# Was there a Girl in Mordor? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [November 18, 2003, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-there-a-girl-in-mordor/213904 "2003-11-18T14:47:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 8\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![London\_Calling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@London\_Calling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/London_Calling)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2003, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-there-a-girl-in-mordor/213904/21 "2003-11-20T01:33:08Z")
\ You know . . . . there is a woman on the album cover. Just one . . . \ ---
**Author:** ![glee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b5a626/32.png) [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2003, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-there-a-girl-in-mordor/213904/22 "2003-11-20T02:45:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by asterion \* > I can imagine Sauron having a bitchy wife and that’s why he’s trying to take over Middle Earth. Just imagine: > > “All you do is lie around on the couch all day. Why don’t you ever get up and do something?” > > Etc., etc. I’m sure other people could make it far funnier than I did. **LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! GATHER ROUND FOR THE GREAT ‘SNAPPY SAURON PHRASE’ COMPETITION.** The idea is breathtakingly simple. What did Sauron’s (little-known) bitchy wife say to him? **asterion** : “All you do is lie around on the couch all day. Why don’t you ever get up and do something?” **glee** : “Stop staring at me!” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![bughunter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/aeb1de/32.png) [@bughunter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bughunter)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2003, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-there-a-girl-in-mordor/213904/23 "2003-11-20T19:38:44Z")
“Sauron! This entire mountain reeks! What have you been smoking! Open a window or something…” ---
**Author:** ![teela\_brown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/d9b06d/32.png) [@teela\_brown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/teela_brown)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2003, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-there-a-girl-in-mordor/213904/24 "2003-11-20T20:32:00Z")
“Dammit, Sauron! Have you been into my jewelry box again? What happened to all my rings?” ---
**Author:** ![bughunter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/aeb1de/32.png) [@bughunter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bughunter)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2003, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-there-a-girl-in-mordor/213904/25 "2003-11-20T22:02:33Z")
It helps if you imagine these in the voice of Harry Mudd’s wife, Stella. “Harcourt Fenton Mudd… Have you been drinking again? You miserable sot- sot- sot-…” ---
**Author:** ![InquisitiveIdiot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/3ec8ea/32.png) [@InquisitiveIdiot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/InquisitiveIdiot)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2003, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-there-a-girl-in-mordor/213904/26 "2003-11-20T23:21:09Z")
"Sauron! Sauron! I work my tail off all day cleaning this godforsaken castle when _your orcs_ track mud _all over_ the ramparts! I tell em to wipe their feet but do they listen? _No!_ And _you’re_ no help. All you do is sit on that ‘throne’ of yours and whine about your ring. Moan, moan, bitch, bitch! Y’know, you STILL haven’t called about moving to Gondor. What I wouldn’t give to get out of this filthy, sooty land! We’ve been stuck here for _how_ many centuries? Huh! I remember why we moved here, the real estate was dirt cheap. You told me, ‘Oh, honey, we’ll finally be able to afford that _flower garden_ you’ve been wanting!’ Flower garden my ass! Do you see any flowers growing around here? Not that I’d have gotten it anyway. Seems like every cent you get you waste on your stupid ‘Army of Darkness.’ D’you know Margie’s husband collects trains. There’s a good hobby. Clean, cheap, and far fewer mouths to feed. But _no,_ you’ve got to have your ‘Army of Darkness.’ Always buying another troll, or head-on-a-pike. You’re useless, you know that? Useless! By the way, my mother called. They’re fumigating her house, so she’s staying over for a week. She’ll be here on tuesday." ---
**Author:** ![bughunter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/aeb1de/32.png) [@bughunter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bughunter)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2003, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-there-a-girl-in-mordor/213904/27 "2003-11-21T00:29:32Z")
By Eru, no wonder Sauron is evil. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2003, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-there-a-girl-in-mordor/213904/28 "2003-11-21T01:54:21Z")
Sauron: “Honey, are you mad at me?” Mrs. Sauron _(icily)_: “No.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-there-a-girl-in-mordor/213904.md?page=1)