# Vote for me!
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vote-for-me/256323
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [July 22, 2004, 11:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vote-for-me/256323 "2004-07-22T11:01:55Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)
#### Post date: [July 22, 2004, 11:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vote-for-me/256323/1 "2004-07-22T11:01:55Z")
I will restore trust. American values. Freedom and democracy. I will make our country secure. I will fight crime. I will save Social Security and Medicare.
My opponent is a monster. In all his Senate terms, he has never even once voted against legalizing the mass murder of children. Just thirty years ago, he was jailed as he awaited trial for protesting against America.
I envision an America where all people are united behind a common goal. An America free from prejudice. An America of, by, and for the people. And I mean the little people, such as yourselves.
When I am president, I will have an open door. And anyone having the wherewithal to lobby vigorously, make substantial contributions to my campaign, and successfully endure a Secret Service investigation will have access to me.
I’m not going to promise you the moon. I know that you’re smarter than that. All I’m going to promise you is a visionary government that responds to your needs, educates all your children, guarantees your safety and happiness, and works in cooperation with a solid coalition of every nation on earth.
All we have to fear is fear itself. A chicken in every pot. Let freedom ring. From the mountains to the prairies. Ask not what your country can do for you. Live and let live. Uniter not divider. Read my lips. Faith, hope, and love. Morning in America. I did not have sexual relations with that woman. I am not a crook. We have a crisis of confidence. I’m a Ford, not a Lincoln. A day that will live in infamy.
Vote for me! God bless America.
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### Author:  [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)
#### Post date: [July 22, 2004, 11:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vote-for-me/256323/2 "2004-07-22T11:19:51Z")
Hmmm. I’d say it’s about time _I_ come over, and claim my title as Dictator of the Colonies. You won’t even have to worry about voting anymore!
Health care for all, gas prices will double, SUV’s will be banned, pot will be legalised, as will gay marriage, alcohol can be had at 15, not 21, and everybody will be able to get subsidies for schooling until they’re 30 years old. Also, schools will teach about the world, rather than about the United States. Oh, and Phoenix will be banned, too. It’s far too hot for people to live, anyway.
Don’t vote for me - you don’t have to. Simple blind admiration is enough. C’mon, you already have an uninformed dictator. What can be so bad about an enlightened one? 🙂
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### Author:  [@yojimbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yojimbo)
#### Post date: [July 22, 2004, 11:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vote-for-me/256323/3 "2004-07-22T11:24:56Z")
As good a place as any to show you your competition.
[http://jibjab.com/](http://jibjab.com/)
One of the best I’ve seen.
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### Author:  [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)
#### Post date: [July 22, 2004, 11:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vote-for-me/256323/4 "2004-07-22T11:41:09Z")
That was just amazing, Yojimbo! 😃
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### Author:  [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)
#### Post date: [July 22, 2004, 11:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vote-for-me/256323/5 "2004-07-22T11:43:35Z")
> [@Coldfire](#):
>
> Health care for all, gas prices will double, SUV’s will be banned, pot will be legalised, as will gay marriage, alcohol can be had at 15, not 21, and everybody will be able to get subsidies for schooling until they’re 30 years old. Also, schools will teach about the world, rather than about the United States. Oh, and Phoenix will be banned, too. It’s far too hot for people to live, anyway.
Don’t forget to ban Minnesota. Brrrr…
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### Author:  [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)
#### Post date: [July 22, 2004, 11:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vote-for-me/256323/6 "2004-07-22T11:50:32Z")
OK. That’s it. It’s all settled.
We have **Coldfire** as benevolent dictator…err I mean President and **Liberal** as his head hitman…err I mean Vice-President.
Works for me.
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### Author:  [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)
#### Post date: [July 22, 2004, 11:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vote-for-me/256323/7 "2004-07-22T11:56:44Z")
I will be proud to serve alongside Mr. Coldfire, the next President of the United States. His leadership will restore America’s greatness.
[…news crew packs up and leave…]
What a bunch of idiots. See you at the next stop, Coldie.
