# Warning labels you'd like to see
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-youd-like-to-see/117826
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion
**Created:** [July 7, 2002, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-youd-like-to-see/117826 "2002-07-07T22:41:25Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@The\_Asbestos\_Mango](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Asbestos_Mango)
#### Post date: [July 7, 2002, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-youd-like-to-see/117826/1 "2002-07-07T22:41:25Z")
There have been several threads in this forum about stupid warning labels (cape does not enable user to fly, etc.).
But what about warning labels that you think really should be on products, such as
_Warning: Attempting to bellydance to the music contained on this CD may result in severe muscular/skeletal injury_- Any Billy Idol album (I found out the hard way, but I still keep trying…)
or
_Warning: Not recommended for use as a vaginal lubricant_ - Sports cream of your choice. (No, I’m not **that** stupid, but I’ve always thought this would be an amusing way to fill in that bit of blank space at the end of the product warnings…)
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### Author:  [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)
#### Post date: [July 7, 2002, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-youd-like-to-see/117826/2 "2002-07-07T23:00:47Z")
On a Church—
Warning: This building contains Clergymen. Do not leave children unattended in his care. Children are at risk of sexual abuse, and/or contracting incurable intolerance and/or superstitions. The Almighty accepts no responsibility for their antics.
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### Author:  [@jacksen9](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jacksen9)
#### Post date: [July 7, 2002, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-youd-like-to-see/117826/3 "2002-07-07T23:10:25Z")
**WARNING:**
Go and fetch all of your tools. You will be needing them if you want to get this package open.
**WARNING:**
You would be smart to have this lawn mower put together by a stock boy that is 16 years old. Even though you are a college graduate, you will not be able to get this thing together and not have some parts left over.
**WARNING:**
This drug produces so many possible side effects, you would be better off suffering with your original illness. It just ain’t worth it.
**WARNING:**
If you drive at or slightly below the posted speed limit, you are taking your life and the lives of your passengers into your hands. Drive at least 10 mph over the posted speed or get the hell off the road.
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### Author:  [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)
#### Post date: [July 7, 2002, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-youd-like-to-see/117826/4 "2002-07-07T23:19:35Z")
If I ended up writing warning labels, I’d probably go in to work one day in a bad mood and write something like _Warning: dangerous or fatal if swallowed. So go right ahead, and do us all a favor, and punch your own ticket. You useless, simpering, un-human thing. We’ll be better off without you._
I guess I’m just not a “people person.” (Insert smiley with demented grin and an eyelid twitch here.)
Ranchoth
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### Author:  [@MachV](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MachV)
#### Post date: [July 8, 2002, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-youd-like-to-see/117826/5 "2002-07-08T20:17:22Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Thea Logica \*\*\*
> _Warning: Not recommended for use as a vaginal lubricant_ - Sports cream of your choice. (No, I’m not **that** stupid, but I’ve always thought this would be an amusing way to fill in that bit of blank space at the end of the product warnings…) \*\*
Reminds me of a bad experience I had as a young boy involving a tube of sunless tanning lotion. (did I just say that out loud?)
**WARNING**
_You have had 15 beers and I am **not** as attractive as you think I am!_
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### Author:  [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)
#### Post date: [July 8, 2002, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-youd-like-to-see/117826/6 "2002-07-08T20:26:18Z")
Beer: Warning, may cause frequent urination.
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### Author:  [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)
#### Post date: [July 8, 2002, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-youd-like-to-see/117826/7 "2002-07-08T20:27:02Z")
**Description** : Message board consisting of several dozen loose screws and several thousand lurkers.
**Warning** : This board can become highly addictive.
**Side effects** : Can include dizziness, nausea, hysteria, and effusion of Tab from nostrils.
**Dosage and administration** : Should be accessed no more than one hour per day. Withdrawal can be very dangerous.
**Interactions** : Do not use if you are accessing the LBMB or the John Edward fan site. May be used in conjunction with Unaboard or Snopes, within moderation. Use of alcohol or other drugs with SDMB will be sorely regretted the following day.
