# Video games that would NEVER see the light of day **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 20, 2007, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/video-games-that-would-never-see-the-light-of-day/423363 "2007-10-20T02:01:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Rysto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ecccb3/32.png) [@Rysto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysto)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2007, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/video-games-that-would-never-see-the-light-of-day/423363/61 "2007-10-22T04:30:33Z")
[QUOTE=Rysto] How about a game in which you capture helpless creatures, make them live in incredibly cramped cages, and force them to do battle against each other until one of them passes out. Oh! And have them battle with like electric shocks and fireballs! Maybe get Michael Vick to endorse it. Or Topeka. [/QUOTE] Was I too subtle here? ---
**Author:** ![Revenant\_Threshold](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f1d935/32.png) [@Revenant\_Threshold](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revenant_Threshold)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2007, 5:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/video-games-that-would-never-see-the-light-of-day/423363/62 "2007-10-22T05:02:01Z")
Pokemon? ---
**Author:** ![Hostile\_Dialect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e495f1/32.png) [@Hostile\_Dialect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hostile_Dialect)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2007, 5:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/video-games-that-would-never-see-the-light-of-day/423363/63 "2007-10-22T05:15:26Z")
> [@Fish Nya](#): > > Any kind of doctor/hospital game would be great. Such a game exists for the Nintendo DS. I don’t know what it’s called, but I’ve seen people play it. > [@Shamozzle](#): > > As did I. Friggin game. Yeah, whatever. Like a game with “Forever” in the title could’ve had any other fate. > [@Monkey With a Gun](#): > > Video Game - The Video Game RPG where you play a 20 year old frat boy addicted to a FPS. Strategy is paramount. Mountain Dew or Red Bull? You decide. Contains the mini game : Making Ramen Noodles I had a similar idea a while ago: **World of World of Warcraft**. You play a pimple-faced 21-year-old who has to balance his addiction to World of Warcraft with the ever-advancing threat of starvation and eviction and the pressure to get/keep a girlfriend. ---
**Author:** ![Rysto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ecccb3/32.png) [@Rysto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysto)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2007, 5:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/video-games-that-would-never-see-the-light-of-day/423363/64 "2007-10-22T05:16:52Z")
[QUOTE=Revenant Threshold] Pokemon? [/QUOTE] There we are. I used to love the game, but I have to admit I’m not entirely sure what I think about it in light of the Michael Vick thing. ---
**Author:** ![Just\_Some\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ad7895/32.png) [@Just\_Some\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Just_Some_Guy)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2007, 8:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/video-games-that-would-never-see-the-light-of-day/423363/65 "2007-10-22T08:56:06Z")
[QUOTE=fetus] Such a game exists for the Nintendo DS. I don’t know what it’s called, but I’ve seen people play it. [/QUOTE] You’re thinking of Trauma Center which is also available for the Wii, but it’s far from this first doctor game ever released. For example, there were two computer games called “Life & Death” in the late eighties that had you diagnose patients and operate on them. Rysto, that wasn’t subtle at all. I’ve got a pen and paper RPG parody of Pokemon and the like that’s actually called Cute and Fuzzy Cockfighting Seizure Monsters. ---
**Author:** ![Martini\_Enfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/martini_enfield/32/11123_2.png) [@Martini\_Enfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martini_Enfield)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2007, 11:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/video-games-that-would-never-see-the-light-of-day/423363/66 "2007-10-22T11:24:31Z")
[QUOTE=Just Some Guy] You’re thinking of Trauma Center which is also available for the Wii, but it’s far from this first doctor game ever released. For example, there were two computer games called “Life & Death” in the late eighties that had you diagnose patients and operate on them. [/QUOTE] There’s also [Theme Hospital](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Theme_Hospital) , in which you… design and run a Hospital. It’s a very quirky, British game and you need to have a sense of humour to appreciate it, but it’s also a lot of fun. 