# Waiters with prepared speeches **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 23, 2009, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670 "2009-06-23T00:47:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 10
**Author:** ![Jophiel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jophiel/32/66_2.png) [@Jophiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jophiel)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670/181 "2009-06-25T04:18:22Z")
> [@Mach Tuck](#): > > I did ask about this, and the waitress told me there are actually two tests required to work at Red Lobster. > > They give a general aptitude test before hiring, which she said includes some math. Once hired, they have to pass a test on the food they serve, thus qualifying as a “seafood expert”. > > I asked to see a copy of the seafood test, but it was not forthcoming. If I ever go back, I’ll press them for it again. In my most recent trip to Red Lobster, my wife and I mentioned the bit about _“Oysters are not good in a month that hath not an R in it”_ and our waitress looked at us as though we’d both just grown extra heads. “Seafood expert” my ass! ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 4:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670/182 "2009-06-25T04:55:48Z")
> [@Rigamarole](#): > > Does that mean if you pay $30-50 for an entree at some pretentious 5-star restaurant you **are** entitled to treat people like shit? > > Also I’m gonna go ahead and say it: I like the Olive Garden food. It’s tasty. I don’t care if all they did was microwave it, it’s better than anything my sorry ass can “cook” at home. I’m gonna go behind and say it: Olive Garden was the worst restaurant, of any stripe, that I’ve ever come across. How can you fuck up a simple green salad? The garlic bread was mouldy. The lasagne - which I ordered assuming you couldn’t get it wrong - was FROZEN in the middle. I mean, rock solid frozen. I will never walk through those doors again under any circumstances. Their till receipt had a form on the back that invited you to write feedback on it and put it in the comment box. I couldn’t see it so I asked for where comment box was. “Comic books?” they asked, “we don’t have any here, sorry sir”. I suspect I must have been the only person who actually dared tell them how cosmically awful they were. ---
**Author:** ![Glory](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7cd45c/32.png) [@Glory](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Glory)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 6:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670/183 "2009-06-25T06:04:06Z")
> [@Kalhoun](#): > > Sure I realize it. That doesn’t make it wrong or unacceptable. And it doesn’t matter if a waiter hears it 1000 times a day. If they are so bothered by it, they need to find less treacherous work. > . I’m a little amused by the idea that if any tiny facet of your job is annoying you should QUIT! I have a great, well-paying job right now but I find the monthly reporting tedious - SHOULD I QUIT??? I mean, I outright enjoy about 70% of the job, am ambivalent about 25% of the job and hate 5% of the job - is that a quittin’? I was a great waitress (I really was), it was a great job when I was a college student. School during the day, work nights, made plenty of money for rent, school, even some fun. And I got aggravated about LOTS of stuff - I hated filling the thousand island salad dressing jug - HATED IT! I hated that a lot more than customers that told dumb jokes. Neither reason was reason enough to quit. Do you honestly love every bit of your job, or do you sometimes vent about the stuff that bugs you? If you do vent about something, do you plan to quit over it? Hearing the same lame jokes over and over again was annoying - but it was nothing to QUIT over. Most customers refrained 🙂 I have to admit, I love these threads. I finally get the questions answered I always wanted to know when I was waiting tables and couldn’t ask since I depended on customers for rent money. When some chucklehead asked me if I were taking care of their check (YUK YUK YUK) I would have loved to respond honestly! ---
**Author:** ![happiness](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e36b37/32.png) [@happiness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/happiness)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 6:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670/184 "2009-06-25T06:45:10Z")
> [@Nzinga\_Seated](#): > > But, so what? A part of my job is dealing with some corn balls, and the corn balls are sometimes much nicer than the uptight know-it-alls who think they have dealing with cust service reps down to a science. They sure are corny, though. Exactly. I’ve been waiting tables for the last 7 years, and I’ve heard some really corny shit. I may roll my eyes over some of it, but I can’t get upset over the fact that someone is at least trying to lighten things up. I would take a table full of corny jokers any day over a table full of assholes, bad tippers, people who don’t even make eye contact, people who answer “how are you doing today?” with “sweet tea”, parents who let their children run amok throughout the restaurant, people who just have to find SOMETHING to complain about, people who go through more than 5 refills in less than 10 minutes, or parents who let their children make a giant mess AND leave a bad tip. With all that going on, a few corny jokes are really the least of my concerns or annoyances. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670/185 "2009-06-25T13:32:19Z")
> [@Jophiel](#): > > In my most recent trip to Red Lobster, my wife and I mentioned the bit about _“Oysters are not good in a month that hath not an R in it”_ and our waitress looked at us as though we’d both just grown extra heads. She was obviously puzzled at why they wouldn’t thaw out just as well in the summer. ---
