# warning labels only you'd want on movies **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [September 18, 2001, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-only-youd-want-on-movies/82319 "2001-09-18T02:40:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Ike\_Witt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ike_witt/32/283_2.png) [@Ike\_Witt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ike_Witt)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2001, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-only-youd-want-on-movies/82319/41 "2001-09-18T16:23:11Z")
Directed by Renny Harlin. Directed by Michael Bay. Screen Play by Joe Esterhauz. Staring Carrot Top. See. You don’t even need to include the word “Warning” in every case. ---
**Author:** ![Why\_A\_Duck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/13edae/32.png) [@Why\_A\_Duck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Why_A_Duck)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2001, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-only-youd-want-on-movies/82319/42 "2001-09-18T17:03:16Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by adam yax \* > \*\*Staring Carrot Top. > \*\* Wow. How awful would that be? Two hours of Carrot Top staring at you from the silver screen. \ [sub](Sometimes you feel like a smart-ass, sometimes you don’t)[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![lawoot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/35a633/32.png) [@lawoot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lawoot)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2001, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-only-youd-want-on-movies/82319/43 "2001-09-18T17:21:17Z")
Warning: Contains families consisting of kids and their fathers. No notherly influences allowed. (aka - this is a Walt Disney Animated Feature) ---
**Author:** ![Podkayne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@Podkayne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Podkayne)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2001, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-only-youd-want-on-movies/82319/44 "2001-09-18T18:46:15Z")
I’m stealing this idea from _Sassy_. (Hey, it was my _sister’s_ subscription, okay?) WARNING: Potentially Embarrassing If Seen With Parents. I rented _Naked Lunch_ and watched it with my mom. Hoooo boy, was _that_ the longest one hundred and fifteen minutes of my life. (And, hey **spoke-** , maybe it had fuel cells? Signed, an Ahnold Apologist.) ---
**Author:** ![BingoBurringo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/43a26b/32.png) [@BingoBurringo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BingoBurringo)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2001, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-only-youd-want-on-movies/82319/45 "2001-09-18T19:13:53Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Podkayne \* > \*\*I’m stealing this idea from _Sassy_. (Hey, it was my _sister’s_ subscription, okay?) > > WARNING: Potentially Embarrassing If Seen With Parents. > > I rented _Naked Lunch_ and watched it with my mom. > > Hoooo boy, was _that_ the longest one hundred and fifteen minutes of my life. > > (And, hey **spoke-** , maybe it had fuel cells? Signed, an Ahnold Apologist.) \*\* Bleh. Try watching BOOGIE NIGHTS with Mom. That was uncomfortable. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2001, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-only-youd-want-on-movies/82319/46 "2001-09-18T19:40:13Z")
**Warning:** the title esquence in this movie has better special effects, music, and plot than the rest of the move. _Warning:_ this movie features a gratuitously-annoying character introduced only as an attempt to provide bathroom humour for children. _Caution_ Movie consists of at least 40% product placement scenes. **Danger:** This production portrays situations, lifestyles, and merchandise unaffordable to 99% of the population while implying that they can be bought on a WalMart greeter’s salary. **Do not** see this film if you are suspect to gambling addiction, are in credit counseling, or have declared bankruptcy. [NR] This movie rated No Refunds. Patrons leaving the auditorium during the presentation for artistic reasons will not be refunded their admission price. WARNING: HAIR STEREOTYPING This movie contains a stereotypically-good character with blond(e) hair, and a stereotypically-bad character with black hair. 😃 [sup]Who the heck is Harvey Keitel? Just so I can avoid him?[/sup] ---
**Author:** ![LifeOnWry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/96bed5/32.png) [@LifeOnWry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LifeOnWry)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2001, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-only-youd-want-on-movies/82319/47 "2001-09-18T19:56:37Z")
Warning: This film perpetuates every negative stereotype of the ethnic/racial/age/gender group portrayed herein, and may even make you think up new ones. > [@](#): > > Warning: Script does not enable audience to be entertained. _LifeOnWry passes an entire Pepperoni HotPocket through her nostrils and leaves the room crying._ ---
**Author:** ![TeaElle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8491ac/32.png) [@TeaElle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TeaElle)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2001, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-only-youd-want-on-movies/82319/48 "2001-09-18T21:53:46Z")
This one is just for the obsessive-compulsive clean freaks out there: WARNING: This film contains graphic images of the filthiest bathroom you have ever seen. You will want to take a shower after seeing this. Do **not** follow-up seeing this movie by visiting the ladies’ room in this theater, because if you think about it for just a minute, you know it’s going to be really nasty too. Just hold it till you go home, and don’t watch the scene that’s 15:20 into this film if you can help it. This warning would have to be appended to _Dogma_ and, of course, _Trainspotting_. ---
**Author:** ![Michael\_Ellis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/977dab/32.png) [@Michael\_Ellis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michael_Ellis)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2001, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-only-youd-want-on-movies/82319/49 "2001-09-18T22:57:00Z")
WARNING: Despite all implications from the trailer, _X_[sup]\*[/sup] will show anything while nude. WARNING: Based on a Saturday Night Live routine. WARNING: Poorly written sequel with an in-it-for-the-money cast. [sub]\* Where _X_ is any current actress who can draw in audiences expecting to see her (insert name of appropriate naughty bits here).[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Michael\_Ellis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/977dab/32.png) [@Michael\_Ellis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michael_Ellis)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2001, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-only-youd-want-on-movies/82319/50 "2001-09-18T22:58:17Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Michael Ellis \* > \*\*WARNING: Despite all implications from the trailer, X[sup]_[/sup] will show anything while nude.\*\* That should have been: …will **NOT** show anything… Damn. ---
