# Virtual Bonfire **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 11, 2001, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/virtual-bonfire/49559 "2001-01-11T18:38:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![The\_Mermaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@The\_Mermaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mermaid)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2001, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/virtual-bonfire/49559/1 "2001-01-11T18:38:56Z")
Admit it you’re cold. Everybody is cold. I think what every one needs is a bonfire. And not just any bonfire, the biggest, baddest, hottest bonfire ever seen. I’ve got 10 acres out of town with a huge burning pit already started. There are trees, brush, and old couch already in it. Oooops it looks like I may have put just a little too much gasoline on it, do you think a 55 gallon barrel is too much. Nah. \>Strikes a match… ---
**Author:** ![Simetra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Simetra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simetra)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2001, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/virtual-bonfire/49559/2 "2001-01-11T19:05:57Z")
::two redneck farmers standing in their pasture 10 miles down the road:: Bob: Holy jeezus Erl! Di’chu see that’n? Erl: I reckon I did Bob. That thar was damn near the biggest ball o’ fire I ever done seen. Bob: Shuuueey! I’d hate to be the one who lit that’n up. ---
**Author:** ![Celyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9dc877/32.png) [@Celyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Celyn)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2001, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/virtual-bonfire/49559/3 "2001-01-11T19:25:33Z")
If not for the fact that one suspects a sad ending, wouldn’t **The Mermaid and the Bonfire** make a great book title? ---
**Author:** ![The\_Mermaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@The\_Mermaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mermaid)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2001, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/virtual-bonfire/49559/4 "2001-01-11T19:36:33Z")
\>eying suspiciously the cooks that are showing up with lemons and tartar sauce. Hey, watch it will ya. I WILL NOT GET IN THAT GRILLING BASKET. ---
**Author:** ![Flutterby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Flutterby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flutterby)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2001, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/virtual-bonfire/49559/5 "2001-01-11T19:36:49Z")
_feels the heat from the next town over and sees the flash of light_ Whoa… wonder what happened? Did a bomb go off? ---
**Author:** ![thinksnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thinksnow/32/2849_2.png) [@thinksnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thinksnow)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2001, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/virtual-bonfire/49559/6 "2001-01-11T19:40:58Z")
\ WTF? Hey, you don’t mind if I bring a cooler filled with ice, do you? Maybe build a big’ol snow hill with all the stuff you cleared from the bon fire site and go skiing? No? Great, thanks. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Mermaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@The\_Mermaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mermaid)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2001, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/virtual-bonfire/49559/7 "2001-01-11T19:53:48Z")
Sure bring the ice, you can be in charge of cold beverages. This burning stuff of hot and thirsty work. Throws huge stack of unpaid bills on the fire. Yessssss, I feel better. Throws a few bitter grudges and hurt feelings on just for good measure. Yep, feeling better all the time. ---
**Author:** ![MissBHaven](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/missbhaven/32/7170_2.png) [@MissBHaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MissBHaven)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2001, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/virtual-bonfire/49559/8 "2001-01-11T20:30:03Z")
Ahhh beverages… I hear that “Boone’s Farm” goes great with a bonfire out in the stix! All we need is a little guitar pickin’ and a couple of bales of hay! ---
**Author:** ![uberDave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/f04885/32.png) [@uberDave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/uberDave)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2001, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/virtual-bonfire/49559/9 "2001-01-11T21:03:04Z")
Hi Everyone. Saw the glow in the night sky from back home in Pa. and I just couldn’t resist a good fire. I brought a piano and a bottle of Jaegermeister. No, I think we’ll **burn** the piano and **drink** the liquor. _Taking a snort and passing the bottle_ OK, somebody help me with this piano. Dave ---
**Author:** ![The\_Mermaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@The\_Mermaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mermaid)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2001, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/virtual-bonfire/49559/10 "2001-01-11T21:26:15Z")
\>drags a catapult out of the barn I think this might be just the thing we need to get that piano on there. :sound of much grunting, grumbling, and whining: Cool that looks good Now uberdave–you get to cut the rope to launch it. Hey let’s look around and see what else we can launch… ---
