# W Joke **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 29, 2005, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/w-joke/324007 "2005-09-29T13:21:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2005, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/w-joke/324007/21 "2005-09-30T21:08:05Z")
> [@E = mc²](#): > > W Joke Redundant. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2005, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/w-joke/324007/22 "2005-09-30T22:58:51Z")
Here’s a joke for Clothahump: Madeline Albright is giving President Clinton his daily briefing, she concludes by saying: “Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed in an accident.” “OH NO!” the President exclaims. “That’s terrible!” His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands. Finally, he looks up and asks… “How many is a Brazillion?” ---
**Author:** ![NurseCarmen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5daacb/32.png) [@NurseCarmen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NurseCarmen)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2005, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/w-joke/324007/23 "2005-10-01T01:02:51Z")
> [@AmbushBug](#): > > No; I recognize that the OP probably had received it w/o attribution and was just passing it on - I just wanted to add the citation, in hindsight the apparent snarkiness of my post was unintentional. And what exactly makes you think that usenet had the originator of the joke posting it, and not just some other schmuck passing it on? ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2005, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/w-joke/324007/24 "2005-10-01T02:40:30Z")
Voted for W twice w/o regret & I liked the OP joke (the Laura’s wax version was all right also) ---
**Author:** ![Cisco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ccd318/32.png) [@Cisco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cisco)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2005, 6:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/w-joke/324007/25 "2005-10-01T06:11:47Z")
I ruined the OP joke for myself because I misread the first line as “Yesterday, 3 _bazillion_ soldiers…” By the time I realized what it actually said, I knew what the punchline was going to be. Still funny as hell, though. I’ll be passing this one on. ---
**Author:** ![Eleusis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Eleusis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eleusis)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2005, 6:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/w-joke/324007/26 "2005-10-01T06:15:41Z")
Not to piss on anybody’s parade but this is a twenty year old blonde joke. ---
**Author:** ![BarnOwl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e95f7d/32.png) [@BarnOwl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BarnOwl)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2005, 12:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/w-joke/324007/27 "2005-10-01T12:20:58Z")
> [@Eleusis](#): > > Not to piss on anybody’s parade but this is a twenty year old blonde joke. He says while pissing mightily on the parade. Tell us a new one, then. ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2005, 12:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/w-joke/324007/28 "2005-10-01T12:50:21Z")
> [@Eleusis](#): > > Not to piss on anybody’s parade but this is a twenty year old blonde joke. Of course, most blonde jokes could be coverted into W jokes. What’s the difference between a Ferrari and a W? Not everybody’s been in a Ferrari! Oh wait… Wrong type of blonde joke. ---
**Author:** ![BarnOwl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e95f7d/32.png) [@BarnOwl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BarnOwl)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2005, 1:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/w-joke/324007/29 "2005-10-01T13:19:21Z")
[QUOTE=Revtim] Of course, most blonde jokes could be coverted into W jokes. More aptly, the moron jokes. ---
**Author:** ![AmbushBug](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ambushbug/32/4600_2.png) [@AmbushBug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AmbushBug)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2005, 5:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/w-joke/324007/30 "2005-10-02T05:28:04Z")
> [@NurseCarmen](#): > > And what exactly makes you think that usenet had the originator of the joke posting it, and not just some other schmuck passing it on? For copyright reasons, the moderator of rec.humor.funny strives to make sure the jokes he posts are properly attributed. [RHF Compilation Copyright](http://www.netfunny.com/rhf/copyr.html) The link in my previous post to the joke on the r.h.f website contains the email address of the submitter. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2005, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/w-joke/324007/31 "2005-10-03T17:50:45Z")
Q: What’s the difference between Vietnam and Iraq? A: George W. Bush had a plan for getting out of Vietnam. Q: How many Bush Administration staffers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: Why do you hate America? I think it was Jay Leno who said, “President Bush is going to his ranch in Texas to unwind. My question is, when does he ever wind?” ---
**Author:** ![BarnOwl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e95f7d/32.png) [@BarnOwl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BarnOwl)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2005, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/w-joke/324007/32 "2005-10-03T18:18:07Z")
Just to break the mood a little, I googled for a tungsten joke (for Q.E.D.'s benefit), but couldn’t find one. But I did like this one about a Nobel prize winner. Hope you get a chuckle from it. After he received his Nobel Physics Award in 1927, Arthur Compton was very much in demand as a speaker at universities and conferences. He wasn’t really very interested in public speaking, so he developed a standard speech which he repeated whenever necessary. To make these public speaking obligations more tolerable to Compton, he was provided with a chauffeur who drove him to the site, and who then sat in the back of the hall until the speech was over. One night on the way to a talk, Compton was complaining about having to deliver the speech again. The chauffeur responded, “If you think it’s boring giving that speech over and over, think about how boring it is for me having to listen to it. I know the whole speech word for word.” Well, that got Compton thinking. It occurred to him that nobody at the lecture hall knew what he looked like. He arranged to trade clothes with the chauffeur and let him give the speech. Compton took a seat at the back of the hall as the chauffeur began to speak. The speech was given flawlessly. Thunderous applause followed. The master of ceremonies then called the speaker back for a short question-and-answer session. The first question was on the kinetic energy of the recoiling electron in X-ray scattering experiments. The chauffeur listened carefully to the question and then responded, “That is a really dumb question. In fact, that question is so dumb, I think I’ll have my chauffeur answer it.” Attribution: [http://www.vernier.com/caliper/spring04/bitsbytes.html](http://www.vernier.com/caliper/spring04/bitsbytes.html) ---
