# Was I being hit on and I missed it? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 20, 2005, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-i-being-hit-on-and-i-missed-it/336459 "2005-12-20T16:01:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2005, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-i-being-hit-on-and-i-missed-it/336459/21 "2005-12-20T19:11:49Z")
> [@swampbear](#): > > Then again, I’m not the expert here by far. See, once in a bar this guy was talking to me and ever so gently squeezing my butt (I thought I felt something back there!) but I was oblivious to it the whole time. When he left, a friend of mine who was standing there asked me what was wrong with me, letting a totally hot man who was obviously coming on to me get away. My comment was: “He was? I didn’t notice him hitting on me.” I can top that. I gave a woman flowers on Valentine’s Day and invited her to a play. She said yes without realizing it was a date. And jeez, where are you that attractive women are just asking for hugs out of the blue? I never get that. All the inconvenience of living where it’s cold, with none of the benefits. ---
**Author:** ![Hostile\_Dialect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e495f1/32.png) [@Hostile\_Dialect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hostile_Dialect)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2005, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-i-being-hit-on-and-i-missed-it/336459/22 "2005-12-20T19:21:40Z")
The internationally accepted symbol for distress is three of anything. That’s not a coincidence: when someone’s trying to call your attention to something, they’re going to do it in threes. Whether that’s nature or nurture, I don’t know, but it’s universal, and it follows the same basic cookie-cutter pattern when a woman is hitting on you: 1. Joke. “Wouldn’t it be funny if you kissed me right now?” 2. Another, slightly more serious joke. “No, seriously, what if you kissed me?” 3. Another flirt that gets more serious OR a light physical touch. IME, a joke about hugging or kissing might be a flirt, but a 1-2-3 sequence is always a green light. I’ve had my fair share of rejections, believe-you-me, but I bat 1.000 when I make a move after a sequence like that. Not because I have special skills in that regard (although I happen to think I’m a pretty good-lookin’ dude), but because that’s a surefire hit, from what it sounds like anyway. I wasn’t there, though, so who knows… ---
**Author:** ![An\_Arky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/87869e/32.png) [@An\_Arky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/An_Arky)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2005, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-i-being-hit-on-and-i-missed-it/336459/23 "2005-12-20T19:23:07Z")
> [@Cranky Hermit](#): > > Sorry, should have said, I too think it’s just a flirt, which could turn into a ‘hit’ if the right response had been achieved. > > **An Arky** , I’m curious, exactly what would you say to indicate your interest in another person? Sorry, I probably sounded like Andrew Dice Clay or something there. Indeed, there would be a non-propositional conversation period at first. I wouldn’t just hit on someone just because they’re good looking; there’d need to be something more than that, I reckon. I was more or less referring to the period _after_ you’ve started a conversation and it seems to be going well. I usually start conversations with “Hi, my name’s Joel, what’s yours?” I’ve had success with such sartorial gems as “Would you like to go have coffee/a drink/dinner tomorrow night?” and “I know we just met, but I’m interested in getting to know you better; could I call you?” or “I’ve got tickets to _xyz_; wanna go?” IOW, there’s no magic words, just ask. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2005, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-i-being-hit-on-and-i-missed-it/336459/24 "2005-12-20T19:25:13Z")
I’ve never, ever had anyone be insulted or offended because I flirted with them! On the contrary, isn’t it a bit of an ego boost? If I see you and think you’re cute I might flirt with you and let you know but that doesn’t mean I want to have your baby for Og’s sake! I’m just letting you know, hey, I think you’re attractive. **Priceguy** , I am sorry. ☹ However, if I am genuinely interested in a guy, he’ll know. I’ll tell him. ---
**Author:** ![An\_Arky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/87869e/32.png) [@An\_Arky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/An_Arky)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2005, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-i-being-hit-on-and-i-missed-it/336459/25 "2005-12-20T19:25:22Z")
Crap, I forgot the most important part…maintain eye contact when you talk to the person! ---
**Author:** ![Askia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/96bed5/32.png) [@Askia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askia)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2005, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-i-being-hit-on-and-i-missed-it/336459/26 "2005-12-20T19:31:01Z")
> [@twickster](#): > > Gah – you guys are all such _guys_. Puffs out chest. Drops voice two octaves: “Thank you.” > [@](#): > > It is possible – and, indeed, a lot of fun – to flirt with someone you’re not hitting on. I’d argue it’s even more fun to flirt with someone you are hitting on. It’s even more fun to flirt with someone while you’re making out/having sex. The only time I ever flirt with no intention of actually hitting on her is with girls clearly underage, like, on a bus ride. But sexually available women? It’s on like Donkey Kong. ---
**Author:** ![Cranky\_Hermit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/13edae/32.png) [@Cranky\_Hermit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cranky_Hermit)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2005, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-i-being-hit-on-and-i-missed-it/336459/27 "2005-12-20T19:50:06Z")
_It’s even more fun to flirt with someone while you’re making out/having sex._ Okay, I don’t get this-how/why do you flirt while having sex? Haven’t you already passed this step? ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2005, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-i-being-hit-on-and-i-missed-it/336459/28 "2005-12-20T19:52:05Z")
> [@twickster](#): > > Gah – you guys are all such _guys_. I have already given an example of equal-opportunity cluelessness. ---
