# Vote for me!
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vote-for-me/256323
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [July 22, 2004, 11:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vote-for-me/256323 "2004-07-22T11:01:55Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 2
### Author:  [@lightingtool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lightingtool)
#### Post date: [July 22, 2004, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vote-for-me/256323/21 "2004-07-22T16:27:35Z")
I hereby put all my money (12 cents US) and all my power (none) behind the new candictator, **Libfire**! Or should that be **Coldlib**?
Onward to victory! Damn the torpedoes, etc.
---
### Author:  [@Ghanima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ghanima)
#### Post date: [July 22, 2004, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vote-for-me/256323/22 "2004-07-22T16:48:41Z")
> [@](#):
>
> I suddenly have an image of Calvin and Hobbes running the damn country. đ
đ
---
### Author:  [@badomen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/badomen)
#### Post date: [July 22, 2004, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vote-for-me/256323/23 "2004-07-22T16:59:33Z")
> [@monica](#):
>
> And I can be your most trusted advisor, right? That would put me in an ideal position to take ov- err, I mean, loyally assist you hold power.
Careful with this one guys, this has scandal written all over it. đ
---
### Author:  [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)
#### Post date: [July 22, 2004, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vote-for-me/256323/24 "2004-07-22T17:16:43Z")
Sorry but the **Polycarp** **Esprix** ticket still gets my vote.
**Lib** what is your policy on cats?
---
### Author:  [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)
#### Post date: [July 22, 2004, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vote-for-me/256323/25 "2004-07-22T17:32:02Z")
> [@Ponder Stibbons](#):
>
> Weâll kick Minnesota out of the Union from September through April, but let them back in from May through August.
So we only have to pay federal income tax for 4 months out of the year?
'kay. đ
---
### Author:  [@flamingbananas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flamingbananas)
#### Post date: [July 22, 2004, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vote-for-me/256323/26 "2004-07-22T17:33:09Z")
> [@](#):
>
> I suddenly have an image of Calvin and Hobbes running the damn country. đ
_I pledge alligence
To Queen Frag
And her United States of Hysteria_
---
### Author:  [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)
#### Post date: [July 22, 2004, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vote-for-me/256323/27 "2004-07-22T18:01:00Z")
> [@Bippy the Beardless](#):
>
> **Lib** what is your policy on cats?
Let me just say this about that. I believe that our children deserve an education. I believe that America is a shiny apple in a tree. And I will fight for a better America, a greater America, an America that we can all be proud of once again.
---
### Author:  [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)
#### Post date: [July 22, 2004, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vote-for-me/256323/28 "2004-07-22T18:38:23Z")
âAbortions for everyone!â
âBOOOO!â
âAll right, abortions for no one!â
âBOOOO!â
âAll right, abortions for some, miniature American flags for the rest!â
âYAAAAAY!â
---
### Author:  [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)
#### Post date: [July 22, 2004, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vote-for-me/256323/29 "2004-07-22T19:35:56Z")
> [@Coldfire](#):
>
> Hmmm. Iâd say itâs about time _I_ come over, and claim my title as Dictator of the Colonies. You wonât even have to worry about voting anymore!
>
> Health care for all, gas prices will double, SUVâs will be banned, pot will be legalised, as will gay marriage, alcohol can be had at 15, not 21, and everybody will be able to get subsidies for schooling until theyâre 30 years old. Also, schools will teach about the world, rather than about the United States. Oh, and Phoenix will be banned, too. Itâs far too hot for people to live, anyway.
