# Vladimir Putin is the head of a global conspiracy to fuck me **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 25, 2003, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vladimir-putin-is-the-head-of-a-global-conspiracy-to-fuck-me/184390 "2003-06-25T22:57:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Little\_Plastic\_Ninja](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f07891/32.png) [@Little\_Plastic\_Ninja](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Plastic_Ninja)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2003, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vladimir-putin-is-the-head-of-a-global-conspiracy-to-fuck-me/184390/21 "2003-06-27T20:27:51Z")
> [@](#): > > “Áóäüòå òèõàÿ, Àìåðèêàíñêàÿ øëþõà çàäíèöû! Âû äîëæíû áûòü áëàãîäàðíû, ÷òî ÿ âûáèðàþ Âàñ äëÿ ìîåãî àíàëüíîãî ñåêñóàëüíîãî ðàáà.” - Putin I know it doesn’t SOUND like it, but it just READS like Putin is screaming like Xena here. Just sayin’. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Plastic\_Ninja](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f07891/32.png) [@Little\_Plastic\_Ninja](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Plastic_Ninja)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2003, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vladimir-putin-is-the-head-of-a-global-conspiracy-to-fuck-me/184390/22 "2003-06-27T20:27:51Z")
> [@](#): > > “Áóäüòå òèõàÿ, Àìåðèêàíñêàÿ øëþõà çàäíèöû! Âû äîëæíû áûòü áëàãîäàðíû, ÷òî ÿ âûáèðàþ Âàñ äëÿ ìîåãî àíàëüíîãî ñåêñóàëüíîãî ðàáà.” - Putin I know it doesn’t SOUND like it, but it just reads like Putin is screaming like Xena here. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2003, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vladimir-putin-is-the-head-of-a-global-conspiracy-to-fuck-me/184390/23 "2003-06-27T20:41:19Z")
Hey, if I could post fluently in Russian, wouldn’t that worry you? (It was in flawless cyrilic Russian when I pasted it…) I guess I should be impressed someone here can post in Russian… > [@](#): > > Íåñ÷àñòíàÿ Àìåðèêàíñêàÿ Øëþõà Çàäíèöû! Êàê ñìåþò Âû îòêàçàòüñÿ îò ìîåãî ãîðÿ÷åãî Ðîññèéñêîãî îðãàíà(òåëà)? Âû - ñôèíêòåð, áóäåò çíàòü Äåòàíò ïðåæäå, ÷åì ÿ - ÷åðåç ñ Âàìè! -Putin ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2003, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vladimir-putin-is-the-head-of-a-global-conspiracy-to-fuck-me/184390/24 "2003-06-27T20:45:23Z")
OK, how to you post Cyrilic without this site translating it into Machine Language? ---
**Author:** ![coffeecat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/coffeecat/32/3405_2.png) [@coffeecat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/coffeecat)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2003, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vladimir-putin-is-the-head-of-a-global-conspiracy-to-fuck-me/184390/25 "2003-06-28T05:43:26Z")
Это Нина. Это Максим. Нина и Максим идут в школу. Мама ест суп. I wanted to feel included. ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2003, 6:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vladimir-putin-is-the-head-of-a-global-conspiracy-to-fuck-me/184390/26 "2003-06-28T06:05:08Z")
You poor fool **Putin** is merely a tool of far bigger powers. [Study the truth](http://www.propagandamatrix.com/) before it’s too late. ---
**Author:** ![MysteryFellow63427](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e4f/32.png) [@MysteryFellow63427](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MysteryFellow63427)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2003, 6:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vladimir-putin-is-the-head-of-a-global-conspiracy-to-fuck-me/184390/27 "2003-06-28T06:42:26Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Zebra \* > \*\*Aww **Ben** , it was much better when you rant was cut off in mid-sentence. It made it seem like they must have kicked in your door and you had to hit submit to get the ‘truth’ out. \*\* Yeah **Ben** , you would have gotten serious top marks if you never posted in the thread again. 🙂 Just goes to show that accidentally fucking up can improve a lot of things, occasionally, like OPs, for example. ---
**Author:** ![lite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/b5ac83/32.png) [@lite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lite)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2003, 6:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vladimir-putin-is-the-head-of-a-global-conspiracy-to-fuck-me/184390/28 "2003-06-28T06:58:19Z")
For the love of humanity, please make him wear a condom whenfucking you! He’s had Hussein and Chirac in his ass so you can’t be too careful! ---