😃 OK, games which will never see the light of day: _Train Robbery_: The Age of Steam Travel is at its height, and you’re about to lighten the steam engine’s burden! Do you plant explosives on the tracks to derail the train and loot the wreckage, or are you going to sneak aboard and then rob the guard’s van? How do you get away with your loot? Can you avoid Scotland Yard, the Mounties, or Pinkerton’s? Saddle up and find out! _KAMIKAZE!_: Only you can defend your homeland against the Imperialist Roundeye Gaijin! Dive your explosives-laded aircraft onto American warships and strike a blow for the Emperor- but you only get one try, and the entire USN wants to prevent you from completing your mission… _War Correspondent_: Relive the greatest battles of WWI, WWII, Korea, and Vietnam from nowhere near the front lines! Sift through piles of censored operational reports and Official News Releases to decide what’s worthy of being telegraphed back to your home newspaper. Minigames include “Getting drunk and passing out with the other correspondents”, “Trying to pick up the hotel bar maid”, and “Not being arrested on suspicion of espionage”. _Watching Paint Dry_: The ultimate game of endurance! How long can you stare at the painted surface before determining it’s dry and touching it? To be followed by _Watching Paint Dry II: Watching Grass Grow_. _Paperwork Filer_: Working in an unnamed Government Department, your job is to correctly file each form in its appropriate place! Will you cause a disaster and accidentally file a 417/03B in the file for a 422/07A2, or will you clear your desk by around 4:30ish? You could also try _Paperwork Filer 2: Overtime_ if you manage to complete the original game without losing your sanity… _Mornington Crescent_: Can you get to Mornington Crescent, despite the fact it’s a Bank Holiday in Ashford, Wibble has been invoked, the Duke of Wensleyborough rule is in effect, and the little car piece is in Knid on Mayfair with a hotel? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2007, 12:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/video-games-that-would-never-see-the-light-of-day/423363/67 "2007-10-22T12:22:47Z")
[QUOTE=Derleth] [li]The Soviets would have trolls, dwarves, and ice demons, and would get power from ley lines in Mother Russia itself.[/li][/QUOTE] In Russia, lines ley YOU! The WW2-fantasy game does sound cool, but I’d prefer a Napoleonic version of it, myself ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2007, 12:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/video-games-that-would-never-see-the-light-of-day/423363/68 "2007-10-22T12:42:57Z")
It’s been said several times here but I’m the first one to coin the title… Simschwitz: Arbeit mach frei! ---
**Author:** ![Waverly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/57b2e6/32.png) [@Waverly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waverly)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2007, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/video-games-that-would-never-see-the-light-of-day/423363/69 "2007-10-22T14:08:23Z")
Guitar Heroes 5.5: Everybody Polka! Microsoft Toyota Prius Simulator X Guild Wars: Accounting Office Expansion Pack … and the newest title designed for the Wii: Mario’s Handjob Island ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2007, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/video-games-that-would-never-see-the-light-of-day/423363/70 "2007-10-22T14:26:47Z")
Republicans in Restrooms, the Game! Can you take a leak in private in a public restaurant, or will the dread horny Republican start his evil tapping? ---
**Author:** ![JThunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e95f7d/32.png) [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2007, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/video-games-that-would-never-see-the-light-of-day/423363/71 "2007-10-22T15:39:17Z")
**Color Pong** ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2007, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/video-games-that-would-never-see-the-light-of-day/423363/72 "2007-10-22T16:03:46Z")
1. **Multi-Level-Marketer** : Try to recruit people to sell your product. How many days can you go before you have no friends? 2. **Porno-Tycoon!** Write, cast, and direct your own “sophisticated” films. 1. **Hi Opal: The game** Non-stop list-Compiling action! 2. **Water World of Warcraft.** My boat. ---
