# Vikings kick pirate ass **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 10, 2006, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vikings-kick-pirate-ass/339356 "2006-01-10T19:31:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 5\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![bubastis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/d07c76/32.png) [@bubastis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bubastis)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2006, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vikings-kick-pirate-ass/339356/21 "2006-01-11T00:15:58Z")
> [@saoirse](#): > > Vikings? Pirates? Ninjas? > > What are they gonna do against Shao-Lin Dinosaurs? Picture a velociraptor high kicking a viking, popping the knee of a pirate, and then eating the face off a ninja, over and over again, forever. That’s the future. Can a velociraptor function with an axe in t’brain? Anyway, who do you think made the dinosaurs extinct? Or taught ninjas kung fu? Or landed on the moon? Or shot Kennedy? On a more serious note, Vikings are said to have landed in America hundreds of years before columbus. Which is probably why he got such a rough reception; those natives remembered the LAST white guys they had seen. ---
**Author:** ![Marlitharn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/779978/32.png) [@Marlitharn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marlitharn)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2006, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vikings-kick-pirate-ass/339356/22 "2006-01-11T00:44:44Z")
Even if the pirates killed all the Vikings, the Vikings had a better afterlife. Valhalla: Boozing, carousing, quaffing, fighting, eating the never-ending roast pig, more boozing… Pirates: Either burning in Hell for all eternity or sitting on a cloud playing a harp. Of course, the pirates could never kill the Vikings, 'cause the Vikings would kick their poncy little asses. Plus the Vikings had rune magic; the pirates had, what, talking parrots? Vikings all the way. ---
**Author:** ![saoirse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@saoirse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saoirse)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2006, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vikings-kick-pirate-ass/339356/23 "2006-01-11T01:25:45Z")
> [@Marlitharn](#): > > Even if the pirates killed all the Vikings, the Vikings had a better afterlife. > > Valhalla: Boozing, carousing, quaffing, fighting, eating the never-ending roast pig, more boozing… > > Pirates: Either burning in Hell for all eternity or sitting on a cloud playing a harp. > > Of course, the pirates could never kill the Vikings, 'cause the Vikings would kick their poncy little asses. Plus the Vikings had rune magic; the pirates had, what, talking parrots? > > Vikings all the way. Pah. Shao-Lin Dinos don’t need no afterlife. They live; they die. Clearly only the weak hu-man needs an afterlife. He’ll be the one dying, after all. ---
**Author:** ![js\_africanus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/87869e/32.png) [@js\_africanus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/js_africanus)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2006, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vikings-kick-pirate-ass/339356/24 "2006-01-11T01:31:31Z")
> [@bubastis](#): > > Hey js\_africanus, you can back me up. You’ve been to Dublin, a city founded by Vikings. In fact, I’ll bet you took that Viking tour, where you cruise around the city in a motorised longboat yelling shit at people. Was that not the best feeling in the world? Damn straight. In fact, Vikings were a huge political influence in Ireland long after the pillaging days were over—it takes a bad-ass to keep political power in a feudal world for centuries after pillaging (and settling) have ended. And the tour was a blast! ---
**Author:** ![BoringDad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ad7895/32.png) [@BoringDad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BoringDad)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2006, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vikings-kick-pirate-ass/339356/25 "2006-01-11T01:42:30Z")
> [@bubastis](#): > > A: All vikings are gods. Gods of Asskicking! > B: Is there a pirate God? Methinks not! No PirateGod!?!!? Woe to Ye! His noodly appendage shall smite you down for such basphemy! AAAaargh! Ramen [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vikings-kick-pirate-ass/339356.md?page=1)