# Visit the SDMB Zoo! (animals wanted) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 2, 2001, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/visit-the-sdmb-zoo-animals-wanted/56549 "2001-03-02T21:46:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2001, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/visit-the-sdmb-zoo-animals-wanted/56549/1 "2001-03-02T21:46:08Z")
I’m pleased to announce the new SDMB Zoo! Come see the animals, from the Giraffe to the…um…well…OK right now we just have a Giraffe. But I’m confident we’ll get more animals soon, especially with the imminent construction of the Petting Zoo. 😉 If you aren’t an animal yourself, feel free to stroll among the cages, eat cotton candy, poke at the animals with sticks, eat more cotton candy, chuck rocks at the animals, etc. Whatever you want. (We’re very customer-oriented here at the SDMB Zoo.) ::makes a giraffe noise:: ::munches an acacia leaf:: ::looks around for some cotton candy:: ---
**Author:** ![Falcon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/49beb7/32.png) [@Falcon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Falcon)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2001, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/visit-the-sdmb-zoo-animals-wanted/56549/2 "2001-03-02T21:57:56Z")
_flies in and perches on a branch, preening her feathers_ ---
**Author:** ![Arden\_Ranger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b487fb/32.png) [@Arden\_Ranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arden_Ranger)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2001, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/visit-the-sdmb-zoo-animals-wanted/56549/3 "2001-03-02T21:59:18Z")
Well, I’m not an animal, though I have been known to act like one. But I am a Ranger! I can make sure all the animals are happy and taken care of. ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2001, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/visit-the-sdmb-zoo-animals-wanted/56549/4 "2001-03-02T22:10:50Z")
**Arden Ranger** , you’re hired. You are now the official SDMB Zoo Ranger. Your job duties involve feeding, grooming, and…um…sanitation. (I hope you have a big shovel.) ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2001, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/visit-the-sdmb-zoo-animals-wanted/56549/5 "2001-03-02T22:20:22Z")
I was watching a nature show about me the other day and here is a direct quote. “Zebra’s have exceptionally long penis’.” It is true you know. ---
**Author:** ![bibliophage](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bibliophage/32/7615_2.png) [@bibliophage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bibliophage)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2001, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/visit-the-sdmb-zoo-animals-wanted/56549/6 "2001-03-02T22:21:07Z")
Je suis un animal, en français. Ce mot «bibliophage» veut dire > [@](#): > > des petits insectes ou vers, qui s’installent dans les bibliothèques et attaquent . . . les reliures et le papier des livres. . . . > [http://www.galaxidion.com/glossaire/glossaire\_b.html](http://www.galaxidion.com/glossaire/glossaire_b.html) I am a bookworm, in other words. (But I am not _the_ [Bookworm](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/member.php?action=getinfo&username=bookworm), who would also qualify.) ---
**Author:** ![Wolverine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ba9def/32.png) [@Wolverine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wolverine)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2001, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/visit-the-sdmb-zoo-animals-wanted/56549/7 "2001-03-02T22:23:23Z")
What SDMB Zoo would be complete without Wolverine? Look at how fearsome I am as I wander back and forth in my pen. I’m going put the fear of God in you by my yawning and general apathy. GRRRR! Maybe if you’re lucky I’ll make myself visible instead of lurking in the corner. But only if you’re lucky. ---
**Author:** ![Soda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cc9497/32.png) [@Soda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soda)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2001, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/visit-the-sdmb-zoo-animals-wanted/56549/8 "2001-03-02T22:42:55Z")
I would like to submit my application to run the soda fountain. People get thirsty from walking around all day you know. Here, I’ll prepare my special float and you’ll see how good I’ll be at running this place. ::Soda puts her apron on:: “Yes, ma’am, what can I get for you today?” ---
**Author:** ![Scotticher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9c0ed/32.png) [@Scotticher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scotticher)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2001, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/visit-the-sdmb-zoo-animals-wanted/56549/9 "2001-03-02T22:49:17Z")
**Medea’s Child** and **Welfy** and **TroubleAgain** have decided that I am a black Scottie dog (with a big blue bow) so at the very least I am an animal. But since a dog is not a zooworthy animal, I will just be **Arden Ranger’s** faithful canine companion. Arff Arff! Scotti ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2001, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/visit-the-sdmb-zoo-animals-wanted/56549/10 "2001-03-02T23:02:15Z")
No animal, I… tho I’ve had moments… However, I love zoos. What a wonderful way to pass a lovely afternoon. I wonder if the **Ranger** will yell at me if I let that adorable **Giraffe** have some of this yummy cotton candy?? ---
