# Vanilla?!? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 25, 2004, 7:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vanilla/276611 "2004-11-25T07:35:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![yojimbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yojimbo/32/232_2.png) [@yojimbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yojimbo)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2004, 10:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vanilla/276611/41 "2004-11-25T10:51:59Z")
> [@duffer](#): > > It’s not like I e-mailed my Pit thread to my MiL about the turkey. Imagine if she signed up to reply to me? Better to go face to face if the Pittee is actually going to see it. Yep but what if you pitted your MiL and then sent the link to your wife and **she** forwarded it to your MiL. Different situation, yes? Again > [@](#): > > I am “Vanilla’s”/Rose’s pastor. \*\*I got the link to this bulletin board from an email she sent to the elder in question \*\* and joined the board so I could respond… She didn’t intentionally get this pastor to join as she didn’t actually communicate with him. ---
**Author:** ![El\_Cid\_Viscoso](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/41988e/32.png) [@El\_Cid\_Viscoso](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Cid_Viscoso)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2004, 10:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vanilla/276611/42 "2004-11-25T10:52:27Z")
> [@duffer](#): > > Thanks, **Sol**. You put it in a way where I can see your point and think I agree with you now. Yeah, except this isn’t some esoteric crapnugget to be sampled and savored by quasi-intellectuals, you little punk. This is a human being with real human problems. Wake up. You’re one of them. ---
**Author:** ![SolGrundy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bbce88/32.png) [@SolGrundy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SolGrundy)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2004, 10:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vanilla/276611/43 "2004-11-25T10:55:38Z")
> [@duffer](#): > > Thinking more about this, I’m starting to slide in my support of **vanilla**. It’s one thing to rant in the Pit (God knows I’ve done it enough), but it’s another to do it here to get it off your chest, then forward it to the people associated with it. It’s not like I e-mailed my Pit thread to my MiL about the turkey. Imagine if she signed up to reply to me? Better to go face to face if the Pittee is actually going to see it. That’s a good idea; sometimes the Pit is just for venting. If that’s all it’s for, though, my estimation of this whole damn message board just went down a few thousand points. You make a very good point; this board isn’t for the airing of personal disputes that are better handled in person. But I didn’t see any indication that this was what was going on in this case. It would be more like you forwarded the pit thread to your wife, she showed it to your mother-in-law, MiL decided to go online, read the thread, _chose_ to get a guest account, _chose_ to engage in debates with posters in the thread, and then **you** got not only banned, but banned and scolded for being such an ungrateful son-in-law. ---
**Author:** ![yojimbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yojimbo/32/232_2.png) [@yojimbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yojimbo)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2004, 10:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vanilla/276611/44 "2004-11-25T10:59:16Z")
The most an Admin/Mod should have done was close the thread and tell them to take personal stuff to e-mail. A mistake was made but I’m not going to hold my breath waiting for it to be acknowledged. ---
**Author:** ![duffer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duffer/32/1026_2.png) [@duffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/duffer)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2004, 11:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vanilla/276611/45 "2004-11-25T11:25:56Z")
> [@El Cid Viscoso](#): > > Yeah, except this isn’t some esoteric crapnugget to be sampled and savored by quasi-intellectuals, you little punk. > > This is a human being with real human problems. Wake up. You’re one of them. I’m one of whom? The little punks? Nothing but insults from you. Shut the fuck up and join the discussion. Or let me tea-bag you. Fucking douchebag. ---
**Author:** ![duffer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duffer/32/1026_2.png) [@duffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/duffer)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2004, 11:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vanilla/276611/46 "2004-11-25T11:29:23Z")
**Sol** , another good point. That’s why I would never send the thread to anyone I know in an e-mail instead of telling them in person. Like my turkey rant, I did it here anonymously rather than say it to anyone I know personally. Anything I rant about in the Pit is there precisely _because_ I don’t want to say it to my loved ones. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2004, 11:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vanilla/276611/47 "2004-11-25T11:30:43Z")
> [@yojimbo](#): > > The most an Admin/Mod should have done was close the thread and tell them to take personal stuff to e-mail. That’s my view as well (says the Armchair Quarterback), but then I ain’t in charge. Maybe a short break will do her good. Of course, often a short break would do us all some good. (Hoping it all works out for **Vanilla** in the end, one way or another.) ---
