# Waitress' inflection with asking yes/no or either/or questions **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 22, 2012, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waitress-inflection-with-asking-yes-no-or-either-or-questions/622709 "2012-05-22T13:49:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 9\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2012, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waitress-inflection-with-asking-yes-no-or-either-or-questions/622709/21 "2012-05-22T17:52:00Z")
> [@ugly ripe tomato](#): > > I honestly don’t know how she could have made that clear just through the tone of her voice. I’ve been sitting here at work mumbling the question to myself with various inflections, which means it’s a really, really good thing I have my own office 😃 I think, ideally, she would have said something like, “Would you like to add a soup or salad to your dinners?” which more heavily implies it’s an additional cost. If you didn’t talk to the manager, at least go review them on Yelp. Maybe leave the inflection bit out, but write what she said and how it made you and your husband think that meant salads were included with your dinners. Obviously, if you enjoyed your meal otherwise, say so, too :). > [@rachelellogram](#): > > I’m far from a classy person. I’ve never been to a steakhouse that didn’t include soup or salad in the entree price. I would be thoroughly shocked to find out it was a separate charge. If she didn’t offer to get the manager or remove the offending side dishes from the bill herself, she wouldn’t be getting a tip from me. And this is coming from someone who has a serious moral problem with stiffing waitresses. I’ve never done it before. But, there was sufficient ambiguity in her phrasing to cast aspersions on her honesty, and dishonesty (even if only by omission) is WAY worse than incompetence. Fanicer higher endish places do everything basically a la carte. You order your steak ($45), then your side ($12.50), then your salad ($13.25). Ok, I made those prices up, but you know what I’m saying. Personally, I find it annoying as hell. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2012, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waitress-inflection-with-asking-yes-no-or-either-or-questions/622709/22 "2012-05-22T18:08:33Z")
When did it become the waitress’ responsibility to interpret the menu for the customer? The menu in high end steakhouses clearly does not include an italicized subheading under the Entree section that says _“Entrees come with your choice of house soup or salad.”_ Just because your sirloin steak at the Sizzler or Bonanza came with the choice of either, doesn’t mean that Morton’s, Smith & Wollensky’s, or Capitol Grille operate that way. ---
**Author:** ![BottledBlondJeanie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/0ea827/32.png) [@BottledBlondJeanie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BottledBlondJeanie)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2012, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waitress-inflection-with-asking-yes-no-or-either-or-questions/622709/23 "2012-05-22T18:46:45Z")
Big girl panties. Read the menu as to what comes with your meal and always ask the server after the soup or salad question if money is that tight. All the upscale steak places I’m familiar with charge extra for everything but the steak and warm bread. It’s surprising you got the wilted spinach without paying extra. ---
**Author:** ![Gestalt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/90ced4/32.png) [@Gestalt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gestalt)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2012, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waitress-inflection-with-asking-yes-no-or-either-or-questions/622709/24 "2012-05-22T19:36:27Z")
> [@Omar\_Little](#): > > When did it become the waitress’ responsibility to interpret the menu for the customer? The menu in high end steakhouses clearly does not include an italicized subheading under the Entree section that says _“Entrees come with your choice of house soup or salad.”_ Just because your sirloin steak at the Sizzler or Bonanza came with the choice of either, doesn’t mean that Morton’s, Smith & Wollensky’s, or Capitol Grille operate that way. I honestly am not sure if you’re being sarcastic or not, given your recent Pit thread about waitstaff and putting hot dishes in front of your kid . . . ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2012, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waitress-inflection-with-asking-yes-no-or-either-or-questions/622709/25 "2012-05-22T19:48:52Z")
> [@Gestalt](#): > > given **your** recent Pit thread Hardly **my** pit thread. Others turned it into a pit thread. I must say I’m a bit disappointed considering the education I received in that thread regarding what the responsibilities of a server are and aren’t, that I seem to be the only one that is defending the waitstaff in this thread. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![overlyverbose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9dc877/32.png) [@overlyverbose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/overlyverbose)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2012, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waitress-inflection-with-asking-yes-no-or-either-or-questions/622709/26 "2012-05-22T20:06:28Z")