**Author:** ![The\_Mermaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@The\_Mermaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mermaid)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2001, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/virtual-bonfire/49559/11 "2001-01-11T21:37:35Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Miss B. Haven \* > \*\*Ahhh beverages… I hear that “Boone’s Farm” goes great with a bonfire out in the stix! All we need is a little guitar pickin’ and a couple of bales of hay! \*\* Hold on there a minute, I resemble that remark!! Just because I live outside the city limits on a 10 acre farm and I have a barn and… HEY WHERE ARE YOU GUYS GOING WITH MY OUTHOUSE? I’ll have you know it’s a 2 seater, hand made by my dear departed father-in-law. Yes I’m sure it would burn good. No that doesn’t mean you can throw it on the fire. Now put that back I mean it. Yeah it doesn’t make me a redneck, ---
**Author:** ![uberDave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/f04885/32.png) [@uberDave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/uberDave)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2001, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/virtual-bonfire/49559/12 "2001-01-11T22:04:32Z")
Alright! Everybody step back, I’m gonna let this sucker go! Mermaid, you’re so at the top of my list. This catapult is the coolest thing. _placing a small very sharp knife to the taunt rope_ **Mermaid** -Last spring I burned down my outhouse. NO, it was on purpose. _Shaaashunngggggg_ Hmmmmm. pianos fly pretty good. ---
**Author:** ![Skelji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b38774/32.png) [@Skelji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skelji)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2001, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/virtual-bonfire/49559/13 "2001-01-11T22:10:00Z")
My neighbor “accidentally” left his trailer out with 27 of these big-ass rolls of hay, so I hitched it up and drove it out here. Screw the cows. Let 'em forage. I say we launch the rolls from the catapult and see if we can’t land these things in the fire. Maybe toss the trailer on, too, after it’s unloaded. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Mermaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@The\_Mermaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mermaid)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2001, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/virtual-bonfire/49559/14 "2001-01-11T22:13:02Z")
What do you think would happen if we set the bales on fire _then_ launched them? … ---
**Author:** ![Saint\_Zero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c4cdca/32.png) [@Saint\_Zero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saint_Zero)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2001, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/virtual-bonfire/49559/15 "2001-01-11T22:21:39Z")
hi, I’m Saint Zero, Closet Pyromaniac. _drags old mobile home along_ Any ideas? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![The\_Mermaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@The\_Mermaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mermaid)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2001, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/virtual-bonfire/49559/16 "2001-01-11T22:27:59Z")
:beavis voice: burn it fire fire fire fire ---
**Author:** ![The\_Mermaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@The\_Mermaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mermaid)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2001, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/virtual-bonfire/49559/17 "2001-01-11T22:35:30Z")
\>notices that a whole herd of cows are walking up the lane obviously following the trailer of hay \>eyes the cows \>eyes the catapult \>eyes the cows again \>evil grin spreading across face Any ideas indeed! ---
**Author:** ![MissBHaven](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/missbhaven/32/7170_2.png) [@MissBHaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MissBHaven)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2001, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/virtual-bonfire/49559/18 "2001-01-11T22:54:09Z")
Cool! I’ve seen cows fly before!!! Wait… that was that night by the bonfire with the Boone’s Farm… Oh hell, let’s do it! ---
**Author:** ![Saint\_Zero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c4cdca/32.png) [@Saint\_Zero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saint_Zero)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2001, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/virtual-bonfire/49559/19 "2001-01-11T22:54:21Z")
Say… I happen to have this 55gallon drum of BBQ sauce… You don’t think we could… Yeah, why not! ---
**Author:** ![MsRobyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/90ced4/32.png) [@MsRobyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsRobyn)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2001, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/virtual-bonfire/49559/20 "2001-01-11T23:05:56Z")
::Robin shows up with a bunch of spuds and ears of corn wrapped in foil:: Robin [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/virtual-bonfire/49559.md?page=2)