# Was I The A$$hole? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [October 2, 2024, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-i-the-a-hole/1008384 "2024-10-02T19:03:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Larry\_Borgia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_borgia/32/156_2.png) [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2024, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-i-the-a-hole/1008384/41 "2024-10-03T14:51:33Z")
Never argue politics on social media. No one learns anything, no minds are changed, and the engendered bad feelings aren’t good for mental or physical health. FB should be about posting life updates and connecting with old friends and/or people with common interests. It isn’t that of course, it’s a toxic cesspool now, but you shouldn’t participate in the toxicity, even if you are in the right. It’s bad for you. ---
**Author:** ![Machine\_Elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/82dd89/32.png) [@Machine\_Elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machine_Elf)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2024, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-i-the-a-hole/1008384/42 "2024-10-03T14:57:29Z")
> [@DocCathode](#): > > A friend posted a meme joke. The punchline was “Nothing happened. What a gyp!”. A few people left laughing emojis on the post. I responded with "I find this offensive. The word gyp has bigotted origins. It originally meant “To be swindled or cheated as though by a gypsy.” I was expecting a response from the friend who posed the meme, something like “Oh. I did not know that. I will stop using the phrase.” So this person is your friend, and you called them out, very undiplomatically, in a public forum? And then got distracted by an argument with a third party? You weren’t motivated by a desire to help your friend be a better person; you just wanted to be right, and you embarrassed your friend in the process. You’re the asshole. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2024, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-i-the-a-hole/1008384/43 "2024-10-03T20:29:01Z")
> [@Johnny\_Bravo](#): > > I also rather like 👍 😃 👍 Oh, that is nice, I agree. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2024, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-i-the-a-hole/1008384/44 "2024-10-03T20:52:12Z")
> [@puzzlegal](#): > > mentioning it and moving on would have been enough. This. Your follow-up posts to engage with JR and eagerly awaiting his response, is more indicative that you just wanted to argue as opposed to inform. ---
**Author:** ![Atamasama](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/atamasama/32/12961_2.png) [@Atamasama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atamasama)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2024, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-i-the-a-hole/1008384/45 "2024-10-03T22:29:33Z")
> [@The\_Undeposable\_Hand](#): > > Calling out a friend for racism/bigotry on their own public-facing social media page instead of handling it privately was not NOT an asshole move. I think it was more a question of carrying on an extended argument with a third person (not the friend) which was begging an answer about, “Was I The A$$Hole?” Note that the friend never responded to the admonition of the term used in the posted meme. Not sure if @DocCathode knows this JR person at all or if this is just some random internet character. I got the impression that it was the latter. ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2024, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-i-the-a-hole/1008384/46 "2024-10-04T01:05:05Z")
> [@Machine\_Elf](#): > > So this person is your friend, and you called them out, very undiplomatically, in a public forum? And then got distracted by an argument with a third party? > > You weren’t motivated by a desire to help your friend be a better person; you just wanted to be right, and you embarrassed your friend in the process. You’re the asshole. This. No wonder your friend deleted the whole thread. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Undeposable\_Hand](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_undeposable_hand/32/8502_2.png) [@The\_Undeposable\_Hand](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Undeposable_Hand)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2024, 12:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-i-the-a-hole/1008384/47 "2024-10-04T12:54:24Z")
Likely another actual friend of the page owner, thus putting them square in the middle of some unasked for drama and creating the potential for having to apologize for someone else. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2024, 1:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-i-the-a-hole/1008384/48 "2024-10-04T13:16:29Z")
JR was unquestionably an asshole, and was trolling DocCathode. If it had been my Facebook page, I’d have been annoyed by DocCathode and deleted the thread, but I’d probably unfriend JR. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2024, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-i-the-a-hole/1008384/49 "2024-10-04T13:24:08Z")
Why the $$ use? I originally thought that the OP had done something financially questionable. If it was to get by some filter, I don’t think that filter exists, or does it? ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2024, 1:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-i-the-a-hole/1008384/50 "2024-10-04T13:30:36Z")