**Author:** ![SmackFu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/53a042/32.png) [@SmackFu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmackFu)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2001, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-only-youd-want-on-movies/82319/51 "2001-09-18T23:02:41Z")
Warning: Contains needles going into people. ---
**Author:** ![Beltane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/aca169/32.png) [@Beltane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beltane)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2001, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-only-youd-want-on-movies/82319/52 "2001-09-18T23:18:39Z")
> [@](#): > > WARNING: This movie contains footage of huge fireball explosions caused by things which would not normally explode. > > (That would be plastered in big letters on Total Recall, for instance, which actually had a scene where an electric car went up in a big fireball.) electric car…no problem. I could [b}almost[/b} rationalize that… how the back of an 18 wheeler that has just been shown to be completely empty? (Reindeer Games…ughhh) ---
**Author:** ![The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/74df32/32.png) [@The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Devil_s_Grandmother)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2001, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-only-youd-want-on-movies/82319/53 "2001-09-18T23:33:04Z")
I’m right there with ya, SmackFu. I’m suprized nobody brought that one up earlier. I _warned_ my dear papa not to watch Pulp Fiction. He didn’t listen to me. Warning: The women in this movie are completely useless. They just stand around and scream. Or, Warning: There are no female characters. ---
**Author:** ![serack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/da6949/32.png) [@serack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/serack)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2001, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-only-youd-want-on-movies/82319/54 "2001-09-19T00:45:56Z")
IV Drug Use I hate seeing it. I can’t stand the thought of foreign chemicals running through a bloodstream. ---
**Author:** ![Cleophus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a88e57/32.png) [@Cleophus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cleophus)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2001, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-only-youd-want-on-movies/82319/55 "2001-09-19T14:51:01Z")
Warning: Movie plot based on modernization of a Shakespeare play and/or Jane Austen novel. Warning: Special effects budget exceeds talent and/or writing budget. Warning: Old, unattractive man may drop trou. Warning: Unexpected nudity. Do not view with authority figure. Caution: Plot may not exist. Warning: Movie contains excessive sight gags and/or bathroom humor. Injury may result while looking for plot. Ethilrist, can I use this in my sig? > [@](#): > > Warning: Script does not enable audience to be entertained. ---
**Author:** ![Agrippina](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8797f3/32.png) [@Agrippina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Agrippina)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2001, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-only-youd-want-on-movies/82319/56 "2001-09-19T15:38:29Z")
**Warning:** Something will happen to someone’s eyeballs. Eyeballs make me squeamish, OK? **Warning:** This film will make you think. I don’t need this warning, but it seems like many idiots who would rather be in “American Pie 2” need it; they come out of some movies griping about how they don’t “get it” **Warning:** A re-make of a stupid TV show/cartoon. i.e. The new Scooby Doo film. Shudder. ---
**Author:** ![caircair](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/91b2a8/32.png) [@caircair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/caircair)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2001, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-only-youd-want-on-movies/82319/57 "2001-09-19T17:02:40Z")
Let me add my vote for the TY warning. I’m so squeamish, if I “hear it, see it or smell it, I’ll join right in.” Which made watching the boat scene in “Backbeat” quite an experience! As for the old men dropping trou, how about a general warning against old men (especially old men who have been in the sun too many years) stripping to the waist? Seeing Clint Eastwood’s chest in “Bridges of Madison County” took away my appetite for a week! General lack-of-talent warnings (written by hack, directed by hack, starring no-talent hacks) would be greatly appreciated. So would a “warning: contains music score that has nothing to do with what’s onscreen, but which sounds good through the Dolby and which we hope will sell tons of CD’s”. Or “Warning: contains really lame, smarmy songs.” (This would apply to Disney especially). ---
**Author:** ![Rock\_Lobster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/4491bb/32.png) [@Rock\_Lobster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rock_Lobster)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2001, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-only-youd-want-on-movies/82319/58 "2001-09-20T02:33:18Z")
Hmmm…lots of good ones…I think I’ll go with WARNING: Caffiene needed to watch this movie (that could go on Costner’s) WARNING: Danger WIll Robinson (Hey…somebody had to :p) WARNING: Bones will poke through skin & make me wish I have an airsickness bag. WARNING: Do not watch this movie if you have a brain. ---
**Author:** ![racinchikki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@racinchikki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/racinchikki)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2001, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-only-youd-want-on-movies/82319/59 "2001-09-20T02:47:19Z")
WARNING: A main character in this movie loses his or her significant other and there is much sadness. [My wussy side weeps at other peoples’ broken hearts.] WARNING: There’s a severed head being mailed to somebody in a box in this movie. [I was reminded of these by watching Seven last night with my roommate.] ---
**Author:** ![kaiju](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/a587f6/32.png) [@kaiju](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaiju)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2001, 12:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-only-youd-want-on-movies/82319/60 "2001-09-20T12:12:39Z")
Anything DD-- for dying dog. I’m with delphica. To paraphrase a Jennifer Crusie novel, they should have let Old Yeller live and put Walt Disney to sleep. Warning: Gratuitous use of power tools on human bodies. I don’t want electric drill and knee cap to be locked in my memory forever. Warning: The protagonist’s family/SO/partner/pet in this movie exists only to be raped/tortured/killed/kidnapped in the early scenes, so that the protagonist can go on a vendetta. That “Colateral Damage” is going to rot on a shelf forever, is the only bright spot in my week. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-only-youd-want-on-movies/82319.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-only-youd-want-on-movies/82319.md?page=4)