**Author:** ![El\_Cid\_Viscoso](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/41988e/32.png) [@El\_Cid\_Viscoso](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Cid_Viscoso)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2004, 11:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vanilla/276611/48 "2004-11-25T11:39:55Z")
> [@duffer](#): > > I’m one of whom? _Problems_, dear. You’re one of the problems. And apparently, you’re also illiterate. Therefore, I regret my harshness. ---
**Author:** ![Aldebaran](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c6cbf5/32.png) [@Aldebaran](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aldebaran)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2004, 11:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vanilla/276611/49 "2004-11-25T11:42:44Z")
> [@Ilsa\_Lund](#): > > Oh, no. Seriously, after we rid ourselves of posters like **Collounsbury, lissener, Zenster** and **vanilla** , the closer we’ll be to a utopian SDMB where **Reeder** and [bAldebaran\*\* can post in peace. Care to explain this? I have seen the membername **vanilla** now and then but I don’t recall that I ever interacted with that member. I have no idea about the thread/situation that is the subject of the OP either. Likewise for the other names you mention here: I don’t recall I have ever interacted with one of them. So where do you come from to make it as if I have anything to do with all of this? Salaam. A ---
**Author:** ![duffer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duffer/32/1026_2.png) [@duffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/duffer)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2004, 11:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vanilla/276611/50 "2004-11-25T11:48:49Z")
> [@El Cid Viscoso](#): > > _Problems_, dear. You’re one of the problems. > > And apparently, you’re also illiterate. > > Therefore, I regret my harshness. Ah, I’m one of the problems of that thread, thanks for correcting me. I appreciate it. ---
**Author:** ![Siege](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dbc845/32.png) [@Siege](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siege)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2004, 11:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vanilla/276611/51 "2004-11-25T11:59:08Z")
Damn, and I do not use that word lightly. Damn. I can see why **vanilla** did it. If I thought I’d been unfairly treated by someone and it was keeping me from doing something as important to me as going to my church, I would want to send someone saying “I think you’re being completely unreasonable and mean and here are a bunch of people who agree with me!” It can’t be easy being a liberal in a Fundamentalist church, and I suspect there are times she feels attacked from all sides. Sending the e-mail to the woman who refused her a lift to church was a foolish and short-sighted move, but we’ve all done foolish things, and it’s not always easy to foresee the consequences of our actions. As an outsider, I can see how the woman who didn’t give her a lift could easily have been outraged by what **vanilla** did and by the number of people here, including me, who, in effect, called her un-Christian. **minor7flat5** made a good point in that thread when he or she said > [@](#): > > Just my own opinion… I try to avoid using e-mail for any communication of this sort. > The usual problems: > [ul][li]The e-mail can be forwarded to everybody and his dog.[/li][li]E-mail strips all nuances of language and tone from the message, allowing the reader to apply his or her own (usually the most negative).[/li][li]Months after an issue has been put to bed, the permanent record of e-mail can be used to stir up problems where there shouldn’t be.[/ul][/li]As you may have guessed, e-mail communication caused some problems in my own church. Personal issues like this are often better handled face to face or over the phone. I’m sorry this happened. CJ ---
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2004, 12:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vanilla/276611/52 "2004-11-25T12:02:16Z")
Howling with the wolves : I too think that though maybe \*\* Vanilla \*\* 's choice to send a link to this thread could have been innapropriate (actually probably simply not well thought), \*\* Tuba Diva \*\* reaction was completely over the top. Reading the final post, one would think \*\* Vanilla \*\* displayed the most jerkish behavior ever noticed on this board. I don’t believe she intended to “ambush” anybody. Rather showing her elder that she wasn’t a crazy loonie for disagreeing with his wife’s attitude, probably (“Look! I’m not the only one thinking your wife’s comments were innapropriate. These people over there think the same”). It’s even conceivable she thought she had some moral duty to let him know she had discussed the issue with strangers. And even if she acted out of spite, with the actual intent of having the elder posting here and be stomped on by everybody, it wouldn’t be a jerkish enough behavior to