# Warning labels that should be on stuff in movies **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [September 7, 2003, 5:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-that-should-be-on-stuff-in-movies/200055 "2003-09-07T05:39:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![robertliguori](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/46a35a/32.png) [@robertliguori](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robertliguori)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2003, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-that-should-be-on-stuff-in-movies/200055/41 "2003-09-09T00:45:39Z")
To steal from [http://utlt.keenspace.com/](http://utlt.keenspace.com/) : Warning: Gratuitious Plot Device. Do not expose to confident assertions of its reliability. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2003, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-that-should-be-on-stuff-in-movies/200055/42 "2003-09-09T00:53:16Z")
Caution: Being hung by chains in a shower and shocked with jumper cables outfitted with sponges and connected to a portable battery charger will be hazardous to your health. Warning: Jumping off a multi story building handcuffed to a suicidal man man result in injuries or death, possibly of your over wraught partner. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2003, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-that-should-be-on-stuff-in-movies/200055/43 "2003-09-09T00:55:41Z")
Caution: Eating a scrawy carrot freshly picked from your pitiful garden after Sherman’s March may result in being exposed to all sorts of nasty pesticides or at least horse poop. Wash before eating. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2003, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-that-should-be-on-stuff-in-movies/200055/44 "2003-09-09T00:58:26Z")
Caution: Staring into a Sorority house window of a topless pillow fight may result in being arrested for stalking, voyerism and other assorted perverted weirdo things. ---
**Author:** ![Kilt-wearin\_man](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/82dd89/32.png) [@Kilt-wearin\_man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kilt-wearin_man)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2003, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-that-should-be-on-stuff-in-movies/200055/45 "2003-09-09T01:04:50Z")
On any car or truck: _Warning: vehicle may explode spontaneously if all four tires lose contact with pavement._ Visible in the Language of Mordor as Frodo pulls the Ring out of the fire: _Warning: posession of this ring may cause changes to the personalities of important characters and may result in inappropriate detours during journeys to Mount Doom. Use with caution when in Gondor._ ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2003, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-that-should-be-on-stuff-in-movies/200055/46 "2003-09-09T02:58:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Kilt-wearin’ man \* > Visible in the Language of Mordor as Frodo pulls the Ring out of the fire: > _Warning: posession of this ring may cause changes to the personalities of important characters and may result in inappropriate detours during journeys to Mount Doom. Use with caution when in Gondor._ \*\* One ring to rule them all, One ring to find them, One ring to bring them all And in the darkness bind them\* Actual Ring may not rule, find, bring or bind anyone. Ring may attract Nazgul and cause Gollumism in Halflings. Use of Ring may be addictive and cause mood swings and irrational or erradic behavior. Use of Ring is not recommended for those who are pregnant or suffering from heart or kidney conditions. You must be under 42" high to use the Ring. If found, return Ring to c/o Sauron - Ring of Power PO Box 13144 Mt. Doom, Morder 10853 ---
**Author:** ![DesertDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/desertdog/32/11503_2.png) [@DesertDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DesertDog)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2003, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-that-should-be-on-stuff-in-movies/200055/47 "2003-09-09T03:18:47Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by DocCathode \* > **Aliens may truly think that they’re making the earth a better place by removing our genitals and blasting Barry Manillow though mile long speakers.** I’m not too keen on the first part but the second sounds neat. Do you know how the aliens propose to accelerate Mr. Manillow to a speed sufficient to carry him through at least one speaker? Who cleans up the mess? DD ---
**Author:** ![Diceman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Diceman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diceman)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2003, 11:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-that-should-be-on-stuff-in-movies/200055/48 "2003-09-09T11:46:24Z")
> [@](#): > > WARNING TO SOLDIERS: Showing fellow soldiers pictures of your girlfriend will result in death soon afterwards. Also, do not mention that you have plans for the future, such as starting a business. Once you have established that you have something to live for, you are doomed. ---
**Author:** ![Futile\_Gesture](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f05b48/32.png) [@Futile\_Gesture](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Futile_Gesture)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2003, 1:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-that-should-be-on-stuff-in-movies/200055/49 "2003-09-09T13:14:11Z")
On mobile (cell) phones. _Due to standard plot restrictions this phone will run out of battery or fail to pick up any signal when you encounter an emergency situation requiring help._ On binoculars. _In accordance with cheap 1970s TV standards these binoculars will only show angles of view already shown from existing camera angles, except with a blacked out borders to leave two eyeholes. Any resemblence between this and your actual point of view is entirely co-incidental._ ---
