# ". . . walks into a bar."
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/walks-into-a-bar/664170
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [July 22, 2013, 6:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/walks-into-a-bar/664170 "2013-07-22T06:43:18Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)
#### Post date: [July 22, 2013, 6:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/walks-into-a-bar/664170/1 "2013-07-22T06:43:18Z")
What and when was the first “. . . walks into a bar” joke?
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### Author:  [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)
#### Post date: [July 22, 2013, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/walks-into-a-bar/664170/2 "2013-07-22T13:48:27Z")
Og walk into bar. Og say “Ouch”.
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### Author:  [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)
#### Post date: [July 22, 2013, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/walks-into-a-bar/664170/3 "2013-07-22T16:59:00Z")
Neanderthal walk in Cro-Magnon cave, say “How much for water?” Cro-Magnon say “10 clam shell.” Neanderthal pay, and Cro Magnon say “We no see many Neanderthal here.” Neanderthal say, “Me no surprised, these prices.”
Guess had be there.
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### Author:  [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)
#### Post date: [July 22, 2013, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/walks-into-a-bar/664170/4 "2013-07-22T18:48:18Z")
A comet wandered into a bar. And disintigrated.
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### Author:  [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)
#### Post date: [July 22, 2013, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/walks-into-a-bar/664170/5 "2013-07-22T19:11:18Z")
From Joe Miller’s Joke Book (1739):
> [@](#):
>
> XXVII. — THREE CAUSES.
> THREE gentlemen being in a coffee-house, one called for a dram, because he was hot. “Bring me another,” says his companion, “because I am cold.” The third, who sat by and heard them, very quietly called out, “Here, boy, bring me a glass, because I like it.”
Okay, it’s not a bar, but it follows the basic format.
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### Author:  [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)
#### Post date: [July 22, 2013, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/walks-into-a-bar/664170/6 "2013-07-22T19:11:36Z")
Two guys walked into a bar…
which was kinda strange after seeing the first one do it.
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### Author:  [@Amateur\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amateur_Barbarian)
#### Post date: [July 22, 2013, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/walks-into-a-bar/664170/7 "2013-07-22T19:41:22Z")
> [@lieu](#):
>
> Two guys walked into a bar…
>
> which was kinda strange after seeing the first one do it.
For he was a Cooper indian, too.
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### Author:  [@Gangster\_Octopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gangster_Octopus)
#### Post date: [July 22, 2013, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/walks-into-a-bar/664170/8 "2013-07-22T22:00:19Z")
There was once one Joke and one joke only that went such…
“Knock, Knock”
“Who’s There?”
“The Chicken”
“The Chicken who?”
“The chicken who is crossed the road.”
“Why did the chicken cross the road?”
“To Get to the other side.”
“What did it do on the other side.”
"It walked into a bar and the bartender said, “Get out we don’t serve you type.”
“So what did the chicken do?”
“He Eggs-itted.”
Fortunately, this rather labored and somewhat confusing attempt at a punchline over time trifuracted into three different jokes and eventually their commonality was lost.
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### Author:  [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)
#### Post date: [July 22, 2013, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/walks-into-a-bar/664170/9 "2013-07-22T22:05:21Z")
## Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to your house
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Really?
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### Author:  [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)
#### Post date: [July 22, 2013, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/walks-into-a-bar/664170/10 "2013-07-22T22:30:29Z")
Why did the chicken cross the road?
He was stapled to the pervert.
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### Author:  [@Scarlett67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarlett67)
#### Post date: [July 22, 2013, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/walks-into-a-bar/664170/11 "2013-07-22T22:44:45Z")
So a dyslexic walked into a bra . . .
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### Author:  [@want2befree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/want2befree)
#### Post date: [July 22, 2013, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/walks-into-a-bar/664170/12 "2013-07-22T23:39:07Z")
> [@Scarlett67](#):
>
> So a dyslexic walked into a bra . . .
baaahhaaa!!! love it! 😃
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### Author:  [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)
#### Post date: [July 22, 2013, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/walks-into-a-bar/664170/13 "2013-07-22T23:46:13Z")
[ ](http://www.framingthedialogue.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/man-bar.jpg)
A rabbi, a priest and an imam walk into a bar.
“What is this,” the bartender asks, “some kind of joke?”
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### Author:  [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)
#### Post date: [July 22, 2013, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/walks-into-a-bar/664170/14 "2013-07-22T23:58:53Z")
A crippled boy, a widow and a blind dog walk into a bar.
“What is this,” the bartender asks, “a story from _Guidepost_?”
Hey, EH, I have that picture on a T-shirt!
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### Author:  [@Amateur\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amateur_Barbarian)
#### Post date: [July 23, 2013, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/walks-into-a-bar/664170/15 "2013-07-23T00:15:49Z")
A horse walks into a bar. “Hey,” the bartender says, “why the long face?”
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### Author:  [@Alley\_Dweller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alley_Dweller)
#### Post date: [July 23, 2013, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/walks-into-a-bar/664170/16 "2013-07-23T00:51:23Z")
> [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](#):
>
> A rabbi, a priest and an imam walk into a bar.
Was it the minister’s day off?
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### Author:  [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)
#### Post date: [July 23, 2013, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/walks-into-a-bar/664170/17 "2013-07-23T01:02:45Z")
A grasshopper walks (okay, hops) into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you.” The grasshopper says, “Oh, really? You have a drink called Fred?”
* * *
A panda walks into a bar and orders a sandwich. The panda eats it, pulls out a pistol, shoots the barmaid, and starts to walk out.
The bartender yells for him to stop. The panda bear asks, “What do you want?” The bartender replies, “First you come in here, order food, kill my barmaid, then try to go without paying for your food.”
The panda bear turns around and says, “Hey! I’m a Panda. Look it up!” The bartender goes into the back room and looks up panda bear in the encyclopedia, which read: “Panda: a member of the bear family originating in Asian regions. Known largely for its stark black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves.”
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### Author:  [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)
#### Post date: [July 23, 2013, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/walks-into-a-bar/664170/18 "2013-07-23T01:43:35Z")
> [@lieu](#):
>
> Why did the chicken cross the road?
>
> He was stapled to the pervert.
Why did the chicken stop in the middle of the road?
She wanted to lay it on the line…
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### Author:  [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)
#### Post date: [July 23, 2013, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/walks-into-a-bar/664170/19 "2013-07-23T04:10:13Z")
> [@cochrane](#):
>
> …“Panda: a member of the bear family originating in Asian regions. Known largely for its stark black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves.”
Somebody oughta write a book!: [Amazon.com](http://www.amazon.com/Eats-Shoots-Leaves-Illustrated-Edition/dp/1592403913/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1374552570&sr=8-1&keywords=eats+shoots+and+leaves)
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### Author:  [@Rick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick)
#### Post date: [July 23, 2013, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/walks-into-a-bar/664170/20 "2013-07-23T04:26:28Z")
A termite walks into a bar and says:
“Is the bar tender here?”
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