# Was this compliment inappropriate? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 19, 2023, 8:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-compliment-inappropriate/994817 "2023-12-19T08:18:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Jasmine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jasmine/32/2964_2.png) [@Jasmine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jasmine)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2023, 12:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-compliment-inappropriate/994817/21 "2023-12-19T12:57:51Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > “Lovely shoes! You must have trouble finding them so tiny.” As funny as this is, I can envision someone actually saying that. Some people have absolutely no social graces whatsoever. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2023, 12:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-compliment-inappropriate/994817/22 "2023-12-19T12:59:18Z")
Would she have made such a demeaning remark, (yes, infantizing an adult IS demeaning!), if this was the Vice President of the company, instead of a cleaner? I think we all know the answer is a resounding no!. She would have chosen her words much more carefully. She would have no problem recognizing how and why what she said was inappropriate. She owes that woman an apology, for true. ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2023, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-compliment-inappropriate/994817/23 "2023-12-19T13:22:39Z")
Hard to imagine the speaker is so clueless as to think that a compliment. Especially to someone she had never met before. As a general matter, I am very leery about making any comments about cow-orkers’ appearances. But of the cow-orkers I have known for some time, and whose personalities I know, if they clearly had their hair done differently or are dressed fnacier than usual, I will occasionally say they look nice or something. And they appreciate it. Heck, once in a great while they’ll say the same of me. ;). None of us are trying to fuck each other or have any power over the others’ jobs. One guy I work with is very short (and rotund). We get along quite well. The other day I came in and he said, “You look really tired today!” I had just gotten into the office in the morning and was as bright eyed and bushy tailed as I get. I told him, “Yeah, but later on I’ll be wide awake, and you’ll still be short!” He laughed, as I knew he would. Sorry if this comes across as a double standard, but commenting on a tall man’s height is different than commenting on a small woman’s short stature. ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2023, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-compliment-inappropriate/994817/24 "2023-12-19T13:35:09Z")
> [@pkbites](#): > > My opinion is the Sylvia should accept it as a compliment It wasn’t a compliment. Lisa may have thought so, but Sylvia is under no obligation to agree. Lisa’s intent can be considered when Sylvia (and society) considers how to judge her actions, but that’s about it. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2023, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-compliment-inappropriate/994817/25 "2023-12-19T13:40:45Z")
> [@pkbites](#): > > Sylvia looks like she is 17 And she has probably spent her life being thought of and treated as a child instead of a grown-ass woman, because she’s “tiny and cute,” and she’s probably tired of it. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2023, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-compliment-inappropriate/994817/26 "2023-12-19T13:46:24Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > Ugh. [Negging](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Negging). Reminds me of the stuff I read as a teenager when I was trying to learn how to get dates. (Never did actually try it, BTW.) Here’s my favorite commentary on negging: > **[Pickup Artist](https://xkcd.com/1027/)** > > Son, don't try to play 'make you feel bad' with the Michael Jordan of making you feel bad. ---
**Author:** ![DavidNRockies](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/davidnrockies/32/6279_2.png) [@DavidNRockies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DavidNRockies)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2023, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-compliment-inappropriate/994817/27 "2023-12-19T13:49:57Z")
Some believe that offering definitions is rarely helpful. I’m not one of those people 😉 > Microaggressions are common, everyday slights and comments that relate to various aspects of one’s appearance or identity such as class, gender, sex, sexual orientation, race, ethnicity, mother tongue, age, body shape, disability, or religion, among others. [**SOURCE**](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Microaggression) What’s offered in an innocuous and well-meaning way, _today,_ can often hearken back to less well-meaning instances from a person’s past. Some risk, not so much reward, IMHO. ---
**Author:** ![DSeid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dseid/32/20194_2.png) [@DSeid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSeid)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2023, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-compliment-inappropriate/994817/28 "2023-12-19T13:54:49Z")
I seriously worry about anyone with the judgement that would consider saying something like that is a compliment that should be received as such being in a position of authority. ---
**Author:** ![not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/not_what_you_d_expect/32/3246_2.png) [@not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/not_what_you_d_expect)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2023, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-compliment-inappropriate/994817/29 "2023-12-19T13:58:40Z")
I have a cousin who is 4’10 and she was a beauty when we were growing up. None of us other girls stood a chance with the fellas when she was around. She was also tuff as nails. She’d rip your face off if you messed with her. She hated being so short and one of the quickest ways to get her ire up was to tease her in any way about how small she was. Of course it’s one of the first things every person noticed and wanted to comment on so obviously it was a very stale joke to her. They would also comment on her beauty and that got just as old to her, while the rest of us were green with envy about that part. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2023, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-compliment-inappropriate/994817/30 "2023-12-19T14:07:15Z")
