# Waiters with prepared speeches **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 23, 2009, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670 "2009-06-23T00:47:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 9
**Author:** ![Llama\_Llogophile](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@Llama\_Llogophile](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Llama_Llogophile)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2009, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670/161 "2009-06-24T20:11:18Z")
> [@ashman165](#): > > Someone isn’t following the thread: the issue isn’t just hearing specials; it’s the aggressive, compulsory delivery of them which is at issue. Threads are like children - you start them off, and then who knows in what new directions they will go. My original beef here wasn’t with the waiters themselves, but with the corporate dickheads who make them recite specific verbiage and/or full-on speeches. And what worries me, as was pointed out by another poster, is that there apparently exists marketing evidence suggesting this is effective. Asking if I’d like to hear about the specials is fine. Requiring the waitstaff to give a speech, and then writing them up if they dare to change one word is just evil. I appreciate when people are genuine. I’d like to see a policy that allows people to just be themselves, with basic politeness encouraged. I fail to understand why so many workplaces are apparently so afraid of allowing people to exercise their own judgment. It dismays me to see false cheerfulness foisted upon employees. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2009, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670/162 "2009-06-24T20:51:58Z")
> [@Kalhoun](#): > > Well, that’s basically what you’ve said. You want people who are trying to be friendly BACK to you to quit making the friendly comments that they’ve chosen to make. No counter introductions, no quips, no jokes, no smiles, no laughs. Even though your managment purposely MAKES you do these things to bolster a carnival-like atmosphere in every party-down-have-a-blast chain restaurant on Planet Fucking Earth, NOFUCKINWAY do you cheerful, hip, too-cool-for-school waiters and waitresses want anything to do with it. I guess it makes it easier to look down on others if you automatically assume they’re idiots even when they’re being nice. 😕 huh? There’s nothing friendly or nice in deliberately doing something that you know will annoy someone else. The waiters and waitresses in this thread would appreciate it if their customers would just knock it off with the “Hi, I’m Bob. I’ll be your customer this evening. Haw haw haw!” thing. THAT would be the friendly and nice thing to do. p.s. I’m sorry that your feelings are hurt because you’ve been told that your husband isn’t as funny or original as you both thought he was. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2009, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670/163 "2009-06-24T21:16:53Z")
> [@Labrador\_Deceiver](#): > > What the fuck? Are you seriously saying it disturbs you to hear the specials? It disturbs me, for several reasons. One, due to a combination of my poor hearing, the ear-splitting noise levels in many restaurants, and the tendency of waitrons to mumble/race through their delivery, I often can’t even hear what they’re saying anyway. When they finish talking, I merely nod and pray that I’m not acquiescing to an order of pan-seared horse entrails in bile aioli. Two, while exceptions surely exist, specials tend to be priced higher than “normal” menu items, particularly those that involve some form of marine life only recently discovered in the depths of the Sargasso Sea or the Mariana trench, unceremoniously torn from its formerly undisturbed habitat to be shuttled roughly across water and earth, seasoned with something and crusted with something else, and dropped onto a plate festooned with wilted asparagus tips and burnt polenta for the bargain price of at least twenty clams. And three, I read English real good. Stick an insert in the menu or a placard on the table, and if it sounds good I may order it. Having “Stefan” to roll his eyes blissfully and assure me of how \*wonnnnderful \* it is will not make the sale, especially when I watch him exhibit the same rapturous throes when a neighboring table inquires about a BLT. ---
**Author:** ![Creaky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e68b1a/32.png) [@Creaky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Creaky)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2009, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670/164 "2009-06-24T21:22:16Z")
> [@Mach Tuck](#): > > My original beef here wasn’t with the waiters themselves, but with the corporate dickheads who make them recite specific verbiage and/or full-on speeches. And what worries me, as was pointed out by another poster, is that there apparently exists marketing evidence suggesting this is effective… It dismays me to see false cheerfulness foisted upon employees. I repeat: because that is what the people in charge of the chain restaurants want their employees to do. It is therefore their job. Apparently they think that going that route increases sales. If you don’t agree, do your own focus group study and forward them the results. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2009, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670/165 "2009-06-24T21:35:20Z")
