# Voldemort vs Gandalf (or other wizards) **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [November 15, 2010, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/voldemort-vs-gandalf-or-other-wizards/560740 "2010-11-15T14:34:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![smiling\_bandit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@smiling\_bandit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smiling_bandit)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2010, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/voldemort-vs-gandalf-or-other-wizards/560740/21 "2010-11-15T19:19:08Z")
> [@Lobohan](#): > > Outsmarting angels is something Constantine does before he gets his morning coffee. However, Gandalf can’t be fooled that way. He’ll never try to take advantage of anyone - he can’t be conned, because he’ll never participate in the con. He’s not trying to mess with John, and that’s the key. He’ll view John as someone to teach. And we all know that’s something John can never outwit: he wins because his opponents are trying to put one over on _hi_m the whole time. Plus, John has as his hat that most of his enemies don’t want to kill him outright. Gandalf, on the other hand, will just stick John in the guts with a magic sword if John really screws with him. ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Scud](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f08c70/32.png) [@Tom\_Scud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Scud)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2010, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/voldemort-vs-gandalf-or-other-wizards/560740/22 "2010-11-15T20:15:53Z")
> [@MegaBee](#): > > Fiona of Amber wipes the floor with all of them. The [Prince Who Was a Thousand](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Creatures_of_Light_and_Darkness) could in turn wipe the floor with any Amberite or combination thereof. ---
**Author:** ![Ura-Maru](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/51bf81/32.png) [@Ura-Maru](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ura-Maru)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2010, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/voldemort-vs-gandalf-or-other-wizards/560740/23 "2010-11-15T23:21:14Z")
Gandalf never did much in front of witnesses. The high water mark of ‘stuff he did onscreen’ was breaking a (narrow) bridge he was standing on, and burning a couple of wargs. WHILE he was in the possession of an Artifact of Fire. Impressive in the Tolkin-verse, where magic mostly consists of facing-down-that-which cannot-be-faced-down, or inspiring-devotion-and/or-terror-to-masses-of-people. But Lina Inverse was blowing villages with the Dragon Slave, BEFORE she started leveling up. It’s not really fair to compare the more subtle type of wizard to the more blasty kind. That’s like saying ‘who would win, Musashi or Sniper Wolf?’ That being said, I would pay good money to watch a ‘Rand al’Thor vs. Dark Schneider’ movie . . . A LOT of money. – ‘Gandalf vs. Jamie Lanister’ would be entertaining as well, but short. Can maya survive having bits of metal stuck through them? ---
**Author:** ![bucketybuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/898d66/32.png) [@bucketybuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bucketybuck)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2010, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/voldemort-vs-gandalf-or-other-wizards/560740/24 "2010-11-15T23:49:29Z")
> [@DigitalC](#): > > Quick Ben would kick all their asses. I would sell somebodys kids into slavery to be able to watch Rake, Cowl, Quick Ben or ANY of Eriksons mages bitchslap the likes of Randy Thor, or Ricky Rahl. It wouldnt be pretty, but it would be beautiful. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2010, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/voldemort-vs-gandalf-or-other-wizards/560740/25 "2010-11-16T00:27:17Z")
Gandalf was a non-dpsing candy ass. Pretty much any gaming wizard would PWN him in PVP. Voldemort would maybe be a mid-level dungeon boss. A gaming wizard/druid/mage/warlock/shadowpriest/necromancer of raid level could probably solo him. The infamous Oakbrow Farwalker would make either or both cry for Mommy. ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2010, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/voldemort-vs-gandalf-or-other-wizards/560740/26 "2010-11-16T00:30:58Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > But I think we can all agree that Gandalf the Grey and Gandalf the White and “Monty Python and the Holy Grail”'s Black Knight and Benito Mussolini and The Blue Meanie and Cowboy Curtis and Jambi the Genie Robocop, the Terminator, Captain Kirk, and Darth Vader Lo Pan, Superman, every single Power Ranger Bill S. Preston and Theodore Logan, Spock, The Rock, Doc Ock, and Hulk Hogan combined could kick Chuck Norris’s cowboy ass, right? **Chronos** , if you find the premise of these hypothetical discussions uninteresting or beneath you, ignore the thread, don’t post strictly in order to mock the thread and the people participating in it. That is threadshitting, and it’s not cool. Thanks, **twickster** , Cafe Society moderator ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2010, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/voldemort-vs-gandalf-or-other-wizards/560740/27 "2010-11-16T00:37:30Z")
My apologies; that was not intended as threadshitting. It’s a reference to (a quote from, actually) the Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny. ---
**Author:** ![Baal\_Houtham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/baal_houtham/32/13604_2.png) [@Baal\_Houtham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baal_Houtham)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2010, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/voldemort-vs-gandalf-or-other-wizards/560740/28 "2010-11-16T00:58:14Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > My apologies; that was not intended as threadshitting. It’s a reference to (a quote from, actually) the Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny. I didn’t get that, but people had made Chuck Norris jokes and Batman jokes before your post, and the entire thread was goofing around, so… I didn’t detect any extra threadshit. ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2010, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/voldemort-vs-gandalf-or-other-wizards/560740/29 "2010-11-16T01:22:04Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > My apologies; that was not intended as threadshitting. It’s a reference to (a quote from, actually) the Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny. Thanks for the explanation. I didn’t recognize the quote, obviously. ---
**Author:** ![asterion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/4da419/32.png) [@asterion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/asterion)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2010, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/voldemort-vs-gandalf-or-other-wizards/560740/30 "2010-11-16T02:14:11Z")
> [@Oakminster](#): > > Gandalf was a non-dpsing candy ass. Pretty much any gaming wizard would PWN him in PVP. Voldemort would maybe be a mid-level dungeon boss. A gaming wizard/druid/mage/warlock/shadowpriest/necromancer of raid level could probably solo him. The infamous Oakbrow Farwalker would make either or both cry for Mommy. This raises another question I hadn’t really thought of about Harry Potter: Why aren’t there any buffing spells? ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2010, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/voldemort-vs-gandalf-or-other-wizards/560740/31 "2010-11-16T02:29:23Z")
