# Visit the SDMB Zoo! (animals wanted) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 2, 2001, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/visit-the-sdmb-zoo-animals-wanted/56549 "2001-03-02T21:46:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 14
**Author:** ![The\_Mermaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@The\_Mermaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mermaid)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2001, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/visit-the-sdmb-zoo-animals-wanted/56549/261 "2001-03-13T21:48:19Z")
Jeez a few kids go missing and everyone leaves in droves. I’m bored. Who want to go flng crap at the monkeys. Let’s see how they like it. ---
**Author:** ![Flutterby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Flutterby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flutterby)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2001, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/visit-the-sdmb-zoo-animals-wanted/56549/262 "2001-03-13T22:03:59Z")
Yah this place has turned dead _yawns revealing sharp teeth and thinks of flying back to her temple_ I didn’t eat anyone though… so it’s not my fault ---
**Author:** ![Mnementh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/898d66/32.png) [@Mnementh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mnementh)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2001, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/visit-the-sdmb-zoo-animals-wanted/56549/263 "2001-03-13T22:51:34Z")
We need to think of something to put the oomph back in this place. Y’know, boost admission. I’m thinking pay-per-view, wrestlemania style battles between Dragons. 😃 Who’ll take me on?! ---
**Author:** ![DeskMonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f14d63/32.png) [@DeskMonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeskMonkey)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2001, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/visit-the-sdmb-zoo-animals-wanted/56549/264 "2001-03-13T23:03:46Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by The Mermaid \* > \*\*I’m bored. Who want to go flng crap at the monkeys. Let’s see how they like it. \*\* Take yer best shot, my little scaly sister. I’m a Microsoft Certified Crap Flinger!! And I’m doing the books now, so you best be careful that the budget for Mermaid-Chow doesn’t get cut. 🙂 Now where was I? Oh yeah, the black 10 goes on the red jack . . . ---
**Author:** ![coming\_up\_for\_air](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b3f665/32.png) [@coming\_up\_for\_air](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/coming_up_for_air)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2001, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/visit-the-sdmb-zoo-animals-wanted/56549/265 "2001-03-13T23:34:33Z")
A **Polar Bear** , to be exact! ---
**Author:** ![The\_Mermaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@The\_Mermaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mermaid)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2001, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/visit-the-sdmb-zoo-animals-wanted/56549/266 "2001-03-13T23:37:03Z")
Yo Desk Monkey :swooosh: Aww shit I missed :runs but not fast enough to avoid the: :splat: Ya know come to think of it, this might have been a bad idea. After all I seem to be up against a MCF(Master Crap Flinger) and honestly I don’t want to put in the time required to get to that level. So whaddya say we :splat: :splat: :splat: Ok who threw _that_? ---
**Author:** ![Cumber](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b5ac83/32.png) [@Cumber](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cumber)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2001, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/visit-the-sdmb-zoo-animals-wanted/56549/267 "2001-03-14T14:03:54Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mnementh \* > \*\*We need to think of something to put the oomph back in this place. Y’know, boost admission. > > I’m thinking pay-per-view, wrestlemania style battles between Dragons. 😃 Who’ll take me on?! > \*\* I’d fight you Mnementh, but it’d be a fairly one-sided duel. Exactly which side that would be depends on whether the use of charm is permitted. 🙂 (And I’ve read both of our books, so I’d know) ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2001, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/visit-the-sdmb-zoo-animals-wanted/56549/268 "2001-03-14T16:37:57Z")
Clearly we need a PR miracle to save this place. I’ve already made a bundle, selling the footage of the mauled children to Fox, so we have money to spare on advertising. We just need a slogan… “The SDMB Zoo: Our Animals Do It All Night Long!” “The SDMB Zoo: We’ve Got A Randy Mermaid!” “Take the kids out – we’ll clean up!” ---
