# Warning! Bad poetry alert! (mine, that is) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 21, 2001, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-bad-poetry-alert-mine-that-is/58899 "2001-03-21T17:51:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 8\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![gypsy\_gurl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a183cd/32.png) [@gypsy\_gurl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gypsy_gurl)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2001, 6:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-bad-poetry-alert-mine-that-is/58899/21 "2001-03-22T06:13:46Z")
ummmm hijacked much??? ok so bak to the poetry thing…if I may…I hate to say this but just so you know… **INTERNATIONAL LIBRARY OF POETRY IS A SHAM**. They did a special on it on 20/20 a while back…they had a preschool class or something to that effect write poems. They **all** made it as finalists. So I’m sorry to tell you this but they’ll offer to publish you in one of their anthologies ($69.95), declare you poet of the year ($$$$$ for the trip) and include you in the “Best Poets of the Year” edition…scam…total scam. But, if we’re sharing poetry I hope you don’t mind me posting a bit of mine… Essential There is only need. Legs rising above his head But together beneath the moon They shook for winter sleep. Her weak juice He licked it all. Sincerely said in easy language His lies were devestating, beautiful demons Pink sweet forbidden Hello breast. This eager gift from a crush Madly delicious delerium Barely whispered frantic pants Asking you of urging kisses Only tainted skin could finger play. Be gentle. ---
**Author:** ![LindyHopper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ebca7d/32.png) [@LindyHopper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LindyHopper)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2001, 6:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-bad-poetry-alert-mine-that-is/58899/22 "2001-03-22T06:24:48Z")
Yeah, it seems to me like Dave Barry wrote a column a few years ago about being invited to submit a poem for this outfit. They were going to publish a book called “The Best Poems of 1995”. Let’s see, here… “Love” O Love is a feeling that makes a person strive To crank out one of the Best Poems of 1995. Love is what made Lassie the farm dog go alert little Timmy’s farm family whenever Timmy fell into a dangerous farm pit; Love is a feeling that will not go away, like a fungus in your armpit. But the bottom line is that there will always be lovers Wishing to express their love in a book with imported French marbleized covers. Which a $49.95 a pop multiplied by 3,000 poets Works out to gross literary revenue of roughly $150,000, so it’s A fairly good bet that whoever thought up the idea of this book Doesn’t care whether this last line rhymes. Or something like that; I’m quoting from memory here. The bottom line 🙂 is hey, have some fun with this thing. Write something really crappy. Just being in print is reward enough. 😃 (With apologies to the mighty Dave Barry, may his camel never falter) ---
**Author:** ![Arden\_Ranger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b487fb/32.png) [@Arden\_Ranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arden_Ranger)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2001, 6:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-bad-poetry-alert-mine-that-is/58899/23 "2001-03-22T06:43:53Z")
Yes, I know it’s a sham. We discussed it in my writing workshop. I volunteered to collect the proof. Someone else had done it in my Creative Writing class last year so I felt it was my turn. [Poetry.com](http://Poetry.com) is another story however. ---
**Author:** ![dantheman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dantheman/32/9421_2.png) [@dantheman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dantheman)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2001, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-bad-poetry-alert-mine-that-is/58899/24 "2001-03-26T22:28:01Z")
Well, I got my letter from [Poetry.com](http://Poetry.com). Ooooooooooo, lucky me, I’m a semi-finalist! And I’m under No Obligation Whatsoever to buy the book for $49.95. 🙂 So… **Arden** … did you get YOUR “semi-finalist” letter?? ---
**Author:** ![Arden\_Ranger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b487fb/32.png) [@Arden\_Ranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arden_Ranger)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2001, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-bad-poetry-alert-mine-that-is/58899/25 "2001-03-26T22:37:04Z")
Yep. The kid just brought in the mail. 😃 I get to take it to Workshop tomorrow night while we giggle. ---
**Author:** ![Nocturne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/9fc348/32.png) [@Nocturne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nocturne)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2001, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-bad-poetry-alert-mine-that-is/58899/26 "2001-03-26T22:38:18Z")
[Poetry.com](http://Poetry.com) is as close to a sham as it can be. Of all the poems I’ve ever sent, all of them have made it as “semi-finalists.” The same with all of the people I know who have submitted poems. I’ve never bought a book, and I’ve never won a cash prize. Coincidence? I don’t think so. ---
**Author:** ![dantheman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dantheman/32/9421_2.png) [@dantheman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dantheman)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2001, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-bad-poetry-alert-mine-that-is/58899/27 "2001-03-26T22:47:38Z")
Me too, **Nocturne**. Many years ago, I sent one to another publication and yep, made it to semi-finalist. I actually did pay the $$ to get the book, and I have it to this day. It is cool to see your name in print like that. And no, I wasn’t hoodwinked; I knew what I was paying for… 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![tradesilicon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/439d5e/32.png) [@tradesilicon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tradesilicon)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2001, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-bad-poetry-alert-mine-that-is/58899/28 "2001-03-26T23:50:10Z")
All your stories have inspired me, I wonder if this would qualify for semifinalist: Don’t Pick on Poets! Those who play with a Poet’s emotions Truly fail to realize the effect, For the enemy they now created Has one powerful force they neglect. Do they not know their history maybe? Do they fail to see this world’s true lord? For only a fool would not realize That the Pen is Mightier than the Sword. If you mess with a fighter, he’ll deck 'ya If you tangle with lawyers, they’ll sue. If you upset a cop, who’ll protect you? If you piss off a poet, poor you. The Unholy alliance of brethren Who can sway the whole world with their words, Will be writing their pages with reference To your act so disturbing and lewd. So it is with the poetry contests And the scammers who would take your cash, So it with the Hollywood agents Who would escort you off to their couch. So it happens with hopeful young artists Who’s first painting is not yet displayed, And the newly recruited star model Who must first pay to have pictures made. All the easiest targets for scoundrels Are the hopeful, the dreamers, the young, So these scoundrels attack right on target Never caring what damage they’ve done. But take heart, for the poet has power In his words he can carry the fight. He can tell the whole world to be weary Ha can make the offender take flight. Through the ages the poets have triumphed When they’re gone their names can live on, Just as soon as you send me five dollars I’ll make certain that your name is one! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-bad-poetry-alert-mine-that-is/58899.md?page=1)