> [@](#): > > This raises another question I hadn’t really thought of about Harry Potter: Why aren’t there any buffing spells? I can think of at least two: Snape uses some sort of spell to fly, and Quiddich announcers cast a spell to amplify their voices. Most spells, though, seem to be instantaneous, rather than having a duration, and I’d guess that it takes considerably more magical energy (however that’s measured) to make a spell last. ---
**Author:** ![Snarky\_Kong](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a183cd/32.png) [@Snarky\_Kong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snarky_Kong)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2010, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/voldemort-vs-gandalf-or-other-wizards/560740/32 "2010-11-16T02:37:00Z")
If you have to wave a wand around, you lose. Anybody with a gun can kill Voldemort. Probably Gandalf too. Richard Rahl is just pure deus ex machina, which is stupid. Pretty much all the DnD guys can act instantly without even having to be aware of it with contingencies and such, correct? ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2010, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/voldemort-vs-gandalf-or-other-wizards/560740/33 "2010-11-16T02:38:09Z")
After the smoke clears, a quick horse with crazed eyes charges through the battlefield with a grizzled, cloaked rider. Elminster struggles to his feet but all his magical defenses have been sapped. With a few zaps from his fingers the mysterious stranger earns his place in wizardry. Yes, Elminster thought he won The Prize, but got offed by Emirikol the Chaotic. ---
**Author:** ![Ura-Maru](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/51bf81/32.png) [@Ura-Maru](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ura-Maru)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2010, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/voldemort-vs-gandalf-or-other-wizards/560740/34 "2010-11-16T03:11:35Z")
Buff spells tend to be either game-breaking or useless unless you’re very, very careful. They also loose their dramatic ‘oomph’ if they’re not used very rarely and subtly. D&D style buffs show up pretty rarely in fiction not directly inspired by D&D. And not even most of that. Slayers and Bastard!! for example, both D&D with the serial numbers filed off, had none. – And why is waving a wand more cumbersome than pointing a gun? Particularly if modern guns haven’t been invented yet? ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2010, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/voldemort-vs-gandalf-or-other-wizards/560740/35 "2010-11-16T03:55:32Z")
> [@Ura-Maru](#): > > ‘Gandalf vs. Jamie Lanister’ would be entertaining as well, but short. Can maya survive having bits of metal stuck through them? Considering that he survived a huge fall into an abyss and was still able to engage in a running battle with the Balrog for days and _then_ fight it on a mountainside, I have my doubts that swords or guns would actually _work_ on Gandalf. He’s definitely not a “squishy wizard”. ---
**Author:** ![Babale](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/babale/32/15666_2.png) [@Babale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Babale)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2010, 5:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/voldemort-vs-gandalf-or-other-wizards/560740/36 "2010-11-16T05:52:21Z")
> [@Snarky\_Kong](#): > > If you have to wave a wand around, you lose. Anybody with a gun can kill Voldemort. Probably Gandalf too. I never understood this: Voldemort went from house to house killing people, including muggles. Why didn’t any of them pull a shotgun and blow his ugly head off? ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2010, 7:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/voldemort-vs-gandalf-or-other-wizards/560740/37 "2010-11-16T07:12:40Z")
> [@Babale](#): > > I never understood this: Voldemort went from house to house killing people, including muggles. Why didn’t any of them pull a shotgun and blow his ugly head off? Because they’re British, and that would be bloody rude. ---
**Author:** ![Babale](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/babale/32/15666_2.png) [@Babale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Babale)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2010, 7:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/voldemort-vs-gandalf-or-other-wizards/560740/38 "2010-11-16T07:28:48Z")
> [@Oakminster](#): > > Because they’re British, and that would be bloody rude. That would explain why Voldemort’s reign of terror never extended beyond Britain. ---
**Author:** ![Jormungandr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a6a055/32.png) [@Jormungandr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jormungandr)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2010, 8:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/voldemort-vs-gandalf-or-other-wizards/560740/39 "2010-11-16T08:52:57Z")
> [@Babale](#): > > I never understood this: Voldemort went from house to house killing people, including muggles. Why didn’t any of them pull a shotgun and blow his ugly head off? You mean like this: How The Wizard of Oz Should Have Ended [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/munbt8qpCiQ/maxresdefault.jpg "How The Wizard of Oz Should Have Ended (Original)") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=munbt8qpCiQ) 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Jormungandr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a6a055/32.png) [@Jormungandr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jormungandr)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2010, 8:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/voldemort-vs-gandalf-or-other-wizards/560740/40 "2010-11-16T08:59:50Z")
Since Gandalf is near-divine, how about [Shazam](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shazam_%28comics%29) who fought and nearly defeated the Spectre, aka the Wrath of God? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/voldemort-vs-gandalf-or-other-wizards/560740.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/voldemort-vs-gandalf-or-other-wizards/560740.md?page=3)