# Waiters with prepared speeches **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 23, 2009, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670 "2009-06-23T00:47:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2009, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670/121 "2009-06-23T21:48:05Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > Yeah, and I’d prefer getting punched in the arm to being stabbed in the eye with something pointy. That doesn’t mean I can’t also bitch about getting punched in the arm. > > 1.) I no longer have a job where I have to put up with that kind of shit, thanks. > > 2.) Not everyone is as lucky as you–some people don’t have a lot of choice about where they work, and they don’t have a lot of choice about the bullshit they have to spew to the customers. > > 3.) Just because you enjoyed eating shit doesn’t mean other people don’t have a legitimate complaint against it. You’ve yet to make a legitimate argument as to why it’s a bad thing to request that customers make simple responses instead of horrible, horrible jokes, which the employee will then have to pretend are deathly funny, thus reinforcing the customer’s tendency to do so. I’ve just got more important things to do than to complain because people are nice to me. Particluarly when I’m the one who invited them to DO so! That’s all. As long as the exchange is pleasant, I don’t have a legitimate bitch and either do you. So fucking what if you’ve heard it a hundred times that week. You’ve also heard “please” and “thank you” a hundred times, and I don’t hear you bitching about that. Get over yourself or find another job. ---
**Author:** ![Proudest\_Monkey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/proudest_monkey/32/13257_2.png) [@Proudest\_Monkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Proudest_Monkey)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2009, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670/122 "2009-06-23T21:54:41Z")
> [@Harmonious\_Discord](#): > > With the electronics we have available, why don’t they have a small wireless device they can enter your order on instead of requiring every person use an electronic screen by the kitchen? Went to a restaurant just last week where the server did exactly that. It’s a Chinese place that serves divine, delicious and health-conscious food. We’ve been patronizing it for years based on the impeccable service and yumminess, but seeing our server with a touch-screen order pad was new. ---
**Author:** ![Merijeek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f05b48/32.png) [@Merijeek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merijeek)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2009, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670/123 "2009-06-23T22:11:24Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > Well then how the hell are they supposed to upsell you? Same way they do at the gas pump “Would you like a car wash with your macaroni and cheese? Y/N”. -Joe ---
**Author:** ![vandal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/858c86/32.png) [@vandal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vandal)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2009, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670/124 "2009-06-23T22:13:29Z")
> [@Kalhoun](#): > > So fucking what if you’ve heard it a hundred times that week. You’ve also heard “please” and “thank you” a hundred times, and I don’t hear you bitching about that. Get over yourself or find another job. I don’t understand. _You know_ that your server has heard your joke or quip hundreds of times before, so why would you say it again, then expect him to genuinely laugh or smile? I mean, do you laugh at a joke you’ve heard a hundred times already? And, if your goal is to not invoke a genuine laugh or smile, but rather, a feigned laugh or smile, then why even bother? You’re basically forcing your server into a social courtesy because, although the joke’s been said a hundred times already, you feel the need to be the 101st. ---
**Author:** ![Chanteuse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9de053/32.png) [@Chanteuse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chanteuse)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2009, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670/125 "2009-06-23T22:24:03Z")
> [@Jackmannii](#): > > Can’t we all just leer at each other in mutual faux esteem? > > Man, this thread is a downer. I won’t even be able to open up a can of Chef Boyardee without wondering what that guy on the label _really_ thinks. ☹ Yeah, I agree. Guess I’m going to stop trying to be friendly and just go for the stone face and grunted one-word replies to all the waitstaff’s pseudo-charming sallies. I never thought I was being original or especially witty with my chatter, but I didn’t realize that everyone thought I was being an asshole, someone to barely tolerate and pretend to like so that I would fork over big bucks to them. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2009, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670/126 "2009-06-23T22:26:59Z")
> [@vandal](#): > > I don’t understand. _You know_ that your server has heard your joke or quip hundreds of times before, so why would you say it again, then expect him to genuinely laugh or smile? I mean, do you laugh at a joke you’ve heard a hundred times already? > > And, if your goal is to not invoke a genuine laugh or smile, but rather, a feigned laugh or smile, then why even bother? You’re basically forcing your server into a social courtesy because, although the joke’s been said a hundred times already, you feel the need to be the 101st. Because there is no ill intent. It’s a friendly response to a friendly overture. Why would you possibly be annoyed by that? And why would some pissed off waitperson who started the exchange expect anything else? Are their lives so meaningless and empty that they actually have to bitch about pleasant social exchanges? ---