**Author:** ![villa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/bc79bd/32.png) [@villa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/villa)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670/186 "2009-06-25T13:45:52Z")
> [@ashman165](#): > > I’m sorry, was the title of this thread, “If asked to hear the specials, how do you respond?” We’re talking about the force variety. Do better. And as I have said time and time again, there is nothing rude about stopping the person when there is a break in their speech. You can even preempt them if you like. It won’t make you appear any more of a tool if as soon as the waiter comes over, you say “I don’t want to be welcomed, hear your name, hear the specials or anything, just come back in 2 minutes and I will give you my order.” > [@ashman165](#): > > Clearly, you aren’t capable of understanding that not everyone is like you. Incidentally, I don’t like football. Thus, I don’t go to games. I don’t like aggressive sales attempts in restaurants; thus I don’t go where they’re the norm. > It would seem that the majority of respondents here don’t agree with your assertion we want to hear the specials. Why not let the customer just ask if there are any? Oh yeah, let’s just make that decision for them. This is harder to explain than I thought. Why not let the customer just ask if there are specials? Because the restaurant chooses not to do that, and a significant number of patrons, and I will go out on a limb here and say a significant majority, want to know what the specials are. If you don’t want to, fine. Say something! However “compulsory” the spiel is, if the customer expresses a distinct preference up front not to hear it, then it won’t be given. > [@ashman165](#): > > It’s entirely possible to be motivated to take action without being pissed off. But since I presume people speak from their own frame of reference unless otherwise stated, I suppose this counsels much about your approach to life. Thus I suppose that you’re writing here because you’re pissed off. Of course it is possible to be motivated to take action without being pissed off. But you made it very clear from your posts that you were pissed at the situation. In something you have repeatedly failed to address, you stated that you are deliberately trying to waste the time of the manager while you wait for your food. That sounds to me like the actions of a pissed off person. > [@ashman165](#): > > I think you might have a point here. It is completely rude to address complaints as to how the service could be improved to the person who makes the decisions about it. Again, stop ignoring your own words. You admitted that you are doing this to waste the time of the manager. Addressing complaints as to how service can be improved isn’t wasting the time of the manager, is it now? That’s not your purpose, in your own fucking words. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670/187 "2009-06-25T14:11:14Z")
I’ve not waited tables but I’ve worked in food service plenty and I agree I’d rather have a thousand corny people than one asshole guy. Of course, I don’t entirely get the corny people either. When I am out to eat, I want minimal interaction with the staff. Most of the time they pick up on my hints and seem grateful just to take my order, bring me my food/drink, and check on my once. I’m there to spend time with my SO, not them - so I don’t make any extra chat or jokes, just what is needed. ---
**Author:** ![Scarlett67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scarlett67/32/7387_2.png) [@Scarlett67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarlett67)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670/188 "2009-06-25T14:20:52Z")
> [@villa](#): > > It won’t make you appear any more of a tool if as soon as the waiter comes over, you say “I don’t want to be welcomed, hear your name, hear the specials or anything, just come back in 2 minutes and I will give you my order.” Are you kidding? I would consider someone who cut off the server like THAT a COMPLETE tool. “Just shut up and take my order, wench.” Try it politely: “Actually, could we have a few minutes to look at the menu first?” Then when the server comes back, say that you’re ready to order. No need to be a dick about it. ---
**Author:** ![villa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/bc79bd/32.png) [@villa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/villa)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670/189 "2009-06-25T14:23:30Z")
> [@Scarlett67](#): > > Are you kidding? I would consider someone who cut off the server like THAT a COMPLETE tool. “Just shut up and take my order, wench.” > > Try it politely: “Actually, could we have a few minutes to look at the menu first?” Then when the server comes back, say that you’re ready to order. No need to be a dick about it. No - you are missing my point. I meant it won’t make **ashman165** appear any more of a tool \*than he already does \*with his attempt to waste the manager’s time. Of course it would be a dickhead way of doing things. Sorry if I implied differently. ---
**Author:** ![Labrador\_Deceiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7c8e57/32.png) [@Labrador\_Deceiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Labrador_Deceiver)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670/190 "2009-06-25T14:43:02Z")
> [@Jophiel](#): > > In my most recent trip to Red Lobster, my wife and I mentioned the bit about _“Oysters are not good in a month that hath not an R in it”_ and our waitress looked at us as though we’d both just grown extra heads. > > “Seafood expert” my ass! The only reason you lay off the rest of the year is to give the beds a chance to redevelop during the reproductive season, not because the oysters are bad or poisonous then. These days, the Apalachicola beds produce pretty much year round. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670/191 "2009-06-25T15:13:53Z")