> [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](#): > > I think this is the key point to consider. The intent of the commenter (if it can be ascertained) should have a direct influence on the level of umbrage taken. Agreed. But still inappropriate from a stranger. Hopefully Lisa will learn from this. ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2023, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-compliment-inappropriate/994817/31 "2023-12-19T14:10:51Z")
> [@Thudlow\_Boink](#): > > > [@pkbites](#): > > > > Sylvia looks like she is 17 > > And she has probably spent her life being thought of and treated as a child instead of a grown-ass woman, because she’s “tiny and cute,” and she’s probably tired of i I agree. ---
**Author:** ![themapleleaf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/themapleleaf/32/14349_2.png) [@themapleleaf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/themapleleaf)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2023, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-compliment-inappropriate/994817/32 "2023-12-19T14:22:31Z")
> [@SanVito](#): > > Just really inappropriate. She’s an adult woman, the comment was infantilising. Can you imagine how many times in her life she’s heard comments about her size and how that makes her feel? This. ---
**Author:** ![Dorjan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dorjan/32/12440_2.png) [@Dorjan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dorjan)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2023, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-compliment-inappropriate/994817/33 "2023-12-19T14:25:27Z")
“tiny and cute” is a compliment… if you’re three. ---
**Author:** ![flurb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/51bf81/32.png) [@flurb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flurb)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2023, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-compliment-inappropriate/994817/34 "2023-12-19T14:30:05Z")
How is “tiny” a compliment at all? “Cute” maybe, but does anyone really compliment another adult by calling them “tiny?” ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2023, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-compliment-inappropriate/994817/35 "2023-12-19T14:48:05Z")
> [@pkbites](#): > > _“Aw, you’re so tiny and cute”_. “Aw, when I look at you I see a child, or a doll–I don’t see an adult human at all!” ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Bravo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_bravo/32/493_2.png) [@Johnny\_Bravo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Bravo)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2023, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-compliment-inappropriate/994817/36 "2023-12-19T14:58:01Z")
There’s a bit of a Catch-22 inherent in stuff like this. If you’re the kind of person who instinctively understands why Lisa fucked up, you’re probably the kind of person who knows how and when to appropriately compliment somebody, and when not to. If the social dynamics at play seem confusing and opaque, then shutting up altogether is a good bet. ---
**Author:** ![flurb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/51bf81/32.png) [@flurb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flurb)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2023, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-compliment-inappropriate/994817/37 "2023-12-19T15:02:02Z")
The “aw” also does a lot of work in that statement to turn it from what (arguably) could be considered a compliment you might offer to a fellow adult to an infantilizing “compliment.” > [@pkbites](#): > > My Uncle is 6’10, thin and handsome, but has problems entering certain doorways, going down stairs with a sloped ceiling, and sitting in certain vehicles. Is he supposed to get pissy when folks would say “You’re a tall glass of water”. Or should he take it as the compliment it was intended to be? That’s not a compliment either. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2023, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-compliment-inappropriate/994817/38 "2023-12-19T15:05:25Z")
> [@SanVito](#): > > Maybe I’m just trained to be hyper sensitive as a team manager, but I don’t think it’s ok to comment on anyone’s physical appearance, tall or short, slim or chunky unless they’re obviously showing off about it. Yeah, unless you already know them and for example you know they’ve been working out or dieting, even ‘wow, you look so slim’ is risky. ---
**Author:** ![Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eyebrows_0f_doom/32/3119_2.png) [@Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eyebrows_0f_Doom)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2023, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-compliment-inappropriate/994817/39 "2023-12-19T15:07:27Z")
It’s hard to believe anyone could be so clueless that they think calling an adult human “tiny and cute” is a _compliment_. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2023, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-compliment-inappropriate/994817/40 "2023-12-19T15:09:28Z")
> [@flurb](#): > > That’s not a compliment either. The “tall glass of water” is–at least in my experience–usually used to mean that someone is sexually attractive. Not necessarily that you’d like to have sex with them, but it’d be super creepy for a grownup to describe a 14-year-old as a “tall glass of water.” It lacks the infantilizing tone, but depending on the circumstances (i.e., most circumstances), it’d still be inappropriate. Poking around online, though, I’m seeing not everyone thinks it has attractiveness connotations. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-compliment-inappropriate/994817.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/was-this-compliment-inappropriate/994817.md?page=3)