# War Against The Giant Mutant Rats--Newslink **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 5, 2013, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/war-against-the-giant-mutant-rats-newslink/652061 "2013-03-05T02:07:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2013, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/war-against-the-giant-mutant-rats-newslink/652061/1 "2013-03-05T02:07:27Z")
Poison gas won’t stop them! Send in the snipers! Iran is at war with Giant Mutant Rats. [http://now.msn.com/iran-sends-snipers-to-fight-tehrans-mutant-rats](http://now.msn.com/iran-sends-snipers-to-fight-tehrans-mutant-rats) > [@](#): > > Ten teams of sharpshooters equipped with infrared sights have been deployed to Tehran to combat the new wave of “mutant” rats plaguing the city. “It’s become a 24/7 war,” said the head of Tehran’s environmental agency, > **[Iran deploys sniper teams in Tehran to battle 'mutant' rats | The National](https://www.thenationalnews.com/world/mena/iran-deploys-sniper-teams-in-tehran-to-battle-mutant-rats-1.576372)** > > Giant 'genetically mutated' rats are streaming into the capital, forcing authorities to use 'poisons during the day and snipers at night'. Michael Theodoulou reports > [@](#): > > en teams of sharpshooters armed with rifles equipped with infra-red sights have bagged more than 2,000 of the brutish rodents in recent weeks, city officials told state media. > > That’s a drop in the ocean: Iran’s rat population easily outnumbers the sprawling capital’s 12 million inhabitants. The city council is now boosting the number of sniper squads to 40, officials said. > > “It’s become a 24/7 war,” a grim-faced Mohammad Hadi Heydarzadeh, the head of Tehran municipality’s environmental agency, declared on state television last month. “We use chemical poisons to kill the rats during the day and the snipers at night.” > They seem to have had a genetic mutation," Ismail Kahram, an environmental adviser to the city council, said. “They are bigger now and look different. These are changes that normally take millions of years of evolution,” he told the website Qudsonline.ir last month. He said cats are now smaller than some of Tehran’s rats, which can weigh up to 5kg. Obviously, Sumatra is somehow involved. And Magneto. ---
**Author:** ![Balance](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ccd318/32.png) [@Balance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balance)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2013, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/war-against-the-giant-mutant-rats-newslink/652061/2 "2013-03-05T02:16:02Z")
I don’t think they exist. ---
**Author:** ![blondebear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blondebear/32/1022_2.png) [@blondebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blondebear)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2013, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/war-against-the-giant-mutant-rats-newslink/652061/3 "2013-03-05T02:17:04Z")
The next thing you know, ten thousand people-oids will split into small tribes. ---
**Author:** ![LawMonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d6d6ee/32.png) [@LawMonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LawMonkey)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2013, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/war-against-the-giant-mutant-rats-newslink/652061/4 "2013-03-05T02:17:47Z")
Now the true motivation behind the Iranian nuclear program becomes clear. I expect a space program next, to provide an orbital platform for the nukes. It’s the only way to be sure. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2013, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/war-against-the-giant-mutant-rats-newslink/652061/5 "2013-03-05T04:37:53Z")
We must settle our differences and band together against the mutant hordes! Humanity’s fate is in the balance! ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2013, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/war-against-the-giant-mutant-rats-newslink/652061/6 "2013-03-05T04:59:17Z")
…so, would this be a masterful example of “big lie” propaganda, or just the guy in charge of military cover stories just not giving a fuck anymore? ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2013, 7:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/war-against-the-giant-mutant-rats-newslink/652061/7 "2013-03-05T07:47:56Z")
> [@Balance](#): > > I don’t think they exist. Inconceivable! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Enkel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/df705f/32.png) [@Enkel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enkel)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2013, 10:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/war-against-the-giant-mutant-rats-newslink/652061/8 "2013-03-05T10:09:05Z")
I will donate to any one that wants to send 50% of our coyote population over to Iran. They’re a natural predator and once the rat numbers dwindle, the coyote will eat their trash instead. (Oh, and I’ll donate double if we staple a raccoon and a ground hog to the back of each coyote) ---
**Author:** ![levdrakon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@levdrakon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/levdrakon)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2013, 10:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/war-against-the-giant-mutant-rats-newslink/652061/9 "2013-03-05T10:42:22Z")
Are these Shia or Sunni rats? ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2013, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/war-against-the-giant-mutant-rats-newslink/652061/10 "2013-03-05T14:06:44Z")
> [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](#): > > Obviously, Sumatra is somehow involved. And Magneto. Or a truck carrying radioactive waste overturned on the street. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2013, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/war-against-the-giant-mutant-rats-newslink/652061/11 "2013-03-05T14:43:40Z")
> [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](#): > > Obviously, Sumatra is somehow involved. And Magneto. I blame the Jews. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2013, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/war-against-the-giant-mutant-rats-newslink/652061/12 "2013-03-05T14:49:03Z")
…but what about Iran’s vaunted secret weapon? … [Persian Cats](http://bestcatbreed.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/funny-persian-kittens.jpg)…? ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2013, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/war-against-the-giant-mutant-rats-newslink/652061/13 "2013-03-05T16:01:43Z")
Paging **flatlined**! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2013, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/war-against-the-giant-mutant-rats-newslink/652061/14 "2013-03-05T21:15:43Z")
Maybe we could send them some of our everglade pythons…