> [@Kalhoun](#): > > Sure I realize it. That doesn’t make it wrong or unacceptable. And it doesn’t matter if a waiter hears it 1000 times a day. So again, you admit that your goal is not to bring a bright spot to the waiter’s day, but to make yourself laugh. You do not give a flying fuck about the waiter. > [@](#): > > Anything that is pleasant and appropriate to the greeting is fine. “Hi, my name is Amy and I’ll be your waiter.” “Hi Amy, I’m Sally, and I’ll be your customer! Hurr hurr hurr!” \<— Not funny, not wanted. Unpleasant and inappropriate. “Hi Amy, I’m Sally, and this is Joe.” \<— Not expected, but not rude. Pleasant and not inappropriate. > [@happiness](#): > > I would take a table full of corny jokers any day over a table full of assholes, bad tippers, [snip other examples] With all that going on, a few corny jokes are really the least of my concerns or annoyances. As I said earlier in the thread: Just because a punch in the arm is better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick doesn’t mean I should welcome the punch in the arm. Wouldn’t you prefer a merely polite customer to both the assholes \*and \*the cornballs? Or is there some weird asshole/cornball dichotomy in the human race that I’ve somehow missed, where you \*must \*be one or the other? ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670/192 "2009-06-25T19:59:34Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > “Hi, my name is Amy and I’ll be your waiter.” > > “Hi Amy, I’m Sally, and I’ll be your customer! Hurr hurr hurr!” \<— Not funny, not wanted. Unpleasant and inappropriate. (_Waiter responds in mocking sing-song_) “Hi Amy, I’m Sally, and I’ll be your customer! Hurr hurr hurr!” \<— Priceless. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670/193 "2009-06-25T21:54:13Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > So again, you admit that your goal is not to bring a bright spot to the waiter’s day, but to make yourself laugh. You do not give a flying fuck about the waiter. > > “Hi, my name is Amy and I’ll be your waiter.” > > “Hi Amy, I’m Sally, and I’ll be your customer! Hurr hurr hurr!” \<— Not funny, not wanted. Unpleasant and inappropriate. > **“Hi Amy, I’m Sally, and this is Joe.” \<— Not expected, but not rude. Pleasant and not inappropriate.** > As I said earlier in the thread: Just because a punch in the arm is better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick doesn’t mean I should welcome the punch in the arm. Wouldn’t you prefer a merely polite customer to both the assholes \*and \*the cornballs? Or is there some weird asshole/cornball dichotomy in the human race that I’ve somehow missed, where you \*must \*be one or the other? Bolding mine, and EXACTLY how it comes down. What the fuck is your problem now? ---
**Author:** ![bathsheba](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9e8a1a/32.png) [@bathsheba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bathsheba)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670/194 "2009-06-25T22:33:17Z")
The menu is the god of ordering!!1! ---
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670/195 "2009-06-25T23:08:13Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > (_Waiter responds in mocking sing-song_) “Hi Amy, I’m Sally, and I’ll be your customer! Hurr hurr hurr!” \<— Priceless. I know it goes without saying on this board that you are funny as fuck. But sometimes I worry that if we forget to stroke your dick about it, you may stop bringing the funny. So, I’ll just say that you are funny as fuck. ---
**Author:** ![ashman165](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8e8cbc/32.png) [@ashman165](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ashman165)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2009, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670/196 "2009-06-26T00:41:24Z")
> [@villa](#): > > Again, stop ignoring your own words. You admitted that you are doing this to waste the time of the manager. Addressing complaints as to how service can be improved isn’t wasting the time of the manager, is it now? That’s not your purpose, in your own fucking words. I’d like a citation where I said x pisses me off. Since you’ve said it’s so very obvious, citing to such should be of no moment. It’s curious that you admit it’s capable of taking action without being pissed, but your expletives indicate you are otherwise inclined. ---
**Author:** ![Martini\_Enfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/martini_enfield/32/11123_2.png) [@Martini\_Enfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martini_Enfield)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2009, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670/197 "2009-06-26T01:19:35Z")
If you can do it properly, a Ben Stiller-esque Joking/Crazy response can work sometimes. For example, when I worked in supermarkets, the whole “Well, if it doesn’t scan, it must be free, ha ha” thing was quite common and meant completely without malice as a form of social interaction. I didn’t mind it at all. But sometimes it was fun to mess with people, provided they looked like they had a sense of humour. _item doesn’t scan_ Customer: Ah, I guess it’s free then, ha ha Me: Nah, actually, I have a “Nobble” button here underneath the counter that adds a couple of dollars to the total of your bill everytime something doesn’t scan, just so we don’t miss out on those sales. Customer: Really? Me: No, not really. But if I had $1 for every time we heard the “doesn’t scan = free” thing, you’d have a trolley full of