# "Vous" among lovers **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [March 26, 2003, 6:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vous-among-lovers/164240 "2003-03-26T06:24:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 10\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Walloon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/fbc32d/32.png) [@Walloon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Walloon)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2003, 6:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vous-among-lovers/164240/1 "2003-03-26T06:24:43Z")
I just watched the classic French film _Les Dames du Bois de Bolougne_ (1945), with a screenplay by Robert Bresson and Jean Cocteau, from a story by Diderot. What puzzles me is that the lovers (or ex-lovers) Jean and Hélène keep addressing each other by the formal _vous_ and not the familiar _tu_. Am I missing some subtlety of the French language here, or does it have something to do with the psychology of _l’amour_? ---
**Author:** ![Daerlyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/898d66/32.png) [@Daerlyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daerlyn)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2003, 7:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vous-among-lovers/164240/2 "2003-03-26T07:17:48Z")
While the pronoun ‘vous’ is considered to be formal, it is also considered to be more poetic. If you read classic French poetry or literature (try _Cyrano de Bergerac_ for prime examples), you will find a lot of this. It’s sort of the ‘high style’ of French romantic speech. So in answer to your question, a little of column A, a little of column B. The only reason I know this is from dating a Francophone with a fixation on the aforementioned play. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![bifar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/779978/32.png) [@bifar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bifar)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2003, 10:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vous-among-lovers/164240/3 "2003-03-26T10:43:16Z")
I read Jane Eyre in French (or bits of it) and was also surprised that the hero and heroine called each other ‘vous’, right until after they were married. I’ve seen it in other C19th French novels, as well. As well as being a poetic, ‘high style’ kind of thing as Daerlyn mentions I get the impression that it was more common in the 19th century to be polite to your loved ones, because saying ‘tu’ had more of a connotation of speaking to servants or children. It’s a little like in Jane Austen when Emma calls her husband ‘Mr Knightly’ rather than ‘George’. ---
**Author:** ![Zorro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/ad7895/32.png) [@Zorro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zorro)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2003, 11:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vous-among-lovers/164240/4 "2003-03-26T11:39:03Z")
Cheese-eating surrender monkey here! The rule about “tu” and “vous” is that if in doubt, you use “vous”. Speech has become less formal, but it’s not infrequent for older couples (grandparent age) to call each other vous, and in some families the children call their parents “vous” also. But between relatives, lovers, or any people in a close relationship this is now either an archaic use of the language or an affectation. It sounds rather snobbish when used by younger people. But in 1945 it was pretty standard. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2003, 12:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vous-among-lovers/164240/5 "2003-03-26T12:27:24Z")
I call everybody “vous”. It’s just easier that way. ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2003, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vous-among-lovers/164240/6 "2003-03-26T15:30:53Z")
I thought this was going to be a thread about the lyrics to “Lady Marmalade”. ---
**Author:** ![Zazie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Zazie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zazie)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2003, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vous-among-lovers/164240/7 "2003-03-26T15:46:34Z")
Vous was used in most situation in the “old days” and like somebody said before it is more poetic. In many classic novels, the kids would use Vous with their parents, etc… It would not be done nowadays. ---
**Author:** ![trupa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/aeb1de/32.png) [@trupa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/trupa)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2003, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vous-among-lovers/164240/8 "2003-03-26T21:06:40Z")
Wow, I didn’t know there were so many francophone dopers. Salut tout-le monde! -trupa, originalement de Dollard-Des-Ormeaux, Montreal. ---
**Author:** ![Zazie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Zazie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zazie)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2003, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vous-among-lovers/164240/9 "2003-03-26T21:49:42Z")
I am from France, I try to lay low lately 😉 ---
**Author:** ![AnnaLivia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/edb3f5/32.png) [@AnnaLivia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnnaLivia)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2003, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/vous-among-lovers/164240/10 "2003-03-27T04:03:59Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Daerlyn \* > \*\*While the pronoun ‘vous’ is considered to be formal, it is also considered to be more poetic. If you read classic French poetry or literature (try _Cyrano de Bergerac_ for prime examples), you will find a lot of this. It’s sort of the ‘high style’ of French romantic speech. > > So in answer to your question, a little of column A, a little of column B. The only reason I know this is from dating a Francophone with a fixation on the aforementioned play. 🙂 \*\* Actually, it was fun as a student of French to watch the tu-ing and vous-ing in the play. Now it’s been a while, but I believe Roxanne always used the tu, wheras our hero used the vous. And what’s even more fun is trying to read History of the Empire of the Moon. Hurrah for non-standard spelling! I really do wish sometimes that it was my native language. AL