# Waiting to have sex **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 18, 2021, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiting-to-have-sex/930824 "2021-01-18T18:37:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![SuntanLotion](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/suntanlotion/32/16165_2.png) [@SuntanLotion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SuntanLotion)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2021, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiting-to-have-sex/930824/1 "2021-01-18T18:37:57Z")
Okay. My girlfriend has known this man for a few years and always knew he was interested in her but they were friends. She recently let him know she was finally interested. So when she visits him, they were watching dvd’s. He made moves and then they attempted to have sex. It fizzled out, as he told her he has trust issues. He wasn’t sexually abused but physically when younger. She was rejected by her former boyfriend and seems to take it personally, even though he told her to wait and be patient. Well, I told her if she wants him, she should wait, if she just wants sex, she should move on. She feels rejected again so I am here to get objective opinions for her. I can understand a woman having these issues, but the men I know would have sex with any willing woman. ---
**Author:** ![CoconutPete](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/coconutpete/32/5294_2.png) [@CoconutPete](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CoconutPete)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2021, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiting-to-have-sex/930824/2 "2021-01-18T19:14:46Z")
So was the guy unable to perform or did he just not wish to perform the act? ---
**Author:** ![SuntanLotion](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/suntanlotion/32/16165_2.png) [@SuntanLotion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SuntanLotion)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2021, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiting-to-have-sex/930824/3 "2021-01-18T19:15:32Z")
She said they started but he lost his erection and he said its because of his trust issues. He made the moves on her. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2021, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiting-to-have-sex/930824/4 "2021-01-18T19:17:48Z")
Yep, guys can have trust issues just like women. And it can affect them in different ways, including sexually. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2021, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiting-to-have-sex/930824/5 "2021-01-18T19:24:49Z")
She has a life full of disappointing relationships ahead of her. ---
**Author:** ![SuntanLotion](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/suntanlotion/32/16165_2.png) [@SuntanLotion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SuntanLotion)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2021, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiting-to-have-sex/930824/6 "2021-01-18T19:25:29Z")
Why do you say that? ---
**Author:** ![Riemann](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/riemann/32/3133_2.png) [@Riemann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Riemann)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2021, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiting-to-have-sex/930824/7 "2021-01-18T19:28:13Z")
> **[Psychological Causes of Erectile Dysfunction](https://www.webmd.com/erectile-dysfunction/ed-psychological-causes)** > > WebMD looks at some of the psychological causes of erectile dysfunction, including stress, performance anxiety, relationship problems, depression, and more. > Psychological factors are responsible for about 10%-20% of all cases of [erectile dysfunction](https://www.webmd.com/erectile-dysfunction/default.htm), or ED. ---
**Author:** ![CoconutPete](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/coconutpete/32/5294_2.png) [@CoconutPete](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CoconutPete)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2021, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiting-to-have-sex/930824/8 "2021-01-18T19:29:57Z")
It’s a very schizophrenic organ! ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2021, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiting-to-have-sex/930824/9 "2021-01-18T19:31:24Z")
Because if she expects that most men will have sex with “any willing woman” that’s wildly out of touch with reality. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2021, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiting-to-have-sex/930824/10 "2021-01-18T21:08:40Z")
How old and experienced are they? It sounds like she was expecting a wham bam kind of experience (and maybe him also.) Not only women require foreplay some times. If he has been waiting for her for ages, I can see that the first time might be overly stressful. One of the many reasons why waiting until the wedding night is a bad idea. ---
**Author:** ![begbert2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/begbert2/32/3357_2.png) [@begbert2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/begbert2)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2021, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiting-to-have-sex/930824/11 "2021-01-18T23:12:27Z")
> [@Colibri](#): > > Because if she expects that most men will have sex with “any willing woman” that’s wildly out of touch with reality. Yeah, no kidding. I refused to have sex\* with a woman I was _engaged to_ because I cling to the false belief that a marriage provides increased stability from a support and custody standpoint, and didn’t want to risk having a kid until I was in the best possible position to do so. (Given that we broke up before tying the knot, I figure my approach was vindicated.) `*` well, traditional penetrative sex, anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Melbourne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5e925/32.png) [@Melbourne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Melbourne)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2021, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiting-to-have-sex/930824/12 "2021-01-19T03:00:25Z")
> [@SuntanLotion](#): > > She said they started but he lost his erection and he said its because of his trust issues. He made the moves on her. And there’s another thread here where a poster asked if we were ever worried about getting an _unwanted_ erection around nubile women. Like I said there – if only life were so simple. [Was being afraid of getting an erection in the locker room shower an actual thing among guys? - In My Humble Opinion (IMHO) - Straight Dope Message Board](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-being-afraid-of-getting-an-erection-in-the-locker-room-shower-an-actual-thing-among-guys/930710/29) ---
**Author:** ![FriendlyCurmudgeon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friendlycurmudgeon/32/5786_2.png) [@FriendlyCurmudgeon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriendlyCurmudgeon)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2021, 12:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiting-to-have-sex/930824/13 "2021-01-19T12:26:22Z")
> [@SuntanLotion](#): > > She feels rejected again so I am here to get objective opinions for her. I can understand a woman having these issues, but the men I know would have sex with any willing woman. Sex is a very intimate act, and if he’s willing but not ready she should respect that and not take it so personally. She’s making it about her, when it’s about both of them. ---
**Author:** ![SuntanLotion](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/suntanlotion/32/16165_2.png) [@SuntanLotion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SuntanLotion)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2021, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waiting-to-have-sex/930824/14 "2021-01-19T15:07:08Z")
He told her this happens every time with a new woman until he gets comfortable, he has issues he said. I told her if he made the moves on her, its not her, its him. Thanks for the info, I will tell her.