**Author:** ![Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cab0a1/32.png) [@Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Man_With_a_Cat)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2005, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-i-being-hit-on-and-i-missed-it/336459/29 "2005-12-20T19:52:41Z")
> [@Askia](#): > > Puffs out chest. Drops voice two octaves: “Thank you.” > I’d argue it’s even more fun to flirt with someone you are hitting on. It’s even more fun to flirt with someone while you’re making out/having sex. > > The only time I ever flirt with no intention of actually hitting on her is with girls clearly underage, like, on a bus ride. But sexually available women? It’s on like Donkey Kong. I would never flirt with a girl on one of my buses. For one thing, they’re all still in school… :eek: Oh, like a transit bus. ::hijack:: You know what commercial I like lately? The one where they see each other in the bus across the way, and they both get off their respective buses, then think they lost each other, but they didn’t?::/hijack:: ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2005, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-i-being-hit-on-and-i-missed-it/336459/30 "2005-12-20T19:55:41Z")
> [@Cranky Hermit](#): > > _It’s even more fun to flirt with someone while you’re making out/having sex._ Okay, I don’t get this-how/why do you flirt while having sex? Haven’t you already passed this step? I was wondering about this, too… ---
**Author:** ![Askia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/96bed5/32.png) [@Askia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askia)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2005, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-i-being-hit-on-and-i-missed-it/336459/31 "2005-12-20T19:56:56Z")
> [@Cranky Hermit](#): > > _It’s even more fun to flirt with someone while you’re making out/having sex._ Okay, I don’t get this-how/why do you flirt while having sex? Haven’t you already passed this step? **Cranky, Cranky, Cranky.** Dear sweet innocent, naive in the ways of the menage a trois or the etiquette of running train. You’re not flirting with the same person you’re making out with / having sex with. 😃 I mean, jeez. ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2005, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-i-being-hit-on-and-i-missed-it/336459/32 "2005-12-20T19:58:03Z")
> [@Robot Arm](#): > > I have already given an example of equal-opportunity cluelessness. Not in terms of cluelessness – I’ve certainly missed a come-on or two in my day – but in the idea that flirting is only about hitting on someone. (Like pre-foreplay? Hmmm.) That singlemindedness seems very male to me. Of course, it does explain one or two of the come-ons I’ve gotten over the years that I _didn’t_ miss – I thought we were engaging in a little light recreational flirting, he thought I was signalling interest. 😉 ← playful, not flirtatious, wink. ---
**Author:** ![CandidGamera](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/candidgamera/32/2878_2.png) [@CandidGamera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CandidGamera)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2005, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-i-being-hit-on-and-i-missed-it/336459/33 "2005-12-20T19:58:02Z")
> [@Mr Bus Guy](#): > > “Yes it is, thanks for getting the door. You know, you standing here, you ought to start selling nice warm hugs to frozen women like me when we come in” The correct answer : I am, but the first one’s free." Now you know. And knowing is half the battle. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Cranky\_Hermit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/13edae/32.png) [@Cranky\_Hermit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cranky_Hermit)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2005, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-i-being-hit-on-and-i-missed-it/336459/34 "2005-12-20T19:59:33Z")
Oh! :smack: Yep, you’re right, naive and innocent (at least in this instance). ---
**Author:** ![Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cab0a1/32.png) [@Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Man_With_a_Cat)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2005, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-i-being-hit-on-and-i-missed-it/336459/35 "2005-12-20T20:04:20Z")
> [@CandidGamera](#): > > The correct answer : > I am, but the first one’s free." > > Now you know. And knowing is half the battle. 😉 …And so I venture, back to the mall, opening doors and trying again. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2005, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-i-being-hit-on-and-i-missed-it/336459/36 "2005-12-20T20:04:22Z")
> [@CandidGamera](#): > > The correct answer : > “I am, but the first one’s free.” So, for the next part of this little saga: Would it be incomparably lame for Our Hero to trot this line out, several days after the initial incident? I think so, but from the description of the lady, a lame shot is better than standing out in the cold… ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2005, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-i-being-hit-on-and-i-missed-it/336459/37 "2005-12-20T20:05:19Z")
> [@Askia](#): > > **Cranky, Cranky, Cranky.** Dear sweet innocent, naive in the ways of the menage a trois or the etiquette of running train. You’re not flirting with the same person you’re making out with / having sex with. 😃 > > I mean, jeez. That’s not how it was written at all. I’d argue it’s even more fun to flirt with someone you are hitting on. It’s even more fun to flirt with someone while you’re making out/having sex. It definitely sounds like you’re flirting with the person you’re making out with. Do you mean, she’s sitting in your lap (or something) and you’re flirting with someone else? Or while you’re making out with her you’re winking at someone behind her? We need details! ---
**Author:** ![Cranky\_Hermit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/13edae/32.png) [@Cranky\_Hermit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cranky_Hermit)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2005, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-i-being-hit-on-and-i-missed-it/336459/38 "2005-12-20T20:05:30Z")
Um, sorry but I must hijack momentarily… **Askia** I tried googling but not successfully…what is ‘running train’. Hijack over. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2005, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-i-being-hit-on-and-i-missed-it/336459/39 "2005-12-20T20:05:58Z")
:smack: Okay, moving right along… > [@Mr Bus Guy\[/quote](#): > > ::hijack:: You know what commercial I like lately? The one where they see each other in the bus across the way, and they both get off their respective buses, then think they lost each other, but they didn’t?::/hijack:: I _love_ that commercial! It’s on my list of commercials that are so great, I love them but can’t remember what they’re for. Bus lines? Anti-perspirant? Breath mints? ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2005, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-i-being-hit-on-and-i-missed-it/336459/40 "2005-12-20T20:06:20Z")
Aargh. The middle section was supposed to be in _italics_. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-i-being-hit-on-and-i-missed-it/336459.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-i-being-hit-on-and-i-missed-it/336459.md?page=3)