**Author:** ![anyrose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/54ee81/32.png) [@anyrose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anyrose)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2005, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/w-joke/324007/33 "2005-10-03T18:24:23Z")
> [@Eleusis](#): > > Not to piss on anybody’s parade but this is a twenty year old blonde joke. most jokes are recycled b they work because they’re timeless ---
**Author:** ![TwoTrouts](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a9adbd/32.png) [@TwoTrouts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwoTrouts)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2005, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/w-joke/324007/34 "2005-10-03T18:30:31Z")
One I heard today… One night, George W. tossed restlessly in his White House bed. He awakened to see George Washington standing by him. Bush asked, “George, what’s the best thing I can do to help the country?” “Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did,” Washington advised, fading away. The next night, Bush is astir again, and he sees the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moving through the darkened bedroom. Bush calls out, “Tom, please! What is the best thing I can do to help the country?” “Respect the Constitution, as I did,” Jefferson advised, and dims from sight. The third night sleep is still not in the cards for Mr. Bush. He awakens to see the ghost of FDR hovering over his bed. Bush whispers, “Franklin, what is the best thing I can do to help the country?” “Help the less fortunate, as I did,” FDR replied and then faded into the mist. Bush isn’t sleeping well the fourth night when he sees another figure moving in the shadows. It is the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. Bush plead s: “Abe, what is the best thing I can do right now to help the country?” Lincoln replies, “Go see a play.” ---
**Author:** ![buttonjockey308](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bcef8e/32.png) [@buttonjockey308](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buttonjockey308)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2005, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/w-joke/324007/35 "2005-10-03T18:32:55Z")
I heard a good one over the weekend, not germane to the W jokes of course, but still… A few years ago it was discovered that the Coho population in lake Michigan was suffering because of the harsh winters. So to make a hardier fish, biologists mixed a Coho with a Walleye, figuring they were better at that sort of thing. This made the CoWal. The CoWal survived very well, but was a generally lethargic fish, that wouldn’t fight when it was caught, so some sport fishermen came along and mixed the CoWal with a Muskie, known all over the north woods for their fighting prowess. The resulting fish, the CoWalSki was too dumb to swim. ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2005, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/w-joke/324007/36 "2005-10-03T22:15:02Z")
> [@Eleusis](#): > > Not to piss on anybody’s parade but this is a twenty year old blonde joke. A twenty year old blonde wrote this joke? Cool. ---
**Author:** ![Wendell\_Wagner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8491ac/32.png) [@Wendell\_Wagner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wendell_Wagner)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2005, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/w-joke/324007/37 "2005-10-04T03:07:48Z")
George Bush walks into the Library of Congress. He says to a librarian at the check-out desk, “I’d like a hamburger and an order of fries.” The librarian says, “Um, Mr. President, this is a library.” Bush says, “Oh, excuse me.” And in a whisper he says, “I’d like a hamburger and an order of fries.” ---
**Author:** ![GrizzRich](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7ba0ec/32.png) [@GrizzRich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrizzRich)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2005, 6:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/w-joke/324007/38 "2005-10-04T06:14:51Z")
**GOOGLE ADS!** -_George W Bush_ -_Bush or Clinton_ -_Brazilian Waxing at Home_ … seems like logical progression. ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2005, 6:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/w-joke/324007/39 "2005-10-04T06:42:30Z")
> [@GrizzRich](#): > > **GOOGLE ADS!** > > -_George W Bush_ > > -_Bush or Clinton_ > > -_Brazilian Waxing at Home_ > > … seems like logical progression. “Bush or Clinton? Who do you like better?” Obviously Clinton. Why else the Brazilian waxing? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![BadBadger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@BadBadger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BadBadger)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2005, 9:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/w-joke/324007/40 "2005-10-04T09:46:24Z")
Ethics Test This test only has the one question, but it’s a very important one. By giving an honest answer, you will discover where you stand morally. The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation in which you will have to make a decision. Remember that your answer needs to be honest, yet spontaneous. Please scroll down slowly and give due consideration to each line. You are in Florida; Miami to be specific. There is chaos all around you caused by a hurricane with severe flooding. This is a flood of biblical proportions. You are a photo journalist working for a major newspaper, and you’re caught in the middle of this epic disaster. The situation is nearly hopeless. You’re trying to shoot career-making photos. There are houses and people swirling around you…some disappearing under the water. Nature is unleashing all of its destructive fury. Suddenly you see a man floundering in the water. He is fighting for his life, trying not to be taken down with the debris. You move closer… somehow the man looks familiar. You suddenly realize who it is. It’s George W. Bush! At the same time you notice that the raging waters are about to take him under … forever You have the two options: 1 You can save the life of G.W.Bush, or 2 you can shoot a dramatic Pulitzer Prize winning photo,documenting the death of one of the world’s most powerful men. So here’s the question, and please give an honest answer: Would you select high contrast colour film, or would you go with the classic simplicity of black and white? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/w-joke/324007.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/w-joke/324007.md?page=3)