# Waiters with prepared speeches **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 23, 2009, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670 "2009-06-23T00:47:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Merijeek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f05b48/32.png) [@Merijeek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merijeek)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2009, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670/101 "2009-06-23T21:11:21Z")
I think we can all agree that the only thing anyone expects in a waitress is the requisite number of pieces of flair. -Joe ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2009, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670/102 "2009-06-23T21:11:36Z")
The first time I encountered this ridiculous little phenomenon, the waitress completely botched my order. I wanted to throw my wine in the manager’s face. “This does _not_ make your stupid little restaurant look more important or upscale! It makes you look like a bunch of twits who can’t get my order right!” ---
**Author:** ![Kimmy\_Gibbler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Kimmy\_Gibbler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimmy_Gibbler)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2009, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670/103 "2009-06-23T21:14:42Z")
> [@Green\_Bean](#): > > [Oh, gimme a break. Just because people are sick of hearing the same dumb joke over and over doesn’t mean that they “scorn” their customers. We know that they’re just trying to be nice. But it is genuinely annoying to have to fake a “ha ha” with every damn customer. Goodness gracious!! Someone has to put up with minor annoyances at their job! To the Batmobile! We simply cannot allow this outrage to go on even one moment longer!! ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2009, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670/104 "2009-06-23T21:14:56Z")
> [@Kalhoun](#): > > \*No one \*who says these things to you thinks they’re the first person to do it. They’re trying to bring a smile to your face. You know…friendly stuff? Are you all so jaded that you actually think someone’s going to bother to _entertain_ you with original wit? It’s called making small talk. And by the way, YOU started it when you laid the canned small talk rap on your customer. Or do you think your customer is supposed to sit there silently??? You’re CHATTING with them, fercrissakes. If you don’t like it, don’t initiate it. Your boss won’t know…trust me. No, I can assure you, these people are all \*very \*proud of themselves, like they just constructed the fucking Taj Mahal. In my case, the question was “Did you find everything you were looking for today?” which is a perfectly legitimate question to ask as a cashier at a grocery store. But half of the fuckers had to say some variation on “a winning lottery ticket.” And it’s not always in response to anything, either–if an item isn’t scanning properly, it’s a better than even bet that the asshole you’re checking out would say something like, “Hah hah, I guess it’s free!” Any part of the spiel I used, it was because I thought it was part of good customer service. And you know what? It was a good thing I used it, because I got to be held up as a shining example of why it was okay to keep letting cashiers dye their hair weird colors, because a woman wrote a letter to us about a Genuine Learning Experience she had when the cashier with the blue hair and the safety pin in her ear gave her the _best fucking customer service of her life_. Regardless, until you claim otherwise, your response has proven to me that you’ve never actually worked a service job, so you can take your uninformed opinion and shove it back up the nether corner of your ass from which you pulled it. ---
**Author:** ![bouv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bc8723/32.png) [@bouv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bouv)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2009, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670/105 "2009-06-23T21:17:15Z")
> [@Kalhoun](#): > > \*No one \*who says these things to you thinks they’re the first person to do it. They’re trying to bring a smile to your face. You know…friendly stuff? Are you all so jaded that you actually think someone’s going to bother to _entertain_ you with original wit? It’s called making small talk. And by the way, YOU started it when you laid the canned small talk rap on your customer. Or do you think your customer is supposed to sit there silently??? You’re CHATTING with them, fercrissakes. If you don’t like it, don’t initiate it. Your boss won’t know…trust me. If they all know they’re not being original, why would they think it would make me smile? And trust me, from the way half of them say it, and laugh _uproariously_ after, they do think they’re the first one to tell me that. And I only started it because I have to. Trust me, if I stop doing it entirely, eventually my boss will find out. Either he’ll walk by and hear me not giving a spiel and talk to me later, or even worse I’ll get a mystery shopper and their report will mention I didn’t do it, and my boss’s boss will find out, and I’ll get reamed out (it’s happened before.) It’s just really annoying for me, so why do you think it would be the opposite? And for the record, I do make decent tips. I never let the annoyances or crummy tables affect my service to other people. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2009, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670/106 "2009-06-23T21:17:49Z")
