# warning labels only you'd want on movies **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [September 18, 2001, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-only-youd-want-on-movies/82319 "2001-09-18T02:40:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2001, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-only-youd-want-on-movies/82319/1 "2001-09-18T02:40:03Z")
I was watching a movie today, and was quite unprepared for a scene in the movie- a woman severely cuts her hand on a glass. It got me wondering if other people have atypical things that freak them out that’d they’d like to at least be expecting before watching a movie. I’d love a “hand/wrist injury” warning, since either type makes me feel ill: I have, and I’m sure you’re suprised, cut open both my right hand and wrist seperately and accidentally, and…I’d rather see a movie character’s throat get cut then for them to have their own blood all over their hands from an injury to them. For example I almost didn’t watch “Stephen King’s the Shining” because of this in one of the opening scenes, but I decided to look away and throughly enjoyed the rest. Fess up, what other weird warnings would make people feel better? ---
**Author:** ![El\_Kabong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/el_kabong/32/496_2.png) [@El\_Kabong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Kabong)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2001, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-only-youd-want-on-movies/82319/2 "2001-09-18T02:44:58Z")
This movie rated “TY” (Technicolor Yawn), indicating that the director has included a gratuitous puke scene. ---
**Author:** ![delphica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9a140/32.png) [@delphica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/delphica)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2001, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-only-youd-want-on-movies/82319/3 "2001-09-18T02:48:29Z")
Dead animal, almost dead animal, injured animal, animal that looks like it might be slightly uncomfortable or perhaps only annoyed. I am such a baby, but I just can’t deal with these issues. And I’m sure it displays some sort of grand character flaw, because most dead people (in movies) don’t upset me at all. My friends know to give me movie reviews that cover animal issues. _spoiler for that dippy John Travolta movie, Michael, where he plays an angel_ … I take my boss’s kids to go see this movie, they are 9 and 6 at the time. There is a scene where the dog gets hit by a car and dies, and I immediately go into hysterical sobbing. _The six year old_ turns to me and says “Don’t cry, this is movie for families about an angel, so I’m pretty sure the dog’s going to be okay eventually.” I mean geez. As an adult, I shouldn’t have to get this sort of counseling from kids, but I can’t help it. (In case anyone is worried, the dog was in fact okay eventually.) ---
**Author:** ![BingoBurringo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/43a26b/32.png) [@BingoBurringo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BingoBurringo)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2001, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-only-youd-want-on-movies/82319/4 "2001-09-18T02:54:53Z")
I want a huge warning on the screen if there is a Randy Newman song in the film. For some reason, I have an insane hatred of Randy Newman’s vomit-inducing songs. I can’t even explain it. I’m like Curly if he hears POP GOES THE WEASLE, only it’s friggin Randy Newman. ---
**Author:** ![Sofa\_King](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/58956e/32.png) [@Sofa\_King](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sofa_King)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2001, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-only-youd-want-on-movies/82319/5 "2001-09-18T03:46:40Z")
WARNING: This is not one of Steve Buscemi’s good films. ---
**Author:** ![Limerick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a87d85/32.png) [@Limerick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Limerick)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2001, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-only-youd-want-on-movies/82319/6 "2001-09-18T03:58:35Z")
Warning----someone’s nipples are ripped off in this film. Sorry, I was recently forced to watch The Cell and I’m still not over it. ---
**Author:** ![Badtz\_Maru](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e36b37/32.png) [@Badtz\_Maru](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Badtz_Maru)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2001, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-only-youd-want-on-movies/82319/7 "2001-09-18T03:59:58Z")
“Warning: Contains Graphic Bone Breakings and Finger/Toenail Torture” ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2001, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-only-youd-want-on-movies/82319/8 "2001-09-18T04:00:43Z")
WARNING: This film contains a shot of Harvey Keitel’s penis. ---
**Author:** ![Mikahw](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Mikahw](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mikahw)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2001, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-only-youd-want-on-movies/82319/9 "2001-09-18T04:04:07Z")
Warning: Someone in this film is beat up with his own dismembered arm (and to think, Toy story 2 was rated G…:D) ---
**Author:** ![Spoonbender](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a8b319/32.png) [@Spoonbender](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoonbender)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2001, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-only-youd-want-on-movies/82319/10 "2001-09-18T04:15:40Z")
WARNING: This film contains a sappy, tacked-on romantic subplot. Use with caution. ---
**Author:** ![Limerick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a87d85/32.png) [@Limerick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Limerick)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2001, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-only-youd-want-on-movies/82319/11 "2001-09-18T04:38:59Z")
Oooh, speaking of Harvey: Warning: This film contains disturbing footage of Harvey Keitel in a clingy gown. ---