**Author:** ![vandal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/858c86/32.png) [@vandal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vandal)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2009, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670/127 "2009-06-23T22:57:09Z")
I realize there is no ill intent. And, I’m not annoyed that you’re trying to be friendly with me. What’s annoying is the line that you choose to bring a smile to my face has been uttered, ad nauseum, since before I was born, and yet, you still feel the need to bring it up. Let me put it to you another way. There’s a guy I work with whose last name is Butkus (pronounced butt-kiss). I’m sure this guy has heard every joke there is about his last name. Despite that though, there are still people who feel the need to make a quip about it. The other day, I heard someone say to him, “Hey Bill, anyone been kissing your ass lately?” Sure, he means no ill intent and he’s just trying to be friendly, and Bill even realizes this, but is it still annoying as fuck for Bill? Of course. My point is that there are many ways to be friendly without having to use the cliche, lame, and boring lines that have been said countless times before. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2009, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670/128 "2009-06-23T23:12:33Z")
> [@Kimmy\_Gibbler](#): > > Goodness gracious!! Someone has to put up with minor annoyances at their job! To the Batmobile! We simply cannot allow this outrage to go on even one moment longer!! Um… exactly. So why is the waiter’s irritation somehow less valid than anyone else’s? ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2009, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670/129 "2009-06-23T23:29:09Z")
Sounds like the food-service industry’s version of the [GFE](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Girlfriend_experience). ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2009, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670/130 "2009-06-23T23:36:14Z")
**Kalhoun** : I don’t work in a customer-contact any more, but I didn’t leave retail because the customers annoyed me. I left because the pay was the pits. I’ve worked a lot of retail jobs, and have almost always genuinely enjoyed interacting with my customers, even the ones who made corny jokes. I would have enjoyed interacting with my customers just that much more if they didn’t make the same old jokes, though. > [@Kalhoun](#): > > But you’ve chosen a field that includes feigning a Real Relationship with someone who really only wants you to bring them food. 😕 Since when does waiting tables force you to feign a “real relationship?” Unless you think that people are only pleasant to each other if they’re in a “real relationship.” > [@](#): > > If you add that extra layer of intimacy, people will respond accordingly. No. Most people are have the social skills and the common sense to realize that the “chatty” waitress that you’ve never met before doesn’t really want to have a heart-to-heart while the guy at table 4 is waiting for a fork. Sheesh. You’re like the guy who thinks you’re a couple because you lent him a pencil in math class. > [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > You’ve yet to make a legitimate argument as to why it’s a bad thing to request that customers make simple responses instead of horrible, horrible jokes, which the employee will then have to pretend are deathly funny, thus reinforcing the customer’s tendency to do so. Yeah. What the chick with the weird-colored hair said. What’s your interest in defending this? What is the payoff for you in making tired jokes? Why can’t you just say, “I didn’t realize it was annoying. I’ll stop doing this.” > [@vandal](#): > > My point is that there are many ways to be friendly without having to use the cliche, lame, and boring lines that have been said countless times before. Yep. “Hi, how are you?” works. ---
**Author:** ![Kimmy\_Gibbler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Kimmy\_Gibbler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimmy_Gibbler)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2009, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670/131 "2009-06-24T00:16:46Z")
> [@DianaG](#): > > Um… exactly. So why is the waiter’s irritation somehow less valid than anyone else’s? Because the waiters on this thread are the only ones going around complaining about other people’s attempts cheerfully to engage them. Everyone else has to put up with irritants at their jobs too, but they don’t deduce from that fact a right to be pissy with others trying to be pleasant. ---
**Author:** ![emcee2k](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7bcc69/32.png) [@emcee2k](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/emcee2k)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2009, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670/132 "2009-06-24T00:17:09Z")
Waiters should act like real people, and customers should treat them like real people. I don’t want a waiter that puts a big stupid phony smile on their face and acts like my coming to sit at their table is the best thing that’s ever happened to them. Nor should they be soulless extensions of the restaurant they’re in, so that I’m appalled at the intrusion if they momentarily become sentient, and make a little small talk, or, God forbid, tell me their name. ---
**Author:** ![Kimmy\_Gibbler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Kimmy\_Gibbler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimmy_Gibbler)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2009, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670/133 "2009-06-24T00:24:27Z")
I just want to add that I’ve had to go from condemning a restaurant patron earlier in this thread who boasted about ignoring waitstaff’s attempts at friendliness (_e.g.,_ actually ignoring their scripted banter-questions – Q. Have you been here before? A. [No response]) to explaining why you don’t get to fume over customers who say “I’m Mike and I’ll be your customer.” This is why Americans can’t have nice restaurants and why, in the future, we’ll just stick to screaming obscenities and eating McDonald’s. ---