> [@Green\_Bean](#): > > Okay, and we’re letting you know that the smile you brought to our face is entirely fake. Like I said…you might want to find another gig if human interaction isn’t your thing. > [@](#): > > Who asked you to entertain us? We don’t expect our customers to entertain us. That’s just silly. Nor do we expect our waitpeople to be our friends. That’s just silly. You can drop the order pad on the table and pick it up in 10 minutes for all I care. People respond to friendliness (fake or otherwise) with friendliness, generally speaking. > [@](#): > > The waiters and waitresses have no choice. They have to do do the spiel or lose their jobs. And why should we trust you that the boss won’t know. You don’t know how closely these things are monitored. There is rarely another waitperson, let alone a manager within earshot of the kid taking my order. I’ve waited tables. People are busy doing their jobs. If it bothers you to small-talk with customers, then don’t initiate it. > [@](#): > > And yes, you can sit there silently if you want. If you have something to say, say it, but otherwise, a simple “thanks” will suffice. Yeah, there’s a lot in the exchange that will “suffice.” But here’s the thing. You don’t get to call the response you get to your canned friendliness. If someone, gawd forbid, should actually _genuinely_ be cheerful back at you, why would you want to find fault with that? Just gotta bitch about something, huh? ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2009, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670/107 "2009-06-23T21:21:34Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Everybody hates customers, and everybody has to pretend they don’t if they want to keep their jobs. Stupid jokes and stupid questions are annoying as fuck, but everyone has had to learn this little thing called “customer service” which roughly translates to “masking one’s contempt for assholes.” Can’t we all just leer at each other in mutual faux esteem? Man, this thread is a downer. I won’t even be able to open up a can of Chef Boyardee without wondering what that guy on the label _really_ thinks. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![The\_Weird\_One](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7bcc69/32.png) [@The\_Weird\_One](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Weird_One)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2009, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670/108 "2009-06-23T21:22:50Z")
> [@Kalhoun](#): > > Yeah, there’s a lot in the exchange that will “suffice.” But here’s the thing. You don’t get to call the response you get to your canned friendliness. If someone, gawd forbid, should actually _genuinely_ be cheerful back at you, why would you want to find fault with that? Just gotta bitch about something, huh? 😕 This whole thread is people who “just gotta bitch about something.” Even listening to a two-minute canned spiel is a minor annoyance at best. I don’t see any reason why the bitching should be limited to customers only. ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2009, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670/109 "2009-06-23T21:22:57Z")
> [@Merijeek](#): > > I think we can all agree that the only thing anyone expects in a waitress is the requisite number of pieces of flair. Sorry, but I expect more than that. I mean sure, you can get by with just the **bare minimum** , but when my server has clearly gone above and beyond the call of duty, that impresses me. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2009, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670/110 "2009-06-23T21:24:13Z")
> [@Jackmannii](#): > > Man, this thread is a downer. I won’t even be able to open up a can of Chef Boyardee without wondering what that guy on the label _really_ thinks. ☹ He thinks those pants make you look fat, and you should probably go for a salad, instead. ---
**Author:** ![Kimmy\_Gibbler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Kimmy\_Gibbler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimmy_Gibbler)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2009, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670/111 "2009-06-23T21:24:37Z")
> [@Jackmannii](#): > > Can’t we all just leer at each other in mutual faux esteem? > > Man, this thread is a downer. I won’t even be able to open up a can of Chef Boyardee without wondering what that guy on the label _really_ thinks. ☹ That’s why I swear by Spaghetti-O’s. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2009, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670/112 "2009-06-23T21:27:00Z")
> [@Harmonious\_Discord](#): > > With the electronics we have available, why don’t they have a small wireless device they can enter your order on instead of requiring every person use an electronic screen by the kitchen? Hell, if they had that I could just place my order myself. Good idea. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2009, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670/113 "2009-06-23T21:28:00Z")
