# Very Short Battles between Comic Book Chracters **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [July 2, 2003, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/very-short-battles-between-comic-book-chracters/185857 "2003-07-02T20:07:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![rolandgunslinger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/cdc98d/32.png) [@rolandgunslinger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rolandgunslinger)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/very-short-battles-between-comic-book-chracters/185857/21 "2003-07-03T00:00:31Z")
Wolverine VS lucy I just got this funny picture in my mind of lucy yanking the football away just as Wolvie trys to kick it. ---
**Author:** ![Sock\_Munkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aeb1de/32.png) [@Sock\_Munkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sock_Munkey)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/very-short-battles-between-comic-book-chracters/185857/22 "2003-07-03T00:31:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by rolandgunslinger \* > \*\*Wolverine VS lucy > I just got this funny picture in my mind of lucy yanking the football away just as Wolvie trys to kick it. \*\* I just got an even funnier picture of a following panel filled with the word “SNIKT” and a final panel showing Lucy’s head flying over the treetops as though punted. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![rolandgunslinger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/cdc98d/32.png) [@rolandgunslinger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rolandgunslinger)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/very-short-battles-between-comic-book-chracters/185857/23 "2003-07-03T00:36:32Z")
now I’m laughing my ass off! ---
**Author:** ![Wumpus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8c91f0/32.png) [@Wumpus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wumpus)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/very-short-battles-between-comic-book-chracters/185857/24 "2003-07-03T00:51:05Z")
Ant-Man vs. Storm. ---
**Author:** ![I\_Love\_Me\_Vol.I](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/i_love_me_vol.i/32/521_2.png) [@I\_Love\_Me\_Vol.I](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I_Love_Me_Vol.I)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/very-short-battles-between-comic-book-chracters/185857/25 "2003-07-03T00:59:16Z")
Hulk vs. Jughead …plus Moose, just to make it fair. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/very-short-battles-between-comic-book-chracters/185857/26 "2003-07-03T01:01:15Z")
Class War time: The Red Guardian vs. Richie Rich! ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/very-short-battles-between-comic-book-chracters/185857/27 "2003-07-03T01:19:35Z")
She-Hulk VS. Al Bundy Popeye VS. The Swamp Thing after he’s unfortunately manifested out of a field of spinich. The Punisher VS the bully who used to steal his lunch money in grade school. A werewolf on speed VS a toy poodle. Dracula VS. Jack Chick. Batman VS Hong Kong Phooey. ---
**Author:** ![zen101](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c68b51/32.png) [@zen101](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zen101)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/very-short-battles-between-comic-book-chracters/185857/28 "2003-07-03T01:24:41Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by BrainGlutton \* > \*\*Posted by **zen101:** > > “Anyone”? Don’t forget, at the end of Secret Wars 2, the Beyonder got his ass kicked by the Molecule Man! > > \*\* There was a lot of evidence to support the Beyonder helping with his own removal from our univers and placement into his own new universe. Plus Molecule man was assisted by the Siver Surfer and Scarlet Witch if i recall correctly. AND they had to destroy a fetus he was implanting his “essence” in to in order to feel more human. In his natural state the beyonder was much to powerful for any of them, they had to contrive the whole baby body thing in order to wrap that one up. Molecule man, however, is one tough mofo. Once he got over his belief that he could only effect inorganic matter and realized he liked chubby women (a very empowering piece of self realization). Plus that had to be the first comic that actually adressed the concept of co-dependance in a manner a teen could understand and relate to. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/very-short-battles-between-comic-book-chracters/185857/29 "2003-07-03T01:41:27Z")
Wonder Warthog vs. Norbert the Nefarious Nark! ---
**Author:** ![Terrifel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c68b51/32.png) [@Terrifel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terrifel)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/very-short-battles-between-comic-book-chracters/185857/30 "2003-07-03T01:58:53Z")
\*\*General Zod vs. General Halftrack Metamorpho vs. Mon-El\*\* (hell, **Lead from the Metal Men vs. Mon-El** , for that matter) Along the same lines, \*\*Johnny Storm vs. J’onn J’onnz Galactus vs. Garfield Wonder Man and Wonder Woman vs. the Wonder Twins Doctor Doom vs. HERBIE the robot Despero vs. Marvin and Wendy Darkseid vs. the Family Circus\*\* (hey, this is fun! I see a long row of footprints traveling all around the house, ending in an Omega-beam scorchmark) **Marvel Sandman vs. DC’s Vertigo Sandman** --but not the way you think! For, soothly, while Vertigo Sandman hath dominion over all of the Dreaming, he is sorely lacking in the ability to control actual, physical sand! Think about it! He even has to carry his special magic sand around in a little bag, which he surely wouldn’t have to do if he were some sort of almighty lord of sand. Can you imagine Iceman carrying around his ice in a cooler or something? Of course not! Also, despite his supposed powers, Vertigo Sandman was once imprisoned for decades in a sphere made of _glass_… yes, glass, which as we all know is made from… sand! Therefore we must conclude that Vertigo Sandman has absolutely no ability to control sand, and would swiftly get his ass handed to him by any sand-based opponent. Obviously the name “Sandman” in this case is meant as a feeble misdirection to conceal his critical vulnerability–“_Oh, he calls himself the Sandman; whatever we do, we’d better not attack him with sand!_” Nice try, Goth-boy. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/very-short-battles-between-comic-book-chracters/185857/31 "2003-07-03T02:05:06Z")