---
### Author:  [@Belrix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Belrix)
#### Post date: [July 8, 2002, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-youd-like-to-see/117826/8 "2002-07-08T23:00:24Z")
Not original but a favorite:
_ **Warning:** This product bends time and space in its immediate vicinity._
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### Author:  [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)
#### Post date: [July 9, 2002, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-youd-like-to-see/117826/9 "2002-07-09T00:25:08Z")
Warning: I AM STUPID
(With credit to Bill Evengal).
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### Author:  [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)
#### Post date: [July 9, 2002, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-youd-like-to-see/117826/10 "2002-07-09T01:25:26Z")
Warning: Suing us for your own half-assed mistakes in the use of this product will encourage the creation of more lawyers.
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### Author:  [@kore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kore)
#### Post date: [July 9, 2002, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-youd-like-to-see/117826/11 "2002-07-09T01:43:26Z")
In reponse to the young lady who asked about the chaos arrows henna’d on my arm:
“Federal regulations mandate all unstable materials be clearly labeled”
…she didn’t look any less confused 😛
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### Author:  [@Belrix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Belrix)
#### Post date: [July 9, 2002, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-youd-like-to-see/117826/12 "2002-07-09T17:40:10Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by kore \*
> \*\*In reponse to the young lady who asked about the chaos arrows henna’d on my arm:B]
Uh… Chaos arrows?
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### Author:  [@Journeyman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Journeyman)
#### Post date: [July 9, 2002, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-youd-like-to-see/117826/13 "2002-07-09T18:14:18Z")
Chaos Arrows: Ammunition for any bow. These arrows seeth with chaotic power, and do an additional 1d6 points of damage to creatures of lawful alignment.
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### Author:  [@Narile](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Narile)
#### Post date: [July 10, 2002, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-youd-like-to-see/117826/14 "2002-07-10T03:52:23Z")
A Chaos arrow is a symbol of arrows all radiating out from a common center, think of it kind of like an asterix or a starburst with arrow heads on each arm.
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### Author:  [@jasg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jasg)
#### Post date: [July 10, 2002, 4:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-youd-like-to-see/117826/15 "2002-07-10T04:20:19Z")
WARNING: Do not look into laser with remaining eye.
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### Author:  [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)
#### Post date: [July 10, 2002, 4:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-youd-like-to-see/117826/16 "2002-07-10T04:47:27Z")
\*\*Warning:[b/] I am a man unable to commit. If found in a relationship, my significant other should be warned of instability and potential abandonment.
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### Author:  [@Sublight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sublight)
#### Post date: [July 10, 2002, 5:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-youd-like-to-see/117826/17 "2002-07-10T05:40:38Z")
SMDB:
**Warning:** Preconceived notions may undergo rapid decompression.
CNN:
**Notice:** Product does not actually contain real news. Contents include 95% filler and 5% news by-products.
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### Author:  [@Bullwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullwinkle)
#### Post date: [July 10, 2002, 7:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-youd-like-to-see/117826/18 "2002-07-10T07:49:57Z")
WARNING: This compact disc contains one well-crafted, radio-friendly, hit song and eleven crappy filler songs. A month from now, you will have forgotten that you own this compact disc. Next year you will sell it at a yard sale for a quarter.
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### Author:  [@majinborg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/majinborg)
#### Post date: [July 10, 2002, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-youd-like-to-see/117826/19 "2002-07-10T13:07:45Z")
Warning: This object is 99.99999999999% vacuum.
Warning: The protons in this object will decay in approximately ten billion years.
---
### Author:  [@Jervoise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jervoise)
#### Post date: [July 10, 2002, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-youd-like-to-see/117826/20 "2002-07-10T14:18:49Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by MachV \*
> \*\ ***WARNING**
> _You have had 15 beers and I am **not** as attractive as you think I am!_ \*\*
**WARNING**
You have consumed 11 vodka premixes and YOU are **not** as attractive to me as you think you are! 😛
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