# Warnings that products should have but don’t.
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warnings-that-products-should-have-but-don-t/376764
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion
**Created:** [October 17, 2006, 12:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warnings-that-products-should-have-but-don-t/376764 "2006-10-17T12:46:06Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)
#### Post date: [October 17, 2006, 12:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warnings-that-products-should-have-but-don-t/376764/1 "2006-10-17T12:46:06Z")
Warnings that products should have but don’t.
Share a product warning that some items should have on them.
Soy milk – Your not gonna like it. I tastes like wash water from a batch of gym clothes.
Chocolate bar – Do not take away from a feeding adult. They may bite if you try.
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### Author:  [@Pocito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pocito)
#### Post date: [October 17, 2006, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warnings-that-products-should-have-but-don-t/376764/2 "2006-10-17T13:36:09Z")
Gaucho pants: It doesn’t matter what your body type is. You will look fat, frumpy, and ridiculous in these pants. People will point at your ass and whisper.
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### Author:  [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)
#### Post date: [October 17, 2006, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warnings-that-products-should-have-but-don-t/376764/3 "2006-10-17T13:42:46Z")
_Encino Man_: Trust me, folks. You really don’t want to rent this one.
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### Author:  [@Blaster\_Master](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blaster_Master)
#### Post date: [October 17, 2006, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warnings-that-products-should-have-but-don-t/376764/4 "2006-10-17T14:01:22Z")
Diet Soda - drinking a diet soda instead of a regular soda will not offset the other 1500 calories you’re eating this meal and help you lose weight.
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### Author:  [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)
#### Post date: [October 17, 2006, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warnings-that-products-should-have-but-don-t/376764/5 "2006-10-17T14:23:02Z")
[QUOTE=Pocito]
Gaucho pants: It doesn’t matter what your body type is. You will look fat, frumpy, and ridiculous in these pants. People will point at your ass and whisper.
[/QUOTE]
I heartily agree with that one.
Ladies compact - On the top when closed. - You may not like what you see.
Full length mirror - Objects seen in this mirror are to actual size. The manufacture is not responsible for the size and shape of objects viewed in this mirror.
Package of drinking straws - The use of this product for snorting coke is not an approved use by the manufacturer and voids all warranties. The Manufacturer is not liable for misuse of it’s products and resultant injury to others. By opening this package you agree to the above terms of use and take on all liability for it’s use.
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### Author:  [@corkboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/corkboard)
#### Post date: [October 17, 2006, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warnings-that-products-should-have-but-don-t/376764/6 "2006-10-17T14:42:14Z")
McDonald’s- it’ll be tasty while you eat it, but 15 minutes later you’ll feel like crap.
Windows XP- now more bloated!
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### Author:  [@Raguleader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Raguleader)
#### Post date: [October 17, 2006, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warnings-that-products-should-have-but-don-t/376764/7 "2006-10-17T15:08:51Z")
Pencil Sharpener: Not to be used as a masturbatory aid. (Actually, this could be used for all sorts of random stuff)
'You’re So Vain" by Carly Simone - This song is not about you.
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### Author:  [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)
#### Post date: [October 17, 2006, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warnings-that-products-should-have-but-don-t/376764/8 "2006-10-17T15:24:17Z")
[QUOTE=Pocito]
Gaucho pants: It doesn’t matter what your body type is. You will look fat, frumpy, and ridiculous in these pants. People will point at your ass and whisper.
[/QUOTE]
Questionable fashion choice today at work: _plaid_ gauchos.
Warning: Captain Crunch, although not nutritious at all, will _fuck_ the roof of your mouth _up._ Especially if you have a second bowl.
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### Author:  [@Mindfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mindfield)
#### Post date: [October 17, 2006, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warnings-that-products-should-have-but-don-t/376764/9 "2006-10-17T15:28:13Z")
On the subject of pants, for those baggy-ass jeans the kids (who should get the hell off my lawn) are wearing:
Warning: These pants will give you the appearance of being in dire need of a diaper change resulting in a net effect of people pointing and laughing – upwind and at a safe distance.
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### Author:  [@Shecky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shecky)
#### Post date: [October 17, 2006, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warnings-that-products-should-have-but-don-t/376764/10 "2006-10-17T15:29:16Z")
pumice stone -Do not use on genatalia.
Xbox - Don’t buy this for your husband unless you like him turning into a 7-year-old
Bacon - do not fry while naked.