**Author:** ![capybara](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/capybara/32/202_2.png) [@capybara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/capybara)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2001, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/visit-the-sdmb-zoo-animals-wanted/56549/11 "2001-03-02T23:03:55Z")
In the Amazon Delta Park: Grunt, grunt. Shuffle shuffle. Munch, munch. Mom, look at the giant gerbil! Actually, on the Nature channel or something last week I saw a program where they had capybaras fighting and humping, It was pretty disturbing. ---
**Author:** ![Duck\_Duck\_Goose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/50afbb/32.png) [@Duck\_Duck\_Goose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duck_Duck_Goose)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2001, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/visit-the-sdmb-zoo-animals-wanted/56549/12 "2001-03-02T23:09:01Z")
I will go park myself in the Petting Zoo, where the goose promises not to bite any children, and the ducks promise not to copulate in an unseemly or riotous manner, but only to swim around after floating bread, and to quack gently and picturesquely. [sub]quack quack quack quack quack quack quack [/sub] I nominate **FairyChatMom** as the Petting Zoo docent. ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2001, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/visit-the-sdmb-zoo-animals-wanted/56549/13 "2001-03-02T23:23:23Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by FairyChatMom \* > **I wonder if the** Ranger_\* will yell at me if I let that adorable **Giraffe** have some of this yummy cotton candy?? \*\* I’m guessing that giving cotton candy probably leads to unpleasant results, with which the **Ranger** will have to deal. On the other hand, that’s one of the perks of being a zoo animal. Personal maid service. ::eats the cotton candy:: ---
**Author:** ![Odieman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a87d85/32.png) [@Odieman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odieman)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2001, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/visit-the-sdmb-zoo-animals-wanted/56549/14 "2001-03-02T23:24:29Z")
I guess I qualify as the dog who is always chasing his tail around, never getting anywhere. Keith ---
**Author:** ![TruePisces](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/truepisces/32/13628_2.png) [@TruePisces](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruePisces)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2001, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/visit-the-sdmb-zoo-animals-wanted/56549/15 "2001-03-02T23:29:52Z")
I’ll be over in the fish pond, swimming lazily about, giving you a place to rest your eyes and collect your thoughts. And don’t forget about the little fish food dispensers placed at even intervals along the water’s edge. Fish get hungry too! ---
**Author:** ![screech-owl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@screech-owl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/screech-owl)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2001, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/visit-the-sdmb-zoo-animals-wanted/56549/16 "2001-03-02T23:36:10Z")
Representative of the _Strigidae_ family reporting in! ::sits on branch:: ::turns head around to middle of back, just to startle small children:: ::horks up an occasional pellet:: ::opens eyes really wide and looks just soooooo durned cute:: ---
**Author:** ![robgruver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/13edae/32.png) [@robgruver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robgruver)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2001, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/visit-the-sdmb-zoo-animals-wanted/56549/17 "2001-03-02T23:36:27Z")
Oh! I can be the Fish Aquarium guy. The dude who feeds the sharks at 1pm or something. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![todaystomsawyer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/59ef9b/32.png) [@todaystomsawyer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/todaystomsawyer)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2001, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/visit-the-sdmb-zoo-animals-wanted/56549/18 "2001-03-02T23:51:54Z")
Hey, are you alive? _poking sleeping monkey with stick_ _poke_ You are awake! Hey, that’s my stick…what are you-OW!! _monkey proceeds to pummel me with said stick_ Ranger! ---
**Author:** ![Tequila\_Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/41988e/32.png) [@Tequila\_Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tequila_Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2001, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/visit-the-sdmb-zoo-animals-wanted/56549/19 "2001-03-02T23:52:49Z")
::Settling in to a perch:: ::repeatedly licking salt off claw:: ::waiting patiently for anyone to mutter obscenties for me to repeat ad infinitum, voice getting louder and louder with each mutterance:: ---
**Author:** ![Satan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Satan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satan)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2001, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/visit-the-sdmb-zoo-animals-wanted/56549/20 "2001-03-02T23:56:15Z")
Well, I am often depicted as having the lower half of a goat… Of course, I won’t brag about the other endowments of my lower half! 😉 [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/visit-the-sdmb-zoo-animals-wanted/56549.md?page=2)