<Paul is dead>
You know . . . . there is a woman on the album cover. Just one . . .
</Paul is dead>
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! GATHER ROUND FOR THE GREAT ‘SNAPPY SAURON PHRASE’ COMPETITION.
The idea is breathtakingly simple.
What did Sauron’s (little-known) bitchy wife say to him?
asterion:
“All you do is lie around on the couch all day. Why don’t you ever get up and do something?”
glee:
“Stop staring at me!”
“Sauron! This entire mountain reeks! What have you been smoking! Open a window or something…”
“Dammit, Sauron! Have you been into my jewelry box again? What happened to all my rings?”
It helps if you imagine these in the voice of Harry Mudd’s wife, Stella.
“Harcourt Fenton Mudd… Have you been drinking again? You miserable sot- sot- sot-…”
"Sauron! Sauron!
I work my tail off all day cleaning this godforsaken castle when your orcs track mud all over the ramparts! I tell em to wipe their feet but do they listen? No! And you’re no help. All you do is sit on that ‘throne’ of yours and whine about your ring. Moan, moan, bitch, bitch!
Y’know, you STILL haven’t called about moving to Gondor. What I wouldn’t give to get out of this filthy, sooty land! We’ve been stuck here for how many centuries? Huh! I remember why we moved here, the real estate was dirt cheap. You told me, ‘Oh, honey, we’ll finally be able to afford that flower garden you’ve been wanting!’ Flower garden my ass! Do you see any flowers growing around here?
Not that I’d have gotten it anyway. Seems like every cent you get you waste on your stupid ‘Army of Darkness.’ D’you know Margie’s husband collects trains. There’s a good hobby. Clean, cheap, and far fewer mouths to feed. But no, you’ve got to have your ‘Army of Darkness.’ Always buying another troll, or head-on-a-pike. You’re useless, you know that? Useless!
By the way, my mother called. They’re fumigating her house, so she’s staying over for a week. She’ll be here on tuesday."
By Eru, no wonder Sauron is evil.
Sauron: “Honey, are you mad at me?”
Mrs. Sauron (icily): “No.”