# VERY Important News Flash **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 28, 2001, 7:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/very-important-news-flash/70438 "2001-06-28T07:05:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 9\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![GingerOfTheNorth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/cdc98d/32.png) [@GingerOfTheNorth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GingerOfTheNorth)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2001, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/very-important-news-flash/70438/121 "2001-07-04T02:21:56Z")
This just in… Bob is currently under arrest for imitating a news anchorman. Film at eleven. ---
**Author:** ![thinksnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thinksnow/32/2849_2.png) [@thinksnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thinksnow)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2001, 6:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/very-important-news-flash/70438/122 "2001-07-04T06:11:24Z")
Hello, do you know me? I’m not an actor, but I play one on TV. Do you ever have that not so freshly wiped feeling? Well, feel that way no more, with Ass-B-Clean. Yes, Ass-B-Clean, the miracle break-trough in rectal cleansing. Ass-B-Clean, the solution to unwanted sphinter solicitation. Ass-B-Clean, the all-around, make your day better, hole-punching, happy wad. Ass-B-Clean. Ask for it by name. ---
**Author:** ![Hamlet](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hamlet/32/2818_2.png) [@Hamlet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamlet)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2001, 12:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/very-important-news-flash/70438/123 "2001-07-04T12:18:30Z")
Stan: Hey, look over there. Stacey: 1,2,3,4,5,6, Hey look over there! ---
**Author:** ![Amp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Amp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amp)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2001, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/very-important-news-flash/70438/124 "2001-07-07T02:31:13Z")
And in other news, **SDMB** poster **Amp** has reached 200 posts, making this his 201st. When asked for comments he responded with a big cheesy :D. ---
**Author:** ![thinksnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thinksnow/32/2849_2.png) [@thinksnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thinksnow)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2001, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/very-important-news-flash/70438/125 "2001-07-13T16:44:29Z")
**thinksnow** is leaving work early to go catch a movie, then head to Lexington to visit some old rugby buddies…drinking to follow. He left instructions for everyone to “Have a good weekend.” Hmmm, cryptic. ---
**Author:** ![BunnyGirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@BunnyGirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BunnyGirl)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2001, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/very-important-news-flash/70438/126 "2001-07-13T16:53:27Z")
:flashing forward a few days: In other news, police arrested prominent SDMB denizen, **thinksnow** , for asking an undercover policewoman posing as bartender for a [Five Dollar Blowjob](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=77933). His lawyers had no comment and hope to have him released on a $20,000,000,000.14 bond soon. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2001, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/very-important-news-flash/70438/127 "2001-07-13T18:53:49Z")
Tonight some sad news from Detriot. The Energizer Bunny has been found dead in an alley apparently caused by a heart attack. The long-time battery pitchman had recently been treated for a crack addiction and was released just three days ago. Back to You Bunnygrl ---
**Author:** ![Miss\_Creant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b487fb/32.png) [@Miss\_Creant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miss_Creant)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2001, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/very-important-news-flash/70438/128 "2001-07-13T19:37:54Z")
And in other police news… It has been alledged that Miss Creant has vowed to kill fellow Doper **thinksnow**. The remark was said to have been sparked by **thinksnow** reckless action of leaving his place of employment for the weekend early and not responding to the inquiry regarding lodging for the 2001 ChiDopefest. As the only witness to the muttering was the fish on Miss Creant’s desk, who is unavalible for comment, no charges have been filed. ---
**Author:** ![thinksnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thinksnow/32/2849_2.png) [@thinksnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thinksnow)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2001, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/very-important-news-flash/70438/129 "2001-07-13T20:49:30Z")
And in from our foreign news desk: A man calling himself only **thinksnow** was seen begging access to the embassy. He claimed there were forces, lead by this woman, identified only as **Miss Creant** , chasing him. Hed kept muttering something about forgetting something before leaving work, and then trying later but not being able to make reservations… He’s being closely guarded and looked after by the in-house doctors. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/very-important-news-flash/70438.md?page=6)