# Visit the SDMB Zoo! (animals wanted) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 2, 2001, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/visit-the-sdmb-zoo-animals-wanted/56549 "2001-03-02T21:46:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 13
**Author:** ![Mnementh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/898d66/32.png) [@Mnementh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mnementh)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2001, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/visit-the-sdmb-zoo-animals-wanted/56549/241 "2001-03-12T00:08:19Z")
\*The rumbling of Mnementh’s gigantic stomach causes the entire zoo to quake Getting tired of waiting, he raises to his haunches, beats his wings once and pounces on Soda’s ice cream cart, devouring it whole. Finished there, he moves off to the fountain and drinks it dry. He eyes the Totoro for a moment, considering retribution for the [insanity-causing ping pong ball joke](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=62811&pagenumber=2) he posted, and decides instead to move on, wandering around the zoo searching for food.\* ---
**Author:** ![Arden\_Ranger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b487fb/32.png) [@Arden\_Ranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arden_Ranger)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2001, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/visit-the-sdmb-zoo-animals-wanted/56549/242 "2001-03-12T00:55:32Z")
What? The cows aren’t good enough for you? Whole herd of them right over in the south 40. :: wanders off grumbling about thankless critters :: ---
**Author:** ![Dragon\_Phoenix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bcef8e/32.png) [@Dragon\_Phoenix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragon_Phoenix)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2001, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/visit-the-sdmb-zoo-animals-wanted/56549/243 "2001-03-12T01:02:24Z")
- makes a flame-engulfed entrance \* ---
**Author:** ![Mnementh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/898d66/32.png) [@Mnementh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mnementh)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2001, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/visit-the-sdmb-zoo-animals-wanted/56549/244 "2001-03-12T01:11:31Z")
Oh! Sorry! Didnt hear you tell me. 😃 _Mnementh flies off beyond the horizon, followed by loud, screaming mooing noises and stampedes. He is not seen again for several hours. On investigation, an enormously bloated Dragon is found in the once lush-field, surrounded by skeletal remains and a few sides of metal that seems to be all that remains of a passing beer truck_ ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_and\_I](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Cat\_and\_I](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_and_I)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2001, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/visit-the-sdmb-zoo-animals-wanted/56549/245 "2001-03-12T01:38:31Z")
Well “Cat” can get into your zoo for sure. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![brachyrhynchos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/brachyrhynchos/32/376_2.png) [@brachyrhynchos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brachyrhynchos)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2001, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/visit-the-sdmb-zoo-animals-wanted/56549/246 "2001-03-12T03:49:29Z")
_brachy swoops back in and deposits a nice chunk of cow (pilfered from a Mnementh in the south 40) in a depression. She carefully covers it with a couple of leaves._ Yep Colibri, I (as a good corvid) will eat just about anything. Roadkill, insects, fruit, and Circus Peanuts. I do draw the line at Shrimp in Lobster Sauce. _ick_ _brachy spies a chrysomelid beetle and quickly pops it down._ I’m also attracted to pretty colors. _Eyes the hummingbird flashing brightly in the sunlight and takes off after him_ Gimmee a feather! ---
**Author:** ![Narile](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/71c47a/32.png) [@Narile](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Narile)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2001, 7:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/visit-the-sdmb-zoo-animals-wanted/56549/247 "2001-03-12T07:47:23Z")
::: watches the goings on and sighs ‘Kids’ he makes a few notes of what is going on in his journal, might need the information someday, and resumes his studies. ::: ---
**Author:** ![LittleTassie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/edb3f5/32.png) [@LittleTassie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LittleTassie)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2001, 7:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/visit-the-sdmb-zoo-animals-wanted/56549/248 "2001-03-12T07:51:12Z")
:::: scurries in ::::: Anyone want to see a Tasmanian devil? I,m friendly. ---
