# VERY Important News Flash **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 28, 2001, 7:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/very-important-news-flash/70438 "2001-06-28T07:05:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5fc32e/32.png) [@Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bad_News_Baboon)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2001, 7:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/very-important-news-flash/70438/1 "2001-06-28T07:05:15Z")
I like cheese. ---
**Author:** ![amati](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/73ab20/32.png) [@amati](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amati)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2001, 7:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/very-important-news-flash/70438/2 "2001-06-28T07:20:08Z")
in other news, i have dreams about marrying britney spears. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2001, 8:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/very-important-news-flash/70438/3 "2001-06-28T08:28:18Z")
I’m doing my social psychology homework. Fortunately, it does not involve 15 essays. ---
**Author:** ![screech-owl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@screech-owl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/screech-owl)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2001, 10:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/very-important-news-flash/70438/4 "2001-06-28T10:49:46Z")
…and several butchers’ aprons. In news for parrots: No parrots were harmed when… ---
**Author:** ![11811](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/1/9d8465/32.png) [@11811](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/11811)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2001, 11:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/very-important-news-flash/70438/5 "2001-06-28T11:50:57Z")
I’m not wearing any underwear. Film at 11. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/22080_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2001, 11:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/very-important-news-flash/70438/6 "2001-06-28T11:59:05Z")
… and from the weather desk - it rained here last night… ---
**Author:** ![Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5fc32e/32.png) [@Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bad_News_Baboon)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2001, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/very-important-news-flash/70438/7 "2001-06-28T15:41:07Z")
Recapping the news: BadNewsBaboon claims Cheese Adoration;Dwo Jones up 267 points… Millions morn teen Idol Marriage: Amati marries Britney Spears… iampunha caught in home work scam; found paying a memeber of the straight dope community… Fortunately, it did not involve 15 essays, so the sentence will be light… screech-owl implicated in the disappearance of several butchers’ aprons, however, No parrots were harmed. the Underware crisis continues: 367 days… Chrome Spot still not wearing any underwear… FairyChatMom did not have to water the yard, it rained there last night… LATE BREAKING NEWS: chocolate milk or strawberry? Difficult decisions for the badnewsbaboon… ---
**Author:** ![Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5fc32e/32.png) [@Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bad_News_Baboon)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2001, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/very-important-news-flash/70438/8 "2001-06-28T15:42:52Z")
In today’s Money and sense dept: badnewsbaboon decides to save up for a dictionary. Apparently it is needed…! ---
**Author:** ![Hamlet](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hamlet/32/2818_2.png) [@Hamlet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamlet)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2001, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/very-important-news-flash/70438/9 "2001-06-28T15:53:08Z")
In Sports, People ran and played with balls. Back to you, Baboon. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2001, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/very-important-news-flash/70438/10 "2001-06-28T15:55:06Z")
In Consumer News, Lord & Taylor’s just got my favorite flat walking shoes in, in new colors! I bought a pair in burgundy and a pair in slate gray. Back to you, Baboon! ---
**Author:** ![pluto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f08c70/32.png) [@pluto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pluto)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2001, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/very-important-news-flash/70438/11 "2001-06-28T15:59:17Z")
And, on the lighter side, the sun came up today. Later, our in-depth report on a disturbing new trend in the suburbs: Whale watching – do you know what your kids are up to now? ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2001, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/very-important-news-flash/70438/12 "2001-06-28T16:05:05Z")
tomorrow on Good Morning Straight Dope, Jarbaby talks about her haircut…good, bad, and what celebrity does she most resemble. back to you, Chuck ---
**Author:** ![Verrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/46a35a/32.png) [@Verrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Verrain)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2001, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/very-important-news-flash/70438/13 "2001-06-28T17:25:02Z")
This just in, I’ve replaced Chuck and will be making twice his salary because I have wavy hair. In local news, not much was happening so we drove around until our news van hit a pedestrian. We now go to Suzie Wilkins live at the scene. ---
**Author:** ![obfusciatrist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/4af34b/32.png) [@obfusciatrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/obfusciatrist)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2001, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/very-important-news-flash/70438/14 "2001-06-28T17:41:26Z")
In economic news, on a test last evening I inverted the ratio used to calculate Price Elasticity of Demand, thus completely screwing that question. ---
**Author:** ![screech-owl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@screech-owl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/screech-owl)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2001, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/very-important-news-flash/70438/15 "2001-06-28T17:43:28Z")
We interrupt obfusciatrist’s report for this news: It’s raining in Brevard County. [sub](Local news interrupted the PGA tour with this bit of news. No hurricane, no thunderstorm, just that it was raining in Brevard County.)[/sub] Back to you, whoever you are. ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2001, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/very-important-news-flash/70438/16 "2001-06-28T17:48:14Z")
I’d step over my dying mother to get to Drew Barrymore. ---
**Author:** ![Jester](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jester/32/8223_2.png) [@Jester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jester)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2001, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/very-important-news-flash/70438/17 "2001-06-28T17:52:32Z")
This is Jester Jones, reporting live at the scene of…hey, wait a second… Where the Hell are we? There was supposed to be a fire. Hey! Driver! Turn the Hell around! :eek: Why, yes, sir, here’s the money. Please, don’t kill me! \ This is Jester Jones, reporting live from the scene of an armed robbery _in progress_ right now! Help me. Back to you, Bob. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/22080_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2001, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/very-important-news-flash/70438/18 "2001-06-28T18:02:53Z")
This just in (sorry to interrupt you, Bob) **FairyChatMom** amazes one and all with her multi-tasking abilities! She researches, she downloads, she reads, she posts. Sorry, boys, she’s married. OK, now back to you, Bob. ---
**Author:** ![Amp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Amp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amp)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2001, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/very-important-news-flash/70438/19 "2001-06-28T18:05:08Z")
This just in, SDMB poster **Amp** has nothing relevant to add. He just wants to pad his post count. Back to you. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2001, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/very-important-news-flash/70438/20 "2001-06-28T19:01:17Z")
In related news, Alice-in-Wonderland does the same. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/very-important-news-flash/70438.md?page=2)