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### Author:  [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)
#### Post date: [July 22, 2004, 12:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vote-for-me/256323/8 "2004-07-22T12:00:21Z")
_President?_ I think you misunderstood. “President” implies that people will get to vote me out in 2008. Ain’t gonna happen. 😃
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### Author:  [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)
#### Post date: [July 22, 2004, 12:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vote-for-me/256323/9 "2004-07-22T12:05:18Z")
But I still get to play in the Offal Office, right? ☹
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### Author:  [@Grey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grey)
#### Post date: [July 22, 2004, 12:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vote-for-me/256323/10 "2004-07-22T12:08:47Z")
I suddenly have an image of Calvin and Hobbes running the damn country. 🙂
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### Author:  [@NurseCarmen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NurseCarmen)
#### Post date: [July 22, 2004, 1:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vote-for-me/256323/11 "2004-07-22T13:01:08Z")
> [@Liberal](#):
>
> Don’t forget to ban Minnesota. Brrrr…
Hey!
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### Author:  [@GingerOfTheNorth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GingerOfTheNorth)
#### Post date: [July 22, 2004, 1:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vote-for-me/256323/12 "2004-07-22T13:05:16Z")
> [@Liberal](#):
>
> Don’t forget to ban Minnesota. Brrrr…
Some of us LIKE Minnesota!
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### Author:  [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)
#### Post date: [July 22, 2004, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vote-for-me/256323/13 "2004-07-22T13:21:58Z")
Yes, but I voted FOR Minnesota before I voted against it.
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### Author:  [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)
#### Post date: [July 22, 2004, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vote-for-me/256323/14 "2004-07-22T13:31:35Z")
> [@Liberal](#):
>
> Yes, but I voted FOR Minnesota before I voted against it.
Well, then, let’s compromise. That’s what American politics is all about, right? We’ll kick Minnesota out of the Union from September through April, but let them back in from May through August. And the reverse for Arizona. In fact, we’ll just call’em one state, “Minnezona”, and they can trade out congressional offices and whatnot depending on whose turn it is. 🙂
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### Author:  [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)
#### Post date: [July 22, 2004, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vote-for-me/256323/15 "2004-07-22T13:41:49Z")
> [@Liberal](#):
>
> But I still get to play in the Offal Office, right? ☹
Sure. Just not under the desk, though, cause I don’t swing that way. 🙂
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### Author:  [@monica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monica)
#### Post date: [July 22, 2004, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vote-for-me/256323/16 "2004-07-22T13:53:56Z")
And I can be your most trusted advisor, right? That would put me in an ideal position to take ov- err, I mean, loyally assist you hold power.
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### Author:  [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)
#### Post date: [July 22, 2004, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vote-for-me/256323/17 "2004-07-22T13:54:40Z")
> [@Coldfire](#):
>
> Sure. Just not under the desk, though, cause I don’t swing that way. 🙂
No problem. Just so I get to be a millionaire and have a home in Minnezona. 😛
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### Author:  [@picker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picker)
#### Post date: [July 22, 2004, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vote-for-me/256323/18 "2004-07-22T14:02:45Z")
> [@Ponder Stibbons](#):
>
> In fact, we’ll just call’em one state, “Minnezona”, and they can trade out congressional offices and whatnot depending on whose turn it is.
Absolutely not! Despite the ‘intentions’ of my esteemed yet misguided colleague Mr. Stibbons, the new state has clearly and succintly expressed its will to be called **Arisota**.
Nice try, Stibbons, but let’s leave the partisan grandstanding out of this.
😃
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### Author:  [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)
#### Post date: [July 22, 2004, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vote-for-me/256323/19 "2004-07-22T15:47:16Z")
Nah, it’s gotta be **Lib** first, **Coldy** second. Here’s why:
We need a President to push, over three years of passionate debate, an amendment that would allow furriners to run for President. I think of **Lib** and there is no greater goal in that man’s life than to allow someone like **Coldfire** a chance to say “Hey, a few Texas oil men did it, why not me?” That’s damn inspirational:D
[sub]If you take this post seriously, you need some serious help…[/sub]
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### Author:  [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)
#### Post date: [July 22, 2004, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vote-for-me/256323/20 "2004-07-22T16:02:20Z")
I promise to be both FOR that and against it.
I am both offended and flattered.
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