**Author:** ![eman77](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f04885/32.png) [@eman77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eman77)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2003, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vladimir-putin-is-the-head-of-a-global-conspiracy-to-fuck-me/184390/29 "2003-06-28T23:05:00Z")
That was a cheap shot **lite** ---
**Author:** ![Aspidistra](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aspidistra/32/3894_2.png) [@Aspidistra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aspidistra)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2003, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vladimir-putin-is-the-head-of-a-global-conspiracy-to-fuck-me/184390/30 "2003-06-29T02:01:06Z")
> [@](#): > > OK, how to you post Cyrilic without this site translating it into Machine Language? Я мог сообщить Вам, но тогда я буду должен убить Вас :evil grin: ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2003, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vladimir-putin-is-the-head-of-a-global-conspiracy-to-fuck-me/184390/31 "2003-06-29T17:59:52Z")
Four days and this thread title still makes me want to clean my mind’s eye out with Drano. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Tripler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripler/32/21807_2.png) [@Tripler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tripler)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2003, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vladimir-putin-is-the-head-of-a-global-conspiracy-to-fuck-me/184390/32 "2003-06-29T19:17:17Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ben Hicks \* > \*\*Aww shit. This is the second time today this board’s malfunctioned on me (or my computer illiteracy has been exposed, depends on how you look at it). \*\* No, that was “them”. They’re on to you. Step away from the keyboard, and head for the hills. Quickly. Before the Thought Police come and take you away. **don’t ask** , that’s a great link. I found out all about the “Skull and Bones”. I once joined a secret society when I was twelve too. Although, we had our meetings in a secret tree fort and were dedicated to the overthrow of “icky girls”. 😃 Tripler But I know for a fact there _are_ Communists out there. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2003, 12:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vladimir-putin-is-the-head-of-a-global-conspiracy-to-fuck-me/184390/33 "2003-07-01T12:44:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Aspidistra \* > \*\*Я мог сообщить Вам, но тогда я буду должен убить Вас > > :evil grin: \*\* But, did you not notice that the machine language works fine with on-line translators? Âû ìîãëè áû ïðîáîâàòü. Ìíîãèå ïðîáîâàëè. Îíè îòäûõàþò íàèáîëåå óäîáíî òåïåðü. (Âû äóìàåòå, ÷òî îíè çâîíÿò, ýòî Íîâûé(ñâåæèé) Óáèâàåò çàêàïûâàíèå ìóñîðà Íè äëÿ ÷åãî, Òîâàðèù?) Åñëè Âû ïëàíèðóåòå ïîñåùàòü ñ òåì áèçíåñîì â ïàìÿòè, òîãäà ïîæàëóéñòà, ïîçâîëüòå ìíå ñïðàøèâàòü Âàñ òåïåðü: Âû äóìàåòå, ÷òî Âû íàøëè áû áîëåå óäîáíûì ñòâîë(ìàãèñòðàëü) Êàäèëëàê èëè Àâòîìîáèëÿ Ãîðîäà Ëèíêîëüíà? ---
**Author:** ![Ben\_Hicks](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bbce88/32.png) [@Ben\_Hicks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ben_Hicks)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2003, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vladimir-putin-is-the-head-of-a-global-conspiracy-to-fuck-me/184390/34 "2003-07-02T00:17:52Z")
I can’t help smiling at the fact that this baffling semi-OP has got more responses than any of my other more intelligable ones. I would give you an update but I’ve barricaded myself in a lead lined bunker and my computer is running off an old car battery so if I don’t want to spend the rest of the week in the dark I’ve got to go as soon as possible befo ---