**Author:** ![jasonh300](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/46a35a/32.png) [@jasonh300](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jasonh300)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2009, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670/134 "2009-06-24T00:51:41Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > I don’t really give a shit about the name—on the rare occasions where I can even make it out over the dining-room pandemonium, I forget it within seconds—but they should make the waitstaff easily distinguishable… Agreed! I went into a Waffle House the other day and of the 5 employees visible, four of them were about 5 ft tall, blond hair, angry-looking, and a little overweight. They were like clones of each other. The fifth employee was a tall black girl, and thank God she was our waitress. There’s always an urgent need to get the waitress’s attention at a Waffle House several times during the meal…those little Waffle House emergencies, especially when there’s kids at the table…and I wouldn’t have known what to do if one of the blondes was our waitress. ---
**Author:** ![Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/regallag_the_axe/32/445_2.png) [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Regallag_The_Axe)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2009, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670/135 "2009-06-24T01:03:55Z")
> [@winterhawk11](#): > > I occasionally swear \*\*at \*\*Spaghetti-O’s. 🙂 This usually happens when you’ve forgotten to take your dried frog pills, isn’t it? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Pyper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Pyper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pyper)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2009, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670/136 "2009-06-24T02:11:35Z")
As a sort of side rant, I hate retail workers with prepared speeches. I had to go to The Body Shop this weekend to restock on body butter, and I felt like I was on a covert ops mission. Approaching the entrance of the store…lurk nonchalantly outside to gauge how many customers are already inside to distract the bouncy-haired clerk. None! Abort mission? No, no other Body Shops for 10 miles, mission must be completed. Wait until the clerk is on the other side of the store…silently slip inside, using retail displays for cover. Stealthily approach body butter, careful to remain out of line of direct sight. Let’s see…coconut, mango, brazil nut…what’s this? A new scent? Pause to open sample jar and sniff…Oh, God, she’s caught me! No, I don’t need help, I’m just browsing! yes, I’ve been here before. No, I don’t want “calming tea!” Yes, sale, sale, sale…no, not the “fair trade” speech! Quick, evasive maneuvers! Grab a body butter and make for the cash register! No, I don’t want to sign up for any cards. No, I don’t want a “treatment” before I go. (What sort of treatment? I shudder to think.) A receipt! Grab it! Go, go, go! Mission accomplished, but not without severe damage to sanity. ---
**Author:** ![RedFury](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ec9cab/32.png) [@RedFury](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RedFury)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2009, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670/137 "2009-06-24T02:38:52Z")
> [@ivn1188](#): > > Only clicked on the thread because the preview said “Yesterday I was in Red…” and I couldn’t let it go until I knew which restaurant. I found the preview offensive… ---
**Author:** ![bobthebuilder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c67d28/32.png) [@bobthebuilder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bobthebuilder)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2009, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670/138 "2009-06-24T02:59:52Z")
I hate the long speels and the annoying ones at fast food restaurants are the worst. I worked at a McDonalds for a long time (throughout highschool and College) and we were supposed to say “Thankyou for choosing McDonalds how many I help you?” But I liked to add things in at times if I was bored such as “Thankyou for choosing McDonalds the worlds finest eating establishment how may I help you?” or “Welcome to McDonalds My name is Ronald how may I help you?” (this of course only worked in Drive Through) But when I worked till close I would start getting really strange and since everyone is drunk or high they did not notice. My favorite thing to say over the headset was “Tell me what you want what you really really want” I only had one negative response who spoke to my manager and told the manager that I was saying sexual things to people over the headset. Some people dont have a sense of humor. ---
**Author:** ![sailor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a587f6/32.png) [@sailor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sailor)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2009, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670/139 "2009-06-24T03:03:25Z")
> [@Rebo](#): > > I like to know their name, so I can call them over (quietly) if I need something. I like them to ask me if I’'ve been there before. If I have, they won’t give me some spiel I’ve already heard. If I haven’t, maybe they will give me some information I need to know that is unique to their restaurant. > > I also like to hear the specials, even if I’ve already made up my mind what I want to eat. The specials aren’t on the menu! Going out to eat can be an event. We don’t do it that often. You is weird. > [@Harmonious\_Discord](#): > > I also figure many times the screw ups could have been avoided if they didn’t have to run back and place the order before they forgot what it was. > > With the electronics we have available, why don’t they have a small wireless device they can enter your order on instead of requiring every person use an electronic screen by the kitchen? I first saw them quite some years ago but they have not become popular like I expected. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2009, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670/140 "2009-06-24T03:50:41Z")
> [@Kimmy\_Gibbler](#): > > Because the waiters on this thread are the only ones going around complaining about other people’s attempts cheerfully to engage them. Everyone else has to put up with irritants at their jobs too, but they don’t deduce from that fact a right to be pissy with others trying to be pleasant. Except that they \*haven’t \*said that they get visibly pissy. They said they smile and laugh, but they don’t mean it. Which is different from the rest of us how? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670.md?page=8)