>
> Donât vote for me - you donât have to. Simple blind admiration is enough. Câmon, you already have an uninformed dictator. What can be so bad about an enlightened one? đ
And I for one welcome our new Dutch overlordâŚ
---
### Author:  [@MEBuckner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MEBuckner)
#### Post date: [July 22, 2004, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vote-for-me/256323/30 "2004-07-22T19:44:21Z")
I canât believe any of you would even consider voting for a man like **Liberal**. The man is an admitted heterosexual who cohabits with a woman whom he does not even bother to publicly aver is not his wife. He has undoubtedly osculated his own mother, and he has been seen on many occasions publicly masticating, even in the presence of young children. I have been told he has attended public performances in which not only grown women but even young girls engage in thespian acts. He openly boasts of being a theist, frequently posting at length about something called âmodal ontological logicâ, which he claims somehow proves something about whether or not there really is a God. He has frequently declared his oppugnation for the ideas and deeds of Karl Marx, V.I. Lenin, and even Joseph Stalin.
---
### Author:  [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)
#### Post date: [July 22, 2004, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vote-for-me/256323/31 "2004-07-22T20:05:22Z")
[GW Bush voice, complete with smirk]
My opponents are waging a smear campaign, see. Theyâre smearing things. Theyâre smearing me.
[âŚpausing to collect thoughtsâŚ]
What they do is smear. See. They just smear things and then I just happen to be there. See. If it was you, then _you_ would be there, see. And they would be smearing _you_. Let me put it simply â by smearing me, they just smear themselves. See? Thatâs what smear is.
[âŚwaxing on and waxing offâŚ]
It just smears things all over the place.
[âŚlight bulb going off in headâŚ]
They do the same thing terrorists do, see. Terrorists smear people too. With bombs. Or with bomb explosions. You know, fire. Well, Iâm waginâ a _war_ on terror, and Iâm usinâ the full force of the United States armed forces. So, theyâre not gonna smear me, see. Because I love my country.
[âŚmustering all possible mental powerâŚ]
By smearing me, they smear America. See? I love America, and they hate me. Therefore, see, they hate America. Thatâs called logic.
[âŚwide, self satisfied grinâŚ]
Next questionâŚ
[/GW Bush voice, complete with smirk]
---
### Author:  [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)
#### Post date: [July 22, 2004, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vote-for-me/256323/32 "2004-07-22T20:37:05Z")
> [@Liberal](#):
>
> I promise to be both FOR that and against it.
>
> I am both offended and flattered.
Well it has at least as much a chance of passing as the FMA does (now especially since the FMA failed to pass cloture), and itâs at least twice as sensible (since the FMA wasnât, though, Iunno how praising that is)! And youâll be known for all time for being behind the effort to get a man in office whose first name starts Y but looks J. ( **Coldy** , lotta love for ya, man, but I think the Murrikin publicâs gonna be a touch confused by that one.)
Offended? I say you should be honored!
---
### Author:  [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)
#### Post date: [July 22, 2004, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vote-for-me/256323/33 "2004-07-22T20:54:32Z")
đ Thatâs true, Pun!
---
### Author:  [@Feit\_C\_Taj](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feit_C_Taj)
#### Post date: [July 22, 2004, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vote-for-me/256323/34 "2004-07-22T20:54:58Z")
> [@MEBuckner](#):
>
> I canât believe any of you would even consider voting for a man like **Liberal**. The man is an admitted heterosexual who cohabits with a woman whom he does not even bother to publicly aver is not his wife. He has undoubtedly osculated his own mother, and he has been seen on many occasions publicly masticating, even in the presence of young children. I have been told he has attended public performances in which not only grown women but even young girls engage in thespian acts. He openly boasts of being a theist, frequently posting at length about something called âmodal ontological logicâ, which he claims somehow proves something about whether or not there really is a God. He has frequently declared his oppugnation for the ideas and deeds of Karl Marx, V.I. Lenin, and even Joseph Stalin.
Wait, doesnât **Liberal** also have a brother whoâs known to be a practicing Homo Sapiens?
And isnât it true that when he was in college, he actually ⌠_matriculated_?!?!?!
:eek: The Utter Horror!!!
---
### Author:  [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)
#### Post date: [July 22, 2004, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vote-for-me/256323/35 "2004-07-22T20:55:28Z")
Amendment? A dictator needs no amendment!