**Author:** ![Mnementh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/898d66/32.png) [@Mnementh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mnementh)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2001, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/visit-the-sdmb-zoo-animals-wanted/56549/269 "2001-03-14T19:41:52Z")
Hey, uh… yeah! Fight! not… not… charmin’! Yeah, that’s it! _Mnementh, obviously having forgotten that some of his kin are magical, hopes to remain a Dragon and not be turned into a frog_ ---
**Author:** ![The\_Mermaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@The\_Mermaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mermaid)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2001, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/visit-the-sdmb-zoo-animals-wanted/56549/270 "2001-03-14T19:57:28Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Giraffe \* > \*\*Clearly we need a PR miracle to save this place. I’ve already made a bundle, selling the footage of the mauled children to Fox, so we have money to spare on advertising. We just need a slogan… > **"The SDMB Zoo: We’ve Got A Randy Mermaid!"???** > > \*\* Fascinating, scintilating, shit-slinging, finger-licking-good [sub](but I hope to God not in that order)[/sub]Maybe. But I am not randy, in fact I am extremely satisfied. ---
**Author:** ![Tygr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/df788c/32.png) [@Tygr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tygr)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2001, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/visit-the-sdmb-zoo-animals-wanted/56549/271 "2001-03-14T20:41:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by The Mermaid \* > **I’m bored.** Geez, I take a break from actin’ tiger-ish on account’a I’m feelin’ guilty ‘coz you act like yer wettin’ yer scaly britches ever’ time I cast a glance in yer direction and what happens? Y’ start complainin’ yer BORED? By Neddy Dingo, they jus’ ain’t no pleazin some folks. [sub]Okay, I’m done talking like a demented reject from _Pogo._[/sub] Look if all you other critters are feeling like nothing exciting is happening, it ain’t due to a lack of effort on _ **my** _ part. Shoot, everyboy got all paranoid just 'cause I took out an insolent gatekeeper [sub](Like it’s MY fault the Ranger can’t hire decent help.\*)[/sub] and a few obnoxious bratlings. I mean **Arden** _pulled a TRANQ GUN on me,_ fakrianodloud! Talk about in-gratitude. Very well. Since, unlike monkeys, a feline REFUSES to touch feces (Honestly, HOW can otherwise sensible Humans even THINK they evolved from such creatures?)… ::Tygr reaches over into **coming up for air** ’s habitat and grabs up a paw-full of snow. Forms a respectable snowball and hurls it at **Mnementh**. Almost immediately Tygr realizes that he’s grossly underestimated the effectiveness of frozen water on a creature that spits fire. :eek: He dives over the wall into the polar bear’s pool.:: (to **coming up for air** : ) Sorry to barge in uninvited. It appeared I needed to quickly find a location that was cold and wet… \*[sup]No, of course I don’t mean **Soda** , **FairyChatMom** , **todaystomsawyer** , et al.[/sup] ---
**Author:** ![The\_Mermaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@The\_Mermaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mermaid)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2001, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/visit-the-sdmb-zoo-animals-wanted/56549/272 "2001-03-14T20:49:55Z")
:Looking at Tygr paddling around in the ice cold water and not seeming to enjoy it one little bit: 🙂 🙂 🙂 Now that’s entertainment. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Mnementh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/898d66/32.png) [@Mnementh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mnementh)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2001, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/visit-the-sdmb-zoo-animals-wanted/56549/273 "2001-03-14T21:05:37Z")
\*Mnementh plucks the little **Tygr** out of the water and smoke-dries him thoroughly before setting him down. He then scrapes several tons of snow out of the icy habitat and forms them into a snowball the size of a small house.\* You wanna go, little man? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Tygr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/df788c/32.png) [@Tygr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tygr)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2001, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/visit-the-sdmb-zoo-animals-wanted/56549/274 "2001-03-14T22:16:15Z")
Hey, tigers LOVE the water. Marlin Perkins could’a told you that if ya could’a torn yerself away from the Scooby-Doo reruns. (😛 backatcha) > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mnementh \* > \*\*\*Mnementh plucks the little **Tygr** out of the water and smoke-dries him thoroughly before setting him down. > > He then scrapes several tons of snow out of the icy habitat and forms them into a snowball the size of a small house.\*\*\* Y’know **coming up for air** ’s gonna stomp yer kiester when (s)he[sub]Sorry![/sub] sees you’ve wiped out his living quarters… > [@](#): > > **You wanna go, little man?** Well, I DUNno… Gonna have to get a handle on what you look like first. Dragon, okay. Big, scaly and ugly, right? Wait, are you _big_ or just _fat_? 😃 As far as the flaming issue, y’know if you cut back on the pintos-n-franks that should clear up. Plus, I seem to remember Bugs Bunny doing quite well against a dragon armed with nothing but a seltzer bottle. I could probably prevail upon **Soda** to loan me a spare. Sure, gimme that I won’t even need to break out my flame retardent Underoos. Overweight salamander against lithe, draco-cidal psycho jungle cat! It’ll be over before it starts…😉 …or do you just wanna trade witty banter? ---