Venom vs Brainiac ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/very-short-battles-between-comic-book-chracters/185857/32 "2003-07-03T02:12:42Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by rolandgunslinger_ > Wolverine VS lucy > I just got this funny picture in my mind of lucy yanking the football away just as Wolvie trys to kick it. LOL! [quote] _Originally posted by Eve_ Aquaman vs. Little Lulu. > [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Bosda Di’Chi of Tricor_ > $50 says the kid takes fishface in 3 rounds. Damn, ya beat me to it. Stretching to include comic strips, how about Wolverine vs. The Cast of Family Circus? ---
**Author:** ![Fibber\_McGee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a6a055/32.png) [@Fibber\_McGee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fibber_McGee)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 4:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/very-short-battles-between-comic-book-chracters/185857/33 "2003-07-03T04:32:18Z")
The Real Ghostbusters vs Casper ---
**Author:** ![Sealemon88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c68b51/32.png) [@Sealemon88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sealemon88)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/very-short-battles-between-comic-book-chracters/185857/34 "2003-07-03T04:38:41Z")
A pissed off Superman vs. Robin. Green Lantern vs. Gleep The Flash vs. Quicksilver (Oh, wait, this has already been done…but now it would be even MORE one sided) Actually, The Flash with a brick vs. almost anyone (How many supers can take a lightspeed-moving brick to the crotch?) Batman vs. Moon Knight Bouncing Boy vs. Shaq Hi and Lois vs. Etrigan The Beyonder vs. Jimmy Olsen (without out the watch, for all the difference it would make) I second the motion that the Guy Gardner/Batman “fight” was reeeely funny. > [@](#): > > Along the same lines, Johnny Storm vs. J’onn J’onnz Manhunters beaten flame guys before. One good blast with Martian vision, or a telepathic assault could give him victory. JLA also has him currently working on that whole silly flame weakness thing. ---
**Author:** ![Sm\_e](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/da6949/32.png) [@Sm\_e](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sm_e)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 5:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/very-short-battles-between-comic-book-chracters/185857/35 "2003-07-03T05:16:41Z")
That old classic, Godzillia vs. Bambi ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 5:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/very-short-battles-between-comic-book-chracters/185857/36 "2003-07-03T05:56:39Z")
> [@](#): > > Actually, The Flash with a brick vs. almost anyone (How many supers can take a lightspeed-moving brick to the crotch?) Batman. Batman knows more about hitting people in the groin with a lightspeed brick than anyone. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 5:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/very-short-battles-between-comic-book-chracters/185857/37 "2003-07-03T05:58:43Z")
Edward Scissorhands vs. Cousin Itt. ---
**Author:** ![3trew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/3/13edae/32.png) [@3trew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/3trew)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 6:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/very-short-battles-between-comic-book-chracters/185857/38 "2003-07-03T06:15:09Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Lumpy \* > \*\* > > Batman VS Hong Kong Phooey. \*\* If he’s… no, I just can’t do it. ---
**Author:** ![neofishboy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/neofishboy/32/444_2.png) [@neofishboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/neofishboy)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 6:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/very-short-battles-between-comic-book-chracters/185857/39 "2003-07-03T06:33:57Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Chronos \* > \*\*Batman. Batman knows more about hitting people in the groin with a lightspeed brick than anyone. \*\* “Don’t be so hard on yourself, Bruce…how could _you_ know that was Iron Balls McGinty?” ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 7:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/very-short-battles-between-comic-book-chracters/185857/40 "2003-07-03T07:47:47Z")
**Iron Man** vs. **Gin Genie** 😃 Ranchoth (I’d have included a link fer “Gin Genie”, but the only bio. page I could find showed a rather…“informative” picture of the moment of her death. Yipes.) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/very-short-battles-between-comic-book-chracters/185857.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/very-short-battles-between-comic-book-chracters/185857.md?page=3)