**Author:** ![Catmarie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8491ac/32.png) [@Catmarie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Catmarie)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2001, 9:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/visit-the-sdmb-zoo-animals-wanted/56549/249 "2001-03-12T09:27:59Z")
[sub]I hope Mnementh didn’t eat Soda with the trolley [/sub] ::turns human:: Ooops sorry Soda, didn’t mean to trip you, just to threaten, here let me help you clean up. Crunchy, like some ice cream? ::after checking Soda is ok, turns back to cat, finds a warm place in the sun, curls up and falls asleep:: ---
**Author:** ![Cumber](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b5ac83/32.png) [@Cumber](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cumber)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2001, 1:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/visit-the-sdmb-zoo-animals-wanted/56549/250 "2001-03-12T13:05:42Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mnementh \* > \*\*Oh! Sorry! Didnt hear you tell me. 😃 > > _Mnementh flies off beyond the horizon, followed by loud, screaming mooing noises and stampedes. He is not seen again for several hours. On investigation, an enormously bloated Dragon is found in the once lush-field, surrounded by skeletal remains and a few sides of metal that seems to be all that remains of a passing beer truck_ \*\* Hmph! How rude of you not to save any for the rest of us dragons! ---
**Author:** ![Tygr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/df788c/32.png) [@Tygr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tygr)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2001, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/visit-the-sdmb-zoo-animals-wanted/56549/251 "2001-03-12T16:12:45Z")
:: Wakens and stretches. Does a forward-torso-and-front-legs stretch, then a high-arched-back stretch, then a rear-torso-hindquarters-and-back-legs stretch. Sits, yawns, and begins morning grooming ablutions. After a moment looks up to see a number of zoo occupants as well as the **Ranger** staring up to him with wide-eyed, worried expressions. :: What? :: Looks at the shredded remains of the doorman’s uniform. :: Oh, him. :: Sniffs :: \ Look, _surely_ you agree he had it coming. The nerve, asking me to prove my… well, STRIPES, just to get entry into this place. I _explained_ the situation to him in such a way that in addition to an entry I got an entrée. As far as the Petting Zoo fracas, again I say, surely you concur the little rugrats DESERVE some judicious culling-of-the-herd? Honestly, my cousin H. must know the ONLY decent six-year-old in the country, a little blond spiky-haired kid… But the After-5 crowd at the (Heavy) Petting Zoo looks like fun. **ArdenRanger** am I going to have to ID myself again just to get a pass to the festivities? I must admit that yon **Mermaid** creature certainly does present intriguing logistical (linguistical?) possibilities. My head[sub]_snicker_[/sub] is fairly-well _spinning_ at the vast trove of “seafood-tasting” double-entendres available to make. But I’ll just say, if she wants me to sample her sushi I’m available for taste-testing. In the interim, p’raps I’ll make my way over to the re-constructed refreshment cart. **Soda** and **FairyChatMom** – I’ll sample your cream. What? You don’t whip it yourself? Ah, well… Like I always say, if you can’t beat them, lick them. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Arden\_Ranger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b487fb/32.png) [@Arden\_Ranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arden_Ranger)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2001, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/visit-the-sdmb-zoo-animals-wanted/56549/252 "2001-03-12T16:38:47Z")
:: long suffering sigh :: The ID policy is for visitors, not participants. And if you keep eating guests, how do you think we’re going to keep this place open? Sushi and cattle cost money, you know! ---
**Author:** ![Tygr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/df788c/32.png) [@Tygr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tygr)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2001, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/visit-the-sdmb-zoo-animals-wanted/56549/253 "2001-03-12T17:03:48Z")
I only eat the little, non-paying variety of guest. That sign out front does say “Under 6 free with paid adult admission”, right? ‘sides, I KNOW yer gettin’ decent kickbacks from the outrageous upcharging being done at the **Soda** fountain. You got enough cash to spare on broiled filet mignon for your favorite large Asian feline, n’est ce pas? So fork it over. ---
**Author:** ![Arden\_Ranger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b487fb/32.png) [@Arden\_Ranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arden_Ranger)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2001, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/visit-the-sdmb-zoo-animals-wanted/56549/254 "2001-03-12T17:17:29Z")
:: armed with big cat tranqulizer darts in the rifle :: Anybody ever tell you you’d make a very nice rug? ---
