# Warning labels you'd like to see **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 7, 2002, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-youd-like-to-see/117826 "2002-07-07T22:41:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2002, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-youd-like-to-see/117826/21 "2002-07-10T18:08:38Z")
Found on a Porsche dashboard: “This vehicle not intended to act as a penile prothesis” On Hardly-Ablesons: “Loud pipes do **NOT** save lives” ---
**Author:** ![HPL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3da27b/32.png) [@HPL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HPL)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2002, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-youd-like-to-see/117826/22 "2002-07-10T20:22:37Z")
**Warning** We are just going to say it right here. You should not use this object. If you do use this object, it is implied that you agree not to sue us. **Warning** Not to be used by Morons. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2002, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-youd-like-to-see/117826/23 "2002-07-10T21:38:53Z")
Before movies: “Warning: The following entertainment is not guaranteed to be entertaining.” ---
**Author:** ![Chance\_the\_Gardener](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eada6e/32.png) [@Chance\_the\_Gardener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chance_the_Gardener)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2002, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-youd-like-to-see/117826/24 "2002-07-10T23:30:59Z")
**On pay phones:** Cash or credit card only. Personal checks not accepted. _(I’ve actually made these labels and stuck them on pay phones before. Some may still exist. Check lower Manhattan. It’s been a couple of years, though.)_ **On American voting booths:** Warning: you are not actually voting for the candidate of choice, but for someone who will vote for the candidate of their choice. Your suggested candidate will not necessarily receive your endorsement. ---
**Author:** ![LolaCocaCola](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7cd45c/32.png) [@LolaCocaCola](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LolaCocaCola)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2002, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-youd-like-to-see/117826/25 "2002-07-10T23:45:19Z")
**"Idiot Driver On Board"** ---
**Author:** ![baltotop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f19dbf/32.png) [@baltotop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/baltotop)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2002, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-youd-like-to-see/117826/26 "2002-07-11T02:38:05Z")
I found these on the internet For the Bible: **Warning: Literal Belief In This Book May Endanger Your Mental Health And Life!** **Disclaimer: Contents May Conflict With Reality** ---
**Author:** ![CRorex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CRorex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CRorex)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2002, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-youd-like-to-see/117826/27 "2002-07-11T16:00:18Z")
Warning: Stupid It works on so many levels 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![lurkernomore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d6d6ee/32.png) [@lurkernomore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lurkernomore)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2002, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-youd-like-to-see/117826/28 "2002-07-11T18:51:28Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Thea Logica \* > \*\* > > _Warning: Not recommended for use as a vaginal lubricant_ - Sports cream of your choice. (No, I’m not **that** stupid, but I’ve always thought this would be an amusing way to fill in that bit of blank space at the end of the product warnings…) \*\* How about one for the lubricant? IF YOU APPLY THIS WITH YOUR FINGERS, DO NOT STICK THEM IN YOUR BOYFRIEND’S MOUTH BEFORE WASHING I really want a yuk smiley right now…don’t ask… ---
**Author:** ![jdc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@jdc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jdc)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2002, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-youd-like-to-see/117826/29 "2002-07-11T20:35:11Z")
A large number of Physics warning labels: [http://www.cs.berkeley.edu/~laura/humor/warning\_labels.html](http://www.cs.berkeley.edu/~laura/humor/warning_labels.html) ---
**Author:** ![partly\_warmer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/bc8723/32.png) [@partly\_warmer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/partly_warmer)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2002, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-youd-like-to-see/117826/30 "2002-07-11T20:39:10Z")
On selected science-fiction books: **Warning!** The storyline in this tale does not resolve in the universe being saved from voracious, intelligent insects, nor in the main character discovering universal consciousness. On a Buddhist book: **Warning!** This book does not come with warnings! On cookbooks: **Warning!** This book sponsored by Weight Watchers. On sex manuals: **Warning!** This book will not permanently improve your sex life. You’ll try about three things in this entire book, then it will sit on the shelves until your sons and daughters discover it. And they will try these techniques on their first date. On kid’s chapter books: **Warning!** There are 37 books in this series. If you like this one, you will almost certainly spend $97 buying the rest, as well as temporarily lowering your intelligence during the 15 weeks it will take you to read them all. Once the series concludes you will be strongly encouraged to read the next series by Katherine Applegate, who writes a book every three weeks. ---