> [@gigi](#): > > Hell, if they had that I could just place my order myself. Good idea. Well then how the hell are they supposed to upsell you? ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2009, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670/114 "2009-06-23T21:28:35Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > No, I can assure you, these people are all \*very \*proud of themselves, like they just constructed the fucking Taj Mahal. > > In my case, the question was “Did you find everything you were looking for today?” which is a perfectly legitimate question to ask as a cashier at a grocery store. But half of the fuckers had to say some variation on “a winning lottery ticket.” And it’s not always in response to anything, either–if an item isn’t scanning properly, it’s a better than even bet that the asshole you’re checking out would say something like, “Hah hah, I guess it’s free!” > > Any part of the spiel I used, it was because I thought it was part of good customer service. And you know what? It was a good thing I used it, because I got to be held up as a shining example of why it was okay to keep letting cashiers dye their hair weird colors, because a woman wrote a letter to us about a Genuine Learning Experience she had when the cashier with the blue hair and the safety pin in her ear gave her the _best fucking customer service of her life_. > > Regardless, until you claim otherwise, your response has proven to me that you’ve never actually worked a service job, so you can take your uninformed opinion and shove it back up the nether corner of your ass from which you pulled it. I’ve worked plenty of service jobs, including retail and waiting tables. I’d take a cheerful heard-it-before customer over a whining bitch or chronic complainer any day of the week. There are jobs that don’t require you to add “flair” to your customer’s experience. But you’ve chosen a field that includes feigning a Real Relationship with someone who really only wants you to bring them food. If you add that extra layer of intimacy, people will respond accordingly. Skip the line of bullshit half the time and you’ll be 50% happier with your job. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2009, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670/115 "2009-06-23T21:32:27Z")
> [@Jackmannii](#): > > Man, this thread is a downer. I won’t even be able to open up a can of Chef Boyardee without wondering what that guy on the label _really_ thinks. ☹ He hates you. He also thinks you’re a poor dresser. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2009, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670/116 "2009-06-23T21:35:14Z")
> [@Kalhoun](#): > > I’ve worked plenty of service jobs, including retail and waiting tables. I’d take a cheerful heard-it-before customer over a whining bitch or chronic complainer any day of the week. Yeah, and I’d prefer getting punched in the arm to being stabbed in the eye with something pointy. That doesn’t mean I can’t also bitch about getting punched in the arm. > [@](#): > > There are jobs that don’t require you to add “flair” to your customer’s experience. But you’ve chosen a field that includes feigning a Real Relationship with someone who really only wants you to bring them food. If you add that extra layer of intimacy, people will respond accordingly. Skip the line of bullshit half the time and you’ll be 50% happier with your job. 1.) I no longer have a job where I have to put up with that kind of shit, thanks. 2.) Not everyone is as lucky as you–some people don’t have a lot of choice about where they work, and they don’t have a lot of choice about the bullshit they have to spew to the customers. 3.) Just because you enjoyed eating shit doesn’t mean other people don’t have a legitimate complaint against it. You’ve yet to make a legitimate argument as to why it’s a bad thing to request that customers make simple responses instead of horrible, horrible jokes, which the employee will then have to pretend are deathly funny, thus reinforcing the customer’s tendency to do so. ---
**Author:** ![Infovore](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/infovore/32/420_2.png) [@Infovore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Infovore)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2009, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670/117 "2009-06-23T21:37:00Z")
> [@Kimmy\_Gibbler](#): > > That’s why I swear by Spaghetti-O’s. I occasionally swear \*\*at \*\*Spaghetti-O’s. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![smee\_goan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f07891/32.png) [@smee\_goan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smee_goan)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2009, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670/118 "2009-06-23T21:37:42Z")
> [@](#): > > A simple “Welcome to _ **, my name is** _\_, let me know if there’s anything I can do for you” is quite elegant. Going to try that, or a mod thereof, hundreds of times per day in my job thank you, ---
**Author:** ![Creaky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e68b1a/32.png) [@Creaky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Creaky)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2009, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670/119 "2009-06-23T21:39:32Z")
They are supposed to do that; it’s their job. At nicer places all you usually get is a very short recitation of the the special. You don’t like a big family restaurant-style speech, don’t go out to eat at places like Red Lobster. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2009, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670/120 "2009-06-23T21:42:03Z")
> [@winterhawk11](#): > > I occasionally swear \*\*at \*\*Spaghetti-O’s. 🙂 My Spaghetti-O’s is talking to me! It says “OOOOOOOO”! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670.md?page=7)