free groceries and I’d be spending my weekends in Mauritius. _Cheesy Grin_ _Both laugh heartily, customer leaves chuckling to themselves_ I’d rather 1000 someones cracking corny jokes than a single someone in a shitty mood or being a dickhead any day of the week. My father-in-law has a terribly embarrassing habit of referring to wait staff by their first names, and he will not believe this is an unbelievably rude and embarrassing thing for him to be doing. The waitstaff aren’t introducing themselves because they want to be your friend, it’s because you need to be able to differentiate them from the other staff and because it’s nicer to have a mental label for the waitperson that involves their name and isn’t “Tits McGee” or “Emo Waitress” or “Square-Jawed Dude”. Having said all that, do feel free to try and have an actual conversation with customer service staff- ask them if they saw The Game, or what they think of Recent News Event, or if they’ve seen Blockbuster Movie That Everyone Is Talking About. I certainly _loved_ talking to customers about this sort of stuff, as did my colleagues. Having even just _one_ intelligent conversation with a customer each day makes a huge difference to people in customer service and retail roles, trust me. Of course, some of you seem to go to Howard Hughes-like lengths to avoid interacting with people besides your butler, your chauffeur, and your buddies at the Yacht Club, but even so, the people serving you behind the counter or taking your food order are still people doing their job like anyone else- they don’t _want_ to bother you; they’re being _made_ to. Complain to Corporate HQ if you’ve got a problem with it- it won’t take many letters before some mid-level suit is going to his boss saying “I’ve got a _stack_ [of three letters] on my desk from people who don’t like the fixed spiel. Time to can it and go with something else.” and by the time it gets to the Operations Manager For The Entire Planet But Not Africa Or The Middle East it’s been “padded” to the point where the entire English-speaking world is _outraged_ about the situation, at least as far as the Operations Manager is concerned. I guarantee you that will have more results than glowering at the waitstaff thinking “STFU already!” when they ask if you’ve tried the Venison in a Sauce Expensif or are aware that their Wine Cellar is so big they rent space in it to Boeing for aircraft storage. ---
**Author:** ![villa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/bc79bd/32.png) [@villa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/villa)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2009, 1:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670/198 "2009-06-26T13:00:05Z")
> [@ashman165](#): > > I’d like a citation where I said x pisses me off. Since you’ve said it’s so very obvious, citing to such should be of no moment. You aren’t very smart, are you. As anyone can tell, what I have said you are ignoring about your previous comments isn’t that you stated you were pissed off. It is that you said, bold as brass, that you talk to the manager to waste his time. Those are the actions of a pissed off person, or, I grant you, alternatively they could be the actions of a complete and total wanker. You are trying to waste someone’s time and you are not pissed off? [quote=“ashman165, post:196, topic:500670”] It’s curious that you admit it’s capable of taking action without being pissed, but your expletives indicate you are otherwise inclined.[/QUOTE What is curious about that? Let’s look at the problems with what you said: I said it is possible to act without being pissed… YES! You got **something** right. Cursing means I am pissed? Not necessarily. I curse all the time. Bad habit, but you aren’t my mother. She isn’t a complete tool so I know that’s not the case. More importantly, you assume I am not pissed in this situation. Perfectly logically consist to say a person can act without being pissed, and still be pissed at that time. Stupidity has a habit of pissing me off. It’s one of the reasons I left that business. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2009, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670/199 "2009-06-26T14:48:39Z")
> [@Kalhoun](#): > > Bolding mine, and EXACTLY how it comes down. What the fuck is your problem now? If that’s how it’s done, I don’t have one, and I don’t think anyone else here does, either. Why did you keep getting all in a huff when it was clearly stated repeatedly that we were talking about hearing the same bad attempts at jokes over and over, when, according to you, there was no joking going on, just a genuine attempt at politeness? Do you just enjoy defending annoying practices you don’t engage in? ---
**Author:** ![vandal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/858c86/32.png) [@vandal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vandal)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2009, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670/200 "2009-06-26T17:01:11Z")
> [@Kalhoun](#): > > Bolding mine, and EXACTLY how it comes down. What the fuck is your problem now? Well, that’s not exactly how it comes down. You stated that when a waiter introduces himself, your husband introduces himself, then introduces all of you, and then all of you shake his hand. Now in any other social exchange, this would work. But for some reason, when done in a restaurant, it just comes off wrong and uncalled for. The way I see it, he’s basically saying, “I think the practice of you having to introduce yourself is stupid, so I’m going to make fun of it by mocking you with my own introduction.” I mean, maybe I’m way off base here and need to chill the fuck out, but that’s just how it seems to me. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670.md?page=9)