> [@Green\_Bean](#): > > 😕 huh? There’s nothing friendly or nice in deliberately doing something that you know will annoy someone else. > > The waiters and waitresses in this thread would appreciate it if their customers would just knock it off with the “Hi, I’m Bob. I’ll be your customer this evening. Haw haw haw!” thing. THAT would be the friendly and nice thing to do. > > p.s. I’m sorry that your feelings are hurt because you’ve been told that your husband isn’t as funny or original as you both thought he was. I only know it annoys you. You can’t speak for all the waiters and you can’t speak for my husband’s intentions. You are creating a situation in your head that never happened at my table. But it matters not one fucking bit. If you are that bothered by other people’s fun, you need to go crunch numbers in a dungeon somewhere…away from people and away from service to human beings. You aren’t cut out for it. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2009, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670/166 "2009-06-24T21:36:31Z")
> [@Chanteuse](#): > > Yes, it was hyperbole. But it seems that any attempt at chitchat is annoying and stupid, so what am I supposed to do? Who has said that you shouldn’t converse with your waiter? Just don’t make stupid jokes instead of answering questions, whether they’re stupid questions or not, because it’s almost certainly not the waiter’s choice to ask them. > [@Green\_Bean](#): > > 😕 huh? There’s nothing friendly or nice in deliberately doing something that you know will annoy someone else. > > The waiters and waitresses in this thread would appreciate it if their customers would just knock it off with the “Hi, I’m Bob. I’ll be your customer this evening. Haw haw haw!” thing. THAT would be the friendly and nice thing to do. See, Green Bean gets it! > [@](#): > > p.s. I’m sorry that your feelings are hurt because you’ve been told that your husband isn’t as funny or original as you both thought he was. Bwahahahaha. ---
**Author:** ![vandal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/858c86/32.png) [@vandal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vandal)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2009, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670/167 "2009-06-24T21:37:22Z")
> [@Kalhoun](#): > > To be clear, my husband is not “making jokes or quips”. He’s introducing himself to the waiter because the waiter introduced himself to us. Why would you have a problem with that? We introduce ourselves to people every day. It’s the correct response to a person introducing themself to us. Okay, you do realize that what your husband is doing is not the norm in restaurants, right? When a waiter introduces himself to the party he is serving, an overwhelming majority of the time, the party does not introduce themselves back. This is just an accepted behavior and no one bats an eye thinking about it. In fact, this behavior is so widely accepted that whenever a party introduces themselves back to their waiter, it actually comes off as weird, abnormal, and even borderline creepy if a guy did that to a female server. Most people understand this, and don’t do it. So whenever someone knowingly decides to be different and go outside the norm, they’re probably trying to be funny. Because, hey, being different can sometimes be funny, right? Nobody ever introduces themselves back to their waiter, so the waiter is probably going to get a kick out of it! I mean, come on, who are we kidding here? You actually believe that your husband introducing all of you is the “correct response” to your waiter introducing himself? I don’t know your husband from a hole in the wall, but in my mind, he’s actually being a douchebag when he does that. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2009, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670/168 "2009-06-24T21:38:11Z")
> [@Kalhoun](#): > > If you are that bothered by other people’s fun, you need to go crunch numbers in a dungeon somewhere…away from people and away from service to human beings. You aren’t cut out for it. Aha, and here we come to the crux of the matter. It isn’t about _being polite to your waiter and treating them like a human being_, it’s about _you having fun_. No wonder you don’t want to stop when you’ve been asked–you don’t care about being considerate, you just care about what’s most enjoyable for _you_. ---
**Author:** ![Llama\_Llogophile](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@Llama\_Llogophile](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Llama_Llogophile)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2009, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670/169 "2009-06-24T23:10:20Z")
> [@Creaky](#): > > I repeat: because that is what the people in charge of the chain restaurants want their employees to do. It is therefore their job. Are you always this submissive? 😃 No one has disputed that it is their job. I have simply put forth the (apparently) highly complex idea that prepared speeches suck. > [@Creaky](#): > > Apparently they think that going that route increases sales. If you don’t agree, do your own focus group study and forward them the results. Not being equipped with my own personal marketing research firm, I’ve done two things: Share my thoughts here, and work to change the things that peeve me by rewarding establishments that don’t behave in this manner with my continued patronage. This provides at least one data point to those who study such things - that turning waiters into automatons isn’t going increase sales with ME. ---
**Author:** ![Creaky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e68b1a/32.png) [@Creaky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Creaky)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2009, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670/170 "2009-06-24T23:14:48Z")
> [@Mach Tuck](#): > > Not being equipped with my own personal marketing research firm, I’ve done two things: Share my thoughts here, and work to change the things that peeve me by rewarding establishments that don’t behave in this manner with my continued patronage… Voting with your wallet is good. And/or, you could open that wallet a bit wider and actually go to a restaurant that doesn’t make its employees give speeches. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2009, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670/171 "2009-06-24T23:39:23Z")