**Author:** ![Aspidistra](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aspidistra/32/3894_2.png) [@Aspidistra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aspidistra)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2003, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vladimir-putin-is-the-head-of-a-global-conspiracy-to-fuck-me/184390/35 "2003-07-02T13:38:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by quietman1920 \* > \*\*But, did you not notice that the machine language works fine with on-line translators? > > Âû ìîãëè áû ïðîáîâàòü. Ìíîãèå ïðîáîâàëè. Îíè îòäûõàþò íàèáîëåå óäîáíî òåïåðü. (Âû äóìàåòå, ÷òî îíè çâîíÿò, ýòî Íîâûé(ñâåæèé) Óáèâàåò çàêàïûâàíèå ìóñîðà Íè äëÿ ÷åãî, Òîâàðèù?) Åñëè Âû ïëàíèðóåòå ïîñåùàòü ñ òåì áèçíåñîì â ïàìÿòè, òîãäà ïîæàëóéñòà, ïîçâîëüòå ìíå ñïðàøèâàòü Âàñ òåïåðü: Âû äóìàåòå, ÷òî Âû íàøëè áû áîëåå óäîáíûì ñòâîë(ìàãèñòðàëü) Êàäèëëàê èëè Àâòîìîáèëÿ Ãîðîäà Ëèíêîëüíà? \*\* OK, I now feel compelled, COMPELLED I tell you, to share with the board the results of running the above through just such a program… “You could try. Many tried. They have a rest most conveniently now. (you think, what they call, it is New (fresh) Comrade Kills закапывание dust for anything?) If you plan to visit(attend) with that business in memory then please, let me to ask you now: you think, what you would find more convenient a trunk (highway) Кадиллак or the Automobile of City of Lincoln?” Воже мой! above results courtesy of [www.translate.ru](http://www.translate.ru/text.asp). Which, of course, has not been used in the composition of any posts so far in this thread, good heavens no, what would make you think that? ---
**Author:** ![Eva\_Luna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e495f1/32.png) [@Eva\_Luna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eva_Luna)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2003, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vladimir-putin-is-the-head-of-a-global-conspiracy-to-fuck-me/184390/36 "2003-07-02T15:17:06Z")
Êàäèëëàê is the phonetic Cyrillic spelling for Cadillac. I’d be happy to translate the rest of that Godawful post if I could be bothered to find and download a Cyrillic font to convert the text. ---
**Author:** ![Eva\_Luna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e495f1/32.png) [@Eva\_Luna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eva_Luna)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2003, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vladimir-putin-is-the-head-of-a-global-conspiracy-to-fuck-me/184390/37 "2003-07-02T15:18:14Z")
Dammit, the hamsters ate my Cyrillic! How the heck do you post in Cyrillic? ---
**Author:** ![dantheman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dantheman/32/9421_2.png) [@dantheman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dantheman)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2003, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vladimir-putin-is-the-head-of-a-global-conspiracy-to-fuck-me/184390/38 "2003-07-02T15:23:18Z")
Hey now! I thought we weren’t allowed to post in furrin languages! ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2003, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vladimir-putin-is-the-head-of-a-global-conspiracy-to-fuck-me/184390/39 "2003-07-02T16:54:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Aspidistra \* > \*\*OK, I now feel compelled, COMPELLED I tell you, to share with the board the results of running the above through just such a program… > > above results courtesy of [www.translate.ru](http://www.translate.ru/text.asp). Which, of course, has not been used in the composition of any posts so far in this thread, good heavens no, what would make you think that? \*\* “Chief, would you believe that I commissioned the Entire Staff of the Russian language department at NYU to translate that for me. The Entire Staff. No, eh? Would you believe the skeleton staff left working before a major holiday? No? Would you believe a homeless man named Boris did it for me on a coctail napkin for 2 dirty water hotdogs and a pint of Popov vodka?” For the record, I use [this one](http://translation2.paralink.com/) . If you wish to have fun, translate any message back & forth through 2 different translator web sites and by the third cycle you’ll sound like Yeltsin on a bender… ---
**Author:** ![Eva\_Luna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e495f1/32.png) [@Eva\_Luna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eva_Luna)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2003, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vladimir-putin-is-the-head-of-a-global-conspiracy-to-fuck-me/184390/40 "2003-07-02T17:03:04Z")
Speaking as a graduate of NYU with a minor in Russian, the department ain’t much bigger than that anyway. If you want to study Slavics in NYC, Columbia is definitely the place to go. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vladimir-putin-is-the-head-of-a-global-conspiracy-to-fuck-me/184390.md?page=1)