**Author:** ![Isabelle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b5a626/32.png) [@Isabelle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isabelle)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2003, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-that-should-be-on-stuff-in-movies/200055/50 "2003-09-09T19:47:46Z")
Warning: Women: never run into the woods. You will only fall and be killed. ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2003, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-that-should-be-on-stuff-in-movies/200055/51 "2003-10-08T21:15:34Z")
(On a PC used to contact beings from other worlds) **Notice:** This computer is compatible with all alien operating systems except for Macintosh. ---
**Author:** ![peasea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/bc79bd/32.png) [@peasea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/peasea)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2003, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-that-should-be-on-stuff-in-movies/200055/52 "2003-10-08T22:50:10Z")
**Warning** : In case of homicidal maniac, do not use stairs. Use of stairs in upward direction may result in being helplessly trapped and ultimately stabbed, slashed, impaled, cleaved, or thrown from high window. ---
**Author:** ![Moe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moe/32/2972_2.png) [@Moe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moe)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2003, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-that-should-be-on-stuff-in-movies/200055/53 "2003-10-09T03:47:32Z")
On any new advanced technological device, especially if used for transportation, especially in outer space: **Warning** : Due to possible financial constraints (read: greedy beaurocrats) it is likely that certain corners have been cut (e.g. oxygen supply, brakes, manual override switch, etc). Operate at own risk. ---
**Author:** ![VarlosZ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d78d45/32.png) [@VarlosZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VarlosZ)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2003, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-that-should-be-on-stuff-in-movies/200055/54 "2003-10-09T05:43:33Z")
I’ll add another Star Trek entry. There really should be a warning on Data: **Warning:** Due to malfunction, this android may use his android abilities to take control of and/or destroy the starship _Enterprise_ approximately every other season. ---
**Author:** ![Hoopy\_Frood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hoopy_frood/32/8452_2.png) [@Hoopy\_Frood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hoopy_Frood)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2003, 11:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-that-should-be-on-stuff-in-movies/200055/55 "2003-10-09T11:16:34Z")
On a bullet (or really any projectile armament for that matter) WARNING: If shot at the good guy through a car window, good guy merely has to duck to avoid it. However, the bad guy will instantly be hit in the chest. ---
**Author:** ![Fern\_Forest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/71c47a/32.png) [@Fern\_Forest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fern_Forest)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2003, 11:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-that-should-be-on-stuff-in-movies/200055/56 "2003-10-09T11:34:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Guinastasia \* > \*\*Lightsabers: CAUTION-use of this item may result in loss of limbs. \*\* And just below that “Aim saber away from face.” On a cartoon anvil “Not an effective means of stopping animated rodents.” On the Jock in teen movies “Objects in muscles are not as nice as they appear.” ---
**Author:** ![Fern\_Forest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/71c47a/32.png) [@Fern\_Forest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fern_Forest)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2003, 11:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-that-should-be-on-stuff-in-movies/200055/57 "2003-10-09T11:38:47Z")
On any character in a prono. “WARNING! Communicating with this person will lead to sex.” ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2003, 1:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-that-should-be-on-stuff-in-movies/200055/58 "2003-10-09T13:23:51Z")
Warning Never leave British secret agent unattended in this trap. ---
**Author:** ![Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tastes_of_chocolate/32/3232_2.png) [@Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tastes_of_Chocolate)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2003, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-that-should-be-on-stuff-in-movies/200055/59 "2003-10-09T19:47:38Z")
Notice: Unauthorized badguys may NOT, under any circumstance, reveal their evil plot to the hero, even as the laser is about to destroy said hero. Doing so may result in, but not be limited to: Fire, pestilence, plague. Death, dismemberment, escape of afore mentioned hero. In the even of unauthorized plot revelations, the UVA (Universal Villians Association) reserves the right to terminate the offenders membership, and possible existance. ---
**Author:** ![Scuba\_Ben](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Scuba\_Ben](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scuba_Ben)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2003, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-that-should-be-on-stuff-in-movies/200055/60 "2003-10-09T20:38:56Z")
Caution: This fortress is designed to resist large-scale assaults and seiges. Precision attacks by small units may penetrate outer defenses. Intensive patrols are indicated. Warning! The treasure in this chest is protected by a terrible curse. DO NOT REMOVE TREASURE FROM BOX. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-that-should-be-on-stuff-in-movies/200055.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-that-should-be-on-stuff-in-movies/200055.md?page=4)