All right, as of 9 AM Eastern tomorrow morning, the city of Nieuw Amsterdam shall once again reclaim its old name. Oh, and Dutch will be taught in all American schools.
Thought I was going to wait for the elections? I donât NEED elections!
OK, so who are my political enemies, and do they prefer regular bullets, or the low-copper kind? Iâm no brute, you know. I respect peopleâs allergies.
---
### Author:  [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)
#### Post date: [July 23, 2004, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vote-for-me/256323/36 "2004-07-23T01:16:36Z")
> [@Coldfire](#):
>
> OK, so who are my political enemies, and do they prefer regular bullets, or the low-copper kind? Iâm no brute, you know. I respect peopleâs allergies.
Some of them, I fear, might need silver bullets. Youâll need to talk to **Tris** about that oneâŚ
---
### Author:  [@SolGrundy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SolGrundy)
#### Post date: [July 23, 2004, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vote-for-me/256323/37 "2004-07-23T02:09:07Z")
> [@Ponder Stibbons](#):
>
> Well, then, letâs compromise. Thatâs what American politics is all about, right? Weâll kick Minnesota out of the Union from September through April, but let them back in from May through August. And the reverse for Arizona. In fact, weâll just callâem one state, âMinnezonaâ, and they can trade out congressional offices and whatnot depending on whose turn it is. đ
Typical rhetoric of the Pro Minnesotan Agenda.
Now, Iâm sure yâall are all going to start calling me a bigot, but I donât care because Iâm not. I donât have anything against Minnesotans _personally_, I just donât condone the lifestyle theyâve chosen for themselves. And until you can give me verifiable proof that there actually are people who are âborn in Minnesota,â Iâm going to remain on the fence about this whole Minnesota issue. Voting for Minnesota would mean that most of society is saying that Minnesota is âokay,â when clearly, the vast majority of the population of the United States does _not_ believe that living in Minnesota is an acceptable lifestyle.
What weâre seeing here is an attack on the basic institution of temperate weather and varied cuisine. Say we allow people to go on living in Minnesota. What next? Wisconsin? Alaska?
---
### Author:  [@Chairman\_Pow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chairman_Pow)
#### Post date: [July 23, 2004, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vote-for-me/256323/38 "2004-07-23T02:23:39Z")
> [@Liberal](#):
>
> Vote for me! God bless America.
I presume you arenât going to be on the Libertarian ticket. Are you going to be a write-in? Will we need to know your real name?
If you are elected, Iâd just like you to know that my cousinâs business is suffering from some undue taxation and foreign competition. Perhaps youâll remember my support and take a look at that. Perhaps youâll allow me to head up that committee.
---
### Author:  [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)
#### Post date: [July 23, 2004, 11:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vote-for-me/256323/39 "2004-07-23T11:00:39Z")
Iâm running on the American ticket. Yeah, thatâs the ticket. My name is America. A vote for me is a vote for America. Feed the children. Heal the sick. Health care for everybody! At no cost to anybody! Education. Hope. Freedom. The dawning of a new age. Promises kept this time, I promise. What was the question again, please?
---
### Author:  [@yojimbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yojimbo)
#### Post date: [July 23, 2004, 11:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vote-for-me/256323/40 "2004-07-23T11:14:21Z")
> [@Liberal](#):
>
> [GW Bush voice, complete with smirk]
>
> My opponents are waging a smear campaign, see. Theyâre smearing things. Theyâre smearing me.
> âŚ
> _Some funny stuff_
> âŚ
>
> By smearing me, they smear America. See? I love America, and they hate me. Therefore, see, they hate America. Thatâs called logic.
>
> [âŚwide, self satisfied grinâŚ]
>
> Next questionâŚ
>
> [/GW Bush voice, complete with smirk]
_Round of applause_ đ
I misunderestimated your imitation skills đ
[Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vote-for-me/256323.md?page=1)
[Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vote-for-me/256323.md?page=3)