**Author:** ![Pink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/71c47a/32.png) [@Pink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pink)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2001, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/visit-the-sdmb-zoo-animals-wanted/56549/275 "2001-03-14T23:28:28Z")
Pink is short for **Pink Elephant** 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Cumber](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b5ac83/32.png) [@Cumber](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cumber)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2001, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/visit-the-sdmb-zoo-animals-wanted/56549/276 "2001-03-15T01:47:02Z")
Don’t worry Mnem, your dragonhood is safe. Or maybe it’s not… Hmmm… _wonders what the limits of force-growing others are_ Easier just to use Realm fire though, lots of nifty things to be done with that. What if I just forgo fire charm (that’s the nasty stuff) and still use earth charm? Can’t even fly without that. _flaps his little mostly decorative wings_ Or breathe fire (err, there _is_ an explanation for why breathing fire isn’t fire charm, just trust me on that) ---
**Author:** ![Cumber](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b5ac83/32.png) [@Cumber](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cumber)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2001, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/visit-the-sdmb-zoo-animals-wanted/56549/277 "2001-03-15T01:50:53Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Pink \* > \*\*Pink is short for **Pink Elephant** 😉 \*\* As in gigantic pig? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Mnementh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/898d66/32.png) [@Mnementh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mnementh)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2001, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/visit-the-sdmb-zoo-animals-wanted/56549/278 "2001-03-15T02:34:00Z")
I remain, as always, around the size of a jumbo jet. And trust me, buddy, it’s all muscle. 🙂 _Mnementh flexes enormous Dragon-muscles_ I wish you good luck with your seltzer bottle. I’ll drink it and then have you for dessert. 😉 As for magicks, I’m afraid I have no clue what you’re talking about. You have a decided advantage in that you’ve read my history and I’ve not read yours. I’ll stick to physical force… _Mnementh ponders whether this was such a good idea. Also, whether he should consider trying to learn some spells or something…_ ---
**Author:** ![The\_Mermaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@The\_Mermaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mermaid)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2001, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/visit-the-sdmb-zoo-animals-wanted/56549/279 "2001-03-15T02:47:03Z")
Mermaid takes a long hard look at Mnementh before deciding that he is just yummy. Mmmmmmmm Mnementh. :blows kiss to Tyger: Hey there you big pussy cat. I think \* you’re\* pretty yummy too. 😉 Let’s be friends OK? How 'bout I scratch you behind the ears for a little bit while I feed you some nice snackies. Tuna OK? BTW I never meant to say anything derogatory about you, I just said you make me sweat, and good god you still do. And I meant that pussy remark in only the best possible way. ---
**Author:** ![Cumber](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b5ac83/32.png) [@Cumber](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cumber)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2001, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/visit-the-sdmb-zoo-animals-wanted/56549/280 "2001-03-15T04:05:37Z")
Don’t worry, I promise not to decapitate you with a sheet of ultra hot Realm fire or anything like that… besides being un-sports-dragon-like, it wouldn’t be conducive to follow up fights, so we wouldn’t be attracting visitors for long. You just have to promise not to crush me or anything (I’m a comparatively small breed of dragon… I think, it’s a bit hard to tell 'cause there’s no humans in Dragoncharm). The bulk of a bronze Pernese dragon is a little scary, I don’t mind admitting. 'Spose you’ll need some time to munch on that firestone stuff too? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/visit-the-sdmb-zoo-animals-wanted/56549.md?page=13) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/visit-the-sdmb-zoo-animals-wanted/56549.md?page=15)