> [@vandal](#): > > Okay, you do realize that what your husband is doing is not the norm in restaurants, right? When a waiter introduces himself to the party he is serving, an overwhelming majority of the time, the party does not introduce themselves back. This is just an accepted behavior and no one bats an eye thinking about it. Sure I realize it. That doesn’t make it wrong or unacceptable. And it doesn’t matter if a waiter hears it 1000 times a day. If they are so bothered by it, they need to find less treacherous work. > [@](#): > > In fact, this behavior is so widely accepted that whenever a party introduces themselves back to their waiter, it actually comes off as weird, abnormal, and even borderline creepy if a guy did that to a female server. Most people understand this, and don’t do it. Let’s see…we’ve gone from different to annoying to weird to abnormal and now creepy? And yet it these little one-offs happen so often that an entire thread full of crabby waiters is carrying on about it? Nice try, but no one in their right mind would consider it creepy. People who are unhappy with their lot in life who look for things to complain about might, but they don’t count. > [@](#): > > So whenever someone knowingly decides to be different and go outside the norm, they’re probably trying to be funny. Because, hey, being different can sometimes be funny, right? Nobody ever introduces themselves back to their waiter, so the waiter is probably going to get a kick out of it! Actually, people DO introduce themselves back to the waiter for no other reason than to return the pleasantry. > [@](#): > > I mean, come on, who are we kidding here? You actually believe that your husband introducing all of you is the “correct response” to your waiter introducing himself? I don’t know your husband from a hole in the wall, but in my mind, he’s actually being a douchebag when he does that. The point is _there IS NO CORRECT RESPONSE._ Anything that is pleasant and appropriate to the greeting is fine. You all sound like a bunch of cranky old men, shaking your cane at passers by and telling kids to get off your lawn. Lighten the FUCK. UP. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670/172 "2009-06-25T00:01:40Z")
> [@Isamu](#): > > If someone declares themseleves a “seafood expert”, that’s an open invitation to test them. That would be fun. Except that the waitress or waiter is most likely not doing this of their own volition, but because they are forced to do so by the corporate overlords. You’re punishing the wrong person. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670/173 "2009-06-25T00:31:47Z")
**Kalhoun** : I’m not a waitress. Please see post #130. And put down the shovel. ---
**Author:** ![Zjestika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/8edcca/32.png) [@Zjestika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zjestika)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670/174 "2009-06-25T01:20:50Z")
> [@HazelNutCoffee](#): > > Jesus, I know exactly how you feel. Every time I go to buy skin care I feel like I’m on a mission to get in and to the cashier before anyone notices I’m there. The places are usually pretty small so it’s never easy. No, I don’t want to buy your super moisturizing strawberry banana milkshake hand cream that would help save orphaned kittens in Africa. Go away. I hate the body product spiels, too, but I have some sort of Rude-Fu that seems to repel pushy body product sales people. I don’t even mean to be rude- I just smile and say “I’m just looking.” I think that when I’m not purposely demonstrating friendliness I must look really mean. But the prize for worst body product sales tactic goes to Lush. The employees are required to demonstrate every product they recommend on the body of the customer they are recommending it to. For example the employee is to take the person’s hand and massage their arm with the product if they are recommending, say, a massage bar. This is a corporate thing that is checked by secret shoppers. I don’t really care to be touched by people I don’t know, which is why I order their stuff online. ---
**Author:** ![DSYoungEsq](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c6cbf5/32.png) [@DSYoungEsq](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSYoungEsq)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670/175 "2009-06-25T01:22:18Z")
> [@Kalhoun](#): > > The point is _there IS NO CORRECT RESPONSE._ Anything that is pleasant and appropriate to the greeting is fine. You all sound like a bunch of cranky old men, shaking your cane at passers by and telling kids to get off your lawn. Lighten the FUCK. UP. I had a friend once whos name was James Carter. This was in the late 70s. Upon hearing what his name was, invariably newly introduced people would call him something like “Mr. President” or say something like “how’s the White House?” He got quite thoroughly tired about it, to the point of being a bit of a grumpy Gus. He asked me more than once if people actually stopped to think about how stupidly unoriginal they were. I guess I should have simply told him to “lighten the fuck up.” :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670/176 "2009-06-25T01:30:12Z")
I don’t want the opening spiel. It is easy to cut them off. It is all about tone. If you let them know, “Oh, I am ready to order! Thanks, but I am ready to go!” in your normal, relaxed, friendly voice, the waiter won’t be the least bit bothered by being interrupted. I hope. Because I do it all the time. In my job, customers think it is funny when I say, “And which credit card will you be using?” to say “Can I use YOURS!?” They it do _often._ It is different from hearing please or thank you over and over, because this little ‘joke’ calls for some kind of response, which means we have to go through a bit of trouble of pretending to find your joke amusing. I have to think of a response that is quick and pleasant and gets us back to business. “Ha! No, sir, you don’t want to use my card! Haha!” or whatever. But, that being said, it isn’t really a huge deal. Some folks are corn balls. I think Kalhoun’s hubby is doing some cornball shit, and I’m not buying the spin that he isn’t quipping, but just being polite by introducing himself. No, he is being just straight up corny. But, so what? A part of my job is dealing with some corn balls, and the corn balls are sometimes much nicer than the uptight know-it-alls who think they have dealing with cust service reps down to a science. They sure are corny, though. ---