**Author:** ![The\_Mermaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@The\_Mermaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mermaid)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2001, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/visit-the-sdmb-zoo-animals-wanted/56549/255 "2001-03-12T17:34:02Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tygr \* > \*\* > I must admit that yon **Mermaid** creature certainly does present intriguing logistical (linguistical?) possibilities. My head[sub]_snicker_[/sub] is fairly-well _spinning_ at the vast trove of “seafood-tasting” double-entendres available to make. But I’ll just say, if she wants me to sample her sushi I’m available for taste-testing. > \*\* Why Tyger Sir, I am more than willing to share my sushi with you–which by the way was given to me by that big, strong, handsome, fierce dragon over there. [sub] blows kisses and mouths the words “please protect me” to **totoro** [/sub] But before you start gettting any ideas about what a mermaid tastes like, I can assure you that I’d make a very, very bad snack. Why the poor frog has been unable to even speak to me after only partaking in a few licks because his tongue swelled so. I shudder to think what would happen if you ate me raw fins and all. Why I’ve tasted myself and believe me, I do not taste like sushi or smell like lilacs and white roses no matter what I’ve said in the past. I only say those things to cover up for the fact that I’m a bitter, bitter fish-woman who surely tastes like a bitter 40 year old fish. [sub]: what is it about that Tyger that makes me sweat so much?[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Mnementh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/898d66/32.png) [@Mnementh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mnementh)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2001, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/visit-the-sdmb-zoo-animals-wanted/56549/256 "2001-03-12T17:39:23Z")
_belches loudly_ Sorry… Got overzealous. 😃 Also, you people are gonna have to stop referring to ‘the Dragon’ and start calling us by name, 'cause I’m getting REAL confused. ---
**Author:** ![Tygr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/df788c/32.png) [@Tygr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tygr)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2001, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/visit-the-sdmb-zoo-animals-wanted/56549/257 "2001-03-12T19:24:46Z")
> [@](#): > > \*[sub]Originally posted by The Mermaid \*[/sub] > …what is it about that Tyger that makes me sweat so much? I dunno, p’raps the fact that **y’all keep spelling his name wrong?!?** [sub]Sheesh, much more of this an’ I’m gonna HAFTA start chompin’ butt and taking names.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![The\_Mermaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@The\_Mermaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mermaid)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2001, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/visit-the-sdmb-zoo-animals-wanted/56549/258 "2001-03-12T20:07:37Z")
Yikes :eek: I’m sorry Tygr… I mean Mr. Tygr Sir. Please forgive me, I am but an ignorant, [sub]bitter[/sub]stupid, [sub] unappetizing [/sub] silly, [sub] would probably make your belly ache[/sub] minnow [sub] not even enough for a snack [/sub] of a girl and no disrespect was intended. Please forgive me Mr. Tygr Sir for my innocent mistake and allow me to say what a complete package [sub]pussy[/sub] you are. ---
**Author:** ![Flutterby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Flutterby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flutterby)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2001, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/visit-the-sdmb-zoo-animals-wanted/56549/259 "2001-03-12T21:56:35Z")
Yes you must really save some beef for us Mnenemth I’m a Goddess and you don’t want to see the Goddess get angry do you? _stands up and stretches out almost like a cat only much bigger and with wings then folding her wings back looks around for someone to scratch behind her eye ridges_ ---
**Author:** ![Cumber](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b5ac83/32.png) [@Cumber](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cumber)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2001, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/visit-the-sdmb-zoo-animals-wanted/56549/260 "2001-03-13T02:26:11Z")
As always, I’d be happy to oblige you, my dear Goddess. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/visit-the-sdmb-zoo-animals-wanted/56549.md?page=12) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/visit-the-sdmb-zoo-animals-wanted/56549.md?page=14)