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### Author:  [@Raguleader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Raguleader)
#### Post date: [October 17, 2006, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warnings-that-products-should-have-but-don-t/376764/11 "2006-10-17T15:33:35Z")
Boeing 777 - Not intended for use while on a treadmill or other exercise equipment.
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### Author:  [@Bridget\_Burke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bridget_Burke)
#### Post date: [October 17, 2006, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warnings-that-products-should-have-but-don-t/376764/12 "2006-10-17T15:44:21Z")
In the checkout line at my neighborhood nursery, I noticed a lady with a “Firecracker Fern.” [http://almostedenplants.com/mall/Firecrackerfern.asp](http://almostedenplants.com/mall/Firecrackerfern.asp)
I almost grabbed the plant from her hand & told her “no, don’t!” With graceful leaves, tiny berries & red flowers, it grows well in Houston. All too well. Full sun is recommended, but mine is in partial shade. It sends out shoots, which root. More firecracker ferns! Then, they send out shoots…
Cooler weather is best for strenuous garden tasks down here. Soon, I’ll be digging up 99% of the firecracker fern. (The ground is soft now, due to the recent downpours.) I’ll probably pot some of the extra plants for presents, or a garage/plant sale. However, I’ll include a warning with each plant.
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### Author:  [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)
#### Post date: [October 17, 2006, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warnings-that-products-should-have-but-don-t/376764/13 "2006-10-17T18:33:55Z")
This is because of an experience of my aunt, that was a public health nurse in the 80’s.
Raid bug spray - Do not spray on genitals. Product will give you a chemical burn and may result in skin loss.
I always loved that story.
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### Author:  [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)
#### Post date: [October 17, 2006, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warnings-that-products-should-have-but-don-t/376764/14 "2006-10-17T18:42:42Z")
[QUOTE=Harmonious Discord]
This is because of an experience of my aunt, that was a public health nurse in the 80’s.
Raid bug spray - Do not spray on genitals. Product will give you a chemical burn and may result in skin loss.
I always loved that story.
[/QUOTE]
Oh my God. Crabs? Scabies? Just generally looney?
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### Author:  [@Marlitharn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marlitharn)
#### Post date: [October 17, 2006, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warnings-that-products-should-have-but-don-t/376764/15 "2006-10-17T18:51:23Z")
[QUOTE=JThunder]
_Encino Man_: Trust me, folks. You really don’t want to rent this one.
[/QUOTE]
I beg to differ. Five words: _Brendan Fraser in a loincloth._ Just turn it off after he gets dressed.
Hanging lamps/chandeliers: The manufacturer is not responsible if you fail to take into account the height of your tallest family member/frequent visitor when installing this lurking skull bludgeon.
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### Author:  [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)
#### Post date: [October 17, 2006, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warnings-that-products-should-have-but-don-t/376764/16 "2006-10-17T18:51:52Z")
[QUOTE=WhyNot]
Oh my God. Crabs? Scabies? Just generally looney?
[/QUOTE]
… thought it was glitter spray?
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### Author:  [@THespos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/THespos)
#### Post date: [October 17, 2006, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warnings-that-products-should-have-but-don-t/376764/17 "2006-10-17T19:00:51Z")
Carpet Fresh - Warning! Do not walk on carpet in bare feet after using this product. Discontinue use if rash develops on feet.
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### Author:  [@DeVena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeVena)
#### Post date: [October 17, 2006, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warnings-that-products-should-have-but-don-t/376764/18 "2006-10-17T19:08:30Z")
Movie Popcorn - Warning: Do not eat for at least 1 week before visiting the dental hygenist. Unless you like bleeding gums.
Cell Phone: Not for use while intoxicated. Trust me.
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### Author:  [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)
#### Post date: [October 17, 2006, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warnings-that-products-should-have-but-don-t/376764/19 "2006-10-17T19:17:35Z")
**Grape-Nuts Cereal:** Do not try to pour the same size bowl of this that you do of your usual cereal. You won’t finish it, and if you do, you won’t shit for a week.
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### Author:  [@myskepticsight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/myskepticsight)
#### Post date: [October 17, 2006, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warnings-that-products-should-have-but-don-t/376764/20 "2006-10-17T19:20:33Z")
[QUOTE=Ethilrist]
Warning: Captain Crunch, although not nutritious at all, will _fuck_ the roof of your mouth _up._ Especially if you have a second bowl.
[/QUOTE]
I think I may be the only Captain Crunch consumer who does not complain of this side effect.
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