# Very pistol / flare gun vs bear? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 2, 2008, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/very-pistol-flare-gun-vs-bear/443674 "2008-04-02T14:19:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 9\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Slypork](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9fc29f/32.png) [@Slypork](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slypork)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2008, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/very-pistol-flare-gun-vs-bear/443674/41 "2008-04-07T17:34:33Z")
If you dare to scare the bear with a flare and it burns off his hair (like you doused him with Nair and thus made him bare) should you repair to your lair in your vintage Corvair and there prepare a snare bated with a pair of hare stuffed with pear (and maybe an éclair)? Please share, if you’ll spare, so we can compare and end this affair that’s become a pain in the derriere. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2008, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/very-pistol-flare-gun-vs-bear/443674/42 "2008-04-08T14:49:09Z")
[QUOTE=Slypork] If you dare to scare the bear with a flare and it burns off his hair (like you doused him with Nair and thus made him bare) should you repair to your lair in your vintage Corvair and there prepare a snare bated with a pair of hare stuffed with pear (and maybe an éclair)? Please share, if you’ll spare, so we can compare and end this affair that’s become a pain in the derriere. [/QUOTE] I’ll take a hit of whatever you’re smoking, if you don’t mind. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2008, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/very-pistol-flare-gun-vs-bear/443674/43 "2008-04-08T15:19:50Z")
And now I’ve remembered that a Very-light pistol is an effective means of driving off giant squid who have been enraged by the eruption of a sea-bottom volcano into attacking the first thing that happens by, in this case a sea-going ketch crewed by a widowed father, his two Navy cadet sons and his daughter. But if anyone else on this board has read [_The Long Haul_](http://www.alibris.co.uk/booksearch.detail?invid=9406888946&author=Paxton%2C+Alan&browse=1&qwork=4021444&qsort=&page=1), by Alan Paxton, I’ll be mildly surprised. ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2008, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/very-pistol-flare-gun-vs-bear/443674/44 "2008-04-08T15:28:13Z")
Phosphorus burns underwater, doesn’ it? ---
**Author:** ![JThunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e95f7d/32.png) [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2008, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/very-pistol-flare-gun-vs-bear/443674/45 "2008-04-08T16:57:16Z")
[QUOTE=msmith537] From who? We’re alone in the woods with a bear and a flare gun. [/QUOTE] So does either one of them make a sound? ---
**Author:** ![JThunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e95f7d/32.png) [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2008, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/very-pistol-flare-gun-vs-bear/443674/46 "2008-04-08T16:59:03Z")
Something tells me that we need to call Adam and Jamie in on this. ---
**Author:** ![Slypork](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9fc29f/32.png) [@Slypork](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slypork)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2008, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/very-pistol-flare-gun-vs-bear/443674/47 "2008-04-08T19:49:57Z")
[QUOTE=Skald the Rhymer] I’ll take a hit of whatever you’re smoking, if you don’t mind. [/QUOTE] I wasn’t smoking anything. I think it was the totally righteous green eggs and ham (with psilocybin mushroom) omelet I had yesterday. I’m still having weird visions of sea life. Let’s see: one fish…two fish…red fish…hmmm, what color is that one? Cerulean? Azure? Cobalt? ---
**Author:** ![Shamozzle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shamozzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shamozzle)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2008, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/very-pistol-flare-gun-vs-bear/443674/48 "2008-04-09T01:24:06Z")
[QUOTE=coffeecat] I gotcha bear-slaying flare gun [right here](http://mirror.linnwood.org/flamethrower/), people. [/QUOTE] You gotta love this guy. He’s just out in the cul-de-sac, cranking out 40-foot flames with the ole’ flame thrower. No biggie. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2008, 8:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/very-pistol-flare-gun-vs-bear/443674/49 "2008-04-09T08:47:30Z")
[QUOTE=Quartz] Phosphorus burns underwater, doesn’ it? [/QUOTE] In this case it didn’t need to - the megalocephalopoda were inviting themselves aboard. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/very-pistol-flare-gun-vs-bear/443674.md?page=2)