I can see where you’re coming from, but like a couple of people mentioned upthread, most upscale places don’t include soup or salad with the entree. I would just suck it up and pay the bill. True, she wasn’t clear that they weren’t included (despite what she said), but in my opinion, she doesn’t have to be. If it’s upscale, expect add-ons to be charged as such. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2012, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waitress-inflection-with-asking-yes-no-or-either-or-questions/622709/27 "2012-05-22T20:15:03Z")
Indeed, I was pleasantly surprised the last time I went to a Capital Grille and there was a side included with the entree (at least at the one I went to.) It wasn’t as humongous as their normal sides but still. ---
**Author:** ![steronz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steronz/32/11765_2.png) [@steronz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/steronz)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2012, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waitress-inflection-with-asking-yes-no-or-either-or-questions/622709/28 "2012-05-22T20:17:58Z")
> [@BottledBlondJeanie](#): > > Big girl panties. Read the menu as to what comes with your meal and always ask the server after the soup or salad question if money is that tight. > [@Omar\_Little](#): > > When did it become the waitress’ responsibility to interpret the menu for the customer? The menu in high end steakhouses clearly does not include an italicized subheading under the Entree section that says _“Entrees come with your choice of house soup or salad.”_ Just because your sirloin steak at the Sizzler or Bonanza came with the choice of either, doesn’t mean that Morton’s, Smith & Wollensky’s, or Capitol Grille operate that way. I think you’re both missing the point. I usually scour the menu looking for details about included salads, but not all menus are thorough and accurate. Not seeing a free salad on the menu, I may decide not to spend the money on one. If the waiter then comes by and takes my order, and says, “Do you want soup or a salad, it comes with the meal.” I’ll say, “Holy shit! Jackpot! I must have read the menu wrong.” Because I didn’t study menu reading in college, and it happens sometimes. What I WOULDN’T do is open the menu and start looking for where it says it’s included, in the off-chance that the waiter was lying to me. My mom would do that. It’s one of her quirks. If the waiter says, “Do you want soup or salad” in a manner that suggests those are my only two options, and abstaining from either a soup or a salad would be a foolish waste of free food, I have two options. A) try to read into the waiter’s inflection and figure out if it’s included, or B) ask the waiter outright if it’s included, and risk looking like a cheapskate. In most cases I’ll choose option A. I’m sympathetic to the OP. ---
**Author:** ![BottledBlondJeanie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/0ea827/32.png) [@BottledBlondJeanie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BottledBlondJeanie)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2012, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waitress-inflection-with-asking-yes-no-or-either-or-questions/622709/29 "2012-05-22T20:53:44Z")
> [@steronz](#): > > I think you’re both missing the point. I usually scour the menu looking for details about included salads, but not all menus are thorough and accurate. Not seeing a free salad on the menu, I may decide not to spend the money on one. > > If the waiter then comes by and takes my order, and says, “Do you want soup or a salad, it comes with the meal.” I’ll say, “Holy shit! Jackpot! I must have read the menu wrong.” Because I didn’t study menu reading in college, and it happens sometimes. What I WOULDN’T do is open the menu and start looking for where it says it’s included, in the off-chance that the waiter was lying to me. My mom would do that. It’s one of her quirks. > > If the waiter says, “Do you want soup or salad” in a manner that suggests those are my only two options, and abstaining from either a soup or a salad would be a foolish waste of free food, I have two options. A) try to read into the waiter’s inflection and figure out if it’s included, or B) ask the waiter outright if it’s included, and risk looking like a cheapskate. In most cases I’ll choose option A. I’m sympathetic to the OP. Do you also want the waiter to put a bib on you and cut your food? If the menu is too difficultto understand, buck up and ask. It doesn’t make you look like a cheapskate, and it will save you the trouble of writing a thread about your server’s tone. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waitress-inflection-with-asking-yes-no-or-either-or-questions/622709.md?page=1)