I don’t believe such a filter exists, although i admit i haven’t tried creating a thread with the word “asshole” in it. It’s nice to keep thread titles safe for work, since they can be visible even if you don’t select them. But if your boss is walking by, or if you are just sensitive to “bad words”, i doubt it matters whether it says “was i the asshole” or “was i the a$$hole”. ---
**Author:** ![gnoitall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bb73d2/32.png) [@gnoitall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gnoitall)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2024, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-i-the-a-hole/1008384/51 "2024-10-04T13:40:38Z")
You could keep it clinical, although “was I the anus” lacks zip. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2024, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-i-the-a-hole/1008384/52 "2024-10-04T15:32:32Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > Why the $$ use? “Oh, hi, Boss! I was just… um, catching up on financial blogs.” . But this thread brings up something I’ve long thought about discussions on The Dope: **Would you talk like this with your friends at the coffee shop?** I just left a spirited back-and-forth on religion and politics at my local coffee joint. If anyone got as aggressive as Doc or JR did, they’d be told to tone it down… or called an asshole, or told to “Hey, if you can’t listen to other viewpoints, go sit somewhere else…NOW.” (Seriously, there’s one old Jewish guy who doesn’t mess around). ---
**Author:** ![Atamasama](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/atamasama/32/12961_2.png) [@Atamasama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atamasama)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2024, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-i-the-a-hole/1008384/53 "2024-10-04T15:46:38Z")
> [@gnoitall](#): > > “was I the anus” “I am the anus, coo coo kachoo.” ---
**Author:** ![B.Serum](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/b.serum/32/14266_2.png) [@B.Serum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/B.Serum)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2024, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-i-the-a-hole/1008384/54 "2024-10-04T15:58:30Z")
I don’t think you were being an asshole. But I do think you were policing other peoples language in a way that invites defensiveness. I appreciate that you spoke up about the term. But there are ways to broach these subjects without making the other person look like a racist. I think back to an instance when I used the phrase “off the reservation” to mean “going rogue.” This was at home and my girlfriend was kind and acknowledged that she knows I don’t have malice or contempt for indigenous peoples and pointed out that I might not be aware that that phrase has racist roots and I could learn more about it if I was interested. She gave me an “out.” Not wanting to use racist language, I modified my own behavior without being told to by someone else. That would be another approach to consider in the future. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Winston\_OBoogie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr.winston_oboogie/32/2945_2.png) [@Dr.Winston\_OBoogie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Winston_OBoogie)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2024, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-i-the-a-hole/1008384/55 "2024-10-04T18:04:17Z")
> [@Atamasama](#): > > “I am the anus, coo coo kachoo.” Gesundheit. ---
**Author:** ![Eonwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eonwe/32/240_2.png) [@Eonwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eonwe)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2024, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-i-the-a-hole/1008384/56 "2024-10-05T16:14:30Z")
Good analysis so far. For me, I also think there’s an element of assholeishness in making bigoted language a personal issue when it is not about you. Leading with “I, personally, am offended when you use a word with racist roots against a culture I do not hold” is a bit precious, and centers your discomfort as a third party as the reason the language was inappropriate (is there a word for offense appropriation?). The fact that I, a non Romani, am “offended” by use of the word gyp is absolute last on the list of reasons why strangers should have their usage corrected. Using that reason invites confrontation, and makes it about you. And it’s not about you. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2024, 6:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-i-the-a-hole/1008384/57 "2024-12-19T06:24:23Z")
My Stereo smells like a toaster oven ---
**Author:** ![BippityBoppityBoo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bippityboppityboo/32/5745_2.png) [@BippityBoppityBoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BippityBoppityBoo)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2024, 6:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-i-the-a-hole/1008384/58 "2024-12-19T06:28:48Z")
You probably outta open up the crumb tray on that stereo and empty it out. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2024, 6:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-i-the-a-hole/1008384/59 "2024-12-19T06:30:35Z")
What would the Mice eat? ---
**Author:** ![BippityBoppityBoo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bippityboppityboo/32/5745_2.png) [@BippityBoppityBoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BippityBoppityBoo)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2024, 6:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-i-the-a-hole/1008384/60 "2024-12-19T06:31:42Z")
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