# Waitress sets the bill in front of the man. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 29, 2016, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waitress-sets-the-bill-in-front-of-the-man/775850 "2016-12-29T16:17:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 9\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Algher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Algher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Algher)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2017, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waitress-sets-the-bill-in-front-of-the-man/775850/61 "2017-01-03T23:37:20Z")
> [@AncientHumanoid](#): > > You have a sister? Obi-wan was wise to hide her… ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2017, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waitress-sets-the-bill-in-front-of-the-man/775850/62 "2017-01-04T13:49:28Z")
When I was in Japan the nicer restaurants had no idea how to deal with me. (Less expensive places always place the bill in a common area, but the nicer ones do give the check to the person who would be considered the one to handle it.) Guests should _never_ pay for a meal, and as an American, it was assumed that I would be the guest. This had the potential for causing problems with business clients since it affects not only the check but also the seating arrangements as well. Almost always I would set things up at first to avoid problems, but I had arguments at some of the drinking establishments who would not believe that I was the boss or the host. They just couldn’t wrap their heads around the concept that a foreigner could pay for a meal. I’ve often wondered what would happen if “traditional males” were somehow sent into an alternative universe where they were in a strongly matriarch society. Would traditions still be that important to preserve? ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2017, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waitress-sets-the-bill-in-front-of-the-man/775850/63 "2017-01-04T15:27:34Z")
> [@FairyChatMom](#): > > But I do find it interesting when I hand the server the check and my credit card, with _my name_ on it, and it’s brought back to my husband for signature. Seriously??? THAT will piss SWMBO off mightily. Usually costs the server a few percentage points on the tip. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2017, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waitress-sets-the-bill-in-front-of-the-man/775850/64 "2017-01-04T15:52:28Z")
> [@Dendarii\_Dame](#): > > Last summer, my husband and I went out to dinner. He went to wash his hands afterward, and when the server came by, I asked for the check. The server said, “Um, I don’t give the check the the woman. I think it’s rude.” My jaw dropped, but I said nothing. My husband came, paid, and we left. > > We haven’t been back there since. I’m having a hard time understanding how giving the check to “the woman” is somehow ruder than what the server actually said to you. Server Cluelessness Level: 11. As for us, since for some reason London waitstaff seem to vanish the moment you want to pay the bill and go, whichever of us manages to flag down, trip and/or flying tackle a waitron to ask for the bill is usually the one who is given it and pays. ---
**Author:** ![alphaboi867](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alphaboi867/32/3898_2.png) [@alphaboi867](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alphaboi867)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2017, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waitress-sets-the-bill-in-front-of-the-man/775850/65 "2017-01-05T01:39:25Z")
> [@Dendarii\_Dame](#): > > Last summer, my husband and I went out to dinner. He went to wash his hands afterward, and when the server came by, I asked for the check. The server said, “Um, I don’t give the check the the woman. I think it’s rude.” My jaw dropped, but I said nothing. My husband came, paid, and we left. > > We haven’t been back there since. I hope your husband didn’t bother leaving a tip. > [@Drunky\_Smurf](#): > > This is flagrant sexism. I would complain to management. I’d just causally mention to a manager or whoever’s seating people on the way out that based on the waiter’s comment we’re assuming the meal is free and then just leave. ---
**Author:** ![Jan\_John\_Cobham\_Salad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Jan\_John\_Cobham\_Salad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jan_John_Cobham_Salad)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2017, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waitress-sets-the-bill-in-front-of-the-man/775850/66 "2017-01-05T03:39:53Z")
Of the hundreds of times I’ve been out to eat with my wife, I’d be lying if I could tell you even once who the bill was handed to, much less where it was placed on the table. At that moment it’s standard practice for the customer to smile and say thank you to the server which is perhaps why I’ve never noticed such a trivial detail. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2017, 8:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waitress-sets-the-bill-in-front-of-the-man/775850/67 "2017-01-05T08:32:30Z")
I suspect that it’s usually given to whomever pays, then, in your case (or the other way round, whomever gets it, pays). When paying unnecesarilly turns out to involve reaching across a lit candle, several glasses and a center of dry flowers the detail becomes not so trivial. ---
**Author:** ![Gus\_Gusterson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/85f322/32.png) [@Gus\_Gusterson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gus_Gusterson)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2017, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waitress-sets-the-bill-in-front-of-the-man/775850/68 "2017-01-05T14:33:03Z")
Most of the time the waiter puts the bill in front of me when I’m either with my wife or with my wife and the kids. I sometimes push it over to one of the kids while the waiter is still there to make a point. What point I’m making is not clear, even to me, and the kids have never yet paid the bill. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2017, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waitress-sets-the-bill-in-front-of-the-man/775850/69 "2017-01-05T15:27:00Z")
I usually get handed the bill when I’m out with my wife. It hadn’t really occurred to me that this is a somewhat sexist practice. I’ll have to ask if she gets irritated by it. > [@Starving\_Artist](#): > > … traditional-minded men aren’t always on the lookout to take offense or to assume the worst (and most insulting) motives in other people’s behavior. So the narrative goes. And yet, here _you_ are being offended by waitresses who don’t automatically assume you’re paying. > [@Starving\_Artist](#): > > I know I like it when a waitress gives me the bill. It comes across as a gesture of respect and is usually accompanied by a smile, and these things make me more kindly disposed toward her. But when she comes up not looking anyone in the eye for fear someone might take offense and leaves the bill at some midway point, it comes across as perfunctory and not particularly appreciative of either customer, so that little glint of appreciation and the good will it engenders are lost. Perhaps for this reason your waitress has found that overall she makes more in tips by catering to the men when it comes to the bill instead of non-committedly leaving the bill in a neutral location. This is pretty much a textbook example of going out of one’s way to be offended. After all these years, it turns out you have something in common with all those social justice warriors. 😃 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/waitress-sets-the-bill-in-front-of-the-man/775850.md?page=3)