**Author:** ![vandal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/858c86/32.png) [@vandal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vandal)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670/177 "2009-06-25T01:35:50Z")
> [@Kalhoun](#): > > The point is _there IS NO CORRECT RESPONSE._ Anything that is pleasant and appropriate to the greeting is fine. You all sound like a bunch of cranky old men, shaking your cane at passers by and telling kids to get off your lawn. Lighten the FUCK. UP. Alright, let’s try this from another perspective. Have you ever heard a waiter complain about customers who **don’t** introduce themselves when the waiter makes his introduction first? I haven’t. And, I’m even willing to bet you haven’t either. Hmm. I wonder why that is. Just because you don’t think it’s wrong doesn’t mean everyone else agrees. There’s a lot of stuff that I think should be acceptable, but most of society seems to think it’s rude, so I don’t do it. Look, if someone feels that what you’re doing to them is rude or unacceptable, then it is. It doesn’t matter what you think. If you feel that it’s fine to chew food with your mouth open, but the rest of your table doesn’t, then it’s rude. If you feel like changing lanes without your turn signal on is fine, but most other drivers don’t, then it’s rude. And, if you feel like introducing yourself back to your server is fine, but _the entire waitstaff_ thinks it’s not, then guess what? Yep, it’s still rude. ---
**Author:** ![ashman165](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8e8cbc/32.png) [@ashman165](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ashman165)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670/178 "2009-06-25T02:03:28Z")
> [@Mach Tuck](#): > > Threads are like children - you start them off, and then who knows in what new directions they will go. > > My original beef here wasn’t with the waiters themselves, but with the corporate dickheads who make them recite specific verbiage and/or full-on speeches. And what worries me, as was pointed out by another poster, is that there apparently exists marketing evidence suggesting this is effective. > > Asking if I’d like to hear about the specials is fine. Requiring the waitstaff to give a speech, and then writing them up if they dare to change one word is just evil. I appreciate when people are genuine. I’d like to see a policy that allows people to just be themselves, with basic politeness encouraged. I fail to understand why so many workplaces are apparently so afraid of allowing people to exercise their own judgment. It dismays me to see false cheerfulness foisted upon employees. Groovy. I’m confused though; when you quoted me, is it because you think my reduction of the thrust of the thread is errant? Or apt? I’m guessing you think it’s apt as you went on about how they start off one way (the way I describe) and explain that they’ll just go off in new directions. ---
**Author:** ![Carol\_Stream](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c2a13f/32.png) [@Carol\_Stream](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carol_Stream)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670/179 "2009-06-25T02:35:34Z")
> [@vandal](#): > > Just because you don’t think it’s wrong doesn’t mean everyone else agrees. There’s a lot of stuff that I think should be acceptable, but most of society seems to think it’s rude, so I don’t do it. Look, if someone feels that what you’re doing to them is rude or unacceptable, then it is. It doesn’t matter what you think. > > If you feel that it’s fine to chew food with your mouth open, but the rest of your table doesn’t, then it’s rude. If you feel like changing lanes without your turn signal on is fine, but most other drivers don’t, then it’s rude. And, if you feel like introducing yourself back to your server is fine, but _the entire waitstaff_ thinks it’s not, then guess what? Yep, it’s still rude. This. In other words, kalhoun, life’s not all about you (or your silly husband). ---
**Author:** ![BrassyPhrase](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ea666f/32.png) [@BrassyPhrase](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrassyPhrase)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670/180 "2009-06-25T03:36:20Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > I don’t really give a shit about the name—on the rare occasions where I can even make it out over the dining-room pandemonium, I forget it within seconds—but they should make the waitstaff easily distinguishable. That means _one_ fat chick with a nose stud and granny glasses, _one_ tall guy with frosted tips and a decided lisp, _one_ token black guy, et cetera. > > Two guys the of same height and hair color? Sorry, one of you gets to wear a welder’s mask and the other gets to talk all night using an artificial larynx. Oh, I’m cracking up! That should be the hiring criteria for every restaurant! It makes life so much easier! From a customer service standpoint, I worked a service desk at a store that had ten registers…maybe 30 cashiers. Customers come in with “did I get this item? Did I leave my baby’s rattle there?” questions all the time. Me: 'Do you remember who your cashier was?" And they’d say–'Well, its this older black lady…and she wears a blonde wig?" Me: “Oh! Dorothy!” And she’d have the lost sock or left behind binky. “I knew they’d be back.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670.md?page=8) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiters-with-prepared-speeches/500670.md?page=10)