**Author:** ![monica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a183cd/32.png) [@monica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monica)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2002, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-youd-like-to-see/117826/31 "2002-07-12T01:50:31Z")
On math school books: Warning: If you open this book, you will become hopelessly confused. Have a bottle of advil on hand for any headaches incurred while attempting to decipher the instructions. Warning: If you are a parent, you will not be able to assist your child with the work in this book. It’s too advanced for you. On McDonald’s products: Warning: Food does not contain real meat ---
**Author:** ![baltotop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f19dbf/32.png) [@baltotop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/baltotop)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2002, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-youd-like-to-see/117826/32 "2002-07-12T03:19:28Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by monica \* > \*\* > On McDonald’s products: > Warning: Food does not contain real meat \*\* **LOL** This is so true… 🙂 Once a friend of mine ordered a burger at McD’s and said only sauce and thats what she got only sauce with no meat, But ofcourse she ment no pickles and other stuff. Who would ask for no meat. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Michael\_Ellis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/977dab/32.png) [@Michael\_Ellis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michael_Ellis)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2002, 6:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-youd-like-to-see/117826/33 "2002-07-12T06:10:11Z")
On rental copies and/or theater posters for certain movies: **WARNING FOR MEN:** Despite what the trailers led you to believe, the _young sexy actress du jour_ will not be appearing nude or topless in this movie. And since the rest of this movie sucks on toast, just go rent _Force 10 from Navarone_ or, better yet, _Animal House_. There _is_ nudity in the latter movie. Thank you. On Ann Coulter columns: **WARNING:** This column is fair, balanced and accurate…if this was some weird parallel universe. On pictures of Britney Spears: **WARNING:** No amount of wishing and/or witchcraft or black magic will cause Ms. Spears to come to your bedroom in skimpy underthings. Go take a shower, _now._ ---
**Author:** ![Cyberhwk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7993a0/32.png) [@Cyberhwk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cyberhwk)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2002, 7:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-youd-like-to-see/117826/34 "2002-07-12T07:36:48Z")
**WARNING:** Living is the leading cause of death. **WARNING:** Keep toy far away from any kid that could in any way, shape, or form ever even have the NOTION of ideas that might cause him/her to hurt themselves. ---
**Author:** ![Largo62](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/45deac/32.png) [@Largo62](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Largo62)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2002, 8:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-youd-like-to-see/117826/35 "2002-07-12T08:16:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by HPL \* > \*\*_Warning_ > Not to be used by Morons. \*\* On cigarette pack, Jack Daniel’s label, cola bottle, coffee can: **Warning** Not to be used by Mormons. ---
**Author:** ![Shade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@Shade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shade)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2002, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-youd-like-to-see/117826/36 "2002-07-12T15:18:15Z")
On email and websites: WARNING! Just because it’s on a computer doesn’t mean its true. Oh, and google for alchohol product warnings. ---
**Author:** ![Belrix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed655f/32.png) [@Belrix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Belrix)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2002, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-youd-like-to-see/117826/37 "2002-07-12T15:43:34Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by baltotop \* > \*\*Who would ask for no meat. :smack: \*\* Just an aside - in my Burger King days we had the occaisional order for no-meat burger. We had a write-in button on the cash-register for it labeled “Veggie Burger”. We also had the dum dum that ordered a burger that had been run through the broiler twice. We served him what looked like a dressed-up charcoal briquette. _Have it your way_ ---
**Author:** ![baltotop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f19dbf/32.png) [@baltotop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/baltotop)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2002, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-youd-like-to-see/117826/38 "2002-07-12T19:01:19Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Belrix \* > \*\* > > Just an aside - in my Burger King days we had the occaisional order for no-meat burger. We had a write-in button on the cash-register for it labeled “Veggie Burger”. > > We also had the dum dum that ordered a burger that had been run through the broiler twice. We served him what looked like a dressed-up charcoal briquette. > > _Have it your way_ \*\* We had a button on our register also but people would request no meat and that was fine with us, but my friend didnt and they just gave her a bun with sauce and that was plan silly. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warning-labels-youd-like-to-see/117826.md?page=1)