**Author:** ![Michael\_Ellis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/977dab/32.png) [@Michael\_Ellis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michael_Ellis)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2001, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-only-youd-want-on-movies/82319/12 "2001-09-18T04:48:21Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by BingoBurringo \* > \*\*I want a huge warning on the screen if there is a Randy Newman song in the film. > > For some reason, I have an insane hatred of Randy Newman’s vomit-inducing songs. I can’t even explain it. > > I’m like Curly if he hears POP GOES THE WEASLE, only it’s friggin Randy Newman. \*\* [Overreaction] I like Randy Newman, OK? Back off! [/Overreaction] **Wanders off whistling "Little Criminals"** ---
**Author:** ![23skidoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/2/f04885/32.png) [@23skidoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/23skidoo)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2001, 5:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-only-youd-want-on-movies/82319/13 "2001-09-18T05:05:53Z")
This movie is rated “VR-SC”: Visible Ribcage/Spinal Column. A woman who looks attractive with her clothes on will remove some articles of clothing and reveal an all too bony ribcage or protruding spine. You have been warned. ---
**Author:** ![AbbySthrnAccent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/eb9ed0/32.png) [@AbbySthrnAccent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AbbySthrnAccent)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2001, 5:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-only-youd-want-on-movies/82319/14 "2001-09-18T05:50:01Z")
WARNING: Child dies or has cancer in this movie. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Drastic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Drastic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drastic)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2001, 6:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-only-youd-want-on-movies/82319/15 "2001-09-18T06:56:31Z")
WARNING: This film exceeds the FDA’s recommended daily maximum dose of cliches. ---
**Author:** ![BingoBurringo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/43a26b/32.png) [@BingoBurringo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BingoBurringo)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2001, 7:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-only-youd-want-on-movies/82319/16 "2001-09-18T07:22:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Michael Ellis \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by BingoBurringo \* > > \*\*I want a huge warning on the screen if there is a Randy Newman song in the film. > > > > For some reason, I have an insane hatred of Randy Newman’s vomit-inducing songs. I can’t even explain it. > > > > I’m like Curly if he hears POP GOES THE WEASLE, only it’s friggin Randy Newman. \*\* > > [Overreaction] > I like Randy Newman, OK? > > Back off! > > [/Overreaction] > > \*\* Um, may I ask “In God’s name, why?” ---
**Author:** ![Kamino\_Neko](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kamino_neko/32/34_2.png) [@Kamino\_Neko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamino_Neko)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2001, 7:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-only-youd-want-on-movies/82319/17 "2001-09-18T07:36:03Z")
Warning: The homoerotic/lesbian subtext in this film goes nowhere. (OK, so that one’s not JUST me…) ---
**Author:** ![Dragonblink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Dragonblink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragonblink)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2001, 8:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-only-youd-want-on-movies/82319/18 "2001-09-18T08:02:56Z")
WARNING: This movie depicts water. Use the restroom now, your neighbors will thank you. ---
**Author:** ![Cougarfang](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c67d28/32.png) [@Cougarfang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cougarfang)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2001, 9:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-only-youd-want-on-movies/82319/19 "2001-09-18T09:17:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Drastic \* > \*\*WARNING: This film exceeds the FDA’s recommended daily maximum dose of cliches. \*\* ah, good one! how about Warning: this film has waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyy too much gratuitous violence (or at least too much blood) eeeyuck… and Warning: this film shows internal organs being ripped out of a character (or two, or three, or…) ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2001, 9:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-only-youd-want-on-movies/82319/20 "2001-09-18T09:54:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by delphica \* > I am such a baby, but I just can’t deal with these issues. Darlin’, I know just how you feel. I’d rather sit through the first twenty minutes of _Saving Private Ryan_, the “squeal” scene from _Deliverance_, and every single slasher movie there is than hear a doggie yelp in pain. The scene you mentioned very nearly made me cry just reading your description, so you can imagine how I reacted when I saw it on screen, unprepared. For the record, I’m not much better about this kind of thing when it’s used for “comic” effect, so I even find things like the dog in _There’s Something about Mary_ uncomfortable. (((delphica))) In response to the OP, I don’t think it nearly a good enough warning that they list her name in the opening credits when she appears in a film. I think between every two cards in the opening credits should appear the following: NO, SERIOUSLY. MADONNA IS IN THIS FILM. ACTING. IF YOU CAN CALL IT THAT. That way, if you get delayed at the snack bar or something and don’t get into the theater until say, they are telling you who the director of photography is, you still have a few chances to get out before it’s too late. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-only-youd-want-on-movies/82319.md?page=2)