a little steam. I don’t personally think she is evil, or devious, either. I also don’t think she is, or intends to be, polite. It appears to me that HER opinon is the only one that has value to her. A valient effort, but only viable if you are a millionaire who need not deal with the real world. It is time for **vanilla** to grow up and face the music. THIS is the world she has to live in, not the la-la land where her hapless father has allowed her to dwell. If the SDMB is the only place willing to expect her to face up to life, then I think the SDMB deserves some kind of award. > [@Una Persson](#): > > **Scotticher’s** at my place. I’m glad to know she is okay, and among friends. Is it inappropriate for me to ask where “your place” is? Because maybe I ought to be lurking there instead of here. Or in both places. Links, please? > [@](#): > > She’s also been ill due to surgeries on her hands I hope she is/has recovered? Because seriously, I’m not sure I ever saw a better heart, both IRL and online. > [@](#): > > (she is) busy taking care of her father, as well as continuing to take great care of numerous other people online like she always has. Which doesn’t surprise me in the least. Thinking about Scotticher…now THAT is a “nice” woman. Strong and consistant beliefs, but I never saw her shoving those beliefs down anyone’s throat. Real enough to get a bit peppery when she thought it was necessary, but I never saw her be impolite.Not perfect, but damn close. Besides, when she got “peppery”, she got pretty damn amusing. I vote for a return of Scotticher, with added pepper. And now, with your permission, I will retire to my usual lurking positon. Thank you all for allowing me to vent. ---
**Author:** ![TubaDiva](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tubadiva/32/507_2.png) [@TubaDiva](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TubaDiva)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2004, 7:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vanilla/276611/233 "2004-11-27T07:19:39Z")
Okay, look folks, this is really not right; vanilla can in no way come to this thread and answer questions or defend herself. For that reason, I’m going to close this thread. your humble TubaDiva Administrator [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vanilla/276611.md?page=11)