deserve a possibly permanent banning, especially since, AFAIK, it was a one-time mistake. It seems to me like \*\* Tuba Diva \*\* had a very bad day and interpreted \*\* Vanilla \*\* actions in the worst possible way. Finally, what was seriously wrong in this situation, exactly? The elder and pastor got to know that they had been criticized in front of strangers. Hey! _I_ would like to know if someone was badmouthing me on a message board. They got a chance to know what other people thought, they got a chance to give their side of the story and to defend their point of view, had they chosen to. Were they somehow wronged? I don’t think so. Were we (or at least the dopers who posted in this thread?) wronged? I don’t thing so, either. Was the SDMB wronged? I can’t see how, and if it is the case, I would like it to be explained. If the administrators are worried that this could become commonplace, and that the board could become a battlefield to settle personnal real life disputes, I could understand them stating so, though I doubt it could happen. Most posters vent here precisely because they know whatever they’re venting about won’t be read by the other persons involved. But resorting to an immediate ban looks like an over reaction to me. ---
**Author:** ![El\_Cid\_Viscoso](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/41988e/32.png) [@El\_Cid\_Viscoso](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Cid_Viscoso)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2004, 12:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vanilla/276611/53 "2004-11-25T12:03:49Z")
> [@duffer](#): > > Ah, I’m one of the problems of that thread, thanks for correcting me. I appreciate it. Which thread? Earlier I was willing to give you “illiterate”, but now you just sound stupid. What’s your damage, Drinkie? ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2004, 12:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vanilla/276611/54 "2004-11-25T12:14:29Z")
> [@El Cid Viscoso](#): > > Which thread? Earlier I was willing to give you “illiterate”, but now you just sound stupid. > > What’s your damage, Drinkie? What exactly did **duffer** do to justify this obnoxious behavior on your part? Is there some personal history between the two of you that would explain such rudeness in a thread that is about neither of you? ---
**Author:** ![El\_Cid\_Viscoso](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/41988e/32.png) [@El\_Cid\_Viscoso](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Cid_Viscoso)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2004, 12:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vanilla/276611/55 "2004-11-25T12:17:02Z")
Treating vanilla like a subject of debate, not a human being. She deserves much more respect. ---
**Author:** ![Siege](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dbc845/32.png) [@Siege](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siege)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2004, 12:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vanilla/276611/56 "2004-11-25T12:19:13Z")
This _is_ the SDMB – we treat our own mothers, spouses, best friends, and just about everything under the sun as subjects of debate. CJ ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2004, 12:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vanilla/276611/57 "2004-11-25T12:22:39Z")
> [@El Cid Viscoso](#): > > Treating vanilla like a subject of debate, not a human being. She deserves much more respect. So offense, **El Cid** , but your beef with \*\*duffer \*\* sounds way too personal for what went on in this thread. ---
**Author:** ![hawthorne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@hawthorne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hawthorne)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2004, 12:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vanilla/276611/58 "2004-11-25T12:23:34Z")
I agree with **Tuba** ’s actions, but I _really_ hope **vanilla** will be back after a time. Amongst other things, this will presumably require her to realise that she made an error of judgment. I’m pretty confident she’ll see her way clear to do that. And that’s why I’m keen to see her back. She has her ups and downs as a poster, but since I’ve been a member the trend has been up. She’s confronted a lot of things on these boards and I admire her for sticking at it. ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2004, 12:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vanilla/276611/59 "2004-11-25T12:26:04Z")
> [@El Cid Viscoso](#): > > Treating vanilla like a subject of debate, not a human being. She deserves much more respect. Most of the posters in this thread are debating whether the banning was justified. How can you determine among them only **duffer** is objectifying **vanilla** , especially in light of his response to **SolGrund** y? ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2004, 12:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vanilla/276611/60 "2004-11-25T12:27:16Z")
> [@spooje](#): > > So offense, **El Cid** , but your beef with \*\*duffer \*\* sounds way too personal for what went on in this thread. Make that NO offense, if you please. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vanilla/276611.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vanilla/276611.md?page=4)