**Author:** ![pizzabrat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e9c0ed/32.png) [@pizzabrat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pizzabrat)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2007, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/video-games-that-would-never-see-the-light-of-day/423363/73 "2007-10-22T16:23:09Z")
**Miss Mary Mack** for Wii **Embarrassingly Dated Dances** for Wii (featuring the Running Man, and the Cabbage Patch) ---
**Author:** ![Madd\_Maxx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Madd\_Maxx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Madd_Maxx)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2007, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/video-games-that-would-never-see-the-light-of-day/423363/74 "2007-10-22T16:59:52Z")
[QUOTE=Waverly] Microsoft Toyota Prius Simulator X [/QUOTE] Actually, the Toyota Prius is a drivable car in Gran Tourismo 4. ---
**Author:** ![DiggitCamara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/df788c/32.png) [@DiggitCamara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiggitCamara)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2007, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/video-games-that-would-never-see-the-light-of-day/423363/75 "2007-10-22T18:37:35Z")
[QUOTE=Martini Enfield] (snip) _Paperwork Filer_: Working in an unnamed Government Department, your job is to correctly file each form in its appropriate place! Will you cause a disaster and accidentally file a 417/03B in the file for a 422/07A2, or will you clear your desk by around 4:30ish? You could also try _Paperwork Filer 2: Overtime_ if you manage to complete the original game without losing your sanity… (snip) [/QUOTE] ..and the online-edition! Without your knowledge, you’re actually filing real archives (albeit electronic ones) and should you happen to make a mistake, the IRS will promptly give you an audit! ---
**Author:** ![Sitnam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Sitnam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sitnam)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2007, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/video-games-that-would-never-see-the-light-of-day/423363/76 "2007-10-22T18:53:45Z")
This is the best thread I’ve read in a long time. After the burn from Mountain Dew shooting out of my nose stops I’ll add a few. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2007, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/video-games-that-would-never-see-the-light-of-day/423363/77 "2007-10-22T19:47:49Z")
**Assembly Line: The Game.** Each level consists of one task: tightening a bolt, pulling a lever, pushing two buttons in sequence, etc… Advance to the next level by performing that task for 8 hours. Every day. The Wii version includes hyper-realistic carpal tunnel action! **Virtual Butcher**. Gut and process pigs, sheep, cows and other yummy creatures! Work the kill floor, sweep up the offal, call the wife of the guy who just got accidently de-boned! ---
**Author:** ![Scuba\_Ben](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Scuba\_Ben](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scuba_Ben)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2007, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/video-games-that-would-never-see-the-light-of-day/423363/78 "2007-10-22T19:54:38Z")
[QUOTE=Hypno-Toad] 3. **Hi Opal: The game** Non-stop list-Compiling action! [/QUOTE] You know so many people on this board would love to play that game. _Tech Support_ the MMOG. _Database Design Studio_ - An artistic game of building computer databases. _Aztec Life_ - An MMORPG set in the height of the Aztec civilization. Will you secure a position as a priest, or will your character be today’s sacrifice? ---
**Author:** ![Terrifel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c68b51/32.png) [@Terrifel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terrifel)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2007, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/video-games-that-would-never-see-the-light-of-day/423363/79 "2007-10-22T20:02:33Z")
[QUOTE=Sitnam] This is the best thread I’ve read in a long time. After the burn from Mountain Dew shooting out of my nose stops I’ll add a few. [/QUOTE] \*Dude!!! \* You play **Tony Hawk’s Nasal Spewage**? ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2007, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/video-games-that-would-never-see-the-light-of-day/423363/80 "2007-10-22T23:42:59Z")
[QUOTE=Evil Captor] Republicans in Restrooms, the Game! Can you take a leak in private in a public restaurant, or will the dread horny Republican start his evil tapping? [/QUOTE] Should read, “Can you take a leak in private in a public **restroom** …” And you call yourselves nitpickers. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/video-games-that-would-never-see-the-light-of-day/423363.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/video-games-that-would-never-see-the-light-of-day/423363.md?page=5)