# Warnings that products should have but don’t. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 17, 2006, 12:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warnings-that-products-should-have-but-don-t/376764 "2006-10-17T12:46:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Godfrey\_Daniels](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Godfrey\_Daniels](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Godfrey_Daniels)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2006, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warnings-that-products-should-have-but-don-t/376764/21 "2006-10-17T19:41:39Z")
Mickey D’s QP Cheese Value Meal - Consumer may experience extreme gastric distress, resulting in acute, explosive, diarrhea that will occur between the hours of 2:15 and 3:00 am, causing sleeping partner to utter profane exclamations with regard to consumer’s immediate ancestry, upon being awakened by audio and olfactory shock waves emanating from adjoining bathroom. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2006, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warnings-that-products-should-have-but-don-t/376764/22 "2006-10-17T19:49:42Z")
Penis enlargement pump: You’ve already proven yourself a sucker by paying for this thing. Think twice before you actually try to “use” it. Consider how a hickey is made, and what it looks like. ---
**Author:** ![Eleanor\_of\_Aquitaine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a88e4f/32.png) [@Eleanor\_of\_Aquitaine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eleanor_of_Aquitaine)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2006, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warnings-that-products-should-have-but-don-t/376764/23 "2006-10-17T19:57:11Z")
Baby strollers: There is only an 18% chance that your baby will ever willingly ride in this stroller. Babies like to be \*carried \*through the mall. ---
**Author:** ![overeasy4](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/b9bd4f/32.png) [@overeasy4](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/overeasy4)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2006, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warnings-that-products-should-have-but-don-t/376764/24 "2006-10-17T20:12:47Z")
These are great. How about on package of tinsel: Warning. You will be finding this about your house even into July. on really inexpensive toilet paper: can be used as paper. ---
**Author:** ![lokij](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/5e9695/32.png) [@lokij](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lokij)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2006, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warnings-that-products-should-have-but-don-t/376764/25 "2006-10-17T20:34:37Z")
From the many horror stories I’ve read online… Any brand of vacuum cleaner: Warning! Do not attempt sexual congress with this product, severe injury will result. ---
**Author:** ![Sonia\_Montdore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/90ced4/32.png) [@Sonia\_Montdore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sonia_Montdore)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2006, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warnings-that-products-should-have-but-don-t/376764/26 "2006-10-17T20:43:07Z")
Straight Dope Message Board Warning: Addictive. Do not lurk, post as a guest or pay your $14.95 if you have a job, a spouse, children, a hobby, if you volunteer in your community or if you have a gym membership. You will neglect all of the above in order to hang out with the Dopers. ---
**Author:** ![dwc1970](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a183cd/32.png) [@dwc1970](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dwc1970)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2006, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warnings-that-products-should-have-but-don-t/376764/27 "2006-10-17T20:53:00Z")
[ul] [li]Jolly Ranchers candy- Caution- chewing on these candies may result in removal of dental fillings.[/li][li]Metallica “St. Anger” CD- Contents do not in any way resemble products previously produced.[/li][li]Keys- Not to be used as an ear-cleaning instrument.[/li][/ul] ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2006, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warnings-that-products-should-have-but-don-t/376764/28 "2006-10-17T21:00:44Z")
[QUOTE=Marlitharn] Hanging lamps/chandeliers: The manufacturer is not responsible if you fail to take into account the height of your tallest family member/frequent visitor when installing this lurking skull bludgeon. [/QUOTE] This goes double for ceiling fans. Especially when they are placed in bedrooms, where people stretch their arms up over their heads when dressing. ---
**Author:** ![Harmonious\_Discord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/74df32/32.png) [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2006, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warnings-that-products-should-have-but-don-t/376764/29 "2006-10-17T21:09:50Z")
[QUOTE=WhyNot] Oh my God. Crabs? Scabies? Just generally looney? [/QUOTE] Crabs. ---
**Author:** ![Harmonious\_Discord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/74df32/32.png) [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2006, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warnings-that-products-should-have-but-don-t/376764/30 "2006-10-17T21:14:00Z")
[QUOTE=Sunspace] This goes double for ceiling fans. Especially when they are placed in bedrooms, where people stretch their arms up over their heads when dressing. [/QUOTE] The ceiling fan gets me when I try to take off a t shirt. I finger or knuckle can hurt for a couple weeks. The fan is only too low when I raise my arm above my head. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2006, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warnings-that-products-should-have-but-don-t/376764/31 "2006-10-17T22:12:25Z")
Warning on all beauty products: “Use of this product will not make you look like the genetically-blessed model on the packaging.” ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2006, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warnings-that-products-should-have-but-don-t/376764/32 "2006-10-17T22:14:12Z")
Oh, thanks for the crab talk, guys. Now we got pubic hair and herpe ads. ---
**Author:** ![Raguleader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/258eb7/32.png) [@Raguleader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Raguleader)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2006, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warnings-that-products-should-have-but-don-t/376764/33 "2006-10-17T22:21:26Z")
[QUOTE=Harmonious Discord] Crabs. [/QUOTE] Yeah, but did it WORK? 😃 > [@](#): > > The ceiling fan gets me when I try to take off a t shirt. I finger or knuckle can hurt for a couple weeks. The fan is only too low when I raise my arm above my head. I used to share a house with a very tall guy. One one occasion he was hopping up and down in the living room while we were watching Rocky Horror Picture Show, demonstrating to some friends how the dance number towards the end is supposed to go. Shuffle-shuffle-shuffle, jump jump, shuffle-shuffle-shuffle, jump WHACK. He managed to get hit in the face by the ceiling fan in mid-air. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Harmonious\_Discord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/74df32/32.png) [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2006, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warnings-that-products-should-have-but-don-t/376764/34 "2006-10-17T22:26:54Z")
O.K. I’ll fix the ads for you. banana bread banana bread banana bread banana bread banana bread banana bread banana bread banana bread banana bread banana bread banana bread banana bread banana bread banana bread banana bread I hope that fixed it for you. ---
**Author:** ![Harmonious\_Discord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/74df32/32.png) [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2006, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warnings-that-products-should-have-but-don-t/376764/35 "2006-10-17T22:31:49Z")
[QUOTE=Raguleader] Yeah, but did it WORK? 😃 I used to share a house with a very tall guy. One one occasion he was hopping up and down in the living room while we were watching Rocky Horror Picture Show, demonstrating to some friends how the dance number towards the end is supposed to go. Shuffle-shuffle-shuffle, jump jump, shuffle-shuffle-shuffle, jump WHACK. He managed to get hit in the face by the ceiling fan in mid-air. 😃 [/QUOTE] He must have looked like Meat Loaf for a while. Not in size of course. the head wound in in the movie. ---
**Author:** ![AngelicGemma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/439d5e/32.png) [@AngelicGemma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AngelicGemma)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2006, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warnings-that-products-should-have-but-don-t/376764/36 "2006-10-17T22:35:11Z")
American chocolate should come with a warning for us tourists. “Not to be confused with the real thing. In fact, just don’t bother. It’s not worth the calories. Buy a bag of crisps or something…” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2006, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warnings-that-products-should-have-but-don-t/376764/37 "2006-10-17T22:45:33Z")
[QUOTE=Harmonious Discord] O.K. I’ll fix the ads for you. banana bread banana bread banana bread banana bread banana bread banana bread banana bread banana bread banana bread banana bread banana bread banana bread banana bread banana bread banana bread I hope that fixed it for you. [/QUOTE] Nope, I’m getting ads for maternity clothes. 😕 ---
**Author:** ![boytyperanma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4491bb/32.png) [@boytyperanma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/boytyperanma)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2006, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warnings-that-products-should-have-but-don-t/376764/38 "2006-10-17T23:32:03Z")
Any online multiplayer game should have the warning ‘this will consume your life’ ---
**Author:** ![teela\_brown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/d9b06d/32.png) [@teela\_brown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/teela_brown)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2006, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warnings-that-products-should-have-but-don-t/376764/39 "2006-10-17T23:39:45Z")
[QUOTE=BiblioCat] Nope, I’m getting ads for maternity clothes. 😕 [/QUOTE] Yo, colon cleansing over here. Is banana bread constipating? ---
**Author:** ![Marlitharn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/779978/32.png) [@Marlitharn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marlitharn)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2006, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warnings-that-products-should-have-but-don-t/376764/40 "2006-10-18T00:05:01Z")
I’m getting “Photos: That’s in my gut?” Which should bear the warning label, “Clicking this link will virtually guarentee you won’t eat again for a month.” Blecch. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warnings-that-products-should-have-but-don-t/376764.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/warnings-